A/N: Oh dear lord, I never wrote smut before. But here it is. Never say never, I guess. I feel very self conscious about it, but hey, sex is a part of life, right? And I KNOW some of you have been wanting some from me for ages. Don't lie. ;)

After ten long years they let him out of the home / Excitable boy they all said / And he dug up her grave and built a cage with her bones / Excitable boy they all said / Well he's just an excitable boy...

-Warren Zevon, "Excitable Boy"

"Really, Mrs. Mott," said the young man, waving one elongated hand dismissively in front of his face, "you don't need to say any more. It's... nothing that I haven't done before."

He looked to the side, away from Gloria. For the first time in nearly a decade, Jimmy Darling blushed. It wasn't just that he wanted to protect the proper old bat and her delicate sensibilities. He was embarrassed himself. The things she was asking of him... they were done, sure, but they weren't talked about.

"Dandy is a sensitive boy," the older woman said, unflinching. "He has... wants, desires, that I don't understand. And while I may not fully approve of them, I see no reason why they shouldn't be fulfilled; provided that they're never spoken of outside of the home or in company."

Jimmy finished his wine and set the crystal goblet back down on the brocade table cloth. "You don't need to worry about that, Mrs. Mott," he said. "I specialize in the things no one talks about. And even if I did tell, which I won't... no one would take a freak's word over yours, ma'am."

Gloria looked satisfied. "Well then," she said curtly. "He's upstairs waiting."

When Jimmy entered the large bedroom, Dandy Mott lay atop the double bed wearing the same lost expression most of his female clients wore. It was an expression of anxiety, guilt, worry; and beneath that: tentative and bubbling excitement.

That wasn't what struck the young performer most, though. His immediate reaction was to wonder at how much the bedroom looked like a child's. It was papered in a pale blue print more fitting for a nursery than a man, and a small shelf with old model trains on it still adorned one wall. The curtains and bedspread were done in a childish cowboy and Indian print, and a plush dog off to one side appeared to be Dandy's only bedfellow. Jimmy felt a rush of sadness for the guy.

But he was handsome: much more so than Jimmy had expected. From Gloria's description, he'd been bracing himself for a young man as physically awkward as he was mentally so.

Jimmy's pale face broke into his trademark smirk. He might actually enjoy this. "Relax, doll," he said lifting one large hand to showcase all its fused, freakish glory. "I gotcha."

He reached for Dandy, but the young man flinched and sat up, groaning with his head in his hands. Jimmy was unphased. He'd had clients choke on him before.

"It's okay," he said slyly. "I don't bite, I promise."

"You don't understand!" exclaimed Dandy, his back turned to his new playmate. He sighed heavily. "The last time mother arranged something like this for me, the girl left crying..." He gave a short breath through his nose and grew quiet. "...So did I."

Jimmy's fair eyebrows inched up. "And you think you're gonna make me cry?" he chuckled. "Hate to tell ya, doll, but that's not something I do."

Dandy sighed again but didn't say anything. Jimmy took a step back. "Hey," he said, all the jokey pretense dropped now from his voice, "if you don't wanna do this, I can leave. Just say the word. This is a job. You don't have to worry about hurting my feelings."

The circus performer meant everything he was saying. Whole most of his tentative clients had a simple case of nerves, there had been a few in the past who'd genuinely not wanted it. Those were usually cases where someone else wanted it for them. While Jimmy enjoyed servicing the pretty young women who came to him, he believed strongly in consent and hated to feel like he was coercing anyone into anything traumatic. He'd sent those few tearful women away without ever lifting their skirts.

Dandy turned to his new live-in entertainment. Jimmy thought he saw a few tears shining in the rich boy's eyes, but he couldn't be sure. The dark-haired man smiled. "You are a lot nicer looking than the girl was..."

The look creeping across Dandy's face said it all. Jimmy grinned, dimples showing in both cheeks. "Lay down," he ordered.

The experience was a new one, in ways, for both of them. All of Jimmy's past male clients had been older, long-married men who'd spent decades hiding who they really were. But Dandy was as young and handsome as Jimmy himself, and the lobster-handed boy was pleased to discover that disrobed he was perfectly sized and aesthetically pleasing.

Jimmy pleased him the way he'd learned to please men, taking the guy's length between the two fused sets of fingers on his right hand and teasing the tip of him between the ones on his left hand. Those grotesque, exquisite hands of Jimmy Darling's moved in perfect tandem up and down the length of Dandy, making the sheltered, awkward boy's handsome face contort with pleasure. Little cries escaped him as everything grew slick, barely more than breaths.

Only the dim glow of the nightlight behind him illuminated Jimmy, making him look like an angel. In those aching moments, Dandy couldn't be sure the boy wasn't just that. "You like that, huh doll?" he teased, cracking that gorgeous corn-fed smirk. In all his years in the business he'd learned how to tease both genders. When he felt Dandy growing close to extasy he'd slow down, creeping those claws of his up and down him at an achingly slow pace that made the boy groan. Jimmy felt himself grow hard. The sensation caught him off guard. He'd trained himself to not let that happen, even with girls.

After an agonizing minute of slowness, Jimmy tightened his grip and upped the pace to a panicked, desperate jerk until Dandy gave a repressed little cry and then came rather explosively all over Jimmy's green tee-shirt. The performer only smiled. He'd always taken pride in a job well done.

"All better?"

"Uh huh... uh..." Dandy breathed, weakly pulling his waistband back up. He lay on his back like a ragdoll, his shirt still open, looking dazed and spent. Jimmy stripped off his messy shirt and gave a quick wink before heading for the door.

"...Can I keep you?" the exhausted young man asked before his own personal freak could reach for the doorknob.

Jimmy looked back and smiled. "I don't have much of a choice here, do I?"