A/N: so this has been forever in the making. My sincere apologies. I have many excuses, though none of them are very good, so I won't bore you with them. But I have a much clearer vision for this story now than when I started. So that's something...

Chapter V

Anna slept far later than she meant to and lightly cursed herself as she rushed about the unfamiliar room in the London house to get ready. How she had even managed to sleep at all was beyond her. She had been so fearful to close her eyes as she laid her head down for the night. She feared that the moment she let sleep take her she would be awoken again to terrible news; just as she had been ripped from her previous night's sleep by the news of her husband lying injured in a hospital, only this time the news would be that he had passed.

She was shaking with these fears when she sat herself on the bed that was far too cold and too small. Just the look of it had made her bones ache with unfamiliarity and the knowledge that she wouldn't be feeling the heavenly weight and heat of him next to her. What if…what if his last breath had come when she wasn't there to hear it whispered against her ear? What if his heart had stopped when she wasn't there to feel its last thump under her palm? What if she had missed her chance to say goodbye?

It was the exhaustive sobs these fears brought forth that had caused her to succumb to a fitful slumber where she tossed and turned for hours. Finally, without her knowledge her body gave in to the sleep and her brain took her on a journey in her dreams:

She was in the Abbey, downstairs. She was standing down the hallway a bit facing the stairs and the entrance to the servant's dining room. It seemed to be devoid of life and as she looked around she became aware of herself. She was barefoot and cold, clad in only her nightdress but it didn't feel out of place; which in itself was unsettling.

Suddenly she heard Ms. O'Brien's shrewish tone echoing and footsteps on the stairs. She panicked then and clutched the fabric at her breast. Just what she needed, Ms. O'Brien to find her scandalously clad in the servant's hall. What was she doing down there in this attire anyways? The confusion mounted when she remembered that Ms O'Brien hadn't been in service of the Crawleys for quite some time now. What was she doing back? Anna attempted to move but her feet wouldn't let her. Then a second voice and a third could be heard. The voices were familiar and as recognition set in so did even more confusion as one of the voices she heard was her own. She saw herself then as well as Ms. O'Brien and Gwen coming down the stairs. She gasped as she took in the sight of this former version of herself, a much younger version of herself and suddenly she knew exactly what she was about to see. Her other self, the housemaid and lady's maid were discussing the tragic death of Mr. Patrick aboard the Titanic which meant she was watching the moment in her past where her life would be forever changed. She ignored the gossip as her ears were straining for one sound she knew was to come; she held her breath.

Her ears prickled as she heard it; the click of a wooden cane on cold stone. He appeared before her and her breath was taken away. She tried to run then, to throw her arms around him, but still she was frozen to the spot. She frowned for a moment before raising her eyes to take in the sight of him.**

Oh, how he loomed large. Anna was certain she had never laid eyes on such a man. Boys, yes. But John Bates was a man. He stood tall, but there was humbleness to his stature. He did not portray arrogance, but a strong presence all the same. She cringed when she recalled and re-watched the icy reception Ms. O'Brien had offered him for no reason at all. Her frown was wiped away by a smile though, when she watched their first words being exchanged; 'I'm Anna, the head housemaid.' 'How do you do?' So simple; the first stones laid that would become the bridge joining her life to his.

As the other Anna shook his hand-their first touch, another stone laid-her hand was suddenly engulfed in a ghosting sensation of warmth and her eyes closed in response, relishing the feeling. It was a touch of mere seconds but she could still feel it, nigh on twelve years later. When she saw the smile creeping on this younger Anna's face she was dumbfounded. Had she really known at that moment, at first sight, that this man was meant for her? At the time she didn't remember thinking that exactly, but watching herself now, that smile told her that her heart had certainly recognized finding its match.

Anna continued to watch as O'Brien, Gwen and her younger self vanished through the doorway. She couldn't see the smile she remembered John, just Mr. Bates to her then, offered in that moment but she could feel it deep within her heart. She watched herself along with Gwen and O'Brien vacate the hallway then refocused on John, not wanting to miss one second of him. She sighed audibly, "hello my husband, I've missed you." John took a step forward as she whispered to him then stopped suddenly. Anna's breath caught as she watched him lift his head as if he had just heard her, turning his ear in her direction, though it couldn't be possible. Could it?

"John?" She asked in an excited whisper. He did hear her, he could. Anna watched as her husband turned to face her with a smile on his face. That smile that was one of the most beautiful and precious things in the world to her. That cheeky smile that no one else in the world knew existed but her as it was only for her that he gave it. He didn't say anything but reached his hand out towards her and finally she was freed from the mysterious hold keeping her in place at the end of the hall. She ran to him and as their hands clasped a bright light overtook everything and she had to close her eyes to it.

When she could focus again and her eyes adjusted she realized she was no longer in the downstairs of the Abbey but at the start of the path that lead from the Abbey to their cottage. She wasn't cold as before and was surprised to see she was now wearing her standard lady's maid dress, simple and black. The warmth she felt, however, wasn't from the sun shining down upon her, it was from her husband's large warm hand holding hers.

"Come, love. Let's go home." John's voice was soft and reverent and as she took in the smile he offered as he looked down at her. Anna couldn't help the slip of a few tears down her cheeks. Nothing had ever sounded as sweet. She felt as if a lifetime had passed since they had been this content together and the happiness she felt in this moment swam through her whole body filling her entirely. She could only nod and he held her hand tight as they began to walk the familiar path.

The joy that was overwhelming her kept Anna from seeing the clouds beginning to gather and block out the sun. It wasn't until she and her husband were nearly shrouded in darkness did she realize the turn they seemed to have taken. The path that lay before them wasn't familiar. It wasn't the open dirt path with fields of lush green grasses on either side, instead it was narrow and dark, sheltered by gnarled trees. She was becoming frightened and a sense of cold dread was creeping up her from her toes. She slowed her pace only to have John pull on her hand to keep her moving.

"John, where are we? This isn't the way home…" Arm fully extended she could feel her grip slipping from John's strong hand as she whispered to him.

"Sure it is Anna," John reassured her. "It's a new path, but one that will lead home. I promise."

Anna wanted to take reassurance from this but just as she struggled to maintain her grasp on his hand, she couldn't hold on to what she needed from his words. The darkness seemed to become thicker and the trees seemed to be encroaching, causing the path to narrow even more, but to the left there was a light; faint but hopeful.

"John, look! There's light this way! The path is opening up!" Anna wanted to chase that light, it felt like the correct direction to take as the light was comforting. But John was moving on forward away from the brighter path. She tried to keep up with his surprisingly quick pace, but she was falling farther behind with each step until finally her fingertips slipped out of his hand. She stopped where she was looking all around her, spinning in place. Panicked she called out his name, she couldn't be separated from him. Not now. Not after everything.

"I'm here Anna, just here. Come along home!" She heard his calm voice coming from her right and turned in time to see him slip between two trees, into utter darkness and completely out of her sights. Her heart was beating harshly in her chest, painfully amplifying the fear she felt with every thump.

"John!" Anna ran towards the trees he had slipped between, determined to follow her husband and catch his arm once more, even though this path was dark and filled her with dread. But as she approached the trees entwined themselves with one another completely blocking the path John had taken just a moment before. She was stopped dead in her tracks, looking from right to left for any bit of space she could sneak through but there was none. "John! John please! I can't follow you! Please come back! Come back to me!"

"Come along home Anna, just come home! I'm right here!" His voice seemed to be coming from every direction, possibly the heavens themselves, making it impossible for her to follow the sound. 'Home.' Yes, she must go home. She wanted to go home more than anything else, but how could she go home without him? Why would he take a path she couldn't follow? Why would he choose that darkness over the light that was right in front of them? She felt a twinge of anger mix with the fear and panic that was overwhelming. Why?! Why did he make these choices knowing how it would affect her, them? The anger she felt gave her the courage she needed to keep going, despite the dark, despite her fear. She needed to get home. With a last glance to the blocked and black path John had taken she ran towards the light.

Lungs bursting she finally caught up to the light and as she escaped the clutches of the dark path with its dead trees and feelings of dread she found herself at the door of the cottage. Their cottage. Their home. It looked just the same, just as it always had, but there was a brightness to it she couldn't quite explain nor comprehend. The humble cottage had never looked so welcoming to her, she could feel it drawing her in with a sense of warmth that was trying to calm her frayed nerves. Yet she remained fearful. Where was John? She looked back over her shoulder and could only see the familiar open dirt road that lead from the Abbey, the normal road. No dark paths to be seen, even the one she herself had just emerged from had vanished. So where did that leave her dear husband who took a seemingly even darker and more twisted path than she had? The cottage was beckoning her to enter, but she was reluctant without him. She didn't want to enter their home alone. She didn't want to be in their home without him. So she remained outside, looking down the road waiting for him, not caring if it was five minutes or forever.

"Whatever are you doing, silly woman? Aren't you going to come home? Or are you going to stay out there forever? Don't you want to come inside? Don't leave your fool husband alone. He can barely manage without you, don't you know that?"

Anna spun around so quickly she nearly lost her balance. John's strong arms were around her in an instant steadying her in more than just physical ways. She pushed away from him a bit just to take a good look and confirm that he was truly standing before her. Sure enough he was there; coat already off, same with his tie and his sleeves were rolled up. He looked as if he had been waiting for her to come home to him for hours. Anna realized then that he had been waiting, for much longer than a few minutes, for her to return to him. Much too long. And she didn't want to waste another moment.

Her hands went to his which were held firmly on her waist and traveled quickly up his arms to shoulders and coming to a rest on his cheeks. She held his gaze with hers and breathed out a large sigh of relief before crashing herself against his solid and warm body. He was there. He was home.

"You're here. You're home. You're in our home. Thank god!" She tightened her grip on him, breathing in his scent. He reciprocated the tightness with which she held him, rubbing her back and stroking her hair.

"Of course I am love, where else would I be? There's no better place in the world." Anna smiled at his words. He pulled her away from him a bit, this time taking her gaze with his eyes, a serious but tender tone taking his voice and features. "Anna, I know we got separated back there, and I'm so sorry for that love, but I promise you that I would never and will never take a path that doesn't lead me home to you. Never. Not after everything we've been through. Not after everything we've built and worked for. Not for anything. The only roads I take are ones that you walk with me or are waiting for me at the end of with open arms. You are my path, my home. My everything. I'll never leave." The sincerity in his eyes spoke even more truth than the sincerity in his voice and she knew resolutely and absolutely that her beloved husband would never do anything that would leave her without him. Anna kissed him then, urgently, passionately and with such a desperate longing. This kiss held all the truth and promise in the world between them.

Anna awoke then with a soft smile on her face, her breath rapid, just as it would be every time a precious kiss had just ended between them. Panic threatened to overtake her a moment after her mind freed itself from the haze of sleep but she breathed deep and talked herself down.

"He's still alive. He's going to be fine. He has to be. We'll be fine. He'll forgive me and we'll be happy...finally." With a strong exhalation and a prayer she arose from the bed and quickly dressed to return to her husband's side, her lips and insides still burning from the phantom kiss of the dream.

Back in the hospital John Bates was in his own restless state of slumber. A single dream kept replaying over and over again in his mind and he tried to wake himself up but couldn't manage it.

He was walking as fast as his bum leg would allow, cursing the appendage in his mind. He was chasing after something or someone, unsure of what. All around him was darkness and he couldn't tell if he was on a road, in a town, or out in the middle of a field. It was just darkness. He kept turning his head to look back over his shoulder and it felt like his ears were straining to hear a faint voice coming from behind him. He wanted to turn back, he was scared of going forward, but he couldn't change his direction, compelled to catch whatever or whomever he was apparently chasing. The voice behind him began to grow louder and more clear, there was desperation coloring the cries he heard. As the recognition hit him he tried even harder to change his course, it was Anna's voice he heard. She was crying, he could tell, she was calling out to him to stop, to come back to her. He felt his heart seize at the sound, making it even harder for him to breathe against the excursion of his chase. She sounded so scared and worried. Her voice choked with tears. She was asking him why, pleading with him to stop and come back to her. And lord knows it was all he wanted to do, yet no matter how hard he tried to turn around and comfort her he ran forward still.

Suddenly, as he turned back once more and caught the first faint glimpse of his wife, she seemed to be cloaked in a light-the only light he could see wherever he was-he stumbled and fell over something lying in his path. As he pushed himself up he felt his hands being covered in something warm and sticky, the bulk underneath him felt like he was lying on a full potato sack. He shook the surprise out of his head and as he looked up a dark figure stood before him, laughing. He couldn't make out the figure's face, but there was something familiar in its stature. And when the figure spoke, John Bates knew he had heard the voice before, though his foggy brain refused to place it.

"He won't be running his mouth now will he? He deserved it. You know he did. You wanted to do it yourself. You can thank me later."

John couldn't speak. What nonsense was this figure spouting? Who deserved what? When he heard footsteps approaching from behind he quickly tried to sit up knowing it would be his beloved wife. He turned towards her, a grateful smile taking his lips. Anna, however, wasn't smiling. She had stopped abruptly in her tracks a look of horror playing over her fine features. When he reached his arms out to her he saw why. Blood. His hands were covered in blood.

Her gaze then fell past him and he followed it. The potato sack he had fell over was the vile valet that had stolen their precious life, dividing it irreparably into the joyous "before" and the hell of "after." Green. A very dead Alex Green lay at John's knees. Bates looked in shock at the valet's body then to his wife and back again. The realization sunk in hitting him in the gut with the brute force of a tidal wave crashing to shore. He shook his head violently back and forth. He didn't do this. He wanted to. Green deserved this, but he, he did not do this.

"No! Anna please! It wasn't me! I didn't do it! It was..." Bates tried to reason with her and point out the shadowy man who had just been standing before him, admitting to the murder. But the figure had vanished, leaving Bates with the blood on his hands and his hands only, with Anna to assume the worst with the evidence presented. Eyes pleading, he reached for her again, only to feel the heartbreak that was her turning away and leaving him cold and alone. He had never heard such a desperate and broken tone in his voice as he begged her not to go. His pleas going unanswered over the hollow tap of her footfalls fading into the distance. She took all the light with her and he was again cloaked in darkness.

Anna recognized a change in her husband immediately upon entering his room and letting her eyes run over every inch of him. Despite his broken and bruised appearance, the day before he was peaceful, almost unnervingly so in regards to all he had been through. She saw sweat dappling his upper lip. He almost appeared to be cringing, the wrinkles at his eyes quite pronounced as they would be when he was brooding or laughing. There was an odd tension in the air and Anna couldn't help but to feel it was coming from his seemingly lifeless body. She shook her head and approached him, placing a hand on his chest and drawing relief from the beat of his heart and the rise and fall of chest.

"What's going on in that head of yours love?" Anna questioned in a hushed tone, bowing her head and kissing his cheek. She held her own cheek against his for a moment, his stubble rough, but comforting nonetheless. "Ever, my brooder. Even when you can't wake up. But I wish you would. Please, John. Please wake up."

Anna's voice echoed in John's brain, sounding far off in the distance. He strained himself to listen to her voice, to hold onto the sweet tones. Her words were jumbled at first, her voice too faint for him to understand. Yet the more she spoke and the more he tried to focus his hazy mind to hear her the more her words became clearer and louder. Eventually, he realized she was asking him to wake up. No, not asking, she was pleading. He must have overslept and was late for work. How unusual, he never slept later than she. Why did she sound so worried? He was so confused. Why did his head ache so? He tried to open his eyes, but couldn't. He attempted to speak to reassure her, but he couldn't manage any words as well. His mind became full of panic. He couldn't move his limbs either. How could he hear her so clearly now, and even feel her presence at his side but not open his eyes? What state of sleep was he in?

He needed to tell her. She had to know. He knew now where the divide between them had come from. She thought he was responsible for Green's death. That was her fear and the wedge that had driven itself between them in recent weeks. By allowing the divide to grow as they had, parting the way they did before he left with Lord Grantham, they were letting Green win again. That could not and would not happen. John wouldn't let it and now he had the means to bridge the gap, a vessel to transverse the ocean between them. And he would find his way back to her, to them, to their happiness. If only he could wake up, he could tell her and try to fix things. He groaned at his helplessness.

Anna startled and flung herself back from where she had rested her head on John's chest. He had made a sound. It was quiet and subtle, but she knew she heard it. More so, she had felt it rumble in his chest. She held her breath and waited.

John could feel himself becoming desperate, frantic. He didn't do it. She had to know. He didn't do it. He wanted to, oh yes. He'd planned it even and the bastard deserved worse than he got. But in the end when John faced the two paths in front of him he realized the path of vengeance would never lead him to happiness, to home, to Anna. And nothing was worth that. He could never leave her like that. More than that he would not be responsible for the ruin she would face in the aftermath of a decision that had nothing but the gravest of consequences. He decided then and there he'd never do anything to be taken away from her again. He only ever wanted to come home to her and give her the happy life she so deserved. But to even begin to explain and start them back down the road to happiness he had to wake up. Just wake up!

Anna's face broke into a shaking wide smile as tears began to flow freely down her face. John had moaned again. Not only that but she was sure she had felt the slightest of shifts in his large frame. Anna knew in her heart of hearts that he was coming around.

"Yes! Please John, wake up! Come back to me love. Come back to me." Anna no longer whispered gently to her husband. She was far too overcome with emotion and anticipation. "Listen to me John Bates," clearing her throat of a hopeful sob, Anna became demanding rather than pleading as she had been before. "You wake up this instant. You hear me? This is not going to be it for us. We are not going to be forever parted on the last words we spoke. We're not." Her voice fell away, "we're not."

"Ann…" John moaned his wife's name audibly as he still struggle to wake himself up from the repeating nightmare he saw behind the closed eyes he couldn't manage to open. But the darkness was fading as her voice seemed to chase the darkness away, just as always. "Anna…"

There was agony in the way her voice fell from his lips but Anna was too excited to notice. Tears of joy sprang forth from her eyes as she gently told him she was there, by his side as she always had been and would always be.

Suddenly, John's eyes sprang open and he struggled to move. "It wasn't me! Anna!"

"I'm here John. Shhhh…" Anna placed her hands gently on his shoulders trying to keep him still.

"Anna!?"

She could hear the question in his frantic voice and realized that although his eyes were open they were unseeing. Sweat was pouring from his brow and he darted his head from right to left as if searching for her.

"I didn't do it! Please don't leave me alone in this dark! I know you think I did it, but I didn't. I didn't do it. I would never leave you…Please! Anna!? Anna!?" His voice was strangled and dry, his words were crackled and she could barely comprehend anything he was saying aside from her name over and over again.

"John, I'm here! Please love, calm down I'm right here." Anna became worried at this point as he seemed so feverish, a strong heat washing from his body to hers. It was painful to see him in such a state calling out for her not recognizing that she was indeed by his side. She tried to soothe him back into a calm, ever worried he would slip back into his unconscious state. She looked up as the door to the room opened and a doctor and nurse rushed it hearing the commotion.

"She has to know! It wasn't me! I didn't do it! Please, Anna! Please! Come back to me!" John struggled more against the strong arms of the doctor, his fever not letting clarity settle into his mind or vision. Anna let the doctor and nurse examine him and watched through her tears as they tried their best to subdue her large and strong husband. Suddenly, his eyes rolled back into head until only the whites were showing and he began to convulse violently. Anna vaguely heard the doctor yelling at her to leave the room but she was frozen in place. Her brain unable to comprehend the enormity of the last few minutes. He was waking up, he was asking for her and she was there but he didn't seem to realize. She had heard the story of what it was like in Lady Sybil's last few moments of life and the similarities she was seeing in her husband now were sickening to her.

"I know, love." Anna whispered as she was ushered out of the room by another nurse who had just rushed in. "I know it wasn't you. Please don't leave me now. Come back to me…"

**A/N: I know I kind of fudged this part a bit, as Bates was already at the bottom of the stairs when Gwen, O'Brien and Anna came down talking about the sinking of the Titanic. Forgive me. :) **

Next chapter: Bates wakes up!

...Or does he?