For luluhrh. Her reviews are the best kind of loyalty a fanfic author could hope for.

Edward took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly. He opened his eyes, surveyed the room, and tried the breathing technique again. It wasn't working. His eye twitched. His jaw twitched. His fingers twitched. Winry was always saying he needed to calm down, and not to take the kids' messes personally. Honestly, how could he not take them personally at this point? It felt personal.

Both his sons were seated on the living room floor completely covered in mud and flour. It was an odd combination, Edward thought, one that seemed to have been created out of his exact nightmares. Theo was explaining to his younger brother, Alex, how to achieve the perfect mixture of the two ingredients so the dough wouldn't stick to their fingers.

"Alex," Edward ground out from between his clenched jaws. "Theo, what is happening in this room? And why?"

Two pairs of golden eyes peered up at him. "We're just experimenting, dad. It's not a big deal," Theo said flippantly.

"Oh, I'd say this mess is a pretty big deal." It was all Edward could do not to completely pop his cork.

The boys looked around themselves, as if noticing the disaster for the very first time. Theo shrugged. "Sometimes you gotta crack a few eggs to make an omelet, dad. Casualties in the name of science, and all."

Edward could only gape, and stare in an enraged silence. Where had his son learned language like that?

"We're making pies, daddy!" Alex said with a smile. Edward had no doubt his younger son had been lured into Theo's plans for destruction with the promise of mud-pies.

Theo sighed and rolled his eyes. "Not pies. They're experiments. Pies are not scientific, dummy."

"Okay, look, I don't care what you're making, but you better get this cleaned up before your mom gets home. Those are her tins, and mixing bowls you're experimenting with. She doesn't need any stress right now."

"Science isn't stressful, dad. Besides, if mom is tired it's your fault for making her have another baby."

Edward's nostrils flared, and his fists curled into tight balls. "You will clean this up. Now." He was trying so hard not to yell at his children. Winry hated the yelling. They'd agreed after Theo was born to get a hold of their tempers, and set a good, calm example as parents. Who could have predicted his boys would be so trying?

Theo sighed heavily and stood. He made a valiant effort to scoop up the globs of mud and flour into the largest mixing bowl. "You know, dad, Mister Mustang says with the right array, alchemy can fix just about any mess."

Edward's fingernails dug into his palms. "Mister Mustang is an arrogant a-" He cut himself off because, without a doubt, this was one of those parenting moments Winry was always warning him about where a regrettable epithet slipped through and would be inevitably repeated. "Mister Mustang is an alchemy teacher. Of course he'd say something like that. Just…" Deep breaths, he told himself. "Just clean this up, and I don't want to hear anymore back talking."

It wasn't until two hours later that Edward spied Winry's buggy rolling up the dirt road. He heaved in several more deep breaths, and decided there was nothing like country air for calming one's nerves. Knowing his wife's affinity for independence, he waited until the cart pulled all the way up to the house before descending the wooden staircase.

"Boys! Mom's home! Get out here, and help her with the packages!" He called as Winry slapped his helpful hand away.

"I can get down myself, Ed. I'm not so big that I need a footman." Two little boys, thankfully clean of both mud and flour appeared and squabbled over the bags of groceries and household supplies. A downright menacing glare from Edward stopped the fighting. "You two are such good helpers!" Winry beamed at her sons.

"Yeah, they're regular angels," Edward muttered.

"How did everything go while I was gone? I'm sorry for being gone all afternoon, but you know what a talker Mrs. Morris is."

"Fine, everything was fine," Edward replied, chewing on his lip. He hadn't actually seen the living room since issuing orders for it to be scrubbed.

The Elrics made their way inside, and Edward's relief was palpable when he saw the only remains of the scientific experiments were a pile of dirty tins and bowls in the farmhouse sink. Winry turned to him and smiled in her sunny way. She patted his cheek and pressed her lips to it softly. "I told you there wouldn't be a problem! You're great with the kids!"

Despite his earlier anger, and current relief, Edward smiled down at her. "Let's just hope this next one is a girl."

Winry smirked. "Shame on you if you think girls are any easier than boys, Edward Elric. I'll start dinner."

She left him in the living room doorway, the children had run off to their shared bedroom. Edward slipped his hands in his pockets, and decided he would need to have a chat with General Jackass about alchemy. Maybe just some basics so they could keep themselves from destroying the house. Maybe.

He made his way across the living room and onto the back porch. The mounds of drying mud and flour had been left in the sun to crust onto the wooden planks. Edward cursed under his breath, and prayed desperately for a daughter.