Chapter 1: Peter, Peter, Caviar Eater

Opening Credits

It seems today that all ya see

Is violence in movies and sex on TV

But where are those good, old-fashioned values

On which we used to rely

Lucky there's a Family Guy!

Lucky there's a man who

Positively can do

All the things that make us

Laugh n' Cry

He's

a

Fam

-ily

Guy!

End

It was another nice day at the Griffin's house. Inside, Stewie was on his high chair where it had a plate with a hot dog wiener on it.

"I say, mother, this hot dog has been on my plate for a full minute and it hasn't yet cut itself." Stewie said to Lois, who was busy taking plates out of the cupboard.

"Honey, I'll be right there." Lois responded to Stewie annoyed as she placed a couple of plates on the table.

"Oh, by all means, take your time." Stewie sarcastically affirmed to her, "Oh, and when you do finally get around to it, I'll be the one covered in flies with a belly that portrudes HALFWAY TO BLOODY BOSTON!"

"Mom, there is no way I'm sleeping in neither Chris' room this weekend!" Meg said to Lois as she entered the kitchen, "It smells like old milk in there!"

"Hey, if I could find it, I'd clean it up!" Chris affirmed Meg also entering the room.

"That we can believe." John remarked as he and Tyler, too entered the room to get something to drink in the fridge.

"And there's no way I'm sleeping in John and Tyler's room either!" Meg then said causing John to choke a bit on his milk after hearing her.

"Wha- What, uh?" John responded catching his breath from the milk he choked, "What makes you think you were gonna sleep in our room?"

"Yeah, and what's wrong with our room?" Tyler asked Meg.

"Well, for starters, it's really just the basement." Meg answered pointing out the obvious, "And it smells like old pizza down there!"

"Oh, that. Well, you see-" Tyler was about to explain until he realized what she said, "Wait. J-man, you still haven't finished that thing?"

"Hey, whenever I feel like it, I'll finish it." John testified, "That is if I can find it first."

"Eewww..." Meg exclaimed.

"Kids, keep it down." Lois said to John, Tyler, Meg and Chris, "I haven't even told your father that Aunt Marguerite is coming to visit."

"Who's Aunt Marguerite?-" John and Tyler am=lmost asked Lois, until Peter soon bursted through the door.

"Who said Marguerite?" Peter asked.

"Peter, it's just for a week." Lois affirmed Peter.

"A week?! Ah-" Peter cursed, but the swear words were all drowned out in the horns of a truck passing by outside. This continued until, "-Son of a-"

"Peter!" Lois reacted.

"Uh, were we supposed to hear all that?" Tyler asked Peter in concern.

"Now, boys, sometimes it's appropriate to swear." Peter affirmed Tyler.

"Like when?" Tyler asked.

Cutaway #1

It cut to a courtroom with Peter taking an oath with the Bailiff.

"Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God?" The Bailiff asked Peter.

"I do." Peter agreed, "...you bastard." This made the Bailiff angry.

End

"I love Aunt Marguerite." Lois said.

"What's so special about her, Mrs. Griffin?" John asked Lois.

"Because if it wasn't for her, I never would've met Mr. Griffin." Lois answered as she cuddled to Peter.

"I'll bet there's a good story there." Tyler said.

"There sure is, Tyler." Lois remarked, "There sure is."

It then flashes back to when Peter and Lois first met. It was at a resort's swimming pool where a younger Lois in a bikini got out of the pool.

"Aunt Marguerite, have you seen my towel?" Young Lois asked her Aunt Marguerite, who was sitting in a lounge chair reading a book.

"Have the towel boy bring you another." Aunt Marguerite told Lois.

"Oho, I don't wanna bother him." Lois said.

"Nonsense, dear." Aunt Marguerite insisted, "You're a Pewderschmidt. Towel Boy!"

She was calling to a younger Peter who worked as a towel boy, as the latter turned to the old broad, but was soon smitten by Lois, who in an almost slow-motion shot of her stroking her hair back still wet.

"Uh, hi, my-my name is towel. I have a Peter for you." Peter said to Lois nervously and accidentally getting the words mixed up.

This made Lois laugh.

"Uh-uh-uh, my-my name is Peter and I'll be your nipples- Towel Boy!" Peter reacted still messing up in front of her, "Ah, geez."

It cut back to the present, where it showed Aunt Marguerite arrived and at the door. We then see Lois and everyone in front of the other side of the door getting ready.

"Okay, everyone." Lois informed everyone, "Give Aunt Marguerite a big Griffin family welcome."

She then opened the door to reveal Aunt Marguerite.

"Aunt Marguerite!" Lois greeted her elderly aunt.

"Lois!" Aunt Marguerite greeted back, though a bit weak. But before she could say anything else, however, she then collapsed on the floor, giving Lois worry.

"Oh, my God!" Lois reacted as she knelt down to check her pulse, "She-She's dead!"

"Whoa!" Peter exclaimed from hearing what Lois said, "Heh, careful what you wish for, huh, guys?"

"What?!" John and Tyler reacted in unison.

"You were the one who wished for it, not us!" Tyler testified.

"You boys have no prove of that." Peter pointed out.

Suddenly as if on cue, John pulled out a tape recorder, played it and it revealed Peter's cursing at Aunt Marguerite earlier.

"Uh. Well, except that." Peter remarked shortly afterwards.

The family then attended Aunt Marguerite's funeral at the Quahog Funeral Home. Everyone was sad to see Aunt Marguerite go as Lois was in tears from losing her favorite family member.

"W-What if they bury her and she, like, wakes up because she wasn't really dead, she was only sleeping?" Chris asked Meg, John and Tyler as they were beside Aunt Marguerite's coffin.

"I wonder about that, too." Tyler agreed.

"Yeah. That's what happened to our big brother, Jimmy." Meg teased Chris, "That's why mom and dad adopted you."

John and Tyler laughed at her joke.

"What?" Chris exclaimed in shock and worry.

I'm gonna go see what Mr. and Mrs. Griffin are doing." John informed the others.

"I'll go with you." Tyler said as he and John left to find Peter and Lois. They found them chatting with a relative of Lois'.

"Hey, Mrs. Griffin." John greeted, "What's going on here?"

"Oh, boys, I'm so glad you're here right." Lois said as she then introduced them to her friend, "John, tyler, this is Coco, my friend from Newport. Coco, these are John and Tyler. They're the boys I was telling you about."

"Oooo, they are certainly quite handsome." Coco praised the duo as she then pinched John's cheek as if he was a little cheek, but John srugged it off as he rubbed his cheek, "Are they your kids?"

"Oh, no." Lois chuckled, "They're guests and are staying with us for the moment."

"Oh, that's a relief." Coco remarked in relief, "Because if they were, I would've suspected that they were taught by Peter here how to serve towels to everyone."

Peter then made a stern face after hearing what Coco said.

"Huh?" John and Tyler exclaimed in unison.

"Lois, where are your parents?" Coco asked Lois, "Don't tell me they're still on safari."

"You know daddy." Lois said, "He won't rest until he kills something on every continent, he-eh. But I'm hoping they'll be back in for Christmas. That way they'll get to meet the boys."

"Yeah, it just wouldn't be Christmas without your parents not knowing about John and Tyler." Peter remarked.

"What are they like?" Tyler asked Peter.

"Oh, don't get me started about them." Peter said.

Cutaway #2

Peter was in a guest room with Lois' parents. The father glanced at Peter and took out a pocket watch, where he soon threw it by the fireplace.

"Oh, I dropped my watch, " Lois' father lied to get Peter's attention, "Peter, woud you be a sport and fetch it for me?"

"Sure thing, Mr Pewderschmidt." Peter volunteered, unaware that it was a trap as Lois' father then kicked Peter into the fireplace and the latter started to panicking on fire.

"Peter, we gotta put that out!" The father acknowledged as he picked up a log and started beating Peter with it. The mother laughed at this.

End

"I'm telling ya, guys, nothin' changes." Peter said to John, Tyler and Brian, "These bluebeards still treat me like scum just 'cause I'm not loaded. Well, I got news for them. I'm as elegant as anyone in this room."

"Peter, we have to meet with Aunt Marguerite's lawyer tomorrow." Lois informed Peter, "She left us something in her will."

"Holy CRAP!" Peter exclaimed in excitement, "Oh, you sweet old broad, I love you!" Suddenly, Peter then picked up Aunt Marguerite's corpse and began waltzing with it around, catching the concern of the mourners and Lois' embarassment.

"Mr. Griffin!" Tyler called to Peter, "You're disrespecting the dead!"

"Yeah, put it back! Quick!" John joined in, "You're making a scene!"

Peter then stopped after realized what John and Tyler meant and what he had done and immediately dropped the body on the floor.

"O, my God." Peter lied, "She's dead."

The next day, Peter and Lois visited Aunt Marguerite's lawyer, Arthur Plimpton at his office.

"Madam Pewderschmidt's passing has saddened us all." Arthur Plimpton acknowledged.

"Yeah, it's a real tragedy." Peter said, "What do we get? What do we get? Come on, big money! Big money! No whammy! No whammy! STOP!"

"Peter, please!" Lois ordered Peter, "I'm sorry. He's stricken with grief."

"Before she passed, your aunt recorded a message for you." Mr. Plimpton explained as he turned on the TV behind him.

The video played an introduction first to where Aunt Marguerite lived.

"Newport, Rhode Island, home of New England's most elegant and historic estates." The announcer on the tape said, "The Breakers, Rosecliff, and exquisite Cherrywood Manor, the palatial mansion of Marguerite Pewderschmidt. Marguerite is a shining example of how people with a lot of money are just plain better than everyone else."

"Lois, you were always my favorite." Aunt Marguerite said to Lois, "I just knew you'd find a wonderful man who would make all your dreams come true. But I was wrong."

Cuts to Peter and Lois.

"And now you're dead." Peter scoffed, "Score one for Peter."

Lois shushed Peter to hear more of Aunt Marguerite's message.

Cuts back to Aunt Marguerite on the screen.

"It's time you started living like a Pewderschmidt." Aunt Marguerite insisted, "That's why I'm giving you my summer home in Newport."

Cuts back to Peter and Lois.

"Cherrywood?" Lois exclaimed in surprise, "That's so generous of Aunt Marguerite."

"Wow, our own summerhouse!" Peter acknowledged in excitement, "Now I feel kinda bad for doing that thing with her toothbrush."

The family then arrived at the manor as they passed through the gates and drove through the driveway. John, Tyler, Meg and Chris gazed at the exterior of the mansion in awe and as the car pulled up by the entrance, a song parodying Annie soon followed.

We only live to kiss your ass

"No, thanks!" John and Tyler rejected in unison.

"Kiss it?" One of the servants said, "Hell, we'll even wipe it for you."

"Again. No, thanks!" Tyler repeated.

From her on in, it's Easy Street

"What about Hard Street?" Tyler asked.

"It's right over there." The same servant from before pointed to Tyler a rundown, stereotypically crime-invested street literally called "Hard Street."

"I'm gonna stay over there for the next 2 minutes." Tyler said as he headed toward Hard Street.

(A/N: That's the running time of the song. I just thought this would be funny.)

"Any bars on Easy Street?" Peter asked the servant.

"24 happy hours a day." The servant replied.

"Oh, boy." Peter exclaimed in excitement.

It then cut to the front gate with two guards.

We'll stop Jehovahs at the gate

"Can I see that pamphlet, sir?" The guard asked the Jehova's Witness, whom handed it to him and the guard slapped the Witness.

My God, this house is freakin' sweet

Peter was soon pulled into a twirl by a maid and the family entered the mansion. It then showed a bearded chef.

I make brunch

Clive cooks lunch

[Both chefs]

Each and every day

Then another chef jumped in.

Chocolate cake

ala Blake

[Peter]

Hundred buck

Blake is gay

"You're on!" Tyler appeared and agreed to Peter's bet.

"What the hell?" Peter exclaimed after seeing Tyler, "What are you doing here?"

"Yeah, you said you were gonna be over at that Hard Street for the rest of the song." John reminded Tyler.

"I was, but it was too much for me to handle." Tyler explained, "Plus, there were a couple of gang members trying to shoot me. But they missed every shot." As he said this, it them showed Tyler's back filled with bullet holes behind him as blood bled from the holes, "Besides, I want to settle down on Medium Street."

"I don't think there is a Medium Street, Tyler." John acknowledged.

"Actually, there's one over there between Expert Street and Intense Street at Difficulty Drive." The same servant said.

Then some servants surrounded around Meg.

We'll do the best we can with Meg

"What's that supposed to mean?" John asked them in confusion.

"Are you saying I'm ugly?" Meg asked them in concern.

"It doesn't matter, dear." A maid assured her, "You're righ now."

"But she's not ugly!" John testified in Meg's defense, "Are you people even listening to me?!"

We'll do your nails and rub your feet

"Oh, that's not nece-" Lois tried to shrug off the servants' offer, but was soon entranced by the experience, "Oh, my..."

We'll do your homework every night

"It's really hard." Chris said.

"That's why we got that Stephen Hawking guy." The main servant informed Chris as he pointed to Stephen Hawking in front of them.

My God, this house is freakin' sweet

He then got Lois out of the chair she was sitting in earlier and danced on the staircase with her.

Used to pass

Lots of gas

Everyone ran away

He gave her a twirl as she stopped by the edge of the stairway.

Now we've got

30 rooms

Hello, beans

Goodbye, spray

He then pulled out a can of air freshener and sprayed it around the screen.

"We'll all still run!" Tyler said to Peter.

The servants caught Peter.

We'd take a bullet just for you

"Oh, what a coincidence." Stewie remarked at the servants' lyrics and he removed the head of his teddy bear, Rupert to reveal it to be actaully a gun, "I've got o-" The gun was blasted out of Stewie's hand by a blast of energy. It panned behind Stewie to reveal that Tyler was the one to have shot the blast using his Chaos Emeralds.

"So do I." Tyler said.

Prepare to suck that golden teat

Now that you're stinking rich

We'll gladly be your bitch

My God, this house

Is

[All]

Freakin'

Sweet!

"Welcome!" The servants greeted, ending the song.

The servants carrying Peter at the end of the song then put him down where one of the maids came up to Peter.

"That's a wrap, people!" The maid informed the other servants as she gave Peter the keys to the mansion, "Now, let's get the hell out of here."

"Huh?" John and Tyler exclaimed in unison confused at what the maid meant.

"Hey, wait a second." Peter hesitated, "Where are you goin'?"

"The old bag only paid us up through the song." The maid explained to Peter.

"Aw, that's not fair... oh, well." Tyler said.

"An elderly rich woman who's never paid her own hard-working servants except for a song after her death?" John acknowledged in outrage, "That ain't right!"

"Well, we can just pick up after ourselves." Lois addressed, "After all, we'll only be here on weekends."

"No, no, Lois." Peter protested, "It's time you started living like the Piece of Schmidt you are."

"That's 'Pewderschmidt'." Lois corrected her husband.

"Wa-Wait, you guys!" Peter stopped the servants who were about to leave, "You're all hired to be full-time Griffin servants."

"Peter, where are we gonna get the money to pay all these people?" Lois asked Peter about his decision.

"Yeah, after what I've witnessed from these people, forget it!" John testified as he was about to leave with Tyler.

"Uh, actually, I wouldn't that if I were you, John." Peter said to John.

"Why not?" John asked.

"Simple. I, uh, sold our house in Quahog." Peter confessed.

"WHAT?!" John and Tyler reacted.

""You sold our home?!" Lois reacted also.

"Surprise!" Peter exclaimed in nervousness.

"Peter, how could you?!" Lois demanded in outrage at Peter's stunt.

"Whoops." Peter exclaimed in realization, then broke out in song.

I recognize that tone

Tonight I sleep alone

But, still-

[Now with servants]

This house

Is

Freakin'

Sweet!

John and Tyler groan in irritation after that.

"Peter, how could you sell our house in Quahog without even asking me?" Lois asked Peter about his decision.

"Oh, honey, this is where you belong." Peter reasoned, "You deserve a big house and nice stuff. You know, like diamonds."

"Why?" John asked, "Because she's a girl?"

"No!" Peter protested, "...okay, a little."

Cutaway #3

It cuts to the infamous "Diamonds are Forever" commercial, where the silhouette of a man inserting a visible ring onto the finger of another silhouette of a woman. They then kiss and the woman soon goes down offscreen and only shows the man, who soon tilts his head back and smiles in pleasure.

(A/N: You can probably guess what this means. And BTW, this is actually from the commentary of the original episode. I'm not joking! They were gonna go further at this joke. Seriously, just watch and listen to this episode's commentary on disc 2 of Family Guy Vol. 1 and hear what they have to say about this.)

Before it goes further, it soon cuts to a black title card reading "DIAMONDS. She'll pretty much have to."

End

"But I love our old house." Lois professed, "You have to buy it back."

"Ah, it's too late for that." Peter informed Lois, "Our stuff is already packed. It's on its way here."

"As much as you expect me to agree on this, me and Tyler are never gonna be living in this prison." John testified against Peter's idea.

"Same here!" Tyler agreed.

"Boys, I'd love to be back in our old home in Quahog as much as you both do." Lois said, "But at the moment, this is the only place we have to stay."

"Yeah, and come on, you guys are gonna love living in Newport." Peter persuaded both Lois, John and Tyler, "Sure, this house is big, but it's also very intimate."

The last words he spoke, "intimate" then echoed throughtout the room two times.

"But this place is just creepy." Tyler claimed, which, like Peter, the last word in Tyler's statement were echoed a few times.

"Echo!" Tyler exclaimed, hoping it would end up the same thing, but 3 seconds passed and there was nothing but silence, "DARN IT! Well, we don't care! J-man and I are not gonna live here!"

"Then... where will you go?" Lois asked them concernly, "How will you get food? How are you both gonna get by without us?"

John and Tyler, however, didn't answer and their eyes shifted to each other. It soon cut to the Griffins outside the back of the mansion where it showed John and Tyler across the property's borders. John then plucked a whole oak tree out of its place and placed it on its side.

(A/N: This was actually a large tree almost the size of a ordinary bathroom. I'm sorry if this is lazy writing here, but I just thought this scene would be interesting.)

Then, Tyler used Chaos Spear at both the base and the top of the now-fallen tree. John then started to tunneling into the tree to make space inside. He also punched out holes each next to the bigger hole he made earlier, which acts as a entrance.

"THIS IS WHERE WE'LL BE FOR NOW ON!" John hollered to the Griffins from the distance, "AS FOR FOOD, WELL, WE'LL THINK OF SOMETHING!" He and Tyler then entered the log home they built.

"John and Tyler, you both get back here right no-" Lois ordered the duo from the other side, but before she could finish, a bolt of lightning struck the log house that John and Tyler made and it caught on fire. John and Tyler then bursted out of the log house, where they were also on fire.

"AAHHH!" John screamed in pain, "OUR HOUSE! IT'S ON FIRE!" He then began to stop, drop and roll.

"AND SO ARE WE!" Tyler reminded his best friend while still on fire, "BUT HOW CAN THIS BE?! THERE'S NOT A CLOUD IN THE-"

Just as he had said that, however, he and John were soon put out and then drenched by an unexpected nor unscheduled rain storm.

"...sky..." Tyler then finished his statement.

It then cut back to the foyer, where the Griffins were still where they were before John and Tyler's attempt at living on their own. Just then, two servants came up with John and Tyler, who are now completely covered in soot.

"The gentlemen you requested to bring in, madame." One of the servants informed Lois.

"Thank you." Lois thanked the servants who brought in John and Tyler, whom she soon turned her attention to, "Now, as for you two, this is exactly the kind of thing I was warning you both about earlier. From now on, no matter where we stay, you guys are to do the same thing as you are also part of the family. Understood?"

"Yes." They agreed gruntly in unison, "'Cause we were thinking of going back here, anyway." As Tyler said that, the duo then passed out.

"So, we're really gonna living here now?" Meg asked with a hint of excitement, where the words "Echo!" from Tyler earlier finally echoed throughout the room.

"OH, NOW IT GOES!" Tyler remarked in anger.

"That's right, honey!" Peter assured his daughter.

"I don't know, Peter." Lois said warily.

"Please, mom." Meg begged Lois, then turned her attention to her right, "Look, there's a pool."

"So?" John asked.

"Yeah." Chris said, "And there's a diving board."

"WHERE?!" Tyler shouted as he rushed to where Chris pointed.

The Griffins were now being shown around the house by the head servant, where Stewie runs off from the group a bit.

"The solarium is at the far end of the west wing." The butler told the family while Stewie was exploring a bit on his own until he was approached by the twins from The Shining.

"Come play with us, Stewie." The twins recommended to Stewie dullfully, "Forever and ever and ever."

Yes, all work and no play makes Stewie a dull boy." Stewie remarked.

John and Tyler then came up behind Stewie and saw what was going on.

"Hey, look!" Tyler pointed on, "It's the-"

But before Tyler could finish, however, Stewie pulled out a bazooka and fired at the twins, possibly killing them.

"You were saying?" John asked Tyler.

"Never mind." Tyler answered.

The trio got back to the tour without anyone noticing they were gone.

"And across the hall from the library, we have the billiard room." The butler informed the Griffins as he stopped at a door in front of him, "And here we have the lounge." He opened the door to show the room.

Brian immediately took notice and gasped in amazement. "Sweet Mary, mother of God!" Brian exclaimed, "Jackpot!" He then zoomed to the bar in anticipation.

"What can I get you, sir?" A bartender popped up from behind the bar and greeted Brian, "We have 10 varieties of single malt scotch and a wine cellar with over 10,000 bottles." He said as he held up a book entitled, "Wine List Newport Country Club" on the cover.

Brian then turned to Lois.

"Don't make me beg." Brian pleaded.

"Well, I did love spending time here when I was a kid." Lois acknowledged.

"Alright, mom!" Chris praised his mother's decision.

The next night after the Griffins' new stay at Cherrywood, they get invited to dinner over at the Yacht Club of Newport (sign noted) by Lois' cousin from earlier in the eipsode, Coco. In the restaurant, they were already having their supper.

"Jonathan and I just returned from sailing our yacht around the world." Coco told the Griffins.

"Oh, oh, funny sailing story." Peter brought up.

"I love stories." Tyler exclaimed in interest.

"Oh, you want to hear it?" Petert asked Tyler, wondering about what the latter meant.

"Yeah, tell me." Tyler insisted.

"Alright. This guy's on his boat, in the middle of the ocean, right?" Peter explained, "And he sees a little black dog. And let me tell ya, this dog's been swimming for days and he stinks like a dead otter, right?"

"Peter, maybe this isn't the place for that-" Lois tried to persuade Peter to cancel the story.

"Oh, come on, Mrs. Griffin." Tyler said to Lois, "I wanna know how the story plays out."

"Yeah, see? Tyler wants to hear more." Peter pointed out to Lois, who took a sip of her water in nervousness knowing how the story ends up, "Anyway, so the guy takes the dog into the vet."

"Yeah?" Tyler said.

"And the freakin' vet tells him, get this, 'It's not a dog.'"

"What was it?" Tyler asked curiously.

"'It's a rat.'" Peter answered, "A big, stinking Mexican rat. True story." This lead to two men nearby to lose their appetites suddenly.

"No way!" Tyler exclaimed in amazement at hearing Peter's answer.

"Tyler, that's just an urban legend." Meg informed Tyler.

"No way, it has to be true!" Tyler insisted.

"Do you believe everything you hear?" John asked Tyler.

"NO!" Tyler yelled, "...maybe."

"Yeah, Hand to God." Peter agreed with Tyler, "I'm telling you, it was a-a huge, freakin' rat."

"How big was it?" Tyler asked Peter in curiosity.

"Five times as big as that guy's steak." Peter answered whilst poiting to a man closeby trying to cut his steak, but also lost his appetite.

"Oh, Peter, that rat gets bigger every time you tell this story." Lois assurely praised her husband.

"Oh, I've got a million of them." Peter proclaimed, "Like this time my buddy's sister's boss. He was drinking with a hooker in this Vegas bar." He said this as Coco was using her napkin, then a slam on the table made her jump, "BAM! Woke up without his kidney."

"No wa-" Tyler was about to say before realizing, "Wait, that didn't sound right, did it?"

Then suddenly, a man at a table behind Peter throws up over the window he was next to after hearing Peter's story.

The next day, Peter and Brian were lounging in the pool while John and Tyler were soaking their feet in it whilst still in their regular clothes at the pool's side.

"Aw, I can't believe they kicked me out of the yacht club." Peter moped about last night, "I barely had time to stuff Lois' salmon in my jacket."

"Face it, Peter." Brian said to Peter floating by him, "You have a knack for saying the wrong thing."

"Huh, this sucks." Peter complained, "Lois' friend 'yacht boy' and his lovely wife 'Caca' invited us to some hoity-toity auction tomorrow afternoon. I don't want to embarass her again. You gotta help me, guys. Teach me how to be a gentleman."

"You guys go do whatever you want." John told his peers as he put his socks and shoes back on, "I'm gonna go see what everyone else is doing." He then walked off, leaving Peter, Brian and Tyler to themselves.

"Mr. Griffin, it's not that hard." Tyler assured Peter, "You just need to be nice towards people, that's all."

"He's right." Brian agreed, "Ehh, let's start with polite conversation." He then took his sunglasses off as he said this, "For example, 'It's a pleasure to see you again.' Tyler."

"'Yes, lovely weather we're having'." Tyler finished the example.

"See?" Brian asked Peter as he put his sunglasses back on, "Now you try."

"It's a pleasure to see you again." Peter repeated what Brian said, seemingly showing that he was doing good so far, until, "After Hogan's Heroes, Bob Crane got his skull crushed in by a friend who videotaped him having rough sex. How's that?"

"Wow. Just. Wow." Was all Tyler could respond after hearing what Peter said.

"Yes, perfect. My work is done." Brian sarcastically agreed, "But just for the heck of it, let's try again."

Meanwhile, John had already reached the west wing exterior of the mansion, where the rest of the family was having breakfast.

"More coffee, madame?" The butler offered Lois.

"Oh, I can get that, Sebastian." Lois insured her servant, "To tell you the truth, we're all a little uncomfortable being waited on."

"Cut my eggs." Stewie ordered a servant who was standing there holding both a fork and knife and did as Stewie told him to do.

"Your eggs are cut, sir." The servant informed Stewie.

"Cut my milk!" Stewie then ordered the servant holding up his milk.

"I can't, sir." The servant addressed Stewie, "It's liquid."

"Imbecile!" Stewie called the servant, "Freeze it, then cut it! And if you question me again, I'll put you on diaper detail. And I promise, I won't make it easy on you!"

"Well, I see you're all enjoying yourselves." John greeted the family.

"Oh, hello, John." Lois greeted back, "Where's Tyler?"

"He's with Mr. Griffin and Brian rightn now." John explained.

"Oh, alright." Lois said as she then turned her attention to Meg, "And Meg, you're gonna love Newport High. It has a beautiful campus."

"Yeah, filled with beautiful people." Meg remarked, "And I'm gonna bag me a rich one."

"Meg, that's a terrible thing to say." Lois said at Meg's comment, "You should marry someone you love. That's what I did."

"Yeah, and he got us kicked out of the yacht club." Meg remarked sarcastically.

"Hey, that's your dad you're talking about, little lady." John testified before thinking and then turning to Lois, "By the way, why did you chose Mr. Griffin over your status in high society? I mean, besides being himself."

"Well, John, that's the reason I fell in love with him in the first place." Lois told John.

"Really?" John responded intrigued.

"Yep. (sighs) He was so different from everyone else." Lois explained as she wavered her unfolded napkin around.

It then flashed back to Lois' youth where she was attending a ball with other patrons of high society. Coco was waltzing with her future husband.

"Coco, the day I graduate from Harvard, I'm gonna carry you into the sunset on a white horse." Jonathan said to his future wife.

"It better be a stretch horse with leather seats and a chauffeur." Coco insisted to his comment.

"Isn't she a bit of terrific?" Jonathan asked Lois, who was already annoyed at their snootiness as they laughed and waltzed back onto the dance floor.

A gentleman then offered a dance with her, but gently declined his offer. She then walked over to a balcony, where she soon heard a bit of rock music coming from below. it was coming from a party being thrown by the resort staff. Lois, clearly more interested in that than the ball, decided to go down and join them. As she opened the door, it showed all the servants partying with each other, including Peter, who was already dancing with another woman, who was blonde and wearing a red outfit. He then looked up and found Lois by the door looking right back at him with a smile. His jaw dropped as he couldn't believe his eyes as he saw Lois Pewderschmidt right there, showing to even wanting to have a dance with him. Peter then dropped the woman he was already dancing with and started to swing his way to the entrance of the room where Lois was. His date gets up and gets easily angered by this. Peter reaches Lois and begins dancing with her. This scene is pretty much that of a similar scene from Dirty Dancing.

After the dance, Lois drifts back into reality with her children around her arms.

"Wow." John exclaimed impressed by Lois' story, "That explains a lot."

"Kids, if you marry for love, your life will be filled with its own riches," Lois taught John, Meg and Chris, "Money doesn't buy happiness."

As they were leaving, Stewie was still in his high chair, which now had three bells placed on its tray.

"Oh, I beg to differ." Stewie disagreed with his mother.

"I can already see you being turned by your own men." John remarked at Stewie's possible demise.

"GET OUT!" Stewie shoutedly demanded and John then left.

After that, Stewie rings all three of the bells, summoning three servants before him.

"You!" Stewie said and pointed to the servant at his right, "Bring me the Wall Street Journal!" The servant immediately dashed off to do as Stewie told him, "You two..." Stewie then said and pointed to the other remaining servants, "...fight to the death!"

The two servants then did as they were told as the one on the left grabbed a vase, smashed its base to make use as a weapon and dared the other to attack, whom instead broke off a curtain bar to use as a staff. After circling for a few seconds, the one holding the curtain bar slashed the other's chest, leaving a slice on his suit... Okay, you know what, I'm not gonna bother writing this scene down for you guys. You already know what it is and have seen it plenty of times before. You can probably already guess that by now.

Anyway, meanwhile, Tyler and Brian were still trying to help Peter become a gentleman. And yes, I will tell you what happens here. Peter was strapped to an electric chair.

"Okay, Peter." Brian said to Peter, "Me and Tyler were hoping we wouldn't have to resort to shock therapy but your progress has been-"

"Are you kidding?" Tyler asked Tyler, "What progress?"

"Yeah, who're we kidding? We haven't made any progress."

"Now the left TV is tuned to Frasier." Tyler then told Peter.

"Yes, and the right TV is Ricki Lake." Brian followed, "If you so much as to glance at the right TV, we're giving you 10,000 volts."

"Got it." Peter then told them.

It then cut to the TV showing an episode of Frasier.

"Well, Frasier..." Niles said to Frasier, "You're so corpulent that when you sit around the magnificently appointed Tuscan villa, you sit around the magnificently appointed Tuscan villa."

Cuts back to Tyler and Peter

"That, of course." Tyler said as he was giving an applaud to what happened, "I never thought of it that way."

"Huh. This is the smartest show on TV." Peter then acknowledged.

"Yo, Ricki, that's my girlfriend." Ricki's voice from the right TV said offscreen, "She ain't supposed to be having no penis!"

This managed to get Peter's attention and soon, Brian pushed the button on the remote, I guess, and Peter got eletricuted and then passed out.

"Master Brian." Sebastian asked Brian and Tyler, "do you really believe you can pass him off as a gentlemen at the auction?"

"Well, we've got a long road ahead." Brian responded, "But, uh... Hey, I've worked miracles before."

"What kind?" Tyler asked Brian.

Cutaway #4

It cut to the 1993 Academy Awards ceremony, where the presenter at the stand.

"And the Academy Award for Best Supportive Actress goes to..." The presenter on stage announced as he then held up the winning vote, "... Marisa Tomei!"

It then cut to a young Brian sitting between Marisa Tomei and Jack Nickolson. Marisa is delighted to have won and gives Brian a thank-you kiss on his nose, leaving a kiss mark behind. Brian then shakes hands with Jack Nickolson.

End

The next day, Peter and Lois attended the auction Peter said about at the Newport Historical Society with John, Tyler and Brian accompanying them.

(A/N: In case you want to know, Peter allowed them in just so they could help out.)

Inside, Lois was with John, Tyler and Brian waiting for Peter.

"Peter was supposed to meet us here an hour ago." Lois acknowledged about Peter's tardiness, "I hope he didn't change his mind."

"Well, maybe he's already here." Brian claimed, "Maybe he's fitting in so well, we just can't tell him from the other bluebloods."

"Heh!" John laughed off Brian's claim, "Good one."

"Well, I don't think we have to worry about that." Lois chuckled agreeing with John, both knowing what Brian said wouldn't be true.

Then suddenly, a trumpet fanfare played from a stairway to Lois, John, Tyler and Brian's right and it showed a man dressed as a Victorian announcer. He unrolled his scroll and began to read.

"'Lord Peter Lowenbrau Griffin the First.'" The announcer addressed and moved away to reveal Peter dressed as a Newport gentlemen, where he placed on his top hat and twisted his mustache.

"Play me down the stairs, boys." Peter said to the trumpeteers who were playing the fanfare earlier and they started playing classical music on their trumpets. "Good day." Peter greeted to the first person he passed by walking down the stairs, "Echante." He greeted another, "Pasta Fazul." he said to yet another as he dropped a coin in the man's hat, whom the latter was holding upside down.

Lois gasped at what she saw.

"What the heck?!" John reacted at seeing Peter in his new persona.

Peter then walked up in front of a statuesque woman in a lavender dress.

"Mmm, lookin' good, fellas." Peter complimented spying through opera visors at the woman's cleavage, who didn't seem bothered by it.

"John, do you know anything about this?" Lois suspected toward John.

"Not me!" John admitted, "I had nothing to do with it!"

"Tyler?" Lois then turned her attention to Tyler.

"I didn't do it, either!" Tyler confessed, "I gave the job to-" Tyler soon paused at what he just said and then turned toward Brian, suspecting it was his work, "Brian, was this the 'miracle' you told me before?"

"Tyler, please." Brian said, "I'm just a dog... a stupid dog."

A waitress was passing by next to Brian, whom he turned to.

"Vodka stinger with a whiskey back." Brian ordered the waitress, "And step on it!"

"Brian's got the right idea." Tyler then remarked at Brian's idea, "Ma'am, could you bring me something, too, please? I need something to help me forget about something." The waitress then left, "AND I DON'T MEAN LIQUOR!"

Later, Lois and John were with Peter, who was chatting with Coco and her husband, Jonathan.

"Peter, you're simply enchanting." Coco complimented to Peter, "You must join us tomorrow for a game of baccarat."

"Mmm, right baccarat at ya." Peter said.

Coco and Jonathan let out a gentle laugh towards Peter's comment.

"What's baccarat?" John said to himself as he noticed Lois walking away, "Mrs. Griffin?" He then went to reach up with her. They ended up at a bar where Brian and Tyler were sitting there.

"Brian, what happened to Peter." Lois asked Brian, "He's not cramming hors d'oeuvres in his mouth or asking anyone to pull his finger. (sighs) That's not the man I married."

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Grffin." John said to Lois feeling bad for her, whilst at the same time trying to confort her, "If it makes you feel better, I'll try to help figure out what's wrong with Peter."

"Oh, John. That's so sweet of you to do." Lois said back to John.

"So, I'm guessing that means you two are already into each other, then?" Brian said slurly, obviously drunk.

"What?!" John and Lois exclaimed at Brian's response.

"Lighten up, toots." Brian drunkenly insisted as he also slapped Lois' rear, making both her and John turn in anger, "It's a party."

"Yeah, J-man, lighten up!" Tyler chuckled also sounding a little off.

"Tyler, didn't you even listen to what Brian just said?" John questioned Tyler.

"... No..." Tyler just said.

"(sigh) Alright, 1: he assumed me and Mrs. Griffin were sexually attracted to each other." John pointed out to Tyler, "And 2: Mrs. Griffin is kind of like our own step mom right now. So, now do you see the meesed up message here?"

"Oohhh..." Tyler then exclaimed, but suddenly, he started laughing hysterically for no reason, "I don't get it!"

"Tyler, what's with you?" John asked Tyler.

"I don't know. I'm just happy, I guess." Tyler answered, "I drink this juice that the waitress served me and now I can't stop laughing." Tyler then laughed again after he said this.

Lois then took the glass from Tyler's hand and found the solution to Tyler's strange behavior.

"Tyler, this isn't juice. It's gin!" Lois informed Tyler, making it clear that he was drunk.

"Ooohhh... (laughs) No wonder it tasted funny. I LOVE IT!" Tyler drunkly cheered.

"Yeah, that's the spirit, Tyler. Wooo!" Brian praised Tyler, also drunk as he turned to the bartender, "Hey, barkeep! My friend and I here need more drinks over here! It's like the damn Sahara over here!"

"Yeah!" Tyler joined in, "Like the dang Sahara over here!"

"Oh, no, you're not, young man!" Lois protested in outrage as she then grabbed Tyler by the ear, pulling him out of his seat, "When we get get home, we are going to have a serious talk."

"But, Mrs. Griffin, I love gin." Tyler said to Lois.

"Not when you get your hangover you won't." Lois demanded, "I do not want any of my children, including you boys, to be drinking underage. Understood?"

"You don't need to tell me twice." John told Lois.

"Hey, come on, Lois." Brian said to Lois, "The kid's having his first taste of alcohol in his life and celebrating it. So, let him have his fun-"

Then a woman came up to the bar, much to Brian's interest.

"Hey, how ya doin', honey?" Brian greeted the woman.

It then cut to the auction, which was about to start.

"Welcome to the Historical Society Auction." The auction's host, Mr. Brandywine, greeted the attendants, "Our first item is a 17th-century gilded vessel. We'll start the bidding at $140,000."

"What a marvelous vessel." Peter remarked, "It would look smashing in Lois' crapper. I mean 'crapier'."

"You are so right." Coco agreed with Peter, "Any woman would love to have that vase adorn her crapier. Jonathan!"

Jonathan was caught by surprise from his wife's demand.

"Oh, uh, $140,000." Jonathan said starting the bid.

"$150,000." Peter then said, going up a bit.

Cuts back to the bar with Lois, John, Tyler and Brian.

"Boys, that sounded like Peter." Lois acknowledged.

"Yeah, it did." John agreed, "I wonder what's going on over there."

"Hey, come here, you!" Brian drunkenly said as he tried to grab his own tail, laughing after managing to grab.

"Lemme get it." Tyler also drunkly said to Brian, wanting to grab his tail, too, "I want the white thing, too!"

They both laughed as they each grabbed Brian's tail and soon fall over.

Meanwhile, back at the auction.

"$160,000." Jonathan bidded.

"$170,000." Peter soon bidded.

"$180,000!" Jonathan bidded, earer to beat Peter.

"$190,000!" Peter then bidded, beating Jonathan even further.

Then, suddenly, he got up and declared, "$200,000."

This got the attention of everyone but Peter at Jonathan's risky bid.

Lois, however, then gave a smile in relief to this. The same went for John.

"We have a new record for the Historical Society!" Mr. Brandywine acknowledged, but Peter was still determined to win the vase, "The vessel goes to-"

"$100 million!" Peter declared at the last minute.

Hearing this, Lois dropped her glass in shock, while John's jaw dropped to the floor in cartoonish fashion.

"To Mr. Peter Griffin." Mr. Brandywine then said, "For an astonishing $100 million!"

Peter posed in victory as Mr. Brandywine said this.

John and Lois, however, were still stunned at what just happened. The camera then panned to Brian and Tyler, who were both still drunk, getting a little carried away.

"Money, money." Brian sang drunk as he was urinating beside the wall.

"MONEY!" Tyler also sang drunk finishing the song.

Lois then came towards Peter's direction, whom was chatting with Coco and Jonathan about his victory. John followed with her.

"Peter, I had no idea you were such a philanthropist." Coco said to Peter.

"It's a fabulous vase, Peter, darling." A woman in a gray dress praised Peter from behind, "Do you collect objets d'art?"

"Well, if that's French for Star Wars collectors glasses,' then si." Peter answered.

Everyone laughed along with Peter. Mr. Brandywine then came up to the latter.

"Mr. Griffin, you're the most generous man since Ted Turner." Mr. Brandywine praised Peter.

Cutaway #5

Ted Turner was shown at a podium, appearing to be giving a speech.

"Uh, uh, I'd like to announce that I'm giving a gift the whole world can appreciate." Ted Turner announced, "I'm gonna colorize the moon. By the way, does my chin looks like an ass?"

End

"Peter, you don't have a $100 million dollars!" Lois reminded Peter, trying to bring him back into reality.

"Of course I do, my dear." Peter assured to Lois, oblivious to her warnings and then turned to Mr. Brandywine.

"Now, will that be cash or check?" Mr. Brandywine asked Peter while writing down the amount the latter owed him.

"Drop by Cherrywood this evening." Peter told Mr. Brandywine, "I'll have the money wired to me from my Swiss bank account."

"Ah, very good, sir." Mr. Brandywire replied.

"You don't have a Swiss bank account!" Lois informed Peter.

"Right." Peter chuckled after hearing her, then whispered to Mr. Brandywine, "My, uh, Lawyer's advised me to keep some of my assets a secret. In case things don't work out."

"(heavy sigh) I'm going home with John and Tyler." Lois informed Peter, having had enough, "Come along, boys."

"Right behind ya, Mrs. G." John said to Lois as he was now carried a passed out Tyler, who snored heavily.

"Wait, where's Brian?" Lois asked.

It then cuts to Brian outside next to the Society's valet parking.

"Listen, I told this blonde inside I got a 500SL." Brian negociated with the employee, "Can you help me out?"

Later that night at Cherrywood, Lois was now in a green, formal dress talking on the phone about her decision.

"I'm sorry, but I've made my decision." Lois said on the phone, "We're moving back to Quahog just as soon as we can get packed."

"Thank goodness." John, in his regular clothes, responded to what he heard from Lois.

It then shifted to Meg, who was also in a light-purple, formal dress.

"Ugh, Quahog?" Meg scoffed, "That one-horse town?"

Cutaway #6

It showed only a horse in the middle of an empty town.

"Hey, shut up." The senile horse said to himself as he was clearly insane from being the only one left in town, "No, you shut up. No, you shut up. You shut up. You're the one talking. Well, there's no one else here. OKAY, EVERYBODY JUST SHUT UP! (gasped and whispered) What's that? The wind,"

End

"A pox on Quahog!" Meg declared as she spat, which Sebastian was coincidently there to catch and was also holding the phone she was talking on, where the latter soon hung up.

"(groans in pain) Easy!" Brian pleaded suffering from a hangover.

"(groans in pain) Yes, please!" Tyler agreed also in his regular clothes and also hungover.

"Well, Tyler. That's the prize you get for having your hangover." Lois told Tyler, "I hope you learned a lesson."

"(groans in pain) I sure have." Tyler said to Lois, "The only glass you'll all see me drink is root beer!"

"Said the guy who drink, like, two shots of gin." John said afterwards.

"Yeah, well, that's gonna be the only time, because I'm never drinking again." Tyler swore.

"Gin." John said.

"WHERE?!" Tyler excitedly reacted, but his headache kicked in, "AAHHH, MY HEAD!"

"If I ever go back to Quahog, it'll just so I can poor people with a stick!" Chris, now in a tux, remarked.

It was revealed that it was all at the dining room table. Peter then entered the room, still as Lord Griffin.

"Mmm, Bon Jovi, everyone." Peter greeted the family.

"Now I remember why I left Newport!" Lois spoke, "It changes people. You kids have lost your values. You've lost your mind! And I don't much care for Stewie's new friends."

"Friends?" John and Tyler asked in unison.

Cutaway #7

It cut to Stewie sitting in a room with billiards and was chatting with three gentlemen.

"Yes, yes." One of the men spoke in a British accent, "The Pacific Rim economy is still a tad shaky for my taste."

"Oh, oh, stop it! Stop it!" Stewie butted in, "Now, look here. You ca't become a bloody fiscal hermit crab every time the Nikkei undergoes a self-correction! Asia's market has nowhere to go but up!"

"Interesting." The man Stewie argued with acknowledged smoking his pipe.

"Indeed." Stewie then remarked.

End

"I hate this place." Tyler complained.

"Same here." John said, "Let's get out of here."

Peter then let out a snobbish sigh at their statements.

"Here, old chap. Go buy yourself some more money." Peter told John as he handed him a couple of bills in his hand.

This got John angry as he suddenly shredded the money Peter gave him and went into a fit.

"RRRRRAAAAAAAHHHHH!" John screamed, "IHATETHISPLACEIHATETHISPLACEIHATETHISPLACEIHATETHISPLACE!"

He was then lifted by the arms by Sebastian from behind.

"May I escort Master John to his quarters, madame?" Sebastian suggested to Lois.

"That would be great." Lois answered, "Thank you, Sebastian."

Sebastian then exited the room carrying a roadrage John easily.

Later, Peter was in the library when Tyler and Brian entered the room.

"Hey, old beans." Peter greeted the two as Brian soon held up one of the latter's Star Wars collectors glasses, "Hey, hey, what are you guys doing with my Star Wars glass?"

"Illistrating a point." Brian answered, "Tyler."

"Thank you." Tyler replied as Brian handed him the glass and stepped up to Peter, "Mr. Griffin, when Han Solo took the Millenium Falcon to Cloud City, he found that Lando Calrissian had turned control of the station over to Darth Vader. Lando had forgotten who he was. It was only after Han was encased in carbonite and taken by Boba Fett to Jabba's Palace that he was able to see the error of his ways."

"That's right." Brian spoke and turned to Peter, "Look inside yourself. You're not a Newport millionaire. We created you."

"And in a way..." Tyler then joined and soon with a dark tone in his voice, "... we are your fathers."

"That's not true!" Peter said in disbelieve tearing up, "That's impossible!"

"Damn it, Peter!" Brian said to Peter, "Snap out of it!"

Tyler then threw the glass at the floor.

"Noooooo!" Peter exclaimed as the glass breaks upon impact and Peter shook his head and he was back to normal, "Ugh. Geez, I just had the craziest dream where I bought a $100 million vase."

"A Mr. Brandywine from the Historical Society is at the front gate." Sebastian came in and informed Peter, "He'll be here in half an hour."

"That wasn't a dream, Peter." Brian informed Peter about what he did, "He's here for the money."

"Ah, guys, I'm screwed!" Peter panicked.

"Yeah, you sure are." Tyler remarked.

"If I welsh on that debt, I-I-I', just gonna prove to everyone that I'm not good enough for Lois." Peter sulked, "If only I had something worth that much money. Man, I never should've dropped Mean Joe Greene's jersey."

Cutaway #8

We see Peter having a sip of a Coke when Mean Joe Greene walked past him.

"Good game, Mean Joe." Peter praised Mean Joe Greene, "You want some of my Coke?"

Mean Joe accepted Peter's drink and took a sip as Peter then began to leave.

"Hey, kid." Mean Joe called Peter, "Catch." He then tossed his jersey toward Peter, recreating the famous Coca-Cola commercial.

"Wow, thanks, Mean Joe." Peter thanks Mean Joe.

However, unlike the iconic commercial, Mean Joe Greene then tossed all his other clothes on top of Peter. This then caused the latter to run away.

End

"Hey, wha-what about this house?" Peter suggested having an idea, "I can just give him the house and call it even."

"Cherrywood isn't worth a $100 million." Brian then informed Peter.

"It's worth a million or two, at the most." Tyler then remarked.

"Guys, it's the Historical Society." Peter reminded the duo, "Look, we just gotta convince him that $100 million worth of history happened here."

It then cut to a carving on a wall reading "Jesus Was Here 2/15/57 BC."

"So you're saying that Jesus carved his name into this mantle 51 years before He was born." Mr. Brandywine calculated Peter's statement.

"Yeah, He's Jesus. He can do anything." Peter responded as he turned to his left, "And look over here." it then showed a large hole in another wall, "That's where the stock market crashed."

"Mr. Griffin." Mr. Brandywine said to Peter, but the latter cut him off.

"Oh, I'm telling you, you can't take a step in this house without uncovering something historical." Peter then said as he tapped the floor below, which made a train whistle noise, "(gasp) Wha-wha-wait a second. Could that be Harriet Tubman's secret underground railroad?" He then pulled a piece of floorboard out from under him and revealed a toy train, "(gasps) It is! Go, Freedom Train, go!"

"I've seen enough." Mr. Brandywine announced annoyed, "I happen to know that nothing of historical significance ever occurred here. Please, have our money ready by tomorrow. Good day!" He then stormed off.

"W-W-Wait, wait!" Peter called to Mr. Brandywine trying to get him to come back and snatched a rock fron a stand, "Look, this is where the Pilgrims landed at Fraggle Rock!"

"Plymouth Rock!" Tyler corrected Peter from at the door.

"What's going on now?" John came in and asked Tyler about the situation.

"Mr. Griffin tried to convince the man he owes money to." Tyler told John.

"He is?" John asked, "But I thought he was-" John paused for a second before saying, "You got him back to his senses, didn't you?"

"Yep." Tyler answered.

After that, John and Tyler were with a sulking Peter, where Lois in a coat and a hat and carrying suitcases came in.

"Excuse me, Lord Griffin. Your family is moving back to Quahog." Lois informed Peter before leaving, "If you get tired of being a snob, look us up. Time to go, boys."

"Lord Griffin is dead, Mrs. Griffin." John then told Lois.

"He's right." Peter said to Lois, "It's just me, Peter the towel boy."

"Peter, you're back!" Lois exclaimed as she dropped her back in joy and went over to him, "Oh! let's go home!"

"We can't. I sold our home." Peter reminded Lois, "Our beautiful home with the stolen cable..."

"Yeah." John agreed, "And the video games right beside the TV."

"... And the little man with the penis for a light switch." Peter then reminisced.

"Even though I'm still never going near it." Tyler remarked.

"So, we'll find another place." Lois insisted.

"Eh, your Aunt Marguerite is probably laughing at me while she's BURNING IN HELL-may she rest in peace." Peter then stated, "She was right. Everyone was right. I'm no good enough for ya."

"Mr. Griffin, that's just what they say." Tyler assured Peter, "Do YOU think you're good enough?"

"Not to be with my wife, I don't." Peter stated as he then left the room hanging his head in shame.

"Peter." Lois called out to Peter and went after him, leaving John and Tyler by themselves."

"Aw, man, this stinks." John sulked, "There's gotta be at least some way to pay Mr. Griffin's debt to that place."

"But how?" Tyler asked.

"Hang on, alright? I'm thinking, I'm thinking." John responded as he leaned on the right side of the fireplace to think of a solution.

Meanwhile, Lois caught up with Peter in the hall.

"Peter, wait." Lois said to Peter, "I don't care what anyone else thinks. Tyler was right. All that matters is that I love you."

"I love you, too, Lois." Peter reinstated that as soon as he and Lois shared a kiss, it cut back to John and Tyler in the room, where John accidentally discovers a secret switch while he was still leaning on where he was. It then opened a secret compartment behind a nearby painting of Lois' Aunt Marguerite and revealed a box covered in dust. John picked up the box and looked inside. What he found was just what he was looking for.

"Tyler, I think I've just found the answer to our problem!" John then informed Tyler about his discovery.

The next morning, John and Tyler went over to the Newport Historical Society and showed them their latest discovery.

"Our mansion is historical, alright." John said to the society, "Cherrywood was America's first presidential whorehouse!"

"There's Lincoln." Tyler explained as John flipped photos, "Grant." Another photo flipped, "They even let Robert E. Lee in once."

"Those are fake!" Mr. Brandywine scoffed as he tried to snatch the photos, but John and Tyler kept pushing him away.

"Oh, they're real, alright." John restated.

"And, uh, FYI, Lincoln had the jungle fever." Tyler then informed Mr. Brandywine.

It then cut to the Griffins back in their old house watching The Cosby Show. It then showed Cosby with his son.

"So, you see, Chubby Franklin lived across the street." Cosby said to Theo, "You see, and Chubby Franklin would always always make a face like this." He then made a weird face as the laugh track played in the background.

"Dad, you're not listening. I have a serious problem." Theo said to his father, "I got a girl pregnant. What do I do?"

"And when we saw Chubby Franklin make his face, we would all make this face." Cosby then said as he was clearly not listening to his son and made another weird face. He continued doing this and shaking his head until it literally popped off, freaking Theo out.

"Oh, God!" Theo panicked as he was now standing on the couch, "Oh, oh, my God!"

Cuts back to the family on the couch.

"Hey, boys. I just can't thank you enough for what you did for me back at Newport." Peter said to John and Tyler about what happened back at Newport, "I really appreciate it."

"No problem, Mr. G." John said to Peter.

"Yeah, it was nothing." Tyler then said.

"But, I'm still wondering how you managed to even get our house back." Peter then told the boys.

"Simple." John responded, "We just offered the people we sold Cherrywood to double what they paid."

"We were gonna go triple." Tyler then stated, "But then we thought, 'Na, that just seemed selfish'."

"What?" Lois exclaimed, "How could you two afford that?"

"We kept one of those Lincoln pictures and held a little auction of our own." John told Lois as he held up an issue of the National Inquirer that had the aforementioned photo on the cover.

"Well, thanks to old honest Abe, we have our house back and John and Tyler helped me learn a valuable lesson; it doesn't matter if your family doesn't think I'm good enough for you."

"That's right, because all that matters that's important is that I love you." Lois assumably finished Peter's statement.

"No, because your ancestors were nothing but a bunch of pimps and whores. Hehehehehe." Peter corrected Lois rubbing his nose in her ancestors' faces before turning to John and Tyler, "Right, guys?"

"Uh, sure, why not?" John assured Peter unsure of the moment.

"Whatever floats your boat." Tyler followed.

The all three (Peter, John and Tyler) gave a thumbs up at the audience before the credits.

(A/N: I was originally going to even add ending credits to each episode this season, but then I felt that was a little too much. What do you guys think about that? Let me know in your review. Anyway, I hope the second season premiere of Family Guy JT will be a blast. See ya.)

The End