Is it about the person you've taken an interest on?
It's something I really don't want to hear
But I secretly open my ears wide, feeling all irritated inside
It's something that's without a reason
But even knowing that, I couldn't help but be attracted to you
Please forgive me for falling for you
I don't have the courage to confess
Just this feeling of 'like' is not a lie
"Hey, Suga! About what we were talking about earlier, this person you like—so, who is it?"
Daichi's ears couldn't help but perk up at that. He wonder if anyone will notice if he leans closer to listen—it's not really eavesdropping when they're talking so loudly in public, right?—but Daichi decides against it and just try to focus more on their words.
"Eh..? It's embarrassing, can we not talk about that?" Sugawara Koushi tries to dismiss his friend's question with a laugh.
This is Daichi's first time hearing about his classmate Sugawara having someone he likes; suddenly there's an unpleasant weight settling heavily in Daichi's chest. The teen is self-aware enough to be able to identify this feeling as the ugly emotion people name jealousy.
He never talked about any girls in particular. Daichi grumbles in the privacy of his mind. Why now..?
There is something about Sugawara Koushi.
Daichi wonders if it's the rare shade of his hair (it's grey and somehow it fits him perfectly and Daichi can't explain why).
Or maybe it's the beauty mark (Daichi won't delve too much into this—he has had too many embarrassing dreams involving that indescribably attractive dot under Sugawara's eye).
Perhaps it's Sugawara's laugh (Daichi really likes his laugh, it's light and airy and makes one all bubbly and warm inside—the last one might only be Daichi, though).
There is absolutely no particular reason that makes Sawamura Daichi be attracted to Sugawara Koushi, but somehow he is.
Whenever Sugawara manoeuvres himself around the class, joking around his friends or coming to the front to write the answer to a maths question, It takes everything in Daichi's will not to stare at him like a total creep. Daichi settles for flitting of eyes and stolen glances at his grey-haired classmate.
Every second, every minute when they exist within the same space, in the classrom of 1-2, Daichi is attuned with what the other teen is doing. Locating where Sugawara is within the class, who he's talking to, what his current expression is—it has become a reflex, and Daichi has mastered the art of being a somewhat stalker without looking suspiciously like a creeper.
Daichi covets any new piece of information regarding Sugawara, but this one—this one, he wishes he never heard of.
Daichi wants to thunk his head against his desk, but he opts not to do it. It's not in his character to sulk, so it'll attract questions from his other classmates.
Even brooding on his own, Daichi notices when Sugawara smoothly diverts the topic of conversation and starts talking about yesterday's game show with his friends. So Sugawara watches game shows on tv.
This time, though Daichi stops himself once more from bashing his head against his tabletop, he can't help resting his chin on his hand and sighing.
I wonder who the lucky bastard is...
Koushi is thinking back about the conversation he had earlier with his friends, Kimura and Itou.
The two were consulting Koushi with their relationship problems; Kimura with his are-they-girlfriend-and-boyfriend ambiguous relationship and Itou with his yet blooming one-sided love. Koushi has no idea why they came to him—it's not like Koushi is an expert in romantic involvements; he's never even been in one, let alone being experienced enough to give them advice.
So when his two friends asked Koushi about his own person that he likes, he just gave a vague laugh that didn't actually answer the question. Somehow, the pair assumed from his awkwardness that Koushi is just too shy to name the person he likes out loud, though that is not the case.
Alright, to be honest, Koushi has never fallen for anyone yet. Perhaps crushes, but his seemed so petty and fleeting when compared to what his peers had described the feeling of liking someone being.
He has never felt the excitement of meeting that special someone for the day, or feeling nervous if he had said something wrong or weird, or even feeling his heart pounds its way out of his chest when that special someone is near.
No matter how many times various friends at various points of his life told him these shoujo manga like symptoms, Koushi himself never experienced them first hand, not even with the person he thought he had liked.
Koushi knows it's weird for him to already be in the first year of high school yet not knowing the taste of first love, he worries about it plenty. But really, what can he do? It's not like he can force himself to be in love with someone.
He's sometimes jealous of people like Kimura and Itou, who seem to always have this someone they're really into—like it's really easy for them to bring themselves to fall for another person and experience all the excitement that comes with it, when Koushi struggles to even have someone he considers even the slightest bit romantically.
Ah...I really want to fall in love.
Daichi is still lost in his thoughts during volleyball practice, trying to guess just who in the world caught Sugawara's eyes.
It doesn't help that Sugawara is just a few meters from him, distracting Daichi with every toss he sets and every jump he makes. There is a reason why Daichi has never talked to the beautiful and gentle boy before, despite being in the same class and the same club. Even from a distance, the tantalising plumpness of those lips and the flex of Sugawara's muscles, the rivulets of sweat that drips down his neck, and the hint of skin when his shirt rides up—
Fuck. Daichi quickly looks away. He's not about to pop an awkward boner in the middle of practice, in the sanctity of the court, surrounded by his upperclassmen. Goddammit, why does he have to look so delicious all the time?
This whole situation with Sugawara is becoming a huge problem.
Daichi knows there's only one solution to it, but he doesn't dare to even think about it.
I've never even talked to the guy, what would happen if I confess to him? Not to say we're both guys...
But nothing will happen if Daichi just stew the affection he has for the first year setter of Karasuno Volleyball club. He should just man up, and tell Sugawara his feelings. However, talking is always easier than doing. Daichi who considers himself not a coward doesn't even have a shred of courage to come up to Sugawara and introduce himself, if he ever tries to say 'I like you' it'll most likely end up in a hot mess.
Daichi exhales a long sigh as he picks up a wandering Mikasa ball. I hope things won't go well for Sugawara with this person. Daichi immediately feels a shot of shame running through him, feeling like such an asshole. Of course Daichi wants himself to be one to go out with Sugawara, but—if it means seeing Sugawara happy and smiling because of his mutual love, maybe—just maybe Daichi will support his love from afar. Maybe.
He is still drowned in his own musings that he doesn't hear the warning shout of his teammate and the ball coming his way.
The next thing he knows, there's a horrible pain on his face and cracking sound and ow his nose.
"Oh god, Sawamura, are you all right?!"
Koushi hears one of the second years shouting out, right after a sound of impact that sounds quite painful.
"I'm okay." The guy groans out. It's a first year, and Koushi thinks he's in his class too.
His name is...I think it starts with an S...Sawa...Sawamura? Yeah that's it, Sawamura. Koushi keeps staring as the upperclassmen apologizes profusely and freaks out when he sees blood oozing out the guy's nose. I wonder why we've never talked with each other before?
"I hope he's okay...that sounds really painful." Koushi turns to a harried looking Azumane Asahi. Asahi is a tall guy that will probably grow even taller in the next few years, but although he looks like he could make children cry just by his face, he actually has a delicate and wimpy heart. If he just toughens up, he'll be a good ace in the future...
"Mm. I'm sure he'll be fine." Koushi says gently, trying to assure his nervous teammate.
The thoughts regarding Sawamura goes out the door when practice resumes (the guilty upperclassmen insists on bringing Sawamura to the infirmary) and Koushi returns his focus on improving the accuracy of his tosses and observing his teammates.
The next day, Daichi comes to school with a bandaid across his nose. Thankfully, the nose is not broken, but more damage was done on Daichi's dignity.
Amongst the pain and his upperclassman fussing over him, Daichi had noticed Sugawara and the other first year on the team, Azumane, trained their eyes on Daichi after he got hit by the ball.
The first time he noticed me, and it has to be this. God, so humiliating. Daichi had felt so embarrassed he could've melted into the cracks of the earth, had it been possible.
Just before Daichi enters the classroom, he catches the sight of Sugawara at the edge of his eyes. The greyheaded boy looks rumpled and sleepy, and the back of his head sticks up in a cowslick. Fuck he's adorable.
Daichi pauses and gathers his courage and blurts out quickly so that he won't back out.
"Hey, good morning. You have a bed head...over there." Daichi gestures vaguely with his hands at Sugawara's head, trying to help the other boy pinpoint where the hair sticks up.
"Oh! Thanks for telling me!" Oh dear lord Daichi feels like he can melt from the shy smile Sugawara is giving him. "Keep it a secret, okay?" The other boy raises his finger to press it against his lips and—woah Daichi feels like he could float for real if he keeps feeling like this.
That is just unfair...stop being so cute, god.
The moment is broken when Sugawara enters the classroom, leaving a slightly dazed Daichi behind. He snaps out of it quickly though, following the other boy's movement into the classrom so that nobody will think he's a weirdo, standing in front of the class with glazed eyes and a dreamy look like that.
Today is going to be such a great day.
Koushi somehow got roped into having lunch with Itou and his one-sided crush. It helps that Koushi is actually acquainted with the girl, so lunch is not full of awkward conversations between strangers.
Sure, Koushi is pretty good with people; he gets along with most people he encountered. But there's nothing more unsettling than being the third wheel in the midst of a tension-filled are-they-or-aren't-they relationship.
I hope Itou confesses quickly and get it over and done with. Hiiragi obviously returns his feelings, but I guess he can be dense at times.
Again, Koushi feels the strange sensation of jealousy in his stomach, and his smiles turns wistful.
I wonder if I'll have someone like that too? Koushi wonders as he observes Itou stealing a sausage octopus from Hiiragi's lunchbox, the girl pinching his ear in revenge. It'll be nice to have someone to hold hands and go home together with...
Koushi blushes at his embarrassing thoughts; he sounds like girl from a shoujo manga.
Well, there's nothing wrong with being single! Nothing wrong with not having someone he likes!
The feeling of liking someone...he'll find it too one day, he's sure of it.
Daichi sits alone in the class one afternoon. It's getting quite late, so everyone has already gone home or went on to their clubs. There's no volleyball practice for today, but Daichi stays behind to collect his thoughts (it's hard to do it at home when his mother always tells him to do one chore or another).
And of course he's thinking about the only problem plaqueing him right now. One grey-haired, well built, beautiful, gentle, perfect Sugawara Koushi.
Daichi wants to groan out loud again, but he stops himself before the sound escapes his mouth.
I hope whoever Sugawara likes already has someone they like... Again, Daichi feels like dick. He should know better that relying on outside factors will not be any help to the matter on hand. But once they know it's Sugawara, there's no way they won't start liking him back.
In the end, there really is only one solution, the one Daichi has been avoiding the hell out of.
Alright. Alright, you can so this, Daichi. At least if he rejects you, you'll be able to move on.
Daichi doubts that, and he ignores the sting of his own thoughts, when he imagines Sugawara's troubled look if Daichi confesses.
No more chickening out. I'm doing it tomorrow—I'll tell Sugawara that I like him.
The teen then slings his bag across his shoulders, hand clutching tightly at the strap, and exits his class to make his way home, determination in his eyes and the set of his jaw.
I wonder what his response will be.
Koushi exhales a troubled sigh as he walks leisurely to biology lab class, his books in his hand. Itou had asked Koushi to join him and Hiiragi for lunch again, but Koushi really wants to let them both have time for themselves so they can talk over their...relationship issue. But at Itou's pleading eyes, Koushi couldn't say no.
Why am I such a pushover sometimes...seriously Itou, you need to get a clue.
"Um, hey! Sugawara!"
Koushi turns around at the sound of his name; it was Sawamura calling to him, to his surprise.
Sawamura jogs to catch up to him, and stops a few steps before Koushi, his biology book also in his hands.
"Hi, Sawamura! What's wrong?" It's only their second time conversing, Koushi notes.
"Uh–the thing is–um." Sawamura stutters. Koushi tilts his head to encourage him to start over, and Sawamura takes a deep breath before restarting in a serious voice. "Will you wait for me in the classroom at 4.10?"
It's a simple yet weird request, but it's not like Koushi doesn't agree to other more troublesome things (he swears he'll tell Itou to get over it and confess to Hiiragi already, the next time he invites Koushi to lunch), so he nods, still feeling confused.
"Um, alright?"
Sawamura nods at Koushi's agreement, looking slightly relieved. That puzzles Koushi even more; what exactly is happening here?
"Okay." Sawamura breathes out. "Okay, see you then." And the boy walks on ahead to the biology lab.
Koushi looks at Sawamura's retreating back in bafflement.
Well. He'll know what it is when the time comes.
("Hey Suga, wanna go to the arcade after school?"
"Sorry, Itou, I can't go today. Next time?"
"Huh, what is it? You don't have volleyball practice today, right?"
"Well, no. But I promised to meet someone later, after class is over."
"Oh my god! Are you getting confessed, Suga?! You lucky dog, you!"
"Huh? I don't think so-"
"What else could it be? I mean, 'please wait for me after school I have something to tell you'? That's a classic flag for a confession! Ooo is it going to be on the roof? That will be so like in the mangas. You go, Suga!"
"...what?")
Koushi is already waiting in the classroom at 4pm, fidgeting at the hem of his sleeves, nervous and self-conscious because of what Itou had said earlier during lunch.
Itou said that only because he didn't know it's a boy calling me out. This can't be a confession…right?
But Koushi knows that a relationship—that kind of relationship—is possible between two men. One of his cousins is gay, and Koushi has too much knowledge he doesn't even need on how intercourse works for two males. So Sawamura being a guy doesn't really rule out of this…thing being a confession.
What if..what if this is a confession? Koushi's heartbeat picks up at his own speculation, he can feel a blush creeping on his cheeks. What should I do if Sawamura confesses to me?
Koushi raises his palm to scrub at his face, hoping he can recover from his flustered state.
Do I even like boys? But it's not like I've liked a lot of girls… Koushi's mind keeps on running, and he can feel himself tensing up and getting more anxious as he notices the clock is quickly nearing the appointed time.
Sawamura's determined eyes and Itou's words cross Koushi's mind again. Whatever this is, why couldn't I stop thinking about it for the whole day?
Okay, Daichi. No back-outs. It's almost time.
Daichi stands in front of the classroom, inhaling deeply, trying to calm his nerves. His palms are clammy with sweat, but Daichi opts not to rub them against his pants and grips them tighter into a fist.
He thinks of Sugawara's big, expressive eyes. He thinks of his easy smiles, his playful grins, his delightful laughs. He thinks of Sugawara running to a ball, swift and nimble at his feet. He thinks of Sugawara's beauty mark shifting as his eyes crinkle into a laugh.
He imagines Sugawara's flustered face, something he has never seen before, when Daichi confesses to him.
If—if somehow a miracle happens and Sugawara agrees to date me. Daichi's hand paused at the door. I swear I'll make him the happiest man alive; I'll swear my life on it.
He opens the door.
When he hears the sound of the door sliding, Koushi feels like his heart will climb up his throat and burst out of his chest. Even being sent out in the middle of practice matches has nothing compared to this.
Sawamura enters the classroom and walks stiffly to Koushi, his lips pressed into a thin line. He looks as or even more nervous than Koushi is right now; the stockier of the two looks positively on edge, which adds into Koushi's anxiousness.
"So…what it is that you want to talk about, Sawamura?" Koushi starts, his voice light to make the atmosphere less tense. "You know, it's actually kinda weird for this to be only our third time talking—us being in the same club and class and all." He ends with an awkward laugh.
There's something in Sawamura's piercing gaze that makes Koushi stop with his trivial chatter—the other boy's eyes seem so unwavering and there's this sense of purpose that Koushi can't look away from.
"Sugawara." Koushi knows the other boy is also nervous, how could he keep such composure in his voice? And woah, hearing someone with such a rich and deep voice saying his name is somehow—
"Is it no good if it's me?"
Koushi blinks.
"…huh?"
"And then? And then? What happened after that, Suga-senpai?" Hinata is almost bouncing even though he's sitting cross-legged, exuding energy in all directions as the sunny boy usually does. Koushi just chuckles, seeing his underclassman's eyes bright in curiosity.
"Well…of course I made him explain what he meant by that. It's not the most obvious way to ask someone out, anyways." Koushi still remembers clearly of Daichi suddenly throwing all of his composure out the window when Koushi apparently didn't get that he's being asked out, stuttering his way through the end.
The first-years won't believe it anyway, seeing Daichi is always labeled the 'mature and responsible' one. But they were first-years back then, and third-years now. How time flies.
"But why didn't the captain directly say he likes you, Sugawara-san? I mean, that would have been much simpler." Kageyama questions straightforwardly. The tall first-year setter always seem to play it cool, but Koushi can see that he's as intrigued by Koushi's story as Hinata is.
"Just because you don't even know what subtlety is, Kageyama, doesn't mean others don't have it." Hinata remarks drily.
There is a 'thwack' as Kageyama's fist makes impact on Hinata's head; Koushi winces as Hinata cries out in pain.
"Cut it out, you two." Koushi exhales. "Do you want to hear the rest of the story?"
The Karasuno power duo extracts their hands from where they are grappling, sitting with crossed legs and listening attentively. When Koushi deems the two serious enough to not start another fight the next minute, he continues.
"Well, it turned out that Daichi thought I had someone I liked at that moment." Koushi still doesn't understand where Daichi got that notion from, to be honest. "So he made the first move before I start dating anybody and asked me out." Koushi shrugs his shoulders, trying to convey that is all there is to this.
Earlier today, the first-year duo found out that the captain and vice-captain of their volleyball club are dating (surprisingly from Ennoshita; Koushi would've thought Tanaka would be the first to blab). And when they went to Koushi for confirmation, Hinata had enthusiastically asked for the story: who confessed first, how did they confess, basically everything.
So here they are, the last ones left in the changing room with Koushi sitting on the bench telling the story and his two underclassmen sitting on the ground listening to it. Koushi feels like a mother telling a bedtime story to his children.
Koushi doesn't mind, really. Daichi and he had decided not to hide their relationship, but that doesn't mean that they need to announce it to the whole world either. Over the years, Koushi had confirmed when various people had asked about his and Daichi's relationship, and had received various reactions (Itou high-fived him, Kimura shouting how unfair it is that he got a lover first). He even got the same questions Hinata is throwing at him right now (Yui who is quite into the BL genre of manga even eagerly asked him about details that Koushi had refused to answer).
"And then? How did you answer his confession?" Hinata asks, enthused.
But it seems these two are still not satisfied.
Hinata, Koushi can kind of understand, being the bubbly people person, especially with upperclassmen; but he doesn't quite get Kageyama's fascination on Koushi's love life—the boy usually just sticks with anything related with volleyball.
"Uh–well. I told him we should start as friends, because by that point we've only talked like three times in total."
Kageyama nods, murmuring under his breath that it's barely hearable. "That makes sense."
"And then I guess things progressed from that—we started to hang out more and talk more. The next thing I knew, Daichi confessed to me again and I got myself a boyfriend."
There is a chorus of 'oooh's from the two, their eyes twinkling with admiration—seriously, Koushi doesn't get what makes them so enthralled with his love story, it's really nothing special.
(Later, Koushi will find out that Hinata and Kageyama have just started dating and somehow that fact peaks their interest in other couples, especially on how they got together. Or they're just a couple of gossips, which is probably more accurate.)
There is a click as the door to the clubroom is opened, revealing Daichi who is just done from locking up the gym. "Hey Suga, are you done?"
When the captain of the volleyball team notices two underclassmen are there in addition to his boyfriend, he looks a little taken aback—it's a little comical and Koushi laughs at him.
"Hey, Daichi. Yup, I'm done here." Koushi stands up and slings his back on his shoulder, making his way to the door to join Daichi.
"Kageyama, Hinata, why are you guys still here?" Daichi raises his eyebrows at the pair who also start to stand. "Extra practice is good and all, but make sure your body gets rest too."
"Yes, captain!" The pair shouts in unison.
"We're also heading home soon." Kageyama adds. "Thanks for your hard work today!"
"Don't forget to lock up, you two." Koushi reminds them, hoping they won't stay out too late—the sky is quickly turning dark already. "We'll head back first. See you tomorrow during practice."
"Thanks for your hard work!" Hinata shouts, still full of energy. He has this look when he glances between Koushi and Daichi, but Koushi opts to pretend not to notice it.
Daichi and Koushi wave their goodbyes and start on their journey home.
"What were you doing with those two earlier?" Daichi asks.
Koushi chuckles, earning a raised eyebrow from Daichi, and so he explains. "Those two asked me about us." Koushi gestures the space between them with his finger. "Like who confessed first and how."
As expected, Daichi groans out loud, making Koushi laugh even harder. "Oh god, don't tell me you told them about that thing?"
"It's fine, isn't it? It's really not as embarrassing as you make it out."
"Well–I guess not. But you don't know how horrifying the whole thing was to me."
"Aaww, is poor baby Daichi experiencing bad flashbacks? Do you need a hug?" Koushi teases with a cooing voice.
Daichi seems to pause, undecided between knocking off Koushi's teasing or accepting the offered hug. Despite being the scary captain, Daichi sure has his cute moments. And so, Koushi slips his hand and placse it at Daichi's waist, giving him a one-armed hug and a peck on his cheek.
When Koushi moves to pull away, Daichi catches his hand and entwines their hands together, tugging Koushi closer until they are shoulder to shoulder. They slow down their pace, both not wanting to part ways so soon, walking in comfortable silence.
Koushi smiles as he absorbs the other teen's warmth with their proximity, Daichi's silent and firm strength is a comfort next to him. The third-year setter caresses the back of his captain's hand with his thumb, a strong surge of affection swelling from inside his chest.
"Hey, Koushi?" Daichi's voice is gentle, as he always is when he whispers his given name. As usual, Daichi is only shy when it comes to anything romantic, and only calls Koushi by his given name only when there's only the two of them. Not that Koushi is complaining, somehow that makes it all the more special.
Koushi just hums in response, letting Daichi to speak on.
"I'm really happy right now." Daichi says, a little breathily.
He can feel Daichi's callused hands slotted perfectly against his, its feeling familiar in these two plus years.
After talking to Hinata and Kageyama about that first time Daichi confessed to him, Koushi is reminded that that was also the time when he yearns the idea of love, of being able to hold hands with the person he loves and walk home together.
And here he is now, with all that he has ever wanted and so much more.
Life is more than good, and Koushi is content.
"Me too, Daichi. Me too."
A/N: Uh. So this happened. *scratch head* The image of Daichi and Suga in 'A Solution to Jealousy' situation is too strong, I couldn't get rid of the urge to write it down. I mixed the original song and the 'another story' version, because I think if I only wrote from Daichi's POV it wouldn't make as much sense. Hmm I don't really know what to feel about this fic though. One thing I find amusing though, is that I made Daichi got hit by a ball because in the song's PV the guy is hit by a soccer ball, but then I remembered that Daichi also got hit by a ball in the manga lol
Thanks for reading everyone! Hope you enjoyed it!