A/N: This idea has been floating around my brain for a while. Finally finished. Chapter 1/3

Warnings/Tags: Childhood sexual abuse, past sexual abuse

Chapter 1

Rin rolled over onto his side, hand clenching at the blankets in his sleep. A small shudder ran through his previously calm frame. Rin couldn't breathe. He fought, and twisted, but he couldn't breathe with the hand covering his mouth. "Sh, Rin, it's okay, I'll take care of you, papa takes care of all his boys... But you have to be quiet, or else you'll wake them up." The hands made him squirm and whimper, the burning hot, large hands that touched and stroked and prodded. "You're a good boy, Rin. My favorite..."

A small whimper escaped Rin's lips and he curled in on himself more, dragging the blankets with him. There were hands, so many hands, and even if there were just two it felt like more, so many more, all over his body. His chest heaved as he panted and cried.

A hand touched his shoulder, it was shaking him, shaking him, and he couldn't breathe, he was too scared. He jolted awake with a loud gasp, and there was a hand on him, on his sweat-dampened arm, but there shouldn't have been a hand, because he was awake now. He was supposed to have left that in the dream.

A wave of panic crashed over Rin, adding to the fear that already tugged at his mind from the nightmare and he lashed out.

"Let go!" he cried just as the back of his hand came into contact with something. Something soft and warm and… and… The dull smack echoed through the mostly silent room and he sucked in a quick breathe. Looking through his hair, eyes still wide from the adrenaline pounding through his body, he stared in horror at...

…Haru.

The young man sat before him, legs tangled in the blankets, holding his left cheek in one hand. The cheek that Rin had just hit with the back of his now stinging hand. He had hit him hard enough to make the back of his hand sting. What had he done? There was shock within Haruka's gaze. Confusion. Concern.

"Oh f-fuck, Haru, I-I'm sorry," Rin spluttered out. "I didn't mean to hit you, I didn't realize it was you, fuck, I'm sorry." He moved to reach out to Haru, then stopped himself and clenched the blankets instead. Haru simply lowered his hand, placing it in his lap. Even in the dim moonlight filtering in through the curtains, Rin could see the already-swollen and bruised flesh of his boyfriend's cheek.

"Rin…It's okay…" Haru murmured, eyes never leaving Rin's face. "It's not like it's the first time you've hit me, anyway."

"Is that s-supposed to make me feel better?" he choked out, eyes wide.

"I only mean that it didn't hurt all that much. It was an accident," Haru stated softly.

Rin couldn't believe him. He couldn't take his eyes off of the bruised cheek, and found himself staring at the dark-haired boy for another long moment, completely stunned, before he scrambled from the bed. "Ice, I'll get you ice," the redhead stuttered, nearly tumbling to the floor as he fumbled from the blankets of Haru's bed. And before Haruka could utter another word, he had left the room, slamming his shoulder into the doorframe as he went. It would definitely bruise and he didn't care in the slightest.

He didn't stop until he had stumbled down the stairs and hallway and was standing in the middle of the small kitchen in the Nanase residence. For what felt like several minutes, Rin stood stock still, head bowed, as he willed his body to stop shaking.

Why was he shaking? Panic, fear, adrenaline…guilt? He had hit Haru. Hit him with the back of his hand, even though Haru hadn't done anything at all but touch his arm. Would Haru forgive him? What would he say, when the others undoubtedly asked why his cheek was so bruised?

He shook himself violently, ran his fingers through his hair and tugged at his locks, then moved to the refrigerator and pulled out a tray of ice from the freezer. He put several ice cubes into a plastic bag, willing his mind to go blank. Think of something else. Anything else. Anything at all. Think of swimming, of the pool, of how hard Aiichiro has been working, of his friends in Iwatobi. Anything.

Rin grabbed a hand towel and wrapped it around the bag of ice; it would be much softer on Haru's cheek than the ice alone. Then he turned around, intent on heading back upstairs.

Haru was standing in the entrance to the kitchen, in his worn out dolphin sweatshirt and a pair of Rin's boxers. Rin nearly dropped the bag of ice in start, his entire body tensing up. A new, albeit small, wave of panic coursed through him and he gripped the ice tightly in his fist. He couldn't stop himself thinking absently that they should figure out how to convince Haru to wear a bell wherever he went; he was too damn quiet.

"H-Haru. Don't do that, announce your presence or something. How many times do we have to tell you?" Rin said, attempting his usual cadence and smirk. He failed miserably, because he couldn't seem to stop his voice from shaking. Stop it, stop it, stop shaking.

Some detached part of himself said that he must've made an interesting sight, standing in the middle of the kitchen in nothing but a pair of Haruka's boxers (how did they mix that up?) and nothing else, clutching a bag of ice and a hand towel like his life depended on it. He didn't know, but right now it felt like it did. If it were colder, he could blame his shaking on shivers. But it wasn't cold.

Haru didn't say anything for a long moment, simply looking at him with that beautiful blue gaze. Then he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Rin. For a moment, Rin thought of pulling away, tensing as he was touched. But this was Haru. Haru who wasn't all that good at comfort. Haru who didn't have as many perfectly formulated words as Makoto. And so Rin let himself relax into him, dropping his arms to the side. The ice fell from his grip to land on the floor with a dull thud.

The arms around him tightened and pulled him closer, and Haru murmured, "It's okay, you don't have to tell me. Not if you don't want to."

How could he say that? How could he be so calm? Rin had just hit him, and here he was, hugging him, telling him that he didn't have to talk about it. Where others would demand an explanation. He had to remind himself that Nanase Haruka was not like other people though.

Rin buried his face in Haru's shoulder, hands finding the loose, soft fabric of Haru's favorite sweatshirt. He smelled like...safety. Haru's skin smelled faintly of chlorine, and his hair smelled of his conditioner, and then something else that was all Haru's, and it distracted the redhead enough to allow some of the tension to drain from his shoulders.

"When you're ready you can tell me," Haruka murmured. His lips were close to Rin's ear and he could just feel the faint ghost of his breath as he spoke. The redhead let out a soft whimper and tightened his grip on Haru's sweatshirt.

He wouldn't cry. He would not cry. Haru had seen too many of his tears, he wouldn't cry again. Especially not because of a dream. So instead, he buried his face more completely into Haru's neck and hair and bit hard into his lip and shook. And the dark haired boy held him, fingers running through his red locks.

Rin didn't know how long they stood like this. Haru occasionally let his hand trail down Rin's back, rubbing at the muscles there, or scratched gently at his scalp. But he never complained. Never pulled away. Never commented on Rin's shaking, or the fact that his arm was probably asleep since Rin was taller than he was.

It was the redhead who finally broke the embrace. Once he thought he was calm enough, he pulled away from the warmth and stood there, rubbing his arm. He chanced a glance at Haru and a fresh wave of shame came over him upon seeing the bruise. He couldn't meet that blue gaze and so looked down instead, worrying his lip once more with sharp teeth.

The moonlight reflected off the kitchen floor, and the shadows swayed as the wind blew the trees gently. How beautiful that was, he thought. He never really had thought of how shadows could be beautiful.

"Rin. Look at me."

Rin raised his head, peeking at Haru through his hair. The look in those blue eyes took his breathe away. It held the intensity that Haru generally reserved for water and water alone. And here he was, staring at Rin with that look. Slowly, carefully, as if he expected the redhead to flee or flinch, he cupped his cheeks with both hands.

"It's fine," he murmured then leaned up those few inches and pressed his lips to Rin's. Rin let his eyes close and kissed back, covering both of Haru's hands with his own.

Just like his smell, Haru tasted like safety. He tasted like the sea. Like home. This was the taste Rin always wanted in his mouth. So when his boyfriend let his tongue dance across Rin's abused lips, he parted them and allowed Haru to lick into his mouth.

The kiss only lasted a few moments, and then the dark haired boy pulled back and surveyed Rin with concerned eyes. "Let's go back to bed," he said and dropped his hands, dragging Rin's along with them.

He intertwined their fingers and gave the redhead a small tug. Quickly snatching up the bag of ice, Rin followed Haruka back upstairs. He even let Rin hold the bag of ice to his swollen cheek for several minutes, until he complained about it being too cold.

"Say, Haru-chan, how'd you get that big bruise on your face?"

They were taking a break during joint practice and had ended up sitting in the grass outside the Samezuka pool. And of course, it had to be Nagisa. Leave it to Nagisa to point it out. Rin busied himself in taking a sip of his soda, not looking at any of them, especially Haruka. If he did, he would certainly flush or react in a similar manner.

"Rin hit me," Haru said absently as he took a drink from his water.

Rin nearly choked on his soda. Instead, he just spluttered into it, resulting in some of the carbonation to go up his nose. When he had surfaced from that unpleasantness, he found them all staring at him. They hadn't moved on from the topic yet.

"Rin-chan! You hit Haru?" Nagisa gasped out, eyes wide with shock. "Did you guys get into a fight? Is that where you got that big bruise on your shoulder? How could you hit Haru-chan?"

"I-I," Rin spluttered out. Even if Nagisa wanted an explanation, he really wasn't letting him get a word in. What did he expect him to do?

"It was an accident," Haru spoke up, cutting off Nagisa with a clipped and practiced tone. "He didn't know I was behind him and he swung his arm back." He looked over at Rin and caught the maroon gaze. Rin thanked him silently, shoulders relaxing a little bit. Haru gave a minute nod in reply.

"Rin-senpai isn't good at noticing other people," Aiichiro piped up. "I've almost been hit by him as well."

"Ai!" Rin said sharply, glaring at the younger boy. He flushed under the glare and smiled meekly, but didn't apologize and finally the redhead just sighed heavy and went back to drinking his soda.

"So, so how did you get that bruise, Rin-senpai?" Rei questioned, eyes on the large bruise on Rin's shoulder. "It looks painful."

"Walked into a doorframe," Rin answered. Hey, it was the truth. He had walked into the doorframe. More like ran into it. Fell into it. Either way, he wasn't going to tell them why he had hit it so hard. And he was glad to see that this answer seemed to appease most of them. Nagisa was watching him with his eyes narrowed, however, and he could tell that the blond wanted to prod more.

"It doesn't look too bad," Makoto said with a small smile. Thank god for Makoto being able to so acutely read people. He was sure the brunet had seen how awkward Rin looked, and how determined Nagisa had gotten. "I'm sure it'll be gone before you know it."

Rin simply nodded and drained the rest of his soda. He got to his feet, and the other Samezuka boys took that as a 'get back to practice', because they all got up as well and headed back into the pool in a straggling group. The Iwatobi swimmers took a little longer to get moving, but once Makoto stood, the others had joined. Haruka had already reached the pool and was drifting in one of the farther lanes by the time the rest had caught up.

Haruka hung back after practice. He told Makoto to head home, earning him a curious look from the brunet, but a smile and nod all the same. Rin noticed that the Iwatobi swimmer was dallying, taking an unusual amount of time showering, and then changing into clothes.

"You can leave, Sousuke, I'll see you in the room. I won't be much longer," Rin said to his friend. The boy gave him a piercing look, teal gaze filled with what Rin suspected to be curiosity, but nodded and headed out with his hands in his pockets, quickly getting accosted by Momotarou and Aiichirou.

Rin finished tying his shoes and went up to Haruka.

Blue eyes met his as he stepped closer. A small smile graced Haru's lips. "You swam good today," he murmured. Rin grinned, showing all his teeth.

"Next time, let's race," the redhead said in a breathless voice. He braced his hands on either side of Haru's head on the lockers and leaned forward, closing the distance between their lips. Haru kissed back immediately, tugging Rin closer by his belt loops until they were pressed together.

"Yes," Haru breathed against Rin's lips before kissing him again. Haru's lips were soft against his, and he felt like he could get drunk off of the taste of Haru's mouth. He nibbled lightly at his lips, causing Haru's breath to catch in his throat. A feeling of accomplishment washed over him; it was hard to get Haru to make any sort of noise.

He let out a soft groan when Haru replied with a bite of his own, harder than Rin's and deliciously painful. The redhead gasped softly as he felt Haru's tongue follow his teeth, soothing over the bitten skin and into his mouth.

Rin panted softly as he tangled his tongue with Haru's, teeth knocking together gently. Saliva ran down Haru's lips, and when they finally broke apart, a strand of it kept them connected for a moment. The redhead watched as Haru licked his swollen lips slowly, letting his tongue run across the place Rin had bitten. It was incredibly hot and he couldn't help but dive down once more to capture that tongue.