A/N: I've missed this pairing, so I decided to revisit it. Also, this covers my Castiel/Crossover Character square for spnpairingbingo. August Fic-a-Day Day 1.

Home of Humanity

Castiel had thought he would never get to see her again. After all, Naomi had robbed him of his memory of her after his rescue from Purgatory. He knew this now. This and more now that he was human. It was funny, what the human brain was capable of. All those memories had been locked away from him as an angel, but now that that part of him was gone, they were all accessible again. And the one that saddened him most was her. A world away, they did manage to meet again, but only in dreams.

#

"It's been a while," was the first thing she had said to him.

They were sitting in a garden. A gorgeous place to rival Eden itself, and she was dressed in a flowing white dress. Her blonde hair was shining in the sun, and she was leaned back in her white, whicker chair, drinking the rays in. Castiel, meanwhile, sat, blinking against the shine to stare at her.

"A long time. How are you, Buffy?" he asked.

She turned, smiling. "You don't wanna know."

"I do."

"I'm fine. But you… you seem… different. You didn't visit after that night."

"I'm sorry," he said, and he truly was.

"It's okay. I had kind of figured that it had been a one-time thing. But, I guess I just wished for the opposite."

"I'm human now. This is just a dream," he blurted out.

"Dreams are the windows to the soul," Buffy responded.

Castiel furrowed his brow. "I think that is supposed to be eyes."

She laughed. "Whatever. Then, maybe, dreams are gateways to other worlds."

Castiel relaxed against his own chair. He curled his toes in the grass, just now realizing that they were both barefooted.

"I like that," he said.

#

He had awoken from that dream with a start, staring around at his dismal surroundings. He was in a shelter for the homeless, but he knew he couldn't stay. Angels would be looking for him, Hael had taught him that. He would need to move on, and not stop until he just couldn't move anymore.

#

"You seem tired," she observed in their next dream-world meeting.

"I've been… moving."

"You've been running."

"No, walking mostly."

Buffy chuckled. She was dressed the same way, and they were in the same place. Perhaps this was where Castiel liked to imagine she was right now, in her real world. Safe and happy in a garden paradise instead of hunting deadly monsters in the night.

"I meant, you're trying to get away from something. Or somebody. Were you always this literal?"

Castiel dared a wry grin. "Maybe we were too preoccupied at our previous meeting for you to notice."

"Ooh, someone's got cheek. Must be that humanity seeping in."

At that, Castiel frowned. "It's… hard. Being human."

"Tell me about it."

"I don't know who to trust, and I'm having a hard time getting to my destination."

"That's humanity in a nutshell."

He looked over at her, still drinking in the sunlight.

"I can trust you. And I can trust Sam and Dean. Despite all that I've done… I know I can trust you."

Buffy turned to glance at him. "Then why aren't we with you?"

#

Sleeping with April had seemed like the most natural thing in the world. And, now that he actually retained a memory of copulating with a woman, he understood why humanity enjoyed the activity so much. He fell asleep in this woman's bed, and dreamed of another.

#

He felt guilty now, when he saw her. Again, they were in the same place. But Buffy smiled at him, in the knowing way that he knew she could from time to time.

"So, sex. Your first time, according to you. How was it?"

He shook his head. "I won't discuss it with you. I feel… I feel like I betrayed you."

"We weren't exclusive, and if you're going to wait your now human existence waiting on a girl from another dimension, then you might as well go join the priesthood."

"That would be unwise, consider from whom I am hiding."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Again, with the literal. But, while you're ready to take everything I say seriously, I've gotta say something. Please, don't take this as me being a total jealous bitch, but… I think you need to get out of that chick's apartment. I don't trust her."

"She took me in, Buffy."

"And that was a fine way to thank her, but no sane woman is gonna sleep with a homeless stranger on their first meeting, no matter how hot he is."

Castiel grinned, knowing it was one he had seen on Dean's face before when the elder Winchester was being playful.

"You think I'm hot?"

#

She had been right, of course. Buffy seemed always to be right. April had tried to kill him. This should have seemed par for the course, but Castiel had just figured that he had just given in to his human desires. And everyone knew how blinding those could be. It was then that he met with Dean and Sam again, but it was to be short-lived. He arrived at the bunker only to have Dean to ask him to leave. His friend had given him plenty of money for things like lodging and food, and as he fell asleep in the hotel, he dreamed again.

#

"He kicked you out? That doesn't sound like the Dean you've mentioned," Buffy mused.

"He had his reasons, and I couldn't argue," Castiel noted.

Buffy shook her head. "But… don't you want to know? Something has to be going on."

But Castiel shook his head. "I'm done meddling. Meddling got me into this mess in the first place."

"So, you're giving up? Wuss," Buffy huffed.

He sat up in his chair, turning to face her. Eyes side, he shook his head.

"You're not real."

"And now, you've gone cuckoo for Cocoa-Puffs. Of course I'm real. You've met me, remember? You totally hit this."

But Castiel shook his head. "I know Buffy Summers is real. But this you? This one I've been dreaming about. It's all… wishful thinking. You're just my mind, telling me things I can't know when I'm awake. And it hurts."

"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings," she said, and Castiel believed she was genuine.

"No, not that. It hurts… seeing you, but not able to actually see you like I could before. I don't think I'll be seeing you anymore after tonight. I'm sorry."

#

Buffy awoke with a start, a frown already firmly in place. It had been real. All of it, and she knew it. But now that Castiel had expressed not wanting to see her anymore, she was sure he would get his wish. And it was a shame. She missed her angel so much. It was ironic in a way. One of the men she had loved had finally achieved humanity, finally able to spend the rest of his life with her. And he was now trapped by that same humanity.

"Life sucks," the Slayer lamented, rolling over in her bed.

There would be no more garden dreams after tonight.