Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Achemist in any of its incarnations.

Maes Hughes was a good friend. So for Roy's birthday he special ordered a rare, and quite expensive, bottle of bourbon, and hopped a train to East City to surprise him with it. It all seemed like a very good plan. He'd sneak into the Colonel's apartment, and they'd stay up the rest of the night laughing, and drinking just like old times in the academy. Who didn't like surprises?

Picking locks wasn't a hobby he liked to advertise, but it always came in handy. Maes quietly slipped into the dark apartment and nearly tripped over a shoe that had been left carelessly by the door. Wasn't that just like Roy to be so messy? A pity the Lieutenant's stringent tidiness in the office hadn't rubbed off on his friend's personal life.

The stray shoe hadn't been out of the ordinary, but the amount of clothes scattered on the floor leading further into the apartment was odd. Far too many for just one person. The intelligence officer in him wanted to flip on a light and inspect the dark bits of clothing, but that would ruin the whole thing.

It wasn't until his eye caught on the dark curl of what appeared to be a… wig? that he started to have doubts about his birthday surprise. The pair of heels in the hallway sealed his suspicions. Roy wasn't alone.

Maes had no desire to interrupt a birthday romp, really he should have known better, and turned to quickly exit. He'd just surprise his friend at the office in the morning. As he passed the open bathroom, though, his curiosity flared. There, hanging from the top of the door was a freshly starched uniform, one that was definitely too small to fit on Roy's body. His eyes widened as they locked on the tiny nametag pinned to the front. In bold capital letters it read: HAWKEYE.

This was simply too much for Maes to ignore. He'd always suspected the Colonel and Lieutenant had much, much more than a purely professional relationship ever since learning Roy's alchemy master had been Riza's father, but this? Never had he assumed they were lovers. Perhaps the desire had been there, but there were rules!

Like the worst kind of cat, Maes turned back down the hallway and peeked into the bedroom. The window had been left open, and moonlight dappled the room. His friend was asleep on his back and the unmistakable blonde hair of Lieutenant Hawkeye fanned out over his shoulder, her naked body half-draped over his chest. This was all shocking in itself, but the most intriguing thing about the scene was the enormous tattoo on her back.

Roy's sheets covered the bottom half of the design, but it was a very familiar alchemy array. There was a smattering of scar tissue over a portion of it, and Maes suddenly felt uncomfortable. He was obviously witnessing something more than just a one-off. There were secrets here he wanted to un-see.

As quietly as he'd entered, Maes left the apartment. His thoughts were a flurry of connecting dots. A picture very different than the one he'd always assumed he was looking at began to form. In the cab ride back to his hotel, he decided never to say a word.

Because Maes Hughes was a good friend.