Guess who read the whole Divergent series, watched the movie, cried and wrote this in the last three days? That's right; me.

In case some of you may be worried; I'm not changing my writing style. It was just easier to get into Tobias' head this way.

Lots of love to Julie (jaydeemz on tumblr) for talking with me about this fic (and the feels the series dumped on me)

As soon as Christina discovers that I am going back to Dauntless, she insists on accompanying me.

"I trust you, Four, I do. But sometimes grief makes us do crazy things. Like try to drink a memory serum."

This pulls a smile from me, which she seems to judge as a victory.

It's strange to see Dauntless so empty, and I am strangely glad for Christina's presence.

"Is anyone ever coming back here?" she asks, more to herself than me.

"Guess not," she adds, glancing over to the chasm, where she dangled for five minutes under Eric's orders; where Al committed suicide; where Uriah's ashes were scattered; where Tris almost died. "Too many memories."

"They're not all bad," I say. But they're all painful.

"Why do you want to go back to your fear landscape anyway?" she asks, steering the conversation topic away from an inevitable mention of Tris. "Haven't you suffered enough?"

"I think it might have changed," I answer honestly.

"And you're afraid it hasn't?" she tilts her head to the side. "Or that it has?"

I ignore the question, asking one of my own instead. "Are you coming in?"

She shakes her head firmly. "No. I'll wait with you, but no."

I raise an eyebrow. "My fears are different than yours."

"They're still fears."

"Suit yourself." I open the door to the fear landscape room, and we step inside. "At least stab me in the neck."

Christina snorts at my choice of words, but she takes the offered syringe, injecting the serum into my neck.

"Good luck," she says, and everything goes dark.

When I open my eyes, Christina has disappeared, as I knew she would. I am standing on the roof of the Hancock building, the wind whipping at my clothes. I breathe slowly, trying to keep my heartbeat steady. I walk to the edge, close my eyes, and fall.

I land crouched, and pull myself into a ball as the walls close in around me. There is no air to breathe with, but I force myself to inhale deeply all the same. I remember the last time I came to the fear landscape. I need to break the box again.

I stand up in the dark and wait for my next fear, my breathing slow and even, my heart pounding.

The mirror appears, and Marcus is staring at me. Before I can end up with my or his or our hands around my neck. I squeeze my eyes firmly shut. I am Tobias. Not Marcus. Tobias.

I open my eyes, and Christina is standing above me. I am back in the fear landscape room. When did I fall to my knees?

"Tobias?" she asks cautiously, crouching before me. I choke back a sob, and she wraps her arms around me.

"You can start calling me 'Three' now," I manage to get out eventually.

Christina sits back, watching me cautiously, her eyes are full of pity.

"What changed?"

"Tris—" the name sends daggers into my chest. "I—she—" I take a deep breath. "She died, in my fear landscape, last time I went through it. I had to watch her die."

Christina's eyes brim with tears.

"Now that she's …" I can't bring myself to say the word dead or gone. "I suppose I can't fear it anymore."

"Did you want her to be in your fear landscape?" Christina asks, voice quiet as she wipes away her tears. I notice then that I am not crying. Instead, I am numb.

"I don't know." I can't deny that the thought of seeing Tris again, even if to watch her die, sends a twinge to my heart. "I think so. Tris – one of her fears was having to kill her family. It was the only time she got to see them. She missed them." I laugh. It's a hollow sound. "Even Caleb."

We are silent for a long time, before Christina starts to talk. Her voice starts off sad, but grows less so. It's even excited, at parts.

She talks about Tris.

The constant ache in my chest easies just a little.