First Fanfiction! I love SOA and obviously Jax and Tara! Season 7 is hard to watch…but I am invested and will see it through to the end! I understand Kurt's vision….you can't really live a life like this and have a happily ever after. I hope the kids get some sense of peace…but I wouldn't be surprised if it ends with the cycle continuing for the Teller's.

There are so many good J&T teenage fanfics. This is my take…only Kurt know what really happened! I think the emotions that pull J&T together are important as well as Gemma's take on the whole thing. Let's face it…she is the reason Jax and Tara had most of their problems! And as much as I hate her….I do believe that she loved and empathized with Tara in many ways. She just loved Jackson and the club more and is clearly a psychopath (even tho she thinks she isn't! hah). I don't really know where this is headed. I never thought I would do anything like this!….Let me know what you think :). I use a lot of the same lingo because I plan to stay true to the facts. Kurt Sutter & Co. own everything. Not me…I am just a fan!

Title: Whatever This Is….

Words: 3, 099

Chapter 1

It was a summer morning…. a beautiful morning by Northern California standards. Tara Knowles, 16, looked out of her window, contemplating where the day may take her… She looked at the sun, heard the birds chirp, when suddenly, her moment of peace was interrupted by the roar of a motorcycle and a large crash. Her stomach dropped. She dropped her glass of water, and as it shattered across the floor, she ran out of her front door to check on source of the commotion. She felt like she was moving in slow-motion. It was a terrifying sight. Tara felt like she was kicked in the stomach. She fell to the ground in panic. Almost automatically, she picked herself up and ran out to the motorcycle. And, as he she feared, Jax Teller, lay unconscious on the ground, bruised, and bleeding in front of her…

…That same morning, Jackson 'Jax' Teller, 16, was waking up after a night of partying and drinking at the clubhouse, with a crow eater wrapped around his body. His mouth was dry, his head was pounding, and he estimated that the crow eater next to him was about 15 years older than him. Suddenly he felt sick…physically and emotionally. He ran to the bathroom, heat rushing up, he leaned over the toilet and expelled what was in his body….20 shots of Jack and Jameson he thought?…Disgusting. He could smell the crow eater's musk on his body….Even more disgusting, he thought.

While he was in the bathroom, head resting on the toilet, Jackson wondered what his life would be if he was born into a different family. What other 16-year-old was sleeping with older women? Drunk? Unsupervised? Jax Teller did not know what 'normal' was, but he was highly aware that he was leading a very different life than most. At times he enjoyed the freedom of his life, but at other times, he craved what he was missing; dinners every night at 5 with a mother, father, and brother; sneaking out at night…worried about actually getting into trouble; participation on a sports team. Yes, Jackson Teller was missing what he didn't have. He abruptly got up, splashed water on his face, rinsed his mouth with some wash, stormed out of the clubhouse, jumped on a vacant motorcycle and drove off.

Before Jax even knew where he wanted to go, it's almost as if the bike automatically began to drive towards her house. Tara Knowles. He didn't know how to classify his relationship with her, but it was unlike any other relationship that he has had. They had become friends over the years, but not everyday friends. But he wouldn't call her an acquaintance. Their relationship was more emotionally intimate. In many ways they were opposites, but at a basic level, they were both people who had suffered great loss and they were both fiercely loyal, passionate people. It's funny Jax thought, they always seemed to find their way to each other when one of them was having an emotional, existential experience or dilemma. And today was one of those days for Jax. He took heart in the fact that he would soon be with Tara. Other than his best friend Opie, she was the only person that gave him hope. He breathed a sigh of relief and had a moment of genuine clarity, when suddenly, he felt his bike slip out from under him and he blacked out…

3 Days Later…

It was a Monday morning, and Gemma Teller-Morrow sit in the hospital, in her son's room, watching him breath. He was in a coma, as a result of injuries sustained from a motorcycle accident several days ago. The doctors expected a full recovery. Gemma was angry with herself. She loved her son more than anyone could ever truly understand. It was almost unhealthy. It was because of this love that she kept her son close to her and the motor cycle club, Sons of Anarchy, SAMCRO. She knew that her son was drinking, smoking, and fornicating. But, he was with his future brothers. It gave him a sense of family, which was something she wanted him to feel after the loss of his younger brother, Thomas, and his father John, so close in proximity. She considered the club members her family and trusted them with her son. She also realized that she was distracted. Gemma held onto many secrets. Secrets that should destroy a person. The weight that she carried in secrets became her motivation to keep her family and her club close and to keep outsiders away. Sure she was only an 'Old Lady', but she was the matriarch. It was in this moment that she promised herself that no one would take her son away and no one would threaten her club. Gemma was on a mission to keep her family close.

Suddenly, there was a quiet knock at the door. Gemma moved quickly, opened the door and discovered Tara Knowles on the other side. "Tara. Good Morning, sweetheart," asserted Gemma. "Good Morning Mrs. Morrow," responded Tara. "How is he doing? Will he be awake soon. I am sorry, I know visiting is for family, it's just I heard the accident happen and I was the first there, and I've known Jax since kindergarten…I am worried…" Tara rambled nervously.

Gemma made Tara SO nervous. In fact, Tara would say that Gemma terrified her. Gemma was so protective of Jax, so intense about the club, and very mistrusting of outsiders. Gemma has mostly been nice to Tara, but in a back handed sort of way. It was nice mixed with intimidation. "Sweetheart, it's not a problem….I have seen some terrible things in my life…I understand that you want to check-in on Jackson… good to know that you've learned manners…even though you have had to raise yourself," Gemma responded devilishly.

And there it was Tara thought…Gemma Teller-Morrow had this uncanny ability to make her feel appreciated and hated all in the same moment. Gemma was right, Tara has had to raise herself, and it was because of this that Tara was very strong. She did not take crap from anyone. However, she knew that picking a fight with Gemma, in the hospital of all places, where Jax was in a coma, would be silly. In any other circumstance, Tara would have fought back and insulted the shit out of Gemma. Tara's restraint always annoyed Gemma. She was one of the only people, and at only 16, to make Gemma feel challenged without even speaking.

Gemma has always kept a close eye on Jax and Tara. She knew that they had an unspoken connection. A connection that was deeply rooted in Charming, in the common bond they shared having both lost a parent early in life, and in the need to take care of one another. Some days, she thought their connection was sweet, and other days she found it terrifying. Clay, her second husband and current President of SAMCRO, constantly reminded Gemma that Jax and Tara were only 16-years-old. That, as far as they knew, Jax and Tara were just friends. But, somewhere deep down, Gemma knew this was more than a silly young love connection. She was a passionate woman and could sense deeper connections. She knew that she would have to tread carefully. She could see that Jax and Tara were on the verge of crossing into romantic territory, and this frightened her. She knew she would have to work with Tara and not against her.

"Well sweetheart, I think Jackson will be waking up real soon. I am glad you are here. I am sure Jax will be too. Any chance you know why Jax was coming to your house the morning of the accident?" Gemma asked.

Tara knew Gemma was fishing for information. "No, I don't," Tara responded calmly. "I don't really know that he was coming to my house. Opie lives a few blocks away and Jax has to pass my house to get there. In fact, Jax and I hadn't spoken in a few weeks. We don't see each other all that often when school is not in session." Gemma knew this was true. Tara was not a hang around or a crow eater in training. She was never around the clubhouse and Jax spent every waking moment at the clubhouse in the summer. Obviously he spent the night at the clubhouse before the accident as evidenced by his elevated blood alcohol content level the morning of the accident, Gemma thought. Luckily, Chief Unser was on SAMCRO's payroll, and he made that information disappear. Gemma did bear some guilt. She will have to pay closer attention to her son.

"So Tara, tell me, how has your summer been?" Gemma asked. "It's been quiet….My dad works everyday and is out every night, so I have just spent a lot of time at home. I see friends sometimes. But mostly home. I guess it has been relaxing," Tara responded, smiling sheepishly.

In this moment, Gemma looked at her with great empathy. She could tell Tara didn't trust anyone. How could she? Her mother dead and her father a drunk. No siblings. No extended family in Charming. Gemma reflected upon her own upbringing and while she had both parents, her mother was a cold woman. In her childhood, most of the time, Gemma felt like a loner and that is what pushed her to find her own family, SAMCRO. So she felt like she understood a little more about Tara. This knowledge terrified Gemma. Tara had all the qualities of someone who could latch onto the club and the lifestyle, and more frighteningly onto her son. So the next statement that came out of Gemma's mouth shocked Gemma the most…

"Well Darlin, I would like to invite you to dinner at my house. I am having a big dinner on Friday. I want to thank you for calling 911 and watching over Jax the morning of the accident. Your quick action may have saved his life. It's the least I can do," Gemma shared.

Tara was taken aback. This woman who terrified her also made her feel like she was inviting and warm. Tara felt like an orphan. When was the last time she was invited to a family dinner. She had eaten alone every night since her mother died at age 9. The invitation warmed her heart, but also scared her. While Tara was not scared of SAMCRO personally, their actions scared her. Charming was a small town, a small town that was protected in a weird way by SAMCRO. So everyone knew of illegal activity, gun-running, and violence, but turned the other cheek. In spite of her friendship with Jax, Tara kept SAMCRO at a distance because it was a life she did not understand and violence scared her. She was afraid to accept an invitation to a SAMCRO family dinner. What would happen if she liked them? She was afraid yet intrigued. Just as Tara was about to respond, Gemma and Tara turned to Jax… "You should come babe…Gemma throws a mean family dinner…but first, why am I in the hospital?" Jax mumbled. And just like that, Jax was awake.

Friday, Afternoon before the SAMCRO Family Dinner

Gemma was in her glory. A family dinner. Most importantly, her son was home. After his accident, he sustained a brain injury (concussion) as well as a broken arm and some broken ribs, bumps and bruises. Some memories of the accident were spotty for Jax, but slowly he was remembering what happened and what brought him to Tara's street that morning.

Jax was happy that all of SAMCRO would be at the house, but he was also excited because Tara accepted Gemma's invitation, with Jax's encouragement of course. He knew he wanted to see Tara the morning of the accident, but he wasn't quite sure why. Who cares he thought…he would be seeing her in a few minutes, he asked her to come 1 hour early so they could have some time together before the craziness of the party took hold of the night.

There was a knock at the door. Jax eagerly went to the door, he knew it was Tara. There she was. Beautiful was the word that came to his mind, but Jax also thought that word didn't do her justice. Green eyes, dark hair, little make-up, perfectly fitting clothing. Tara was classy and humble. The complete opposite of the usual fare of women that hung around SAMCRO. She took his breath away.

Although special, Jax never knew what Tara was to him until he woke up from the coma. He realized that he loved her. That's right. Jax realized that he loved Tara Knowles. Tara smiled, "Hi Jax, Mr. and Mrs. Morrow," Tara nodded. "I didn't want to come empty handed so I made a lasagna." Gemma was impressed….16 and making homemade lasagna.

"Tara let's go for a walk…Doc says I have to move around," Jax demanded. "Be back in an hour!" yelled Gemma. Oh shit, Gemma thought to herself… My son loves her. So much for pussy. Jax is my son. He loves deep, and he is no longer just mine. I don't trust Tara. I don't hate her, I just don't trust her. Her influence over Jax could be dangerous…to me, to the club… I will have to watch this closely….Gemma knew better than to just demand Jax not speak to her. Keep your enemies closer Gemma thought…

…Tara looked at Jax, smiled and blushed, as they walked through the front doorway and toward the street. She always felt close to Jax, but the accident changed something. Or maybe the accident just made her finally be honest with herself. Jax Teller is the only person who really sees her for who she is. She doesn't let anyone else see her. It's because she doesn't trust. It's because of her absurd childhood. Yes, Jax is the only person who sees her and makes her feel safe. "Jax, I am so glad that you are ok. I was terrified the morning of the accident when I found you. So much blood…So scary…"

Tara continued to talk but Jax was mesmerized by her. She was unlike any other person. He kind of felt like a pussy, but she clearly exerted a control, a pull over him that no one else, other than his mother had. Obviously Tara's pull was different than his mother's, but it was just as strong… "Jax, Jax are you there?," Tara laughed. "Sorry babe, my mind was wandering. It's been an exhausting week. But I have to say, I am really happy that you are here," said Jax.

Jax was beautiful. His blond hair, blue eyes, rugged manliness, and he was a romantic. He was just perfect. "Tara, I remembered what happened the morning of the accident. I was heading to your house. I wanted to talk to you."

Suddenly, Jax's lips met Tara's. It was a perfect kiss, a special moment. The world around them stopped for a minute. Normally Jax didn't even think kissing served a purpose…in fact, he had slept with multiple women and never kissed them…. "Jax," Tara whispered between his lips. Then she pulled away slightly… "Jax, what are we doing?" Tara asked innocently.

Jax looked at Tara, with such a genuine look, with such pride and responded, "Babe, you are important to me. I don't know what this is yet, but I know I want to be with you."

"Jax I… I don't know what to say. This scares me. Not you, but us together. I know what you are used to with girls and I am not one of those girls Jackson Teller…. Jax loved that she called him Jackson Teller when she was being serious.. If there is anything I have learned is that I deserve to be respected and you can't kiss me and then run off and sleep with a crow eater or whatever those women are…your friendship means too much to me to lose it…and SAMCRO..it's a life I don't understand…" Tara turned away, visibly upset and nervous by revealing her thoughts out loud to Jax.

"Don't be afraid Tara, don't avoid me…I know you feel it too…I am not going to hurt you" Jax stated calmly. Jax grabbed her waste lightly with his one hand and turned her around so she was facing him again…"Babe, look at me, I love you."

Tara was shocked….Did he just say he loved me? I love him too, but should I say it…we aren't even together….He could run out of here tonight and sleep with a whore and then what would those words really mean? I am only 16..do we even know what love is?

Jax looked directly at Tara without a blink and said, "Babe…I see the wheels spinning. You don't need to say anything back. I am secure with what I know you feel for me. I just want you to know how I feel. We will figure out whatever this is together."

God he was confident…even a little cocky, which made him even more attractive…Tara thought to herself.

Jax grabbed her face with his hand and pulled her close again. They kissed again…this second kiss lasted longer and was more intense. The kiss was passionate and all-consuming. Tara let out a moan and Jax inserted his tongue into her mouth. She responded by massaging her tongue against his. He pulled back and bit lightly on her bottom lip before giving her one last peck. It was a perfect kiss. Absolutely perfect.

Tara and Jax both gave each other hope. For Jax, Tara gave him the hope that his life could still have positivity in it despite his destiny of SAMCRO and everything that comes along with it, and for Tara, Jax gave her the comfort that she was no longer alone in the world. She had a person.

"Ok, Jackson Teller, we will figure out whatever this is together, but I don't want to see you with other girls. Really, that isn't going to work for me. You will see a side of me you have never seen if you are…" Tara stated firmly, turned, grabbed his hand and winked. "Come on…lets go back to your Mom's…"