"Haaave you met me?" Barney smirked.

"Well," the brunette laughed a little, mostly in pity, "I have now. Look, I really appreciate your interest in me, but I can tell that you're unhappy, and you have things you need to sort out. Sleeping with me isn't going to fix any of that."

He scoffed, taken aback, "Hold on a sec? Why would you think I'm unhappy."

"I think that you're in love, and you wish that you weren't, and every moment of your life since you fell for this girl has been spent trying to stay busy enough to ignore that fact." She answered bluntly.

Barney looked for some sort of defense. Instead, he just nodded, speaking softly, "You're right."

"Well, I don't know you, or this girl, but from what I can tell you really care about her."

He answered honestly, "I really do."

"Then go get her." The brunette said encouragingly.

"I don't know," He laughed, "I'm kind of at my peak right now. I don't know if I can just walk away from the game."

"Do you want to keep playing? Or do you want to win?" She asked.

After a moment in thought, he said, "I want to win."

...

Robin sat alone at the gang's usual booth nursing a scotch. Lily entered the bar and rushed over to sit on the opposite side of Robin.

"What's up?" Lily asked, out of breath. Robin had texted her, "Bar. Now." which meant something was up.

"You know what, nevermind that, it's stupid. I shouldn't have texted you." She lied.

"Where's the poop, Robin?"

"Fine," Robin sighed, "it's Nick."

"Just Nick?"

She avoided Lily's question. "I think I want to end it."

"Robin, a crappy sex life isn't a good reason to break up with someone."

"It's not just the sex, Lily, it's everything. I can't have a conversation with the man without wanting to enroll him back in school. He's sweet and he cares for me but I don't know if that's really enough." Robin said.

"Have you talked to him about any of this?" Lily asked.

"He's not the brightest."

"That wasn't my question." She said, "You should be telling him all of this, not me. I mean, yes, I'm your best friend and you can always talk to me, but right now you need to talk to him."

Robin sighed, knowing that she was right. "I know I do. It's just, I don't know if I want to end it all right now. You know?"

Lily's eyes widened a little with concern, "Why not?"

"I don't want to come home to an empty apartment. I like coming home to Nick and a home-cooked meal and being able to wake up with someone beside me." Robin admitted.

"Awh, sweetie. You'll find someone who you'll love coming home to even more, and when you do you'll know it."

"What if I don't?" She asked immediately, before sitting back into her chair and taking a sip from the nearly empty glass in front her. "I can't believe me, of all people, is scared of being alone."

"Staying with someone just for the sake of having someone is more lonely than being alone."

So, Robin decided to take Lily's advice and end the relationship. Here's a piece of advice: When you're planning to break up with someone, take them out for dessert. Sitting through a long dinner with someone you're about to break up with is just, well, awkward.

Robin stared down at her menu, trying to avoid Nick's occasional glances. He could tell something was off but didn't want to pry. He knew that she hated when people pried.

"I think I know what I'm getting." He spoke.

"Me too." She replied, refusing to look away from the menu.

"I'm glad we're doing this."

"Me too." She repeated herself.

"Robin?"

"What?" Robin placed her menu on the table.

"Is everything okay?" He asked sweetly.

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"You won't look at me."

"Oh," she said, "I just, I've got a lot on my mind is all."

"Are you sure?" Nick asked, concerned.

"Yes."

"I'm glad we're doing this."

She tried to hide her annoyance, "You said that already."

"I know, but I mean it. It's nice going somewhere other than the apartment, or MacLaren's, don't you think?"

"Are you ready to order?" The waiter seemed to appear before Robin could answer, which she was grateful for.

While your Aunt Robin was on what was to be her last date with Nick, the rest of us were kind of scattered, since Lily and Marshall were still taking turns watching Marvin.

Lily tiredly slid into the booth across from Barney, drink in hand. "I can't believe I'm saying this," she sighed, "but please tell me you got some last night."

"Glad you asked!" He began.

Lily shook her head, "I think I may already be regretting this decision."

"So, last night I went out to the drug store to get a new lighter, and I started talking to this girl- -"

"And you nailed her. Big surprise." She finished for him.

"Yeah. Totally. That's exactly what happened. Another score for the barnacle! You want another round?" He agreed with panicked excitement, changing his mind and electing not to tell her what had really happened.

"I just got here." She looked at him skeptically, "I'm not even finished my first – hold on."

Across the table, a nervous Barney was looking in every direction but Lily's. She leaned in."Where's the poop?"

"Um, I just told you exactly what happened." He took a sip of his scotch, still avoiding her gaze.

"Barney, you're clearly lying to me." She laughed.

"No, I'm not. You're lying." He responded childishly.

Lily ignored his comment, "I guess it's official that none of us are getting laid then."

"I'm Barney Stinson." He pointed two fingers in his own direction, "I'm always getting laid. Besides, what do you mean, 'none of us are getting laid'? I mean, sure, Ted has been in a dry spell since birth, but you've seen the guy Robin's with, right? And you are with Marshall. Isn't the whole point of being married that you can have sex whenever you want?"

Lily smirked, thrilled at having a chance to finally spill a secret, "Robin and Nick barely ever have sex because he isn't actually that good at it."

"I knew she was kind of lacking her post-sex glow." He tried to hide his smile, "and what about you?"

"We just had a baby, and after you have a baby you have to wait a while. And even since, we've been busy, so I haven't had sex for a few months."

Barney nearly spit out his drink, "Months?!"

….

"We haven't had a second alone together since Marvin was born." Marshall explained to Ted, relieved that they had finally gotten the baby to fall asleep.

"Didn't you say Mickey had been helping out?"

"He has been, but only while we're at work. I thought about asking him to watch Marvin for an evening as well, but it just seems like a lot."

"Then leave him with me." Ted offered, "I'm great at taking care of kids, I used to babysit all the time as a teenager. And I already watched the little guy that one time, remember?"

"Ted," Marshall pointed out, "You held on to him for two minutes while Lily ran back into the apartment to grab her purse."

"What are you so worried about?"

"Lily and I have just been a little apprehensive about leaving Marvin with anyone. Even with Mickey, we usually end up calling at least hourly to check in. Plus," He added, "They've just been at the apartment. I have no idea how we'd cope with you taking him anywhere else."

"Marshall," Ted reassured him, "I can manage. Trust me. I'll give you and Lily a whole evening alone together, I can even make a reservation for you guys at that new Italian restaurant on 50th. And I'll update you as often as you want. I got this."

Kids, there's another reason you should only ever break up with someone over dessert: It gives you a lot less time to rethink things. It's all too easy to settle in relationships, to be with someone a little too long because it feels simpler than finding a way out.

Halfway into their meal, Robin's phone rang. She didn't look at the name as she declined it.

"Who was it?" Nick asked, his mouth full of pasta.

She smiled, wanting to offer him her full attention. "Doesn't matter."

"You got another guy?" Nick laughed, and Robin did too.

Her phone rang again. This time she saw it was Barney but still declined the call.

"Robin, you can answer the phone. I don't mind."

"No, I'm here with you." She could see his eyes light up as she said it. She could tell that he really loved her and it saddened her that this was, most likely, going to be their last meal together. Still, she couldn't help but wonder what would happen if she stayed with Nick. The more she thought about it, the more she felt she could live with it. She'd never be over-the-moon happy but she'd be content. She'd have someone who loved her and would listen and care for her.

Her phone rang once again, bringing her back to reality and away from her thoughts. This time she answered the call and excused herself to the restroom.

"What do you want? Barney, I'm trying to have a date." She said, trying not to sound annoyed.

"Have you done it yet?"

"Did you seriously call me to ask me about my sex life? Yes, we've done it -"

"No, not that, have you broken up with Nick yet?" He asked simply.

She sighed, "Lily told you, didn't she?"

"Yes."

"Dammit Lily! No, I haven't." Robin took a deep breath, "and I don't think I'm going to."

"What, why?" Barney asked, failing to hide his disappointment.

"Why do you care?" She said defensively.

"Because you're unhappy, Robin."

"No, I'm not." Robin stuttered.

"Yes, you are. Admit it, the night we spent together was the happiest you've been in a long time. And now you've realized that you'll never be quite that happy with Nick. You were ready to break up with him and now- -"

"I have to go." Robin tried to hold back tears as she cut him off. She returned to the table and placed her phone beside her plate, not realizing she had neglected to end the call.

"Who was it?"

"Oh, uh, Lily," Robin lied, "she thought we had plans tonight but it's tomorrow."

"Sounds like fun." Nick smiled.

"Yeah." Robin laughed awkwardly. She felt almost guilty that he hadn't remotely picked up on her lie, and knew that this wasn't something she could do the rest of her life.

Meanwhile, for the first of many times, your aunt Lily and uncle Marshall trusted me with baby Marvin. And I was ecstatic. You see kids, parenting comes very naturally to some people. And I was always one of those people. Even before I met your mother.

"Barney, for the last time, I'm babysitting Marvin tonight. I can't go skinny skydiving with you. In fact, that last part is pretty much a constant thing." Ted spoke into his cell phone. There was a knock on the door, prompting him to go answer it, "And I swear if that's you at the door- -"

He swung it open, and sure enough, there stood Barney. "Okay, so let me get this straight," He begun, ignoring the look of annoyance on Ted's face, "You're choosing to babysit instead of coming to hang out with me?"

"I promised Lily and Marshall."

"Ah," Barney entered the apartment, walking straight into the living room, "but I think it's more than that. You, for some reason that I will never understand, can't stand being childless, and just want an opportunity to fake being a parent for one night."

"Well, maybe I'm just tired of how far ahead of me they are." He admitted, "We went to college together, and now they are married and they have a kid and what do I have?"

"An awesome single lifestyle that you're wasting away babysitting." He said, "I mean, come on, you and I are the only single people left in this group." Barney begged.

"Exactly. We are the only single people left in this group. Everyone is moving forward with their lives, and we're just single. You were just engaged. I figured maybe you'd feel the same way but I guess not."

"You know what, Ted? You're right. I do want to move forward with my life. And, no, before you silently congratulate yourself the moment I leave, it has nothing to do with being engaged or not being engaged. I've got to go." He smiled before he rushed out of the apartment.

Your Uncle Barney deserves a lot more credit than we often gave him. That night, he set me straight. It didn't mean I would stop looking after my friend's kids. I loved each and every one of them. No, it just meant that I finally began to learn to stop obsessing over every opportunity to pretend I was somewhere other than I was in life. It would still take me some time for his message to sink in, but he was right. I needed to stop trying to skip ahead to the end of the story, and move forward for real.

And at the same time, unknowingly, I set him straight too. Because only minutes later, while Robin and Nick were halfway through their dessert...

Someone burst through the door. Robin turned to see that it was Barney.

"What are you doing here?" Robin asked in shock.

"I'm sorry Nick, but you and Robin are done." Barney said, ignoring her.

Nick seemed confused and hurt. "What? Robin, what is this?"

"Barney, look, I-I know what you're doing, okay? Please stop." Robin began to get aggravated.

"Robin doesn't want to hurt your feelings because you're a nice guy, but she doesn't see this relationship going anywhere. And even though you two aren't remotely compatible she's willing to put up with you until the end of time which isn't fair to either one of you." Barney said, before turning towards Robin, smiling, and saying "You're welcome."

"Stop." She said through gritted teeth.

"I love her, Nick." Barney said softly, as though he didn't want them to hear.

"He doesn't love me." Robin looked at Nick as she said this.

"I love everything about her, and I'm not a guy who says that lightly. I'm a guy who has faked love his entire life. I thought love was just something idiots thought they felt, but this woman has a hold on my heart that I could not break if I wanted to, and there have been times that I wanted to. It has been overwhelming and humbling and even painful at times, but I could not stop loving her any more than I could stop breathing." Barney looked lovingly at Robin as he spoke, "I am hopelessly, irretrievably in love with her. More than she knows."

"You know what, I should go. I'll come get my stuff tomorrow." Nick threw some cash on the table for the dinner and exited angrily.

Robin didn't say a word to stop him. She only looked at Barney, quietly hoping that what he had said was more than an act.

…

"Marshall, are you sure about this?" Lily asked, a swaddled Marvin in her arms.

He put his hand on her shoulder, "Of course. I mean, he's our best friend and one of Marvin's godparents. We have nothing to worry about."

"Yeah," She said hesitantly, "You're right. I'm just being paranoid."

"Come on, we should get going if we're going to make our reservation."

"Do you have all of his stuff?" She asked, while getting Marvin into his stroller. "Bottle? Formula? Extra clothes? Toys? Recording of us singing his night night song?"

"Lily, everything is going to be fine. Let's just relax, okay? Tonight is about us." Marshall tried to comfort her.

Lily and Marshall went out on their date night, and as promised, I looked after Marvin.

Ted was holding Marvin, asleep in his arms, when he called for the fourth time that evening to update the couple.

"Hi, how are things going?" Lily asked. It was several hours into the evening, but she finally had come to feel, and sound, relaxed.

"Amazing." He whispered, not wanting to wake up the baby.

She smiled, "Ted, I can't tell you how grateful we both are that you're helping us like this."

"Honestly, anytime."

"Thank you, buddy." Marshall leaned over and spoke into the phone. "We owe you one."

"It's no problem, now, seriously, you two get back to your date. Marvin is asleep, everything is good, so just enjoy yourselves." He smiled as he hung up the phone.

Although I had long forgotten about Marshall's casual-sounding promise to me that night, that they owed me one, he and Lily truly took it to heart. Years later...

"Are you sure you have everything you need?" Ted asked for what felt like the fiftieth time.

"Ted, we're parents too, remember? We know what we're doing." Lily assured him. "You two just relax and have a nice night out. You deserve it."

Marshall agreed with a nod, "Yeah, seriously, don't worry about us. We'll take good care of this little guy." He gently took the baby from his friend's arms.

Ted and his wife both kissed their child sweetly on the head before finally saying goodbye.

"We can do this. It's only one night away." She turned to him, as soon as the door was closed behind them. "As long as they update us hourly." She added in after a moment.

….

Robin stormed out of the restaurant, Barney chasing after her.

"Why did you do that?" She whipped around and yelled at him.

Barney only smirked. "Don't lie, Scherbatsky you're glad I did."

"I am not." Robin scoffed.

"Yes, you are. You would have been in that relationship for god knows how long if I hadn't come in there and saved your ass."

She smiled and the two began walking towards MacLaren's.

"I'll give you this, you were pretty convincing."

"Hey, tricking good-looking idiots is kind of my thing." Barney replied casually.

"No." Robin stepped in front of him, placing her hand softly on his chest, "I mean, you were really convincing."

"Please. I was bro-ing you out. I'm just glad he bought it so quick. Any longer, I'd have had to kiss you." Barney teased.

They leaned in towards each other, Robin's hand now wrapped around his tie, pulling him closer. Moments before their lips might've touched, her phone rang. She looked down at the caller.

"Dammit Patrice!" She yelled.