Hi guys!

Long time no see, right?

And I know that probably everyone thought that this stroy slipped into oblivion, but believe me it didn't. There are just times when I ignore some parts of my life and I guess it was the turn of writing stories... But don't worry, I have a lot of ideas still, for this story, for my other baby, After the door closes, as well, and maybe there is something else in the works too. ;)

Althoug, I have to admit, that some crazy plot got my brain wrapped around itself, and I can't really say that is how I first intended this story to go, but nonetheless I am soooo excited, for more ideas and to hear what you guys think about it. So please, let me know how you like my fic, or how you don1t because I'm always open for good criticism.

I am not promising quick, or regular updates, but they are going to keep coming!

Good reading,

Crysania

'Tucker,' Nick checked his watch again to make sure it was indeed three in the morning, and Tucker wasn't over for some casual work- breakfast. But of course, who would strip half naked for a casual work breakfast?! He got really sad for a second. Then angry. At Tucker for daring to touch the woman he… Loved? Craved for? The woman of his life? He didn't even know. Then at Liv, for, …for satisfying her needs? It was all stupid and he was acting like a jealous kindergarden kid. Maybe he was most angry at himself…

Then Olivia Benson rushed into the hall wearing nothing but a towel. Hair wet, makeup smudged on her face, water drops running all over her body. Obviously she just got out of the shower. 'Nick?!' she breathed standing in front of Tucker, as if her being blocking most of his view could entirely erase Nick's memory of seeing a half naked lieutenant in her apartment. 'What are you doing here?' Aaaand the situation could not get any more awkward, maybe if her towel fell off. She wanted to laugh, then cry, but why on earth wasn't Tucker moving away from the door. She wanted to punch him, and then cry some more.

'I wanted to talk to you, but I guess it's not a good time,' Nick spoke up with a smirk on his face, bringing Benson back from her thoughts, and she could swear she saw hurt in his eyes. And with that he turned around and headed for the stairwell. He didn't even wait for her answer.

'Nick, wait!' It was stupid, but what could she do? Just as she was, only in the towel, barefoot, panicked she dashed after her partner. And she didn't even know why.

'Liv,' he turned back to face her. They both stopped. He looked into her eyes, and wondered if he should touch her. She probably still could feel the touches of Tucker on her skin, and he was not sure he wanted to be compared to the lieutenant. That despicable excuse of a man. And yet how stupid he was. Was he seriously jealous? Why couldn't he touch her? Disregarding the fact that she was only wearing a towel, of course. So he brought his hands up, and put them on her shoulder, and she didn't flinch away, only blinked. 'Liv, go inside, get dressed,' he said with a soft smile on his face. But he was serious. 'It's non of my business,' he continued, then letting her go, he disappeared down the steps.

And she was just standing over there, mortified and in shambles, the only thing moving were her thoughts. But those were racing. 'Hey, you're not coming back inside?' Tucker stepped next to her and she could feel Noah reaching towards her. 'I want you gone,' she said firmly as she took her son away from her lieutenant. And suddenly rage took over the control. She wished she could just slam the door on Tucker while he was still standing outside. But she knew him, and she knew that he could make her life a hell. So instead she stood aside and waited until he collected his clothes and got dressed. He didn't seem angry. Maybe a little offended.

'Don't act like I'm the only one to be blamed for this,' he spoke up finally adding even more to her anger. Yeah, he was definitely offended.

'I'm not. We agreed that it was over, if it's over, whatever it was, there is no reason for you to stay over,' she said with faked calmness.

'Fine,' Tucker nodded, and he promised to himself that it wasn't over. 'See you later,' he said as he left the apartment.

Olivia closed the door and made her way to the couch, tears pooling in her eyes and Noah squirming in her lap, craving for attention. 'I'm sorry, Noah,' she planted a soft kiss on the top of his head, lingering there for a second to take in the smell of his baby shampoo. 'Mommy screwed up big time,' she sighed as tears started running down her face.

Nick headed home from one of the most mortifying situations he has ever faced in his life. And that was an outstanding achievement if he took the fact into consideration that he was indeed a detective. He needed help. So he stopped by at a liquor store and bought a bottle of scotch to help him survive the night. And to give him enough strength to muster in a couple of hours to look his commanding officer in the eyes again.

Damn her. He couldn't forget all the water drops giving in to gravitation and circling the curves of her body. He's never seen her in anything less than at least two layers of clothing. And she just appeared in a towel? Barely covering anything? If he had thought before that he had a crush on Olivia Benson, then after just briefly touching her glowing skin previously that night ignited that crush to no end. And it was the most neutral skin the situation has allowed him to touch, her shoulders. But his mind was wandering all places under that towel.

Damn her. Scratching her itch with Tucker, out of everyone else?! He could recall from the top of his head at least ten other men who asked Liv out while they were on a case together, and all of those men would have been more suitable for her. Not to mention himself. Of course he hasn't asked her out. As a matter of fact he has always been very careful not to say or do anything that would even remotely hint at the blaze he felt whenever he looked at her. But what would she do with him? She considers him a little brother, probably doesn't even appear to her that he's a man. A real man. In every meaning of that word. But she must like him a little bit, right? After all, she persuaded Tucker to allow him to get back to her squad.

Wait, what?!- he froze for a second, his hand stopping in mid air, holding a glass of whiskey.

'Your sergeant can be very persuasive,'

'To celebrate her success at getting back her detective,'

'We agree on something when it comes to Sergeant Benson,'

The sentences swirled around in Nick's head making him dizzy without him actually moving a bit, and drinking the right amount of alcohol to explain such an occurrence.

That asshole was never talking about Olivia getting home in a cab. He was talking about Nick's crush on Olivia. He had the suspicion right then and there, but he wrote it up to his mind playing stupid tricks on him. But he was right. That asshole was flaunting his I-got-lucky-with-her hidden remarks all along. And oh God, that is why Olivia was so uncomfortable all day. And she was indeed not pissed at him, but at Tucker.

Damn her. She was making his life so much harder by sleeping with that poor excuse of a man. He hated the lieutenant's guts.

Damn Tucker. What if he forced her to sleep with him? By saying that it was the only way to get Nick back? Oh God. What if she was so uncomfortable because Tucker forced himself on her? And knowing her she would've done it… It was all crazy. Would she really sleep with the biggest asshole on the earth just to get back a detective into her squad? He was not so special. She could've gotten any well-equipped detectives from any other squads in the city. So why would she pay such a high price for him? Unless she wanted him back that much. Nick had to laugh at his assumption. She cared about him, sure, she was a good partner. But nothing else. Right?! Or the other possibility, unless she just really liked Tucker. After all, he just found the lieutenant in her apartment, half naked- he might add, and he had been already reinstated previously that day. Nick successfully made himself feel even more miserable if that was possible in his state. More miserable, and more determined. He needed to find out what was going on.

Nick Amaro stayed up all night contemplating at least a million explanations for Olivia Benson's actions. And then when he was done with all that, he started thinking about what he was going to tell her the next morning. He just needed to talk to her. And then when he figured out all the word he needed to say, he tried to come up with all her possible responses. And that was impossible. She was unpredictable when it came to her love life. He would have never guessed that she was going to sleep Lieutenant Tucker, not to mention that possibly more than once. And such a thing being so out of her character had him getting back to the same conclusion each and every time. Tucker must have tricked her into sleeping with him.

'Oh my God,' Nick sighed throwing himself on his couch after pacing in his livingroom for the past couple of hours. 'I'm going to drive myself crazy,' he let out a small chuckle at his own misery. 'But why on earth do I care so much about this?' he talked to his whiskey glass as if it could answer. 'Liv got a little male attention, Tucker got to uh…, well fuck a beautiful woman, who would say no to that?! And on top of it all I got my badge back. Nobody's hurt, right?' Right. He decided that it was all cool. And he also decided that he was going to talk to Olivia, make sure she's okay, no matter if it was all cool.

'Rough night?' Amanda asked him as she walked into the squadroom. And he barely noticed.

'Yeah, could say that,' he answered with a forced half smile and immediately went back to the important task of tapping the desk with his pen.

'Good Lord…' Amanda muttered to herself as she took another look at her fellow detective. The case must have gotten to him. Or somebody did a number on him. Poor fella. And then Olivia walked in. Wearing sunglasses. Trying to just glide through the squadroom without anyone noticing her.

'Morning Liv,' Fin spoke up, obviously testing the waters, watching her reaction. And she didn't have one. Except when she walked past Nick's desk she uttered the words barely audible. 'My office,' Nothing else, just that and she didn't even stop to wait for him. Then Nick stood up and hurried right after her, leaving the two other detectives without an idea of what was going on.

'What are we missing?' Amanda pondered leaning on to Fin's desk and he seemed equally clueless about the cause of the awkwardness. There were no leads to follow. As soon as Nick entered the sergeant's office the door was slammed shut and the blinds were closed. Was it even possible to get in trouble after being back in the squad for only a little longer than 24 hours? It looked like it was…

Nick thought through each and every one of his words over the night, that he was going to say. The questions that he needed to ask and his brain suddenly felt empty as he was watching Olivia settle in for the day. Just like he did the previous morning. Yet the confusion was gone, she didn't seem to feel uncomfortable anymore. Still the awkwardness stayed and he wondered if that was going to be the new normal. If her decision to sleep with Tucker to get him back was going to permanently damage their working relationship, not to mention their friendship. And before he could even think twice about it, the question was already out.

'Did you sleep with Tucker only to persuade him to give me back my badge?' Great. Just great. Instead of saying anything like, 'Your private life is none of my business,' or 'Let's pretend I haven't seen Tucker half naked in your apartment last night,' or heaven forbade 'I support your choice, who ever makes you happy, you got my support,'. And Olivia was startled to a stop in her actions. 'Did she?' she couldn't help but wonder.

'What?' she managed to blurt out after a few shocked seconds. Great cover.- she told herself but the question made her feel uneasy.

'Is Tucker giving you trouble?' he asked the second stupidest question. And he wasn't even surprised about it. In the course of the past 24 hours he completely got used to it…

'What are you talking about, Nick?'

'Did he bribe you into sleeping with him for him to sign my papers?' he could have possibly kicked himself with every word he uttered in that question. And deep down he knew that he was offending her with every sound he made, but something, something nagging, made him ask the question anyway.

'What you don't think I could just decide to sleep with someone?' she shot back and he knew that he was already trapped in the warzone, so he decided that he might as well just sit it out in silence and wait for her to be done with dumping her fury on him.

'With Tucker, out of everyone else?' and despite his better judgment, he heard himself saying the words. It was like an alien, with the mission of destroying its host, has moved into his body and started speaking for him. It was all stupid. He was all stupid.

'What? You'd have any other suggestions?' she smirked at him blushing. As a matter of fact, yes, he would. But that conversation needs to be spared for another time. 'Don't flatter yourself Amaro. If I didn't want to sleep with him, I'd never have done it, even if it was your career hanging in the balance,' she sat down behind her desk and leaned back in her chair before she continued in a softer tone; 'I had a scratch and he was there in the right moment. Was he there because we were discussing your file, yes he was. But what happened was completely consensual. No strings attached. And limited time only,' she smiled a little smile, almost as if to say, that she was okay and able to forget everything if Nick was willing to forget as well. And she didn't mean that as his commanding officer, but as his friend. As his partner.

Nick studied her face for a second and he knew that she was honest with him. He couldn't blame her. After all he knew very well how that itch felt like. He smiled a little smile and nodded. But before he could say another word there was a knock on her door. The person didn't wait for her answer just barged in.

'Tucker?!' she asked blushing from head to toe with the memory of her candid conversation about her private life including the very man who just set foot into the middle of that conversation.

'Good morning sunshine,' he said with a shit eating grin, mostly because he was perfectly aware of how uncomfortable his closeness to her made Nick Amaro feel. And God it made him feel terrible. And Tucker loved the power he had over the detective. He touched the woman Nick was only dreaming about in ways Nick was only dreaming about of touching her. And Nick Amaro was indeed furious about it.

Tucker didn't want to push his luck, so he just shook the idea of kissing her off, but he did walk up to her and put a hand on her shoulder. 'I came to take you out for breakfast, Sergeant.' He smiled at the confusion she had in her features. She was looking between the two men in front of her. She couldn't believe that after last night, Tucker would just show up and pretend that they had a flowering relationship. And she couldn't believe that his actions just proved everything that she just told Nick to be a lie.

'I'm kind of in the middle of something here, Lieutenant,' Olivia managed to speak up after her initial shock and by that time Nick had already settled back in his chair watching the interaction between the two. And he'd be damned but Tucker seemed way too forceful for his liking. Or maybe Olivia was just playing it cool because of his presence in the office? But she wasn't just playing it cool. She looked like a deer in the headlight.

'Don't worry about the Detective, Liv,' her name rolled off of Tucker's tongue and suddenly the bile was rising higher and higher in Nick's throat. He hated the way her name sounded from that asshole's mouth. 'He has certainly seen us in more compromising situations, and I believe he can keep a secret, right?' he went on igniting Nick's hatred even further towards him.

'Yeah, I've got you Liv,' He finally decided it was time to leave them to their business. 'I'm not disturbing you two's limited time only relationship,' said Nick casually strolling out of the office but making sure that he slammed the door behind him not so smoothly.

He was met with questioning looks as soon as he stepped outside. Then even before he could reach his desk, Amanda sidled up with him with a concerned look on her face. 'Are you okay?' she asked and she already knew that she was not going to get any kind of response to her inquiries. 'What was that about? Why is Tucker here again?'

'I don't know,' he shrugged his shoulder as he sat down by his desk. 'You should ask Liv about that,' he said forcing a tiny grin on his face and it was obvious that he considered the conversation finished.

Amanda stood there for a second longer watching Nick busying himself with some cheap excuse of paperwork. He was deflecting. She knew it, he knew it that she knew it. But Amanda was also aware of the fact that as long as Liv was also involved, Nick would not say a single word. And then Benson's office door flew open, revealing her standing in the way almost as if she was showing the way out to Tucker.

Then the Lieutenant appeared in sight too, stepping incredibly close to their Sergeant. He said something and she rolled her eyes. Then he put his hand on the small of her back and guided her through the squadroom, towards the elevators.

And Nick could swear that the deer in the headlight look was there again. And her eyes. Oh God. He could swear that she looked terrified. But maybe it was his stupid brain playing tricks on him and he wanted Olivia so much that he started imagining things. He started convincing himself that Olivia was in trouble and he needed to safe her, when she most probably was having the time of her life and couldn't wait to get out of the office with Tucker and jump him.

'Did you see the look on her face?' That's it. That's what he needed. Amanda saw it too. 'She looked freaked out. What's going on Nick?' she went on but her voice became only a distant background chatter for Nick. If Amanda saw it too, then he was right all along. Maybe she only slept with him for fun, but she sure as hell wasn't comfortable with where Tucker was taking the things. He needed to figure out something.

There was no wonder she seemed freaked out. And she didn't know what she expected Nick to do after she shot him the terrified glance in the squadroom right after she barked at him for intruding her personal life, but she hoped that he would pick up on the animosity in her words and her facial expressions, being the great detective that he is, and that he would figure out something to interrupt Tucker's courtship. What was he even thinking? Her whole squad just saw them walk by with his hand on her back. They are going to think that she betrayed them, after all the squad didn't really have a good relationship with the IAB and especially Tucker. But of course, in a way, she did let them down the second she spread her legs to him. But for heaven's sake that was only a slip. She slipped. Then again the next night. And Tucker seemed to be unable to get enough. And that worried her to no end.

Minutes before, right after Amaro left her office, Olivia found herself pushed up against the wall, her mouth covered by Tucker's desperation, and his hands not so subtly pushing into her pants, then into her panties finding what he was looking for.

'What are you doing?' she tried to get away from his touch but with the intrusive hand in her pants, that was an attempt sentenced to failure.

'I want you,' he growled into her neck and she could feel his breath quickening on her neck.

'What the hell, Ed?!' she shrieked tugging at his wrist. No matter how sexy the idea could ever be to be pushed down and taken on her own desk, none of it was feeling right and fright started to cloud her eyes. 'Stop, we're in my office,'

'Exactly, and I want you here,' he said continuing his ministrations trying to get access to her hot core and sucking on her neck simultaneously.

'STOP!' she yelled and yanked Tucker's hand out of her panties by grabbing his wrist with both of her hands as strong as she could. He took a startled step back and she rushed to the door opening it for him to leave. But he didn't bother. He stepped dangerously close to her, 'Come let's get coffee and I promise I'll behave until tonight…' he grinned at her making her skin crawl.

The second they walked out of earshot, Nick shot up and ran to Fin's desk. He knew that if anyone, Fin cared about Liv as much as he himself. Of course, he hoped, not in the same way. 'Fin! Call her. Tell her we have a new case and get her come back,'

'What the hell, Amaro?'

'Just do it!' Nick barked at the shocked detective, and then realized that he was completely out of line. 'Please,' he added with pleading eyes.

'What's going on here?' asked Fin from noone in particular as he dialed his sergeant's number. 'Hey, Liv,' he said after she answered and he could hear Tucker cursing in the background. Tucker cursing. The man had no feelings. What the hell was going on?! Everyone went crazy? 'We, uhm, have, uhm something came up, I know you just left, but we have a new case and we need your input,'

'RIGHT NOW,' Fin saw Nick mouthing to him, so he added the exact same words. And thank God, she didn't ask questions, just promised to come back right away.

'Now you,' he pointed at Nick with seriousness etched all over his face. 'Explain,'

'I can't Fin, I can't. Please just believe me that you did the right thing,' Amaro said rubbing his forehead. How could he explain anything to Fin, when he himself didn't even know what was going on? But he didn't have a chance to say anything else, because Olivia walked in and she seemed furious.

'Hey, Sarge, we uhm, don't really… ' Fin started to explain himself but she interrupted him with a no bullshit 'Save it,'

'Nick,' she said and it was obvious that she wanted him in her office right away. And suddenly Fin got a little scared for his fellow detective's life. Still, he couldn't help but wonder about what was going on behind the scenes.

Olivia closed the door and turned to face her detective. 'You need to stop this,' she got to the point immediately. 'I'm a big girl, I can decide on my own about who to let close and who not to,'

'You looked petrified,' Nick answered deciding that he was not going to back down this time. 'You said Tucker was cool, that everything was consensual, yet every time I see you with him, you look ready to jump out of your skin. It looks like he scares the shit out of you, Liv,' he said as he went to lean on the desk right beside her, seeking her gaze. But she was intently staring at her lap.

'You know Nick,' she finally looked up at him, 'It is quite intimidating to walk around in the squadroom with the man everyone hates here, knowing that if anyone knew that you slept with the exact same man, they would probably crucify you,'

'I know the truth and I didn't blame you,'

'Yeah, you just boycotted my coffee brake with him.' She said and Nick only sighed in response. She did seemed scared of the lieutenant. And if he really needed to be honest, he still thought she was hiding something from him. 'I'm gonna have dinner with him. Are you going to show up there too?'

'Well, tell me the name of the place, and I'll avoid it,' Nick grinned at her

'Nice try,' laughed Olivia but within a second the serious tone of the conversation took over again. 'Nick, you don't need to save me, I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself…' she said staring into Nick's eyes.

Her words were convincing, Nick had to admit that, but part of being a cop was also acting convincing. So he rally had to watch her eyes. And he saw fear in them. And even if not real fear, but uneasiness for sure.

'Ok,' he said standing up and calmly walking out of her office, but he promised himself that he was going to keep an eye on her. Somehow.

That is how he ended up at her apartment building a little before midnight the same day. Nick Amaro was going crazy. He never felt like that before. Everything started after he defied every sensible voice in his mind and texted her around ten that evening if everything was going okay. She didn't answer. He knew she was probably busy, and in fact, he hoped that she was more than okay, but somehow he wasn't convinced. So after a half hour of no answer he called her. Then again. Then another half hour later he called her again, this time even leaving a voicemail. He was driving himself crazy with the thought of Liv getting hurt. Although Tucker seemed a bit clingy, but he didn't see any other alarming signs, but of course, a man being clingy is something Olivia must be completely capable of handling. So why on earth did she look so terrified? She must have noticed something else. Something that Tucker only let her to see. What if he hurt her before? And that was the thought that made Nick Amaro fly to his sergeant's apartment in the middle of the night.

He decided that in case she was not opening the door, he was going to ram it in. And he braced himself to see his sergeant and lieutenant in the most compromising of situations, but although that would also kill him deep inside with jealousy, but at least he would see it with his own eyes that Tucker was indeed making Olivia happy, even if only for a half hour at a time.

The flight of steps up to her apartment never seemed so long. And it was never so annoying. All the screaming neighbors. Why on earth the kids are not sleeping at midnight? Some people are seriously not meant to be parents. Then he thankfully reached her floor. And he stopped for a second. Like completely stopped. Even his heartbeat. The screaming neighbor's voice was too familiar. Way too familiar. The panic took over and he kicked the stairwell door open rushing to Olivia's apartment banging on her door.