This story has important significance to me. When I was very young and first in the fan fiction community, a very skilled writer told me I would be better if I write what I know. This summer was very hard for me, as I helped my husband recover from a depilating drug addiction as well fight depression and panic disorder. This story is a testament of my own experiences and heartache, made to sooth my soul with this outpouring of words. This story does not glamorize or fetishize these ailments, instead it intends to educate.

Rate and review, loves. I really love you guys' feedback, it keeps me going and inspired.

The rehab clinic was awful. It smelled like antiseptic and despair and was freezing to boot.

Naruto sat back in the cracked plastic chair and sat on his hands in an attempt to warm them up. It was crowded in here, and covered in old faux cheery posters with lame "You can do it!" slogans emblazoned across them. The animals in them, meant to be carefree and lighten the mood, stared back at him with glassy eyes that looked the way his chest felt: empty.

No one paid attention to him. Men and women, huddled alone or in pairs, quietly waited. It was easy to spot the addicts, with the way they nervously twitched and uncomfortably shifted from foot to foot. They must be waiting on medicine or for a doctor, Naruto thought. He pulled out his phone and checked it needlessly as an excuse to not look up any longer. He rolled through his picture albums, scanning through photos of his boyfriend's twenty-fourth birthday celebration three months ago. They stood together with his cousin Karin and her boyfriend Suigetsu, all crowded around and lifting pint glasses in the air with smiles. It seemed like ages ago, really. Naruto swallowed the lump in his throat, so lost in thought he didn't hear his name being called.

"Uzumaki Naruto? Is there anyone by that name here?" An orderly asked around the waiting room with a patient, even voice.

"That's me." Naruto stood, and walked across the waiting room. The nurse led him through double doors separating the general waiting area from the hospital portion of the building. Anxiety clawed its way through his chest and settled in his sternum. The nurse left him at the door, and Naruto followed her.

Naruto definitely did not expect the doctor to have a mask covering half his face, nor a thick shock of silver hair. But, he was in a doctor's white lab coat. Raising a golden eyebrow, he gave a puzzled look in the direction of the man.

"Doctor Hatake?"

"Please, call me Kakashi. Take a seat." The man gestured in the direction of the stiff plastic chair facing a large wooden desk.

"Sure." Naruto said as he seated himself.

"And you are Sasuke's…?" Kakashi questioned, letting his words dangle in the air.

"His boyfriend." Naruto answered in a steady and even voice, prepared for a challenge if necessary. It was hard to gauge how others would react to their relationship.

"Oh, I see. I was wondering who you were since he informed us he had no family and you were his only point of contact. How long have you two been together?" The silver man asked and cocked his head to the side, eyes upturned. Naruto figured he was smiling but honestly the mask made it impossible to tell.

Naruto's mind raced, remembering fighting over a rusted, broken down bike in the orphanage playground. Blood blossoming on pale skin as the rock he threw at Sasuke's forehead left a nasty gash. 'Forever.' he thought. What even was life before he saw those dark grey eyes for the first time?

"Years." Naruto said instead.

Kakashi eyed the well built young man from behind his desk. Short, straight, blonde hair peaked out from the hood of an orange sweatshirt. Narutally tan skin almost concealed faint parallel scars across both cheeks. Baggy jeans and worn sneakers sat on his feet, and Kakashi was quick to notice the dark bruise under his left eye, and sighed deeply. Kids these days getting into all sorts of trouble. He felt sorry of this pair.

"I'm going to assume all these bruises on the two of you is something consensual. I really don't have the time to be calling the police, far too much paperwork for my tastes." Kakashi noticed the kid turning slightly red at the cheeks and fidgeted in his chair at the words.

"It is, I promise." Naruto murmured, finding his hands very interesting at the moment. He couldn't look up if he wanted to after that statement.

"You're going to take him home. He's stabilized, but the process of rehabilitation and withdrawing from opiate abuse is going to be severe."

"More severe than the seizure?" Naruto asked. There is no way on fucking earth he could bear to see that sight again.

"No, we are going to give him an anti-seizure medication specially for it. Also, a small prescription for methadone, an opiate substitute. We can't go the route of cold turkey with this kind of situation, the risk of death by heart failure is too great."

Naruto swallowed a lump the size of a lemon in his throat. "How long is withdrawing going to take?"

"Withdrawing, about two weeks total. But rehabilitation to prevent relapse is going to take months. Since Sasuke has good insurance, I'm making visits with a physiologist mandatory twice a week until he's deemed out of the woods. If he fails to attend these sessions, I'm going to mandatorily commit him to a mental hospital until he's deemed fit. Therapy starts five days after detox ends, so that means six days from today. Do you understand?

"Yes."

Kashasi smiled under his mask. "Good. I'm glad he'll have you around to assist with all of this. He certainly hasn't been the easiest patient."

"Tch, I can imagine." Naruto muttered loud enough for Kakashi to hear.

"Here's his prescriptions. You need to get them for him and dole them out dailey. I recommend a five compartment pill container. There should be one for Thorazine, which is an antisycotic medication to smooth out the borderline personality symptoms and stabilize his mood. Gabapentine is the anti seizure medication to help with withdrawals. And methadone, this subscription needs to be highly controlled. Its vial he only gets his daily allotment, any more will set back his treatment. " Kakashi rattled off, handing him a thick stack of paperwork.

"Um, bordawhat disorder? Naruto asked. He wracked his brain but drew a blank.

"Borderline personality disorder, brought on by his severe case of post traumatic stress disorder." Kakashi consulted a clipboard with a substantial amount of paperwork. "Let's see, initial diagnosis of ptsd as a child, but it went completely untreated. Confirmed by another previous doctor at age 17."

"Oh." Naruto was not shocked, given what he knew of his Sasuke's past. He was even less shocked that he had never told him. Sasuke was not one to speak of things he considers unimportant like medical concerns.

Kakashi handed him the prescriptions and a large vanilla envelope with Sasuke's discharge papers. "Intensive outpatient can be very effective. You two seem like smart kids. The brochure for the therapist and detox specialist is in there."

"Ah, thanks." Naruto said as he stood up and took the materials. "I'll take great care of him. He'll be back in five days for therapy, I promise."

"Perfect." Again the masked man smiled another secretive smile, and gestured out of the office. Together they walked down the hallway to the hospital unit.

Naruto hadn't been allowed to see Sasuke since he had been admitted. Relief swept over him in a huge wave the second he walked into the room. Still, the betrayal of trust by Sasuke resounded in Naruto's heart. It stung painfully, but he pushed it down. Harder to suppress were the images of Sasuke passed out and shaking uncontrollably in the shower, bright scarlet blood painted across the tiles in the early morning light. What would have happened if Naruto had not woken at the sound of that crash? He forced a cheery expression as he saw his boyfriend.

Sasuke's head was swathed in bandages and sitting up in bed, but his expression was positively lethal. His dark eyes narrowed as he looked from Naruto to Kakashi and the considerable stack of paper he was holding.

Naruto sat on the side of the bed, noticing that the IV tubes have been removed and Sasuke was wearing the clothes Naruto had given the EMS' on the way to the hospital. He looked almost fragile, his dark clothes in stark contrast with his skin and pale bed coverings. Lurid purple bruises in the shape of fingers on Sasukes neck and under his right eye made him look battle worn and dangerous.

"How do you feel?" He reached out a hand to brush silky black bangs from his eyes, but Sasuke jerked his head away.

The side eye glanced in his direction would have made a weaker man fall over. "Don't make this worse than it is already, Naruto." Sasuke said, his voice clipped and cold.

Naruto's bright blue eyes glared back with equal intensity and tapped him lightly on the side of the head. "Don't be a dick, you are in the fuckin' hospital babe."

"Yeah, I forgot." The words would have sounded sarcastic but Sasuke had no more fire in him at the moment.

Kakashi cleared his throat behind them loudly, causing their heads to snap up in his direction. " As much as I love watching domestic disputes, you are free to go now, Sasuke. Naruto here has all of prescriptions and information you need."

"Good." Sasuke swung the covers off his legs and made to get out of bed. He faltered slightly and grabbed Naruto's arm in an effort to balance himself. Naruto steadied him as he got his bearings.

"I'll leave you kids to it, then. Hope the rest of the day cars better than this morning, hm?"

Sasuke didn't dignify that with a response as he put on his shoes. Naruto gave an awkward wave and tilt of his head in salute. They didn't waste any more time gathering Sasuke's belongings and getting out of the rehab center as quickly as possible.

"I need a fucking smoke." Sasuke announced as soon as they were outside in the crisp November air. Naruto pulled a crumpled pack from his pocket and withdrew two cigarettes. He lit his own before extending the light to Sasuke. Sasuke bent down and inhaled, giving Naruto a moment to appreciate the sight of the light playing off high cheekbones. Naruto guided them across the parking lot toward where he left his car as they slowly strolled.

"You cold?" Naruto asked, but was already taking off his sweatshirt. Sasuke said nothing took it anyway, pulling it over his thin short sleeved t shirt. Really, Naruto should have chosen warmer clothes when he grabbed them this morning, but one's memory tended to fail when on the phone with the emergency services. The hoodie was a bit too big, but it would certainly do. They leaned up against Naruto's surprisingly mint condition orange Del Sol as they finished their smokes. Silence fell over them, as Naruto was unable to come up with words willing to test the air of the fragile situation. Questions of loyalty and trust wanted to rip from his throat in the forms of harsh accusations, but he bit them down.

When they slid into the car moments later, Sasuke slumped into the passenger seat. He rested his head against frosted glass of the window and stared emptily at the passing high rise buildings.

"Why didn't you tell me?" The question burst forth, unable to be contained. Naruto's voice sounded weaker than he wanted; less accusative than openly raw with hurt.

"…I don't want to talk about it." Sasuke replied, voice soft.

"No! Fuck you, asshole. Fuck you so fucking bad." Naruto shouted, and beat against the steering wheel with a tan fist. "You almost goddamn died you son of a bitch. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"I'm sure Kakashi told you exactly what's wrong with me."

"Stop evading my fucking questions!" Naruto grabbed Sasuke's arm in a bruising grip, forcing him from the window. His eyes burned with frustration as he fought to keep them on the road in front of him. "You don't get to act like a selfish prick, not right now."

Sasuke wrenched his arm from Naruto's fingers roughly, but turned his head to face him finally. "You know everything, Naruto. Whether I wanted you to know or not, what else is left?" he replied, voice detached as if he was calling from a phone with poor reception.

Well. He had a point. Naruto breathed deeply, and tried his best to calm himself. 'Remember how to get to the pharmacy,' he thought. 'Calm the fuck down, Uzumaki. Sasuke's always been a live fucking wire. Who know's when he'll lose his mind and and freak out for real? What then, huh?'

"Tell me when it started", he asked carefully.

"When I got eye surgery last July." Sasuke replied.

Of course. Naruto felt stupid, memories flooding back to the difficult procedure to save Sasuke from a genetic condition that would cause him to go blind. Complications arose, which lead to a steady stream of pain killers. How could he not have noticed? He never even thought to look at the bottle, and Sasuke never gave off any indication he was getting high off the medication nor that he was abusing a revolving script.

"Right. Well, what happened this morning? Why did you have a seizure and pass out, I mean…"

"I had run out."

"Yeah, but that only happens if you were taking like, ridiculous amounts.."

Sasuke gave him a non committal shrug and turned back toward the window. "I was talking about 25 pills a day. It was enough." His voice indicated had no other confessions to make.

"Holy fuck, babe…"

Naruto had felt life altering grief once before when Sasuke ran away at age 13. The guilt of not being able to stop him is almost matched by the feeling of being so unobservant to this situation that had been occurring for little over a year. He felt his heart sink into his stomach as he focused as much as he could on driving as not to cry. That many painkillers? A tear stubbornly fell from his eye despite his effort to contain it. He pulled into the parking lot of the pharmacy and killed the engine, resting his forehead on his sterling wheel.

"Naruto." Sasuke voice seemed disembodied above him. He reached out blindly, grabbing Sasuke's hand and forcibly laced their fingers together. He lifted his head and gripped Sasuke's chin harshly with his free hand and forced him to stare into his eyes.

"Look, Sasuke. I'm so fucking sorry." Naruto said seriously.

Sasuke's gray eyes were wild and panicked, an animal caught in a snare. "For what?" he asked, keeping his voice level as he maintained eye contact.

"I should have noticed. I should have paid more attention. I know I'm so busy with the restaurant opening and everything. I didn't mean to neglect you." Naruto fingers gently stroked his pale cheek, and Sasuke visibly shuttered. "I am never going to let anything take you from me again. I love you too much. I need you."

Sasule shut his eyes. "Stop, just stop." he sounded desperate, but anything was better than that detached voice Naruto despised. "You didn't, you didn't …"

"I did, I did. And we are going to beat this together, and we are going to be ok. I fucking promise on both of our dead parents souls we will." Naruto pressed his lips to Sasuke's in a surprising tender kiss, felling cold, chapped lips respond to his after a moment of initial shock. He pulled away just as gently, pressing another kiss to the tip of Sasuke's nose.

Sasuke breath choked in his throat and Naruto knew he was capable of speaking no longer. Sasuke didn't know how to vocalize his emotions properly, but it was ok. Instead, Naruto held the black haired man so tightly to his chest his fingers must be leaving bruises. He always emoted enough for the both of them. Eventually, Sasuke stopped struggling in his arms and relaxed, chest no longer heaving. For the first time that day, Naruto felt in control. He could do this, be the strength. They would defeat this.

Naruto had never been happier to be inside of their dilapidated apartment. Bags of medications in hand, the two of them plopped down on the worn sofa with their shoes still on. Sasuke turned the tv for background noise while Naruto propped his feet up in Sasuke's lap and sparked up a fresh joint laying on the coffee table. They spent the next half hour in exhausted silence, sharing the smoke and responding to emails on their cell phones. Naruto busied himself with contacting his second in command at his restaurant, Kiba. He hated to be away from his business, but he already had today off unwillingly. Might as well take the whole weekend since today was Friday.

"You in trouble with work?" Naruto asked.

"No. I finished that code days ago. Just checking to see if the client updated the case." Sasuke replied. Since he worked as a back end application developer, most of his work could be done from home. 'Thats the one good thing in this fucked up situation,' Naruto mused.

"Gotcha. How do you feel, S'uke?"

The dim overhead lighting washed Sasuke out as he titled his head to face him. "Pretty Bad." The bandages around his head were still firmly in place. He looked absolutely exhausted. Naruto could only imagine what his own face looked like. Probably still had lines around his mouth from the scream he emitted this morning.

"Let go to bed, hm? Those meds will wear off soon.." Naruto said, smiling warmly.

"Ok." Sasuke stood and waited for him to put up his phone and come too. It was those little vulnerabilities of Sasuke's personality that really struck Naruto. He would die before admitting it, but he didn't want to be alone. It was knowing these quirks of Sasuke's personality that he revealed to no one but him that warmed Naruto's heart where words did not. Who needs words of love when gestures were all the same?

Tomorrow true detox would start and he would need to remember these things.