Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: Nope, I'm not dead. I promise you I'm alive (and not completely well but that's from the 24hr virus I have). But I got into graduate school and unfortunately I have been SWAMPED with work which is why I've seemingly dropped off the face of the planet. I haven't, I'm just sitting in the lab studying bones for 12 hours a day (I LOVE IT!) But I haven't stopped writing, in the spare five minutes a day I find time to write a little something, usually bouncing around.

This idea is something that I dreamed about and it's been haunting me ever since. Yes, I literally dreamed about Jane and Lisbon and my evil brain did an evil dream that turned into an evil fic. It happens.

I wasn't going to post this separately but I decided to because I feel like I owe you guys something. So here it is. I hope you guys enjoy it. Bring tissues.

Say Something

Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'll be the one, if you want me to
Anywhere I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all

And I will stumble and fall
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl

Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
Anywhere I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I will swallow my pride
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye

Say something, I'm giving up on you
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
And anywhere I would've followed you (Oh-oh-oh-oh)
Say something, I'm giving up on you

Say something, I'm giving up on you
Say something...

~ Say Something by A Great Big World

She'd gotten there way to early for her flight but that was normal, she wanted to make sure that she had no problems going through TSA, checking in her luggage and finding the terminal. After all this was quite an important trip, not even a trip, this was a new start. So she sat, waiting for the plane to arrive so that she could leave and get on with it.

But Lisbon's new start wasn't starting off well. Not when the woman behind her was running a marathon on her cell phone. In an annoying a shrill voice, she gabbed about how she had gotten "so wasted" in Galveston and still had a "major hangover" and she wasn't looking forward to going back to work with her "lame dick of a boss."

Lisbon sighed and leaned her head against the back of her seat and closed her eyes. Her stomach felt nauseous and unsettled, she tried not to think about why but her eyes kept pulling her to look towards the hallway…waiting. This was stupid; he wasn't going to come, not now, not again. Lightning doesn't strike the same place twice.

It was funny how history seemed to be repeating itself, but this time she wasn't going to get a romantic pre-flight interruption. Why would Jane do that when they'd finally tried…tried and failed. She couldn't help but feel like this was her fault in some ways, too much too fast, too much for him to handle. She should have seen it coming

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

"You're late."

Lisbon looked up from the book she was reading on her sofa to meet Jane's eyes, surprised at their grim look. "For what?"

He gave her an expression that said she should know. "Your period."

Actually she had noticed that, two days ago. But just as she'd done then, she waved it off. "Oh that? It's no big deal, it'll come tomorrow probably."

"You don't know that."

She put her book down. "You are seriously getting worked up over this."

"Shouldn't you be?"

"I'm on the pill," She reminded him, "it's pretty effective."

But that didn't seem to qualm his fears. "You were pretty lax while on the Roberts case."

She did frown at that reminder; the Roberts case had been pretty grueling with long hours and no sleep. She probably had forgotten to pop her trusty pill a few times…and with Jane's spontaneity on their relationship and love for seducing her…well the risk was there. "People don't get pregnant by accident at my age."

"But there is a chance."

"You really aren't going to let this go?"

He gave her a plastic bag. "Prove me wrong."

When the hell did he get that? Lisbon wondered and gave him a glare before taking the bag. "And I'm supposed to be the one who overreacts," she muttered before heading to the bathroom.

She barely glanced at the directions before doing her duty on the damn stick, then she waited the requisite number of minutes before taking it out to wave it under Jane's nose. "See," she said, putting the test on the coffee table with the very obvious 'negative' answer.

Jane picked it up to look at the answer himself; she was surprised to see how relieved he was. True he should be but not that much. "Wow…you were really freaked out weren't you?"

"I wouldn't say freaked."

"You confronted me in my living room and forced me to take a pregnancy test," Lisbon reminded him, "That's the definition of overreacting."

"This is a serious matter."

"Yes but even if I was pregnant it shouldn't scare you so much."

Now it was his turn to raise an eyebrow. "And why not?"

Lisbon was genuinely surprised he didn't seem to know. "Well, we've only been together for a couple of months but we've known each other twelve years…and you've been a father before. I'd have thought you'd be happy."

"Why?"

She was really thrown off by that one. "Don't you want to be a father again?"

Jane twisted the ring around his finger…the one he still wore and she pretended that it didn't bother her. "I don't know, probably not."

That answer made her stomach plummet. Sure she might not ever be a mother…but not because she didn't want to be. "Really?"

"Being a father last time didn't end the way I planned it," Jane told her, his voice low and sad.

Her heart filled with pain for him. "I know, but things are different now."

"Are they? I still got my daughter killed, how can that change?"

"You didn't get her killed," Lisbon defended him, "Red John killed her, that was not and never will be your fault." Her voice lowered too. "But you have changed, you are not the same man you were back then."

"It doesn't change the past," Jane reminded her, "and I can't do it the injustice of forgetting."

"I never asked you to do that," Lisbon said, now rising to her own defense. "But you can't dwell on it either, you do have to move on with your life. Isn't that what we are doing now?"

"There are some things that you just can't move on from."

"So what? You just are never going to be a father again? What about your wife, are you going to get married again?"

"I don't know."

Now that one really hurt and from the look in Jane's eyes, he knew he'd hurt her. He opened his mouth to say something but she cut him to the quick. "What? That's it? This is it? God why the hell are you even here if this isn't going to go anywhere?"

"Because I love you."

That bit of truth didn't help…much. "You love me but you don't want to actually have a future with me."

"You are my future."

"Except your future is exactly where we are now! I don't want to just stay where we are at, I want to know that we will actually have something more!"

"What is wrong with what we have now?" Jane asked her honestly.

"Nothing at the moment," Lisbon replied, "except that it won't satisfy us forever, we can't just stay still, we have to keep moving. I want to get married one day, I'd like the possibility of kids…but obviously that isn't something you want."

Jane didn't like ultimatums, that was obvious from the hard look he gave her. "You knew what I was like, you know this isn't easy for me."

"Yes I did…I just didn't realize that you were still afraid, I should have realized since you were happy to wait twelve years to do something about it, why would you actually get off your ass and move on entirely?"

"You knew what you were getting into."

"No, I thought when you jumped onto that plane you were actually wanting to be with me," Lisbon told him, "I didn't realize that you were just acting again."

"This isn't an act," Jane said tensely.

"Then what is it? It isn't moving on, it isn't trying to be in a relationship. It's just you getting the bare minimum once again so that you can keep staying in the place you are comfortable, I give and you take. That isn't going to cut it, not now, not for me."

"I can't give you any more than this," Jane told her, "Not now, not yet."

"Will you ever?"

He didn't say anything for a long time; the silence cut her worse than any blade. "Get out," she ordered him."

"Teresa…"

"I don't want to look at you right now," she insisted, "Go back to your trailer before I say something we both regret."

For once Jane complied but stopped at the door to look at her. "I love you, that isn't an act…it's the truth, at least believe that."

One look at his soft apologetic eyes and much of her anger fizzled out of her, but not enough to forgive him quite yet. She stood her ground until he left before she let herself break down a cry some. It was for the best.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

The next morning Lisbon woke up after a fitful night but she felt a bit better. After a lot of internal debate she realized she was probably rushing the gun on this, she and Jane were only just starting their relationship, it was way too early to think about marriage and kids. He needed time just like she did to get used to being together, and his love for her and children would win out and they would get their happy ending.

She rubbed her eyes from lack of sleep as she made her way through her living room in her path towards the kitchen but she stopped when she saw the pregnancy test still on the coffee table. Lisbon picked it up, intent on throwing out the instigator of the argument but stopped in her tracks when she saw the answer again.

Where a negative sign had been before was a very faint line pointing up turning it from a negative to an almost positive. She stared at it again and again, bringing it closer as her heart rate picked up. She wasn't imagining it; the damn test was saying she was pregnant!

In a complete panic she threw on some clothes and rushed out the door to run to her doctor's office, hoping that she could get some sort of explanation that would make sense. The test had to be wrong; it said she wasn't pregnant yesterday! She didn't get pregnant overnight!

The wait was a bit longer since she hadn't scheduled an appointment, but that gave her time to call Abbott and say she was taking a personal day. Jane started texting and calling as soon as he saw she wasn't in but she ignored him, there was no way she'd be able to lie and she didn't want to talk to him, not when she was currently freaking out.

Finally she got to see her doctor who gave her some relief. "Pregnancy tests are only accurate in the time frame they give you, you can get a false positive if it has been sitting out too long."

But for her own assurances they took a blood test to make sure everything was confirmed. So she waited again in a sterile white room looking at a poster about heart attack symptoms, finally managing to calm down some. God that was stupid, she thought, I panic over one little thing. But really, the damn tests should just stay negative, not turn positive because my pee dries on it.

After fifteen minutes her doctor came back in with the results and she gave her a serious expression. "It looks like that test was a bit more accurate than I thought…you are pregnant."

Lisbon couldn't say a word, just stared ahead as her life very quickly fell apart.

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Alexandra started to whimper as she thrashed a bit, she was tired but fussy since she didn't like being in a new place that wasn't completely quiet. She wanted to be in her own room, in her own crib so she could sleep in peace. Her mother changed her position in her arms but that still wasn't good enough, Alex let out one sharp cry which had a couple of heads turn her way. Lisbon's cheeks turned a tinge of pink at the attention but a reassuring smile from an older woman across the way told her that no one was truly bothered.

Lisbon stood up, bouncing Alex gently in her arms to try and get her to calm down. She walked over to the large window where she could see the planes coming and going towards the gates and idly hummed a tune that had soothed her baby girl in the past. Alex quickly stopped fussing and her breathing evened out, her little eyes closed in sleep, her rosebud lips smacked together in contentedness.

It was early in the morning, the sun just starting to peak out from the horizon, casting dark grey shadows on the pavement. She watched one plane sitting on the tarmac, she remembered sitting on a plane like that when her life had changed forever. It had only been a year and a half ago but so much had changed. She'd come so close to getting what she'd always wanted, so close…but then it all slipped away.

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Lisbon heard the key turn in her lock and she knew Jane had finally come to see what was. After not taking his calls and not showing up for work, it was the thing she would have expected him to do. When he stepped through the door it was clear he thought she was still angry at him from the previous night, he looked very apologetic and ready to plead for forgiveness. But she wasn't upset, no she was terrified now.

She stood up in her living room but he spoke before any words could even come to her mind. "I'm sorry, Teresa, I know I promised not to hurt you again but I did last night. I can't say that I lied…but all I can say is that I just need more time, just a little more time. Maybe that's too much to ask but I don't think you are ready for those steps either. But I know that I love you and I can only imagine my future with you."

Tears slid down her eyes because she knew she was going to ruin this moment, she knew for sure that this was all going to slip away. "Patrick…I want to, I want to give you time but I can't—."

"Teresa, please—."

"You don't understand, I can't. It's too late."

But Jane didn't get what she was trying to say. "It isn't too late, we can't just give up on this now, not after so much."

She shook her head and met his eyes before he could say anything more. "I'm pregnant."

Lisbon had never seen someone literally freeze with absolute shock but Jane did just that. He didn't blink for a full minute as he gaped at her openly, then he shook his head as if dismissing it. "You took a test and it was negative."

She nodded. "And when I got up this morning it was positive."

"Those things aren't accurate after a few minutes, you should read the box."

"Yes my doctor told me that today, so the test wasn't accurate but the blood test they gave me definitely was."

He froze again at that statement, turning a bit pale. "Oh," Jane said, drawing out the word as he digested the information. "I…I don't know what to say about that."

Lisbon shook her head again and turned away. "There really isn't anything to say. I'm pregnant, I'm going to have this baby and…and you aren't sure what you want. So we don't have a choice now, you need to decide what you are willing to do because I already know."

When she turned to look at him again she couldn't help but wonder if he'd heard a single word she'd said. The truth was she'd seen Patrick Jane face many things but she'd never seen him so completely and utterly terrified as he was at this moment. His hands were actually shaking. Tears spilled down her cheeks and she couldn't help but say something. "Oh God…I'm so sorry."

He still didn't seem to hear but he finally did actually move. "I…I need to think and I…I can't do that here."

"Patrick…"

"Don't," Jane told her quickly, "I just need to think about this."

None of that gave her comfort; she took even less when she watched him bolt from the door without another word. Where was he going? What was he going to do? God could he even drive when he was that upset?

She collapsed back onto the sofa and curled up as if to protect herself and now the unborn child. A beautiful thing could make everything break down, that was apparent. And somehow, Lisbon knew that this was all going to come crashing down. After all, it seemed that they had never been able to work things out before…why now?

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Jane didn't show up for days. The only way Lisbon even knew he was alive was because Abbott mentioned that he'd taken some personal time off now too. She thought about calling him a hundred times but decided against that, he said he'd needed time to think and somehow she knew that he meant away from her.

Four days, she didn't see him for four days and only then did he stumble to her home to say he still didn't know what he was going to do. But he figured it was still early, he didn't need to make the decision, she wasn't very far along, anything could happen.

That hurt her, too much. "You want me to lose the baby?!"

"I didn't mean that."

"Then what did you mean?"

"That you aren't telling anyone yet because you know it's too soon, at least give me time until then so that we know we have problem that isn't going to just go away."

She'd kicked him out after that. The baby wasn't a 'problem' and she prayed to God every night that it wouldn't 'go away'.

Not that she didn't have those fears, she did. But every day that passed filled her with hope and relief that things would work out, at least for her child. She couldn't say the same for her relationship with Jane, it was clear that if she was going to have the baby, then it might not be in the comfort of a relationship.

At ten weeks she got her first ultrasound, which was the deciding moment, would her pregnancy be viable or not? So she waited and the longer it took for her doctor to say something, the more she feared…until she heard the gentle sound of a beating heart. She called Jane right afterwards to tell him they had to talk; somehow she had a feeling he knew what she was going to say.

"I saw the baby today," She told him as he sat on her couch, entirely silent. "It's fine, heartbeat is strong, developing normally. I'm almost at the end of the first trimester and there isn't any reason to believe that I'll lose the baby now…so it's going to happen, Jane. That means you need to tell me what you are going to be able to do."

He didn't say anything for a very long time, she'd expected as much. The longer he took the more likely she knew that the answer would be bad. But she tried to prepare herself…even though she knew there was no way she could stop the pain.

Finally he looked up and met her eyes…then shook his head. "I'm sorry, Teresa. I can't do it; I can't go through all of that again. It hurts too much."

She couldn't stop the tears filling her eyes but she willed them not to shed. "I understand." She did. She knew exactly what was wrong. Jane was broken, he had been the moment she'd met him and she knew she'd doomed herself the moment she fell in love with a man who would always be tethered to ghosts.

"I'll support you," Jane assured her, "you and the baby."

"That isn't necessary."

"It's my child, I should do at least that much. I can do that much."

Well that was poor comfort.

"Okay," Lisbon said, "You can give as much as you can." She wanted more, she needed more but she was far too afraid to ask.

Jane didn't say anything but nodded and stood up, he was leaving. He wouldn't be staying with her again, she knew that now. But she stopped him before he could go away entirely. "The door will always be open," she told him, "it is your child and you'll always be welcome." But she met his eyes firmly, "But I can't say the same for me."

He nodded again and sadly walked away.

She sighed heavily and shook her head. "Well, it's just us now," she said to her unborn baby. Then she let herself cry…for herself and her baby.

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Lisbon watched as one plane taxied to the gate that she was standing at, it moved slowly but surely before it finally stopped to finish its journey and prepare for another. Alex was fast asleep in her mother's arms, blissfully unaware of what was going on. She would never know the pain of these past few months, she was far too young. She might not even ever know her own father, Jane had only seen her a handful of times after all.

People began to walk past, forming a line as they came to Austin at the end of their trips. She'd been in their shoes once, full of hope and expectation. Jane had just returned from exile and she was finally back at a job she loved. With Red John's death she'd had some hope that maybe Jane would be able to move on…with her. That had been a wonderful beautiful hope.

She sighed heavily and moved back over to her seat with her daughter still in her arms. She had to get ready and make sure everything was set, boarding would begin soon and it was a long flight. Sadly, this flight out didn't have as much hope.

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Her pregnancy passed by slowly. The only joy she had to look forward to was her child, and it seemed that the days grew longer as she waited. Jane was never cruel; he was never ignorant or spoke with any malice…he was in pain. She saw that pain and sadness in his eyes, the shame that he was not strong enough to be what she needed. And there was nothing she could to help him, truly it was shame he had to bear.

They still worked together, still spoke with friendship and undisguised love, but like before they did not give in, unlike before they both knew how the other felt. The rest of the team were disgusted with Jane but she could not share in their feelings, after all she did know he would be with her if he could, but this was a weakness that stemmed from his damaged soul, nothing could fix that but time…and she had none to give now.

When it came to their coming child, their meetings were far and few between. Jane insisted on at least acknowledging that the baby was his so they'd gone through the legal procedures of him declaring that he was father and an agreement on child support. Other than that, she was entirely on her own. He helped with cost, insisting that she let him pay for half of her expenses though she was reluctant to. But the little things, the important things were her decision.

The day she found out her baby was a girl was beautiful but when she informed Jane she saw the pain in his eyes. A girl, a girl to replace the one he lost, it really hurt him then. She named her daughter Alexandra, after her grandmother, completely forgetting that Jane's father was Alexander until he'd reminded her. She'd considered changing it but he'd insisted that she keep it, after all this was about her child, her family…and this wasn't going to be another Alex Jane. No, her daughter was Alexandra May Lisbon and that was that.

She worked until her due date, sticking to her desk and watching as the rest of the team went out on the field, Jane included. It was at her desk when she first started feeling the labor pains and rather than bother someone, she simply took it upon herself to drive to the hospital. Once there she left a message for Abbott but didn't call Jane, she wasn't sure if he would even want to know.

It took another ten hours before her daughter entered the world, beautiful and perfect with dark hair and her father's eyes. Cho was the first one to come and visit, holding the baby awkwardly but he did smile and say that it was a good thing she looked like her mom. Abbott said something similar when he saw the baby but was more talkative about how happy he was for her. Poor Wiley barely knew what to do with the baby but he was sweet and bought her a little pink bear.

It was in the afternoon that she woke up from a nap to find Jane sitting by her bed. She couldn't have been more surprised; she hadn't thought he would want to see her or little Alex. But he gave her a very small smile and nodded towards the baby, "I assume this is her."

Lisbon nodded but didn't speak, not even when he stood up to stand over the tiny crib where their child was sleeping. "May I?" he asked and waited for her nod of consent before reaching in to hold the baby in his arms.

He stared at their child for a very long time, sometimes reaching up to stroke one cheek or feel her fine brown hair. "She's beautiful," he said softly. Then he pulled the baby close to him and whispered something into her ear, something Lisbon couldn't hear, something that he would only share with their daughter. Then he kissed his daughter's head and set her back down into her crib, the baby had barely even stirred.

Jane met Lisbon's eyes now, stepping forward to brush the hair away from her eyes. "How are you?"

"I'm fine," she told him, "Sore, but it wasn't a hard labor."

"Good," Jane replied. His hand cupped her cheek and he smiled very sadly at her. "You are going to be a wonderful mother." He leaned down and kissed her forehead, a long lingering kiss. She closed her eyes at the feel of his lips on her skin, and kept them closed when he captured her lips in his too. It was soft, gentle and sweet, a kiss she'd missed these many months…and like their short love it was over far too soon.

He was gone after that, not another word. She was left alone with their baby…just like she'd known she would.

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Lisbon was allowed to board early for once since she had a small child. Alex had the window seat with her infant carrier being one of Lisbon's carry on bags; the other was the diaper bag. Alex slept peacefully still, not even noticing as one by one the plane began to board. That same older woman who had smiled at her earlier happened to be her seatmate and the first thing she did was coo over Alex.

She answered the woman's questions, explaining that she was moving from Austin and dodged the question on if she was married or not. She kept looking out the window, wondering and waiting to see if someone would jump over the gate to storm the plane. It wasn't crazy, it had happened before.

He loved her; she had his child…he should come.

So she waited once more.

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Alex was four months old when Lisbon asked Jane to come over so they could talk. He'd only been to her house a couple of times since the baby was born so he could drop off the child support, he always looked over the baby but never stayed. He was surprised that she'd asked him to come and said as much, well she had her reasons.

The baby was asleep, maybe she should have done this earlier to try and appeal to Jane's heart but then again, if he hadn't come around now why would he ever? It wasn't easy but eventually she managed to explain what had happened. "I've been offered a job in the Los Angeles branch, they are working to rebuild the CBI…well it's the California State Police now. They want me to help out since I know most of the people in the state, they think it would be good to help rebuild it with someone who knows the area, someone people are familiar with."

Jane nodded his understanding. "It's a good idea, you are someone people respect, it makes sense to turn to you."

She didn't know what to say for a moment…she was hoping for another answer from him. "I'm thinking about taking it."

He was quiet for a bit, then surprised her completely. "You should…take it, it's a great offer and you'll do a world of good."

She hesitated before continuing. "I would be moving to California."

"I know that."

"I would take Alex with me."

"I know that too."

Lisbon bit her lip and looked away. "So that doesn't bother you?"

"Of course it does, I don't want you to go, I want to see you every day…but things are different and I can't hold you back because I'm a selfish man. You need to do what is best for you and your daughter, I am no part of that equation."

She sucked in a breath and then released it slowly. "Then I'll go…I'll go because it is the best thing for my family."

Jane nodded and when she looked over she saw that he actually was crying. She whispered his name but could say no more; he pulled her into his arms, kissing her cheeks, her forehead, her lips. All the while he simply whispered. "I'm sorry," over and over again. But it wasn't apology for what he had done.

It was an apology for what he couldn't do.

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The line of people trickled and then stopped as everyone took their seats. Lisbon's heart kept beating, faster and faster as time began to fade. The flight attendants checked each row and then gave the instruction on safety and seat belts. The pilot came over the intercom to explain what their estimated time of arrival would be, that the weather was good and they would be leaving the gate shortly.

Lisbon stared at the window, begging for him to come, to storm the doors and beg her to stay for him…because he loved her and their baby.

But the plane began to slowly pull away from the gate and as it left so did her hopes. This was it, this was the end.

Jane had made his choice…and this time it wasn't her.

A/N: Yes I'm well aware of how evil I am.

Honestly I posted this similar to how I started the You're In My Veins series, putting this out there to see if anyone is interested in seeing more. I have another companion that involves Jane going to see them and the final fic that is a multi chap which is more dramatic and involves serial killers. Neverthless, no, this is NOT the end of this little universe.

It's only the beginning.