OMG SORRY I HAVENT UPDATED IN SO LONG~ I was actually working on a christmas story, but i didn't even finish by the time it was christmas…

I'm so unsatisfied with this chapter :( I just didn't know how to write it ugh

Disclamer: Don't own anything

WARNING: SEXUAL ACTIONS (not RusAme) I'm not changing the rating to M just for this scene… so bear with me!

Time stopped. It felt like my heart stopped beating. I wanted to throw up- nausea took over and my vision went blurry. ...What did he say? I looked down at my hands; they were shaking, yet still constrained by Ivan's larger ones. His grip suddenly felt icy, and they only gripped tighter. I thought his was going to crack my bones. I could hear something, but they sounded mumbled and I couldn't make them out. It was only when I looked up at Ivan's face did the noises become distinct.

"Alfred?" Oh. It was his voice that I was hearing. Was he calling out to me this whole time? I replayed what he said in my head. Will you marry me? Just replaying the memory made my insides cringe. The look on his face was unreadable- angry? No, confused? I'm not sure. I breathed in, then exhaled slowly. CODE RED. Do NOT run. I REPEAT, DO NOT RUN. I was tired of being a coward; I will face him, and will have courage. I gulped.

I tugged my hands out of his grasp, and fell against the railing. "Uh…". I said lamely. Why can't I say anything? What the hell? Stop looking at me like that. SAY SOMETHING DAMMIT. "Look… Ivan…" Before I could even start rambling, I saw something dart across Ivan's eyes. He flashed a tiny closed-mouth smile, and placed his hand on my cheek. Even with his icy touch, my skin burned and it took everything I had not to pull away. I stared at him. I still couldn't tell what he was thinking, but I knew one thing- that smile was not genuine.

"I guess you are not ready. No worries!" He creepily giggled a childlike laugh, and pulled his hand away.

"Not ready? What the-" But Ivan walked away without a word and exited the library. Once I heard the doors close, I leaned over the railing and started to dry heave. My heart started to pound hard and fast. WHAT JUST HAPPENED. Was this dude serious?! He threatens to kill me multiple times, then asks me to marry him? The nerve of this guy! OH god I think I'm gonna have a heart attack. I just continued to heave over the railing. "Okay, okay, get your shit together. Breathe in, breathe out." I started to head out of the library to head back to my room, hopefully avoiding Ivan on the way. I opened the door and found Liz with her hand up, as if she was about to knock.

"Oh! Hello, I just wanted to tell you that dinner is ready. Is Ivan with you?"

"Um, no, I don't know where he went…" I didn't know whether I should tell Liz about what just happened, or keep it a secret. I decided on the latter as we headed towards the dining hall. Please, PLEASE, do not be in there! Oh my god, this is gonna be awkward all over again. To my surprise it was just me in the hall, besides Toris and Raivis who were setting the table, and there was only one placemat. "Is Ivan gonna eat with me tonight?"

"He mentioned that he wasn't feeling well, so he is in his room now." I just nodded and sat down. Guilt started to build up in me. Oh jesus, now he moping since I rejected him. I wonder if I should mention something… Since Ivan wasn't here, I invited the rest of the servants, including Roderich and Antonio, to eat with me; the dinner went by fast and soon it was time for bed.

I headed back towards my room and slumped on the bed, wanting to forget what has happened. With a good night's sleep I should be fine tomorrow. I shed my clothes so that I was only in my underclothes, including my glasses. I slipped under the covers and tried to fall asleep.

But because of what happened earlier, I couldn't sleep. I must have been staring at the ceiling for hours, counting each click of the grandfather clock. I twisted and turned, adjusted the sheets and pillows, tried anything to fall asleep. I counted over 100 sheep before I lost count. My eyes adjusted so well to the dark that it was as if it wasn't even night time in the first place. Welp, looks like I'm not going to sleep any time soon. I threw the sheets off of me and put my pants back on, but I left my shirt on the ground. I looked out the window; it wasn't snowing, but frost lined the glass. I shivered, and started a fire. The vibrant light lit the room, and the clock read 12:39; I was lying in bed for around three hours. The room didn't have anything to do, so I decided that this would be a good time to explore some more. I grabbed a candle with a handle and lit it, creating a small but bright flame. I tried to open and close the door as quietly as possible, but it let out a few creaks anyway.

I realized that I never knew where the servants slept. Since Ivan's room, which I was desperately trying to avoid, and the library were in the West Wing, I decided on checking out the East Wing more.

Only a few steps down the red velvet hallway did I figure out that it was gonna look exactly the same as it did around my room: armour and paintings on the wall, with the occasional chandelier to light the ceiling. I was about to head back towards my room when I noticed that one of the doors was cracked open, with a stream of light escaping. I tiptoed towards the open door and peaked in. What I saw made me gasp so hard that I almost dropped the candle.

With a single candle lighting the room, Roderich and Liz were passionately kissing on the bed. Roderich threw his glasses on the beside table, and he was in the midst of unbuttoning his shirt. Liz pulled away from his lips to unbutton her own dress. The room was filled with quiet moans and gasps, and I tried my best not to answer with the same noises. When Liz finally pulled off her dress, I couldn't pull my eyes away; I have never seen such a sight.

Arthur never brought anybody home (besides Francis), nor did he even talk about this kind of stuff, so I was never really knew what kind of "things" adults did when they were alone. When I brought back a rather "adult" book home once from the bookstore when I was 14, I basically taught myself. I remember one time I asked Arthur how babies are made and he choked on his tea so hard that I had to get Francis because I thought he was actually gonna pass out.

My body started to get hot, and my pants suddenly felt uncomfortable tight. Roderich pulled down his pants, revealing his stiff erection. I felt my face redden immediately, and the candle almost slipped from my hand. They fell back on the bed, and they continued to kiss feverishly. Before I could stop myself, my hand was traveling down my side, and stopped above my crotch, where a tent has formed. My whole body froze and by breathing hitched when I felt warm air fill my ear.

"It's quite rude to stare, you know." I gasped, but before I could let out any noise, a hand covered my mouth and pulled me backwards. I fell against the body, and I dropped the candle. Before the whole carpet could catch on fire, the other person stepped on the flame.

I heard the rustling from within the room suddenly stop. "Hey Roderich, did you hear something? I think someone is in the hallway…"

"I didn't hear anything, don't stop now." They continued while I stood in the hallway, mouth still covered. The mystery person now had an arm around my waist, keeping me still. I felt a single drop of sweat travel down my temple. The person's warm breath glided across my neck, not helping my current "situation" at all. All of a sudden we were walking backwards, away from the room. When we were finally out of hearing distance, I was let go. I inhaled quickly and turned to see who it was.

Ivan just stood there with his hands clasped behind his back, smiling as if nothing happened. He probably thinks I'm some sort of pervert like Francis now shit. "It wasn't what it looked like! I was just walking past and I didn't know what was going on and they were doing stuff and it was weird and-" Ivan chuckled, and started to walk away. "Wa-wait up!" No way was I gonna let him think that I'm some sketchy creeper. "I was only there for a second-"

He stopped walked and face towards me. He looked down and pointed to the tent in my pants. "Only for a second?" Shame flooded me, and I tried to cover myself with my undershirt, which didn't really do anything because it was incredibly thin.

"Shut up! It's natural…" Ivan just hummed in response. He started to walk towards the West Wing again. Wait a second… "What were you doing over here anyway? I thought you weren't feeling well."

Ivan merely shrugged. "I couldn't sleep." Well that makes two of us. He continued walking, and I followed him. To my surprise he didn't decline the company, so we just slowly ambled down the eerie hall. The hallway was filled with an awkward silence; our footsteps and the wind seemed much louder than they actually were. We just gonna ignore what happened earlier? Fine by me. We were now close to the large portrait of Ivan and his sisters. I decided to finally ask about them.

"Hey, how come your sisters aren't around?" When I didn't hear a response, I turned and found Ivan emitting a ghostly dark aura. His eyes glared at me, but his mouth was in a tight smile.

"Nosy aren't we?"

"Sorry, I didn't realize that it was a touchy subject-"

"A few years ago, my sisters decided to take a trip, down south, so they could see the ocean for the first time." He turned towards the girl with the big boobs and dragged his hand across the canvas. "I insisted that they shouldn't go, but they kept pressing until I said it was okay." He turned his gaze towards the other sister. "I remembered the exact day- it was… warm and sunny. They left in the morning; their trip would only last a week or two. But then-" He stopped to clear his throat, but I swear I thought his eyes were watering. I shifted a little bit. Should I comfort him? Errr but luckily he continued. "But then… winter came along and I haven't seen them since." He swiveled and strode over to the window. Looks like someone needs comforting.

I went to wear he was standing and stared out the frost ridden glass with him. There was nothing but snow covered trees. Clouds covered the midnight sky, but you can see the glow of the moon through them. I placed a hand on his shoulder, and he faced me. "Look, I'm sure this weird winter spell is going to end soon. I'm sure your sisters are okay. They are probably at the ocean right now!" The clouds shifted, revealing thousands of shining stars. The sight was breath-taking; I couldn't see a sight like this where I lived. I could stare at it for hours.

"Da, I hope so. Alfred, will you tell me about your family?" I sighed, and took my hand off his shoulder and placed it on my waist instead. I considered the question for a little bit before answering.

"I don't really have much of a family. Arthur is kinda it. He isn't even my family really- he just raised me. I don't call him dad or anything; thats weird. Francis, my neighbor, he was always around too. Arthur says that he doesn't like him, but I know that isn't true; he likes him a lot actually. Oh and there is Kiku…" And before I knew it, I told him about everybody in town to the last detail, and even told him about the gossip between my friends, like how Ludwig and Feliciano totally get it on no matter what Ludwig says. I was going to continue, but I heard a small laugh. I look at Ivan, and I noticed that this laugh isn't his creepy child giggle, but a genuine laugh.

"Alfred, you say that these people are not related to you, but the way you talk about them certainly makes them family." His surprisingly warm laughter died down. "I have to admit, I'm quite jealous of you."

I shot him a look of disbelief. "Wha? You have real family, and besides, you have the servants here to keep you company!" He grunted, and looked out the window.

"It's not like they have a choice." I didn't even try to comfort him on that one because I know it is true.

Words flew out of my mouth before I could even comprehend what I was thinking. "Well, you have me now!" Ivan froze, but he slowly relaxed. He faced me, and gave me a pure, gracious, smile.

"Da, that is true." He looked into my eyes, and I felt my heart beat faster. I quickly turned away to look at the sky again. Were his eyes always that pretty? Weird that I hadn't noticed it before…

"Look, about today," I turned towards where he was standing, only to find myself alone with the stars.

NOT. SATISFIED.