Shattered Mirrors Ch7. (Who was I? Am I really Donatello?)

Donnie POV

Sitting there quietly Donnie stared at the closed lab door, contemplating if he should dare.

For the past 5 minutes hovering there at the stairwell unable to muster the courage to take another step towards the bottom, all he could do was wonder, rubbing his hands nervously while he did.

What happened, did the alligator hurt his love, did he threaten his precious mate, after the fiend already made it clear as day to him, that if he kept his mouth shut no harm will come to his family?!

(He said he will not harm them! He told me to keep quiet and I did so!)

Clenching his fist, narrowing his eyes, Donnie had enough.

As it stands, Raph was still in there, so it was safe for him to confront the alligator once and for all.

There was no doubt in the purple clad turtle's mind that his big brother could take the alligator, if it came to that.

Not that he really wanted to put Raph in such a situation, but if this doesn't stop now, Leatherhead would hurt any of them, at any given moment.

Though the alligator has his brothers' trust, and what Donnie understood about trust, it was powerful and that monster was using it for his own selfish benefits!

Making his way to the door, full of confidence, that even surprised him; Donnie entered the lab without a second thought, which was until he was three steps in.

An eerie silence lingered there thick the air, almost suffocating him.

The lab as far he could tell was empty, with no sign of Raph or Leatherhead at that.

(Where did they go?)

Keeping his hand steady, Donnie entered further looking wildly at the shelves that he knew were all packed up the last time he was allowed to enter the lab.

Yet now, they were all laid out, filled with all kinds of items to be observed by anyone that cared.

(Did Leatherhead do this? Why?)

Sure, he was in the room earlier that day, but being too occupied with not wanting to be in there, he never noticed until now.

Walking up to the shelves ghosting his finger over the items, Donnie tilted his head.

(Is this how my lab use to look like? Did I really have all this stuff? I don't get it, what is all this? Why would I keep it, what is the purpose of them? This is really weird, I know my brothers mention before who I use to be… but still who was I really?)

Shaking his head, Donnie held himself, he felt off being in here, not due the fact that he was alone, no… it was the fact these items were a part of his past, a past he has no recollection of.

It felt sad in a way looking at these things, like they were mocking him, telling him this was part of who he was, yet he couldn't fathom on who that could have been.

Falling into a depression that caught him up in a tidal wave, Donnie looked away quickly; he couldn't bear looking at these shelves anymore.

Just as he was about to make his way out of this showcase of the past, suddenly something caught his eye.

The back room, the room he knew was locked up for good reason; well that's what he was told.

Yet it was now wide open?

(Wait, I thought that door was always locked up, they told me I was never allowed in there… but it's open… should I?)

Staring at the door, feeling the spark of curiosity that came over him, he was unable to fight it.

It didn't help his case with this strong temptation, calling him to go take a peek, begging him to venture through the forbidden archway and finally find out first hand why he was never allowed in there.

Unable to resist this feeling dwelling within, Donnie surrendered to the little voice that told him to take the chance, what harm could it do?

Taking slow, cautious steps forward, Donnie walked through the stone archway that brought him to the section of the lab, he swore he never seen before, until his eyes fell upon it.

Instantly a rush of confusing emotions caught him, as he was dumbfounded on why this place looked so familiar to him.

(This place…)

The room, like a museum of the past, fragments of events; everything within it called to him.

To think seeing the first part of the lab back to its original state felt slightly disturbing, this was worse, this place clawed into him, trying to bring something back to the surface.

Donnie suddenly took a step forward, it was like his legs had a mind of their own, disobeying his orders to stop, and turn back.

No matter how much he wanted to run away, he couldn't, it was like his body was on a mission and it would do nothing else.

Finally, when he thought he would just walk forever, he found himself stopping in front of a machine.

Looking at the massive machine that seemed it was once covered up, yet someone took its old cloth cover off, Donnie stared at it in utter fear, as a lingering thought came to him… he recognized it!

(No…no no no…It can't be, could it? That was a nightmare… it was just a dream! This thing can't exist!)

Slowly, Donnie put his hand on it.

Though yet again, he didn't intend to do that, his hand did it on its own, feeling the smooth metal surface, while a slight grin came to his lips that he swore he didn't do either.

"YOU USED IT ON HER DIDN'T YOU! To mutate her into a turtle!" a growl came from behind him within the shadows, near the entrance of the room.

The voice fueled by anger, caught the turtle by surprise, bringing a thick sense of dread that overcame Donnie, yet oddly, his body didn't respond to it, it kept its composure, not even trembling, as it should have been.

Slowly Donatello tilted his head towards the enraged alligator, curling his grin more, thrilled at seeing the alligator in such a rage, "So? And your point is?"

(What is going on! I didn't want to say that! Why can't I move… why…)

SHUT UP I CAN'T THINK WITH YOUR WHINING! A voice within him boomed silencing Donnie as he helplessly watched this event unfolding, in a mist of confusion.

Narrowing his eyes, the alligator, clenched his fist, "What?!"

"You heard me all too well, Leatherhead! So what if I did?! This is my lab is it not? These are my machines, to use in any manner that pleases me."

(I didn't, I didn't!) Donnie screamed at himself, why would he admit to this, he didn't do anything to April, he would never hurt her… It was a dream, nothing more.

As if the inner voice was quite amused by his sniveling, it began to burst into laughter, not limited towards Donnie, yet vocally for even Leatherhead to hear as well.

Idiot! You did perform such an unspeakable act. Don't you remember? It was your obsession of claiming that woman as your own, which drove you into doing so. You hurt her Donnie-boy! You pathetic wimp, you turned her into a turtle for your own selfish reasons… Well, after I gave you the instructions to make such a thing possible, that is.

(What… who… who are you?!)

Isn't it painfully obvious, that I am you. All though I hate to admit such a vile fact, but the truth, unfortunately is the truth. Now shut your mouth, you asinine child! I have some business to discuss with your dear old friend. The voiced commanded, forcing Donnie into submission.

Suddenly feeling trapped, as if there were chains holding him at bay, Donnie was unable to comment any further, only to observe within the dark depths of his mind.

Watching helplessly as his body was overrun by something he truly couldn't comprehend.

"So you were playing a trick after all? Making them all think you're some simple minded turtle, nothing like the old you," Leatherhead straitened up, clapping his hand together in a mocking tone.

Shrugging Donatello smirked, "What would you have suspected Leatherhead from me? Now let's get down to business shall we?"

"So right to business I see…"

"Indeed, I prefer not to waste what little time I have, on such trivial matters as we are discussing thus far," Donatello crossed his arms, leaning against the machine, not taking his eyes off of the curious alligator.

"What do you mean by little time?" Leatherhead tilted his head trying to read the turtle.

"That is insignificant compare to what is truly at hand, like I said back to business. For starters I want you to leave; I prefer not to see your inferior presence in my lab again! How dare you come in here in the first place, like you own it!" Donatello snarled, throwing his hand to the side, to indicate to Leatherhead were the door was.

Bellowing, Leatherhead shook his head in amusement, "Oh is that so? To bad Donatello, you broke our agreement, not to touch the girl! Do you think I will just fall back to your demand? The task was simple, even for you. You were to observe her, collect the data and not interact with her or…."

The alligator rage returned, as his eyes slit, "Take action towards her for own personal infatuations!"

"My own personal infatuations you say? Oh that is rich, coming from you…. You stand there stating I am the one lying, deceiving my own family. Yet you have been lying for years! You're just a mutant alligator, please. We both know that is bullshit, or do I have to remind you that I too can play this game and black mail you if you don't do what I ask?!" Donnie moved forward, standing his ground, challenging the big alligator to dare to defy him.

"You wouldn't dare Donatello," Leatherhead snarled, thrusting his hand forward, aiming for Donatello's throat.

Dodging with ease, Donatello grabbed it in response throwing the helpless alligator to the side, like he was some rag doll.

Narrowing his eyes, Donatello had enough of this, if this alligator won't heed his words, then action was in order to get his message out clear.

Noticing the thick long metal pipe that just laid there with his name on it, Donatello gladly picked it up, examining it with blood lust eyes.

It would suit his needs very well, as he ran his thick finger over it admiring the smoothness of it surface and how much he knew it would hurt the pathetic mutant.

Letting the pipe's edge to kiss the concrete floor, Donatello dragged it slowly towards Leatherhead, enjoying the sound it made.

Once he reached the large alligator that was still recovering from being thrown into one of the metal shelves, Donatello hovered over him, holding the pipe up high over his head.

Grinning wildly, Donatello slammed it downward onto the huge mass before him.

A delightful rush of ecstasy ran through his veins, watching the pipe coming into contact with the alligator's body, hearing the helpless creature yelping in pain.

Feeling the rush overtake him, the power, like a drug, filled his actions with no mercy.

Again Donatello swung the pipe down, and again and again, grinning ear to ear, in pure enjoyment.

Will licking his lips, admiring the blood that seeped out of the open wounds he caused.

"You should have listened to me freak! You should have just heeded my warning, yet you have chosen the path to defy me?" Donatello barked, fascinated how tender the alligator flesh was getting from every strike of his weapon.

"I'm sick of listening to you. I have become tiresome of obeying your demands. Those days are over, do you hear ME!" Donatello slammed the pipe as hard as he could against Leatherhead's leg, hearing something snap from the impact.

Instantly a rush of agonizing pain invaded the alligator, as he screamed bloody murder, "You… you lost it!"

Throwing the pipe down Donatello snap his head back, letting out a roar of insanity.

The room filled up with his madness, as he looked at his blood soak hands, then back to Leatherhead, noticing he might have gone a bit overboard, yet enjoyed every minute of it.

"Not quite, I am claiming my territory monster, which includes the girl! So I advise that you clean yourself up and leave! Don't you dare to defy me again or I will kill you," Donatello leaned forward, giving a swift kick to Leatherhead's side.

Leaving Leatherhead in complete shock, curled up on the floor, bruised and beaten, Donatello left the room, heading towards his washroom he had in his lab to rinse off the blood in its sink.

Once done, he took a look at himself in the mirror, instantly part of him was mortified.

(That's not me!)

Sighing, Donatello shook his head, "I am you, you imbecile!"

(No… no your not!)

"Listen, just be quiet! If you think Leatherhead threats over the truth being revealed, was unbearable to consider, mine are far worse!"

(What… what do you mean?)

"This incident doesn't come out to the light. You leave it, forget about it, all that I care. Either way, don't you dare tell a soul, not to Leonardo or our other brothers, especially to that woman!"

(Why? If you're me, then they are our family… Why would...)

"Imbecile! Don't you get this simple fact? You are talking to yourself, do you have any clue what that is called?"

(No…)

Holding his head, Donatello muttered under his breath, "Why are you so stupid?"

(I… I'm not stupid!)

"Compare to me you are. I truly believe Michelangelo outranks you, disturbing as that maybe… Fine listen you simpleton, do you want them to lock us up? Do you want to loose your so call fuck toy?"

(Her name is April! She is not that, she is more than that! I love her!)

"Whatever, just leave this event unspoken, don't usher a word. Not even a whisper about what happened or what Leatherhead did, do you got that! If you dare to defy me, I can take her away from you forever, just with a click of my fingers!" Donatello stated, staring at himself in the mirror, grinning wildly, leaving shivers down Donnie's spine, as his face lightened in the mirror and he could see himself in it once again.

Trembling the turtle was confused, was he dreaming, hallucinating? Did this really happen?

Forcing himself from the sink, he re-entered the lab, noticing it was still silent.

Slowly looking at his hands, Donnie didn't know what to think.

(This is just some nightmare… I have to leave, I can't take it anymore.)

Quickly exiting the lab, Donnie's body didn't want to stop; it was shaking so violently that the urge to puke was not far fetch of an achievement.

Deep within, casting the swallowing darkness that shattered whatever ideal he had on who he was, it was no more now than some false reflections in a mirror.

In the end he wanted to find a hole within his so called existence, in the far reaches of his mind and hide within its tall walls and never leave it again.

5-26-15 Note: I have decided to combine Shattered Mind and Shattered Mirrors into one file. All new updates to Shatter Mirrors will show up on Shatter Mind for now on. Sorry for the inconvenience.