A/N: Hello, people!

I don't own Naruto.

I have no beta.

ENJOY!

CHECK ME OUT ON TUMBLR. THE LINK IS ON MY PROFILE. I FOLLOW BACK.

WARNING!- One of the omakes alludes to non-consensual child rape. I consider it to be rape. Two young people are forced to do many sexual acts with each other and have to or else they will be killed and they cannot fight back or deny the demands given to them. I will never write a rape scene, I don't have it in me, but it's quite obvious what happens in the omake. Don't say that I didn't warn you.

Hikari made up her mind instantly, almost right after seeing the two men. She'd play along. She'd pretend that they did not stick out to her in any way. That they were just some oddly dressed patrons. Just like anyone else in the shop. And she really didn't want to alert Hinata and Sakura to possible danger. She didn't know how either would handle it.

So, sit near them and subtly mention Danzo's beheading seemed to be the best way to go. That way, she could make sure that Itachi would know that Danzo was ousted to the entire village and that he didn't need to remain with the Akatsuki any longer.

As for Kisame. She didn't really know what to do about him. He had loyalty. Even though he was the best out of the Shinobigatana Shichinin Shu and had skill that would make anyone quiver in fear, his most admirable trait was his loyalty and willingness to fight for what he believed in.

He had allowed Itachi to walk to his death. And had seemed sad about having to do so. Hikari believed that he considered Itachi a friend. Even the databooks stated that he did so. And the fact that he willingly stated once that he couldn't face a Sannin but was certain that Itachi could without issue, showed his loyalty.

The two worked as a cohesive unit that managed to get the job done right. They also were one of the rare groups within the Akatsuki that actually got along.

She didn't want either of them to die.

Simply for having a strange interest in both of them, though it did not extend to being in her harem. While being part shark was kind of cool, she wasn't that interested in men who were that much taller than her. As for Itachi, well, if he came back to the village, he'd be taking up as the head of the Uchiha Clan and she didn't want to be popping out a billion children for him. Or share him at all. The CRA or CBA - which actually existed here - would make him impregnate five different women and Hikari wasn't really the kind to share.

So just go with the flow until it was time to go.

She hoped it would work.

Hinata went light and bought one stick of dango. Sakura bought three. Hikari threw all caution to the wind and bought a large order. Ten sticks, five dango apiece. She also went a little further and bought chamomile tea for them.

They conveniently got the table beside Itachi and Kisame's. Hikari was sitting on Itachi's side.

After the tea was poured, they simply sat in silence, Hikari internally fretting over one thing or another.

Sakura swallowed her dango and asked, "Why aren't Naruto-kun and Sasuke-kun with you?"

Best opener if she ever heard one! Thank you Sakura for starting the conversation that would undoubtedly catch Itachi's interest!

Hikari sighed though, remembering why she was alone when she usually had two dorks flanking her every move.

"We were training like normal and they decided to spar. Naruto is a bit hung up on the fact that Konoha is going to raze Suna to the ground."

"What?!" the two girls whispered, leaning over the table.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw both Akatsuki members shift slightly.

"Oh yeah, the village hasn't been told. Oh well, I don't care. We knew after the second exam that Suna was planning to aid Oto in the invasion. I was the one to inform sensei about Orochimaru and his plans and they were able to take him down. Collectively of course. He'd been after Sasuke and that is why I stepped in."

Sakura looked worried. Itachi's chakra twitched a bit. She was close enough to feel it and she could tell that he cared.

"The Hokage learned of Suna's plans and sent a message offering peace should they not attack. The Kazekage was an idiot. Naruto and I befriended his youngest son and gained his allegiance. And during the battle, Gaara used his sand to squeeze the Kazekage to death. The other two children are in custody and after truly seeing how Gaara is mentally, and much talking it over, they decided to invade Suna while they are grasping at the straws.

A lot of people didn't notice the large amount of shinobi departing from the village today. Most of the Jonin are gone. Jiraiya is with them. Some Tokubetsu Jonin went too. But the Hokage and Tsunade are still here, along with most of the Anbu, so we aren't too powered down.

All of this has led to Naruto's ever mushy heart to worry about the children being slaughtered all because of the faults of their military force. Sasuke on the other hand, thinks that Suna deserves what is coming to them because they broke their treaty with the most powerful shinobi nation. I did research, Suna gained a lot by being being our ally, while Konoha isn't really going to lose anything from this.

The two have had this argument on and off thirteen times in the last month. Sasuke is trying to explain to Naruto that these are the types of decisions that a Kage has to make. That he will have to decide what is best for the village as a whole, and not judge everything based upon his emotions. I didn't want to have to hear any more of it, or see Naruto break down in tears, so I left."

The two in front of her looked to be in deep thought. She could feel Itachi and Kisame show their interest simply by their flickering chakra. If only she had training in sensing, she'd be able to tell better how they felt.

Hinata was the one to speak next. Sakura had taken a bite of dango, which Hikari had mimicked, shoving a whole stick in her mouth during their silence.

"How do you feel a-about Sunagakure being invaded, Hikari-chan?"

Only a slight stutter. Making progress!

Hikari gently sipped some tea to wash down the dango, before clearing her throat.

"It'll sound horrible and even borderline heartless, but I won't lie to you. I don't care."

She said it calmly, eyelids half mast. She honestly did not care about the welfare of Suna. She did not like the village.

Sakura looked slightly worried. "But you're so nice. That doesn't sound like something you'd say."

Hikari couldn't resist it. She gave a chuckle, low and hair raising. The girls shared a glance.

"I have a twisted sense of morals, girls. On one of my team's various C-Ranks that was upgraded to a higher rank, I convinced a nuke-nin and his apprentice to return to his former village and seek citizenship once more. Despite knowing what he has done, despite knowing that he is known as the Demon of the Hidden Mist, I didn't want him to be killed. He and his apprentice are now two of the Mizukage's bodyguards."

She allowed that to sink in, knowing the Akatsuki members would understand who she was talking about.

"I hate Suna and I have many reasons to do so. Some I am not allowed to clarify. But they aren't the only ones. I hate most of Konoha too. In fact, I have about twenty people I like and they are the reasons that I either don't leave as a rogue, seek citizenship elsewhere, or light a match and watch the village burn," she concluded with a nasty grin.

Hinata gasped. Sakura was merely frowning.

"I am so skewed that there are people who are generally regarded as kind and compassionate and I hate them and would not lift a finger to help them lest someone I care about asked me to. For personal reasons.

At times, Naruto is the most seasoned ninja you will ever meet. At others, he's like a child. He loves this village for some unknown reason. He fights for people that don't deserve his kindness. He has all these grand notions and high aspirations. And his optimism is more disgusting than that orange monstrosity he used to wear.

And yet he is the main reason why I don't act out. Because when he becomes the Hokage, I know that he will do his best to mold this shitty village into a better place."

She went silent, going through two stick of dango before Sakura spoke next.

"You didn't like me. And yet you helped me out of my fangirl lifestyle."

"I didn't hate you or anything. I found you vaguely annoying because you were a fangirl and I was slightly disappointed because your retention of knowledge and your chakra control would have a been a boon on any division you chose to pursue. But you wasted your time fangirling over Sasuke, when you knew nothing about him."

Sakura deflated at the reminder, but Hikari wasn't going to let her linger on the thought.

"But those days are over. With proper guidance, you are a budding medical prodigy, who takes Tsunade-baa-chan's punches to the face, several times a week. I saw the potential, and I proposed a few things. Simple. I did the same with Naruto. He couldn't even read and write when I met him. And Sasuke - though reluctantly - admitted to being stuck in the same place for over a year. No matter what he did, he wasn't advancing and he didn't know how to go about becoming better and no one would help because they assumed the 'great Uchiha' could do it on his own.

Currently, my boys are better and have changed. Naruto isn't a brash idiot and Sasuke isn't hell bent on fucking revenge anymore. They've grown, they've matured, and all because I noticed something beyond what others never bothered to see.

People say that I don't know how to accept praise, but that is not the case. I help the people I like. Fuck all the ones I don't."

God, she sounded like an ass.

And both Sakura and Hinata looked disturbed by her explanation.

The tense and slightly uncomfortable atmosphere was interrupted by the arrival of none other than Mitarashi Anko. The Tokubetsu Jonin apparently didn't go on the mission to raze Suna to the ground.

She strutted right over to them and plopped down next to Hikari, throwing an arm around her thin shoulders.

"Boy am I glad to see you. They've finally been able to determine how the Cursed Seals work and can now get this stupid thing off my neck once Jiraiya-sama returns. Kid, I owe you big. And to prove my gratefulness, I bought you a large plate of dango and I didn't even steal any!" she grinned, placing the plate beside Hikari's almost empty one. Ten fresh sticks of dango sat enticingly, waiting to be eaten.

Purple hair that smelled faintly of blood of all things, brushed against her cheek. She sighed. Honestly, it was getting annoying having to repeat that. Especially when she hadn't done anything amazing. People wouldn't fucking listen. She wasn't a good person!

What 'good person' willingly sat back and allowed people to die simply because they didn't like them? She wasn't good.

Geez.

"Thank you, Anko-san," she responded with begrudging gratitude. She felt the woman's thanks weren't needed, but explaining it was becoming a hassle.

"We don't need formality between us! Especially after working together at the hospital!"

That had Sakura giggling, breaking her tension and Hinata sending her confused looks. Sakura filled her in though.

"Hikari-chan and Tsunade-shishou made a deal that shishou would teach her how to use her Taijutsu style, if Hikari-chan taught the hospital staff and the medical ninjas her special Taijutsu. Every day, someone from T&I would bring in a prisoner for her to demonstrate techniques on. Anko-san came often, but not on the days you were there."

Anko gave a happy sigh. "Some of those techniques have been added to my repertoire. I'm so proud! You could always join T&I if you feel like broadening your horizons," she smirked.

Hikari winced a bit and shook her head, "Actually… Naruto would be the best on our team when it comes to torture and interrogation. His imagination is a bit frightening. You have heard of the Izumo Incident, correct?"

Anko's eyes bulged. "He was the one behind that?! They had to bring in a Nara to help!"

The two laughed at the reminder of the tale and shook their heads at Sakura and Hinata's confused looks.

"Yeah, it was a good day. Even Kakashi-sensei found it humorous. Although, I think that was the first day I heard Sasuke laugh."

Anko sighed, "How is my new joint summoner handling the recent event? Especially with Danzo?"

Hikari could have kissed her right there! She had no idea how to bring that up but it seemed that Anko was a great help and she never even knew it!

She gave a sigh though, remembering how closed off Sasuke had been for a few days afterward. "Well, we had already known about what Danzo had done, and Sasuke was determined to get his revenge. Unfortunately, Danzo's actions spread further than just manipulating the Uchiha Clan, stealing their dojutsu over the years, and stealing children from the different clans in order to make them mindless soldiers. So unfortunately, Sasuke wasn't allowed to kill him personally, because Danzo's hand in starting the Second Shinobi War among other things, took precedence over spreading lies about the Uchiha, stealing their dojutsu, and overall pushing a certain person into committing severely heinous acts."

"Maybe the brat could use some cheering up with a nice mission!"

"I guess."

Hikari sent Anko a look and then glanced down for a split second before looking away. Anko looked down as well, seeing Hikari begin signing something in the official Konoha Ninja Sign Language.

Two enemies. S-Ranked. Tell Hokage.

A simple message that was passed along within five seconds. And during that time, Anko had slouched over Hikari a little more, obscenely pushing her breasts into the younger kunoichi's shoulder.

"On a brighter note, I hear you want a harem of your own," she stated, grinning widely.

"Yes."

"Well, if you ever decide that you want some women in your harem, find me!"

Anko pulled away, stealing a stick of dango as she left the shop, whistling a merry tune.

Hikari stared at her vacated seat and then looked to Sakura, since Hinata was flushed a bright red. "Did she just proposition me?"

"I think so," murmured the pinkette.

"Hm… Do you think she has a blood fetish?"

Hinata released a very loud squeak, her face turning a brighter shade of pink. Sakura - who had been taking a sip of tea at the time - promptly spit out everything in her mouth. Hikari dodged to the side, allowing the liquid to fly past her. Sakura was busy choking and Hinata was patting her back, trying to stop her from hacking up a lung.

"W-why ask th-that?" Hinata squeaked, looking horrified.

"She reeks of blood. Either she just tortured someone, just bathed in blood, or was messing around with some kinky stuff."

Hikari was grasping at the straws now. What the hell did they do now? Danzo was mentioned. She alluded to the fact that he had a hand in a lot of things. Including sending an Uchiha to do something horrible. She talked about life in Konoha. Talked about Naruto and Sasuke and how they changed. Mentioned some of herself in there as well. Gaara and Suna had a small appearance.

So what happened now?

She was saved and horrified in the next moment when her two idiotic teammates walked into the small shop and spotted her immediately. Naruto bounced on over, completely unaware of the danger sitting next to her. Sasuke took his time of course, but the two did sit next to her on the bench.

"Oh! Dango! -ttebayo!" Naruto grabbed a stick off the plate and shoved the whole thing in his mouth, pulling it free and showing that the dango was gone.

Sasuke sneered at the plate, but did take Hikari's cup of tea and took a few sips.

"You just had to choose dango," he quipped in a grumpy tone.

"Well I'm sure if you go up there, they'll get a stick and spear a few tomatoes for you."

"I do not-"

"Yes you do!" she interrupted. "All the time. You eat tomatoes like I eat apples."

Naruto snorted. "She got you there, teme! -ttebayo!"

"At least she doesn't have to force me to eat healthy food, dobe."

"Shut it, teme!"

The redhead puffed up immediately, probably ready to get into some trivial argument, when… it happened.

One second, the doorway was unoccupied, the next, Tsunade launched through it, foot outstretched and kicking Kisame in the back. Itachi used the Kawarimi with a plant from the far corner, leaving Kisame to hit that and then go through the far wall.

Team Seven, plus Hinata and Sakura, were on their feet.

Hikari looked to the girls and ordered, "Help get the civilians out of here! No questions, just go!" She proceeded to pull out the Raijin.

"I thought you seemed a bit uncomfortable," Sasuke murmured as he whipped out his own sword.

"What's going on?" Naruto asked, eyes peering around the room, past the screaming villagers.

"There is currently an S-Ranked criminal and a S-Rank ninja formerly thought of as a criminal, here," she answered, giving Sasuke a meaningful look.

"Itachi," he whispered in understanding.

"Yes. Hokage-sama is on his way. The one we have to worry about, is Hoshigaki Kisame. I don't if he'd stand down or not. If he does, it would probably be for Itachi's sake. If he doesn't… then I guess it's a fight."

The shop was cleared by then, leaving Team Seven alone with Itachi, who was still in the far corner. His hat covered his face, but Hikari knew who he was.

She took a hesitant step forward.

"Uchiha Itachi, the village has already been made aware of your innocence in regards to the Uchiha Massacre. Shimura Danzo was publicly beheaded a few days ago, with his vast list of transgressions read for the village to hear. You do not need to remain with the Akatsuki any longer, Hokage-sama agrees."

The man did not move. Hikari was so trained on his position, she did not pay attention to anything else. She didn't even notice when the Hokage stepped into the shop. Sasuke was the one to pull her back, causing her to blink and then bow slightly to her superior.

The Shinobi no Kami smiled to her and fixed Itachi with a look.

"State your identification."

Itachi's head lifted, showing black eyes, much like Hikari's and Sasuke's. He regarded the old man for a moment, before removing his hat and sinking down to one knee, left fist placed on the floor. "Captain Itachi, Anbu Registration 01211013, reporting for debriefing, Hokage-sama."

"That can come later, Itachi-kun. Welcome back."

Itachi straightened, hand raising to unclip his cloak. He wore simple, dark blue shinobi pants and a black, v-neck shirt over a mesh shirt. There was a white belt around his waist and he wore those ridiculous white leg guards all Akatsuki wore, near his shinobi sandals.

Hikari was still busy taking in his appearance when she heard Naruto loudly whisper in what sounded to be disgust, "Is he wearing purple nailpolish?"

Hikari's train of thought stopped and she snorted, before bending over, laughing obscenely. "That's rich, coming from the boy who likes to turn into a girl and dress accordingly!"

"Shut up!" he huffed. "I was thinking about how purple wasn't the color for his skin tone, if you must know! Black would be better! -ttebayo!"

The Hokage began walking toward the hole that Tsunade had made in the wall when she knocked Kisame for a loop. "If you all would follow me. Once this is resolved, we can hash out feelings later."

Hikari knew that that was directed at Sasuke, who looked as emotionless as he did when they first met. Honestly, it must have been really traumatic for him, with all of these truths about his family and their deaths being repeatedly shoved in his face. And then to have the person he had once thought responsible for it all, be in the same room and knowing objectively from three different people that said person was innocent, would take its toll.

However, the three Genin and the Anbu Captain followed, though keeping a distance from each other just in case.

Outside, they found a large, gaping trench in the ground, presumably from where Kisame's body had been knocked. Luckily, the shop had been rather close to the river, leaving only a wide amount of grass, ground, and a fence that suffered under the assault of Kisame's body.

Tsunade was standing on the water, facing three Mizu Bunshin, who each held their Samehada out in front of them. Their pointed teeth visible from the fifty yard distance.

One Bunshin looked over and sighed.

"You were a sleeper agent, huh?"

Itachi was the one to answer.

"Yes. In truth, Madara was the one who killed the clan. I merely handled my parents."

Hikari felt Sasuke stiffen beside her, but none of them removed their attention from the possible enemy.

"So it was a lie," stated Kisame.

Hikari stepped in at that moment.

"You do realize that being a ninja makes you a liar. You started off in Kirigakure, serving a midget of a Kage, who was being controlled the by a stronger force the entire time. Your supposed Madara Uchiha had him swayed easily with his Sharingan and Madara didn't want opposition from the Kekkei Genkai and issued the order to 'purge' Kiri of all bloodline limits.

And Madara's supposed 'world of truth' is a lie as well. How does putting the entire world into an everlasting Genjutsu, a Genjutsu that only he would control, show truth? Because the illusions everyone would live in, would be a lie. And you and I both know that you don't like lying. So how in the blue fuck did you possibly fall for his shitty plans?"

The Bunshin that had addressed Itachi, was staring at her.

"Who are you?"

"An interested party, who really wants to know how someone as honorable and loyal as you betrayed your entire country for the simple and ridiculous plans of one man."

She had everyone's attention and she knew it. Though no one looked at her except Kisame, she knew they were following closely.

"You don't know what you're talking about, brat."

She gave a humorless laugh. "Oh don't I? You killed the Cypher Division so Konoha wouldn't get the information they had. You killed your own sensei Fuguki, when you found out that he was selling information to other countries. You then took Samehada and became a swordsman of the mist. You had a small part in training Mangetsu and Suigetsu Hozuki both of which wanted to join the same faction as you. You have been partnered with Uchiha Itachi, where you go on missions together. You two are one of the two Akatsuki teamss who actually get along with each other. You regard Itachi in rather high esteem and even feel that he is more powerful than you."

The shark like ninja took on a rather disturbed expression, "What are you?"

"A kunoichi with the ability to know things. I know a lot of things. And you haven't answered my question. How can you be so fooled? In fact, all of you Akatsuki are easily fooled. Your leader doesn't even know he's being fooled. He wants to be 'God', but Madara's plan doesn't include him. Madara will rule the 'world of truth', because his Infinite Tsukuyomi cannot be created with just Pein's Rinnegan. Pein is merely a tool in the long run. Just like the rest of you."

She hadn't seen it, but that didn't make her feel bad because he was S-Ranked and she was at Tokubetsu Jonin level. He was faster, even for her speed. He had charged and Itachi was the one who appeared in front of her to stop the raised Samehada with only a kunai.

Itachi, though being very young himself, still towered over her, shielding her from the view of the nuke-nin.

"I would ask kindly that you ceased the useless brawling, Kisame."

"Keh, you're even less fun than before."

There was silence and Hikari had to wonder what the hell was happening. She stepped away from Itachi and rounded his side to see his Sharingan fully flared and Kisame looking into it directly.

So they were having a silent discussion. That, or Itachi was torturing him. Either or.

In mere seconds, they broke away from each other, Kisame swinging his sword into his back. The Bunshin with Tsunade exploded into showers of water. The one who had attacked Hikari had been the real Kisame. Damn!

"Fine then."

He held out his hand and Itachi deposited something into it. His Akatsuki ring.

"I don't want to fight you of all people, so I will leave. Whether I return to them will be decided on my way back."

The nuke-nin turned away. "It's a little sad, parting with you like this. After all we've been through together."

Kisame was gone in the next moment, leaving the three Genin to look around in wonder. This would mean more speed training.

Hikari did recognize the words from the anime episode though. So far, that was one of the few things that remained canon in this entire dream.

Naruto's voice broke the silence, "Damn he's good. -ttebayo."

"Hn."

"Yeah."

Hikari and Naruto watched Sasuke over the next two days. Life had gone back to being as 'normal' as it could be for their team.

Whenever they had time together, the two would simply keep a closer eye on him than previously. He was emotionless for the most part. No snorts or small jibes at Naruto's intelligence. No glaring at the dummies when he didn't get a particular move correct. There was… nothing.

Hikari found herself wishing he'd go back to being an emo brooder than to continue on as he was. It was unnatural and it threw off team dynamic.

He finally got fed up with their behavior by the third day and called them out on it.

"Are you okay?"

He didn't react at first. But slowly, ever so slowly, he let go. They had seen him cry only once before. They didn't comment that time and they certainly weren't commenting this time. But they did carefully take his hands - one each - and give him the support that way, Sasuke was too proud to cry on someone's shoulder, but he did return their grips.

No sounds.

They could barely hear his breathing.

Only the shining streaks on his face told them how he really felt.

And in the darkness of the house, they waited patiently for Sasuke to come to grips with everything.

And none of them regretted missing three hours of training because of it.

Hikari plopped into the chair at the restaurant where she, Sasuke, Naruto, and Gaara, were having dinner.

The boys turned to her and she grunted.

"I've been getting more missions than all of you because the village is in need of my Mokuton."

She grabbed the plank of steaks and flipped the whole thing into the grill in the center of the table.

"I like to do my job well and I use this as training opportunities for my Mokuton, but it's a lot of work. Basically, for C-Rank pay, people are getting new houses left and right. And because I am who I am, I have them give me a detailed description of what they want ahead of time so that I can make a long veranda, or have detailed window seats, or even more than a one story. But it's a lot of work!" she groaned.

"I made nineteen houses today and three were four stories tall! I'm tired!"

"On the bright side, you got a lot of money, Hikari-chan! -ttebayo!"

That was true. She was the one paying for dinner after all.

"I guess. I just want a mission out of the village. I feel like the Hokage is holding me back for some reason. Either because Kakashi isn't here, or because he's worried about the Mokuton."

"It won't be that long. We'll get better missions once the village is back to normal! -ttebayo! Anyway, do you know why we're here?" Naruto asked, looking excited.

"We're hungry and I'm paying."

"Actually," interjected Sasuke. "We are paying." He then tossed something at her. "Happy birthday."

She caught the box and had to think about it. Holy shit, it was her birthday! Naruto was handing her a box too and Gaara gave her a ticket for a free day at the Onsen and Salon in the upper side of the village.

Inside Sasuke's black box was a few scrolls. The Uchiha clan symbol was on them.

"You need to learn some other jutsu."

"Thanks, ducky."

"Hn."

"Mine next! Mine next!" Naruto bounced happily.

Naruto's was red with a black bow. The lid came off so she didn't have to tear at it. Inside was a very fancy battle kimono. It was black with purple dragons on it and was accented with white borders and a white obi.

"Thank you all."

Naruto grinned, Gaara nodded, and Sasuke flushed a bit, but gave a 'hn' of acknowledgement.

Hikari, who was sitting right beside Sasuke, leaned over to murmur, "Are you doing okay?"

"Hn."

"Okay then."

And that was that. The rest of the evening was simply spent lounging around the rest of the evening.

The next morning, Team Seven made their way to the Hokage's Tower where they'd get more clean-up missions. None of them were excited about it, but they didn't say anything.

The moment they entered the mission assignment room, an Anbu - Itachi - appeared, telling them that the Hokage wanted them in his office immediately. He then escorted them to said office.

The Hokage looked agitated and much older than he should. Tsunade was leaning against the one window sill. Shizune stood beside her, holding TonTon. Both didn't looked pleased. And yet, the whole atmosphere spelled anger and none of the Genin were scared or worried that it was aimed at them.

Sarutobi held a piece of paper, shaking his head minutely. He sighed.

"Team Seven, I have called you here for a mission of high importance. High B, low A-Rank to begin with and the possibility of going higher."

Hikari's jaw dropped. They only ever went on C-Rank missions, mostly knowing they'd probably end up going up to B-Rank at least. But never had they gone on a mission that started off as a B or A-Rank!

"Naruto-kun how many Kage Bunshin can you create?"

"Three thousand four hundred and nine the last time I tried for the sake of trying."

"How long did they last?"

Naruto's face scrunched up. "Hikari had us Water-Training that day. So we all used chakra nonstop for at least nine hours. She has us all fight on the water and do all sorts of jutsu, stretches, laps, and sometimes even meditation, so they all still had a lot of chakra at the end, so if they were to not use any chakra, probably several days. Like fifteen."

"And how long would a Bunshin under your special Henge last?"

"One Bunshin would last four months under the Henge."

"And if I needed you to only make one thousand Kage Bunshin and have each of them Henge into a different individual, how long do you think they would last?"

"Am I making them all at once or gradually over time?"

It was moments like these that Naruto's genius on the battlefield would show through. Sasuke and Hikari watched as he and the Hokage parried ideas back and forth, both feeling impressed with how far the redhead had come.

"Possibly gradually over time."

"Then I'd say, each might last for about three and a half weeks, since my chakra refills quickly."

The Hokage gave a nod. "This will do perfectly. I have no other team that could possibly do this mission without possible ramifications. There is a collective group of thugs if you will - none of them are ninja, but some have training in Taijutsu or Bukijutsu - that reside near Kusagakure. Our allies do not possess a large enough ninja force to deal with this group and have already lost ten shinobi: Five Chunin, one Tokubetsu Jonin, and four Jonin.

There are to be believed nearly one thousand thugs in this group and they have currently been raiding the small villages around Kusagakure, crossing the borders of Hi no Kuni and Tsuchi no Kuni in order to raid small villages near the borders there, and have even attacked ninja on their back to Takigakure. Iwagakure has refused to aid them for they have alliances with Konoha, so it is our duty to help our allies."

One thousand estimated thugs, some of which were trained with weaponry or in Taijutsu. Team Seven shared a look. This would be one hell of a mission. And Hikari had totally asked for it the previous night.

"What I need, is for you three to go at this separately. Naruto-kun, I am placing a lot of faith in your ability. You will be the main factor in this entire mission. When you three reach the border of Hi no Kuni, Naruto-kun will immediately move ten miles west of your location. Hikari-chan and Sasuke-kun will be posing as siblings. I don't care how you do it, but it will be believable.

You must draw attention to your selves, without letting on that you are ninja. Hikari-chan will need to make you both bracelets with her Mokuton, that cut off your chakra. This is a no chakra mission for the two of you. You will need civilian speed. You will need civilian actions. But you must stand out in order to draw in this gang of thugs. They must be interested enough to capture you. With all of their attention on you two, Naruto-kun will be behind the scenes, taking out their men and using his Kage Bunshin to replace them. It is imperative that none escape. It could take from a week, up to a three months if possible."

The Hokage held up a scroll. "This is a sealing scroll used in war time. It can hold up to five thousand bodies. The next smallest scroll is one hundred and I just want you to have one scroll, not ten. All the bodies must be accounted for."

Naruto accepted the scroll and placed it in his pouch.

"These missions have many unknown factors. Many terrible things can happen. Things we do not plan for. It is the mission that is important. This mission must be completed at all costs, even at the cost of your lives should it comes to that. I am sorry you have to be the team that does it, but we cannot afford for this group to continue on as they are. Especially with the Akatsuki at large."

"Sir, why is a group of thugs so important?" Hikari asked. "Beyond numbers, they don't seem too threatening."

The old ninja sighed. "It's the leader that could prove to be an issue. After gleaning information from Orochimaru's mind, and information from one of our spies, it has been revealed that the leader of this group was one of Orochimaru's experiments and was to be a new body for him. Orochimaru gave them a small group to train and grow on their own and it has grown exponentially. The leader is named Kuran Sen and he could rival one Rock Lee in Taijutsu alone."

Well shit.

Hikari looked at her boys. Teens. Whatever. They had a dangerous mission. It was time to prepare.

"We must leave at noon. We have four hours. Sasuke and I will be posing as siblings. I have decided we will be nobles at the least. Gaara's gift to me for the Onsen and Salon will come in handy. We need to pass as civilians, meaning we need to be rid of most callouses, have our hair done professionally, our hands and feet must be taken care or, and we must add a lot of weight to our weights before blocking off our chakra, so our reaction time is slower. This is important."

Sasuke grumbled, but didn't complain. Hikari told Naruto to go home and pack his essentials while they got primped and pampered.

The women of the salon cooed the moment they walked in and she gave them the barest of details on both going on a mission and since they had entries in the Bingo Book, they needed to look different.

Hikari's hair would be down constantly and she got it trimmed. It no longer reached to her knees evenly. Instead, it was cut into a V shape, the bottom of the V touched the back of her knee. The sides stopped at mid thigh. Her bangs, which hung on either side of her face and reached to her waist, were shortened to her chin and were thinned out a bit.

Sasuke's hair had grown out during the past two months and it reached his shoulders. He no longer had the duck-butt, but he did have a cowlick on the left side of his head. His bangs had grown long enough to touch his collarbones and they were trimmed and thinned to his chin as well.

Hikari forced Sasuke into getting a manicure and a pedicure. Nobles were always well put together. They needed dead skin gone and what was behind to be moisturized. While Hikari got purple accents on her nails, Sasuke simply left his to shine by themselves.

Both of them went through facials. Eyebrows plucked to the maximum and luckily neither had skin problems. Hikari was taught how to apply eyeliner in a specific way. She liked having cat eyes. Then came mascara and eyeshadow where she learned the smokey eye. When she was finished, Sasuke was gaping at her.

"What?"

"Nothing! You just… look good."

After a small crash course on how to properly take care of her hair, they paid and left for a nearby shop that sold high end fashions.

"I'm going to get a sword of good quality and my cover will be that I intend to be a Samurai. You will also be training in the sword, but insist that only you can be a Samurai because you are male and females can't be Samurai. I will insist that I will change their minds."

They picked some clothing and stood in line to pay.

"Think you can pull off pretending to be gay?" Hikari asked suddenly.

"What?! No!"

"Dammit."

Sasuke was giving her a look that all but screamed that she was insane.

"What? You and Naruto have this thing between you. I can totally see you as a couple you know."

When he didn't answer, she glanced over to see his thinking face screwed on tight. He was actually contemplating the thought of him and Naruto as a couple! She had to retain her fangirl squeal. YAOI!

They paid and met up with Naruto at the house.

He was looking worried and Sasuke had to smack him over the head. "Calm, dobe. We'll get through this like always."

"I know, teme. I know."

Hikari and Sasuke each grabbed a fancy sword from the display in the entrance hall and sheathed them at their sides.

Hikari was dressed in a purple version of Mei's dress, but no mesh armor underneath. She wore a pair of black heels with squishy gel soles placed inside to make them comfortable. The sheath was attached to a purple belt around her waist.

Sasuke was in all black hakama and haori with no other colors. His chest had been wrapped in white bandages though and he had his sword sheathed as well. He chose a black pair of zori without any tabi, claiming to hate them.

Naruto was dressed like normal.

Both Hikari and Sasuke added the weight to their seals and Hikari made the bracelets for them.

They took a long look at the house and Shunshined away.

They ran half the way toward Kusagakure, stopping in Otafuku Gai, Tanzaku Gai, Crater City, and several small villages along the way. Hikari had to make sure that she held various expensive beauty products from all over Hi no Kuni in case someone raided her possessions.

The day they neared the border, Naruto sent them a nod and parted ways with them.

They passed border patrol easily, paying the toll. Kusagakure didn't reside in a country, therefore there was no need to show identification when passing the border.

A day later, Hikari and Sasuke entered a small town.

Four days later, they met the leader of the gang.

Five days later, they were kidnapped from their hotel room.

Seven days later, they were forced to do the unthinkable.

Twenty days later, nothing changed.

Thirty-five days later, nothing changed.

Fifty days later, nothing changed.

Sixty-five days later, nothing changed.

Seventy-five days later, nothing changed.

Eighty days later, the gang leader exploded in a puff of smoke, revealing Naruto's smiling face.

Eighty-one days later, the hideout went out with a large explosion, every Naruto Kage Bunshin used the Bunshin Daibakuha, destroying everything that Naruto hadn't already taken.

Team Seven headed back to Konoha immediately.

Naruto immediately took notice of the rift between Sasuke and Hikari and demanded to know what had happened during their captivity.

Sasuke didn't answer, looking at the ground the entire time. Hikari simply sighed.

"The leader of the gang, Sen what's-his-name, seemed really into pedophilia."

Naruto froze in place, blue eyes widening. "He touched-"

"No," she interrupted.

"Then what happened?" he asked, sounding worried and unsure.

"Tsunade will have to give me a check up."

"Why?" both boys asked.

"Because I was ovulating during the first week there and I haven't had my prevention shot because I'm not fourteen yet."

"Huh?"

"And I haven't had my monthly visitor since before the mission began."

Sasuke understood what that part meant and his gaze immediately dropped down to her abdomen. Naruto didn't get it until Hikari put a very telling hand on her abdomen.

"WHAT?!"

"Sen made Sasuke and I… He got off on it. The creep got off on it."

Sasuke shivered in revulsion and Naruto's face turned a shade of green she'd never seen before. He promptly turned and vomited in a nearby bush.

They spent the rest of the trip in an awkward silence.

Omake 1: The Akatsuki Learn of the Double Defection.

Zetsu morphed out of the wall of the Akatsuki meeting room, catching the eye of every ninja within. He slowly approached the table and placed two small objects on the edge near Pein's right hand.

Pein glanced down and then up. "Explain."

"Itachi was a sleeper- traitor - and has returned to Konoha. Danzo has been removed from play - finally, he was becoming a nuisance, should've killed him off earlier - his actions regarding the Uchiha Massacre have been told to the village. Everyone knows that Uchiha Itachi was forced into his actions and they also know that he barely had a hand in the deaths - murders - that occurred that evening.

As for Kisame - demented betraying shark face - he decided he didn't wish to fight Itachi - coward - and left the village. He deposited the rings on a random boulder - it was out in the open - in Tsuchi no Kuni and disappeared."

Zetsu could see everyone taking in this new information. They had just lost two powerful shinobi. The Uchiha was the only chance they had left at recruiting other without a fight.

Kakuzu didn't look all too worried. It just meant more bounties for him to capture.

Deidara scoffed, never liking the Uchiha anyway.

Hidan wasn't too bothered about it, though he was mumbling something about losing a good sparring partner in Kisame.

Sasori did not make a sound.

Pein looked angry.

Konan seemed confused.

And when Tobi found out… all hell would break loose.

Zetsu could appreciate that Pein would be the one telling him. That left Zetsu free to get away.

Omake 2: The Leaf Learns.

Uchiha Itachi knelt before the Hokage.

After hours and hours of talking and note taking between he, the Hokage, Tsunade-hime, and Shizune-san, they had finally collected all the information he had gathered while in the Akatsuki. While having the information was a great thing, the information itself was terrible.

The fact that the entire village was in danger nearly every moment of every day was a horrifying shock. The fact that the Akatsuki had designs upon the Jinchuuriki, was another. Then they wanted his little brother's other teammate to be killed off because she was a very unfortunate individual. It was a mess.

Sitting in the dango shop, watching as one of their targets entered and sat beside them, had been enough to interest he and Kisame.

And she spoke with the the Hyuga heiress and the pink girl Sasuke had always complained about.

And the talk - though rather low for civilian ears - was blaring in shinobi terms.

He gleaned from their talk that Mizumi Hikari was morbid in every sense of the word, a bit morally skewed, a little perverted, and overall protective of the people she alone cared about. Luckily, his little brother was included in her very small list.

She knew things. The Hokage nor Tsunade-hime never batted an eyelash when she spoke to Kisame. Almost as if they were expecting her to do it.

The leader of the Great Tree began filling him in on Sasuke's life, regaling him with all the details.

He was left in amazement. Not just of his little brother, but of all three members of Team Seven. Especially the drive of one particular kunoichi.

It worried him though.

How desensitized they all were to death and destruction already. It seem that he was being a hypocrite, but he never wanted Sasuke to have to learn any of it. But the pressure of a large clan plus Itachi's skill was weighed on him and he was expected to do just as well. He never entertained the idea or being anything but a killer.

It was heartbreaking in a sense.

And he hated it.

He was proud of all his little brother accomplished. He was proud that he finally made some friends and found his place among Konoha. He was proud that Sasuke had a good head on his shoulders. He was just… sad.

The council was gathered and informed of him retaking his rank. He was then promptly informed of his duty as a clan Head. With a sigh, he resigned himself to repopulating his clan one child at a time.

At least Sasuke wouldn't have to do it.

He could pursue his crush to his heart's content at least.

Omake 3: Hikari and Sasuke, Threatened by Sen.

The two children looked up at the leader of the gang.

Kuran Sen was tall and blonde, with striking blue eyes. His skin was pale and slightly burned in the facial area.

He was staring at them in their cell. The cell they had been in for the past three days.

Sen smirked lecherously, already knowing what he wanted to do with them. Until they lost their use, though he had a feeling they wouldn't.

He always found incest to be interesting. And forcing two little children from some noble family to do the unthinkable was a pleasing thought.

He entered the cell, holding the sword he'd gotten off the girl. She glared at his hand, obviously wanting the sword back. She would get it, if she didn't do what he told her to.

"You two are here because I want you to be. My interest is peaked and the more you play by my rules, the longer you live. I'll even throw in some rewards."

The two shared a look.

They had to be twins, even if their jaws weren't the same size. They even had secret looks they shared along with similar facial expressions.

"What do you want?" the girl asked.

She was the leader of the two. The brother seemed perfectly okay with letting her take control.

Take control.

He shivered slightly.

"You two are old enough to understand the more mature side of life, correct?"

"You mean, sex, drugs, death, and alcohol?" she asked, brow quirked.

He smirked, feeling a small amount of pride.

"Exactly. We indulge in quite a bit of that here and can you guess what you'll be doing?"

She gave him a very obvious look over. "Blondes don't really do it for me."

Blunt, but off the mark.

"Oh you won't be doing anything with me. You'll do it for me of course. No, your dear brother here will have your pleasure."

He watched, enraptured as the two processed the information.

Her nose wrinkled and she looked him in the eye. "Can have you instead?"

The boy gaped.

"What?! You don't do it for me either. Sorry!"

Sen smiled calmly, running his fingers over the blade. "No. You and your brother are my little puppets. And I want you to dance. Start stripping."

"But I'm flat-chested and have no curves and am plain!"

"That matters not. Strip, or else."

The two shared another one of those looks. The boy seemed to ask for permission. She granted it. Though both looked uncomfortable, not that Sen cared.

He leaned against the bars of the cell and watched as the siblings began removing each other's clothing, the boy looking almost ready to cry while the girl immediately closed off.

They knew the basics. Sen may have 'helped' a bit in their coupling.

He left the cell an hour later, grinning excitedly for the morrow.

Omake 4: Naruto vs Sen.

Naruto had done his very best. It took nearly three months but he managed to slowly infiltrate the base of the unnamed gang and replace every thug but the leader.

He was worried about Hikari and Sasuke. When they weren't forced into fighting random people the thugs brought in, so they could make bets on their matches, they were locked away somewhere. Somewhere only the leader knew of.

He didn't like this mission. He wanted it to be over soon.

But he had to take out the main man now. Possibly have a bunch of his Henge'd Bunshin explode around him first and then use what he knew of Hikari's Kyushiken to disable whatever was left.

He replaced the Bunshin that was masquerading as the second in command and followed the leader around as much was permissible for a few days. He watched where he went. What he did. How he acted.

The man was overconfident and was about to get his ass handed to him.

With a nod to three of his Bunshin, he allowed them to enter the man's room swiftly.

"What is it?" he heard Sen ask, sounding worried.

"The prisoners, Sen-sama!" one of the Bunshin yelled.

"What?!"

BOOM!

Naruto then charged into the room to see a hole in the floor and the ceiling, with Sen laying on the floor by the far wall, arms blown clean off. One leg was bent as an odd angle.

Naruto rushed him with an upraised kunai and the man never saw his death come upon him.

With much care, Naruto added what was left of his body, to the war scroll and put it away. He then rummaged through the man's room, taking everything he found to be interesting. Including all the money he had stolen.

He also found out where Sasuke and Hikari were!

Without a backwards glance, Naruto left the destroyed room.

Time to get his friends.

A/N: Another one is done.

-Yes, Sasuke and Hikari were forced into having sex with each other. Yes, Sasuke was emotional because of it. Yes, Hikari went into autopilot. Two different reactions to the situation. That is how I perceive them to react.

-I ended up not having Kisame and Itachi fight. It didn't fit into my plans and I really didn't want to kill him off. I like fish man.

-Hikari is a mix of four people as I have stated. This isn't some normal self-insert fic. To be frank, I'm not awesome. I am dark, depressing, and pessimistic. I'm lazy and I don't like doing anything strenuous. Hikari's attitude and past are modeled after my mother and my friend Jai, because both are so alike and they are awesome. Her desire for a reverse harem comes from my friend Luna. Her reaction to everything and what she does, is how I personally would go about changing the Naruto world to suit my purpose. The only real thing I share with Hikari, is my absolute hatred for anybody that isn't one of my fav characters.

How was it? Let me know.

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