Unspeakable

A/N: This is my first try at Jack whump. No specific time frame or episode. No explicit content, but hints...like the title suggests. So just to be on the safe side – rated M.

He just wouldn't talk. When he was asked to look at someone, he did. When Janet told him what she wanted to do – run a test, increase his medication – he complied, but he wouldn't say a single word. Sam couldn't stand the look in his eyes. Like he was completely empty, no spark, no pride, no will left in him. She just couldn't bring herself to go visit any more.

She had been sitting with him for hours while he had drifted in and out of consciousness. She had seen the pain in his bruised and beaten face whenever he had been awake for a moment. She hadn't seen the bruises on his body and Janet refused her access to his medical file, stating that a) she had no right and b) she wouldn't want to see it.

But now that he was fully awake Sam just stopped visiting. Janet kept her informed though: His physical wounds were healing quite well considering his very bad shape. He had been malnourished when he was rescued and while he hadn't been conscious she had him running on IV. After he came to she had tried to get some food into him, but though he obediently ate, he just couldn't keep it down. They had tried tube feeding him, but he had even vomited the liquid nutrition. So he was back on IV. It kept him alive but did nothing to improve his bad shape. He was painfully thin, and the vivid bruises on his face stood out even more prominently against his deadly pale skin.

~o0o~

One morning Janet carefully pulled away a bandage on his chest, suspecting one of the cuts had been infected. Although she went slow and tender it just had to hurt - but there wasn't the slightest indication from her patient that he felt anything. No sound, no move, not even a flinch. When she asked him if he wanted some extra painkillers before she went on she didn't get any reaction. And the next day the nurse on duty reported that the colonel had lost a reasonably amount of blood over night. It must have been pouring from one of the fierce gashes in his back. The sheets were soaked in blood, but neither had he called for help – although he had been wide awake when the nurse checked on him – nor did he seem the least worried when she confronted him about it. Together with his inability to keep any food down and the total lack of communication Janet couldn't think of any other conclusion.

"General, I think he has just completely shut down. As if he just couldn't go on and didn't care at all what happens to him. I'm afraid I'll have to hand him over to mental care."

"He won't like that, will he?"

"Sir, that's the worst part – I thing it just won't make any difference to him. He simply takes whatever we do to him, as if he didn't have any say it it all. As if they had beaten that completely out of him. Taught him to endure whatever pain or humiliation without showing even the slightest of reactions. And certainly they taught him not to have an opinion. Not the least bit of free will. It's heart breaking, Sir..."

~o0o~

"Janet, what is it that you don't tell me?"

"Sam?"

"I've seen the colonel in bad shape before. He was tortured before, hell he was tortured to death over and over again and still made his recovery. I have never seen him like that. So what is it that they did to him that you are not talking about?"

"I can't tell you, Sam. I'm sorry. This is need to know information."

Sam Carter's face stated clearly that she did need to know, but it didn't change the doc's determination to defend her patient's rights.

So Sam went about hacking into his file.

~o0o~

Janet found her staring at her computer screen. It took her just one look to realize her fellow officer hadn't listened to her. She drew breath to give her a severe talking to – and then she saw Sam's face. She sat in what looked perfectly like shock, eyes wide and silent tears running down her cheeks.

Janet put a hand on her friend's shoulder.

"You shouldn't have done that, Sam", she said, but it wasn't an accusation. Janet felt sorry for the major. She perfectly remembered feeling exactly the same when she had completed her examination of the colonel's injuries and the implication of her findings had sunken in.

"I just can't believe it, Janet", she whispered, still crying. Her heart ached for the proud man the colonel had been. "Is there any indication of...how many times?"

Janet sighed and shook her head.

"Just more than once – and over a period of time."

Sam's face crumpled and she ducked her head as if to avoid being hit.

"That's why there is nothing left in him. They just broke him, making him take whatever they inflicted on him and not even allowing him to show pain or try to protect himself...thus the gashes on his back? Punishment?"

Janet simply nodded, tears in her eyes.

"Remember when he first woke up? We had put him on his stomach to avoid pressure to his back injuries. When he realized his back was exposed he panicked...only at the time I didn't understand why. That was the only thing he communicated – that he would for nothing in the world accept to be on his stomach. His back must have hurt more than I can imagine, but still he insisted on lying on those wounds rather than his stomach."

~o0o~

Sam stayed on base that night, knowing she wouldn't sleep anyway. For a while she tried to work, but it didn't go very well. Sometime in the early morning hours she finally made up her mind.

When she came into his room he was awake. He lay perfectly still, his eyes fixed on the ceiling. She pulled a chair next to his bed and sat down. For quite some time she simply looked at his face. It took all her strength not to look away, but she managed. Then she addressed him, softly, almost tenderly.

"Sir?"

She wasn't really expecting him to react, and he didn't.

"Sir, please look at me."

Now that worked. He turned his head, obediently, as if someone else did it for him, and looked into her eyes. Only in his there was nothing there.

"Sir may I please touch you?", she went on, still very carefully monitoring for reactions, signs of refuse or approval. Nothing. "Please?"

For almost an hour she sat with him trying to get a reaction from him.

"Sir, I know they taught you differently, but you do have a say in these things. You know I would never do anything you don't want me to. Please give me permission."

And all of a sudden something changed. Jack O'Neill's eyes lost the hard, cold and blank stare for the fraction of a second and turned soft. He gave the smallest of nods never breaking away from her gaze. She had to fight the tears. Very carefully she extended her hand and touched his face, her fingertips barely brushing his cheek. It took her completely by surprise when he moved into her touch – and it almost undid her to see his defenses fall apart. He was so in need...and she wrapped her arms around him and held him for what seemed like forever.

That was when Jack O'Neill started to come back to his friends.

What do you think?