Ok so this begins immediately after the end of 404A. However, I have changed some things to fit my vision for this story. Fitz doesn't know about Tom yet, I have my reasons. Jake was not framed for Jerry and Harrison's murders, and he is not in holding. He simply stopped returning her calls as he was tired of being used as a booty call while she pined away for Fitz, but that doesn't mean he's gone. I am leaving the possibility of his involvement in their deaths open as I have certain feelings about S4 I still need to explore and think through. As of right now, Jake is innocent. I am 1000% Olitz, but if Jake is going to be crucified, I'd rather it be for the things he's actually done. For this story, (except Jake) everything occurred in 404 including Liv's confrontation with Rowan remains, but for the purpose of this story, I have shifted their encounter to happening before the end of 404A. My endgame is always Olitz, but I can't make any promises on how I get there this time. This is very difficult for me to take this angle, so just stick with me and I promise it will work out.

Transference- Displacement of affect from one person or one idea to another; in psychoanalysis, generally applied to the projection of feelings, thoughts, and wishes onto the analyst, who has come to represent some person from the person's past.

**This is not the only definition, but is the one that serves parts of this update**

Gettysburger and wine. Wine and Gettysburger. Waiting for him to arrive even though he's four hours late. Should she be worried? Should she continue to wait? Should she give up? Should she eat? She wasn't really hungry, so maybe not. This is the life she chose. This is what she had been craving. This was normal. This was what she had been fighting so hard to obtain. This IS the life SHE chose. So why did it feel so wrong? It felt wrong because she was sitting at her dining room table with her now stale burger and fries (which she probably wouldn't have eaten anyway), and overly priced bottle of wine. It wasn't the best wine, the snobby kind like her father indulged in, but it was priced much higher than most could afford.

Olivia Pope had the setup of a normal boring evening at home, waiting for her partner to arrive from whatever it was he was doing. The only problem was that the man she was waiting on wasn't the one she wanted. She couldn't understand why or even how her life had come to this. As Liv took a sip of her wine, her father's words began to replay over and over in her head like a broken record.

'You raised your skirt, and opened your knees, and gave it away to a man with too much power.'

Her father was right. But he severely underestimated her. She had given it away, but to too many men with too much power. The biggest players being the four main men in her life this moment.

With Cyrus, she had raised her political skirt and had given away her morality and ethical beliefs. She had sold her soul to the devil. She had lied, cheated, and brought death upon many, all for the man that was occupying 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Regardless of her reasons, for doing it, the fact of the matter was that she did it.

When it came to her father, she had given away her skirt of trust. Her self esteem diminished with each day she remained in boarding school, and he hadn't reached out to her. Every Christmas or birthday where she had received a card with far more money than a teenager would need, in lieu of family bonding, showed her that she wasn't important enough to carve a few hours out of any given day to spend time with. She never once complained which showed her that her loyalty could be bought, for the right price. Her daddy issues, low self esteem, and abandonment issues, landed her in the arms and beds of many men of power; but it still wasn't enough. She still wasn't obtaining what her life was lacking.

When she found herself raising not only her literal skirt, but the skirt of defense that surrounded her heart, Fitz had taken her on a ride like no other. The love they experienced together honestly scared the shit out of her as she hadn't had anyone love her unconditionally in a very long time. Fitz never tried to buy her loyalty or her love, she just gave it to him freely.

Fitz never tried to spoil her with her heart's desire, to make up for the time he couldn't or didn't have to dedicate to her. He was there, he loved her, he was in love with her and he asked for nothing in return, just her. It was almost too good to be true. It was too good to be true as he was married, with children. Then there was the little issue of him being the leader of the free world. The greatest love she had ever experienced was in the form of stolen moments, late night phone calls and hiding in the shadows. But they loved each other and they loved with all they had.

Their love scared her so much that she ran away, and lifted her skirt of truth as her self esteem dropped even further. It was better to run than to be left. It was better to break a heart, break her own heart, than to have her heart broken by someone else. She needed to protect herself from Fitz abandoning her as she had become so used to that cycle in her life.

Then there was Jake, a man who had entered her life because her father and Fitz felt the need to control her every move. When she decided to give Jake a chance, she knew he was just a crutch to help her survive not being able to have Fitz. He was single, he was available, he was not the leader of the free world, he was safe. As time went on she began to care for Jake, but it was a neediness that couldn't be described as love. The more neglected she felt by Fitz and even her father, the more Liv clung to Jake. Everything she wished, hoped, and dreamed she could do with Fitz but couldn't have, she sought out to obtain with Jake. Jake could be there when she needed him, as he wasn't a slave to the needs of the nation, at least not how Fitz was. Jake made time for her, he didn't put the republic first unlike her father. He could be there, and he was there, especially when she needed him the most.

As time went on, Liv began to rely on Jake as he helped her in ways Fitz may never understand. The one thing she wasn't expecting, was how dangerous transference could be. She had grown to depend on Jake to give her the life that Fitz couldn't presently offer her. She cared for Jake deeply, but she wasn't in love with him. Instead she kept stringing him along, because that was what SHE needed.

She honestly didn't believe she could have, would have, or deserved a normal life with the man she lived, but now everything else about her life and mental stability had been placed into question.

When she went to his office, her father went on and on about how Jake didn't truly love her, not of his own free will. He had been "trained" to love her and that he was basically obsessed with her. As much as she didn't want to admit it, she couldn't help but reflect on the past.

After Jake had saved her or himself (that part she still didn't know) from the B6-13 agent that arrived at her apartment, he told her she was his mission. When he showed up at her door battered and bruised after going missing for a month, he told her that she saved him. Thinking back, she realized she had inquired as to his whereabouts, but hadn't actually done anything to save him, not like she had with Huck. She began to wonder what exactly did go on during that month he was locked up in the hole. As much as she didn't want to admit it, the possibility was plausible.

Earlier that evening when she told Fitz she had left with Jake, and seeing his heart shatter, her heart sank as Fitz rejected her touch. Never had he withered away from her the way he had in that moment, and she felt the air and her heart, being ripped from her body. When Liv left the oval that night, she needed Jake more than anything. At least she thought she did. Four men, four different scenarios, but each of them had fucked her over either figuratively or literally over the past five years. When it came to Jake and Fitz, they had fucked her both literally and figuratively. It was time for a fresh start.

It was time she began to get her life together, because as much as she hated to admit it, she had royally fucked each one of them over as well. She had gone beyond that. She fucked over her friends, her family, her ride-or-dies. She had royally fucked over her gladiators, and the only way she could truly apologize, was to be the woman they relied on. She had already failed Harrison, and she had no idea where she and Abby were headed, but she could still do better for herself, Huck and Quinn. They still needed her example, they still needed... her.

Liv knew she would never stop loving or being in love with Fitz, she had come to accept that. But the stolen moments they had been reduced to were tearing them apart far more than they were building them up. Their relationship was now toxic, littered with too many people trying to rip them apart. The only way to even possibly see if there was anything left for them to salvage, was to take time and grow as individuals. She just wished she hadn't ruined their last kiss with information of her travel mate. She ruined that last earth shattering, soul capturing, body trembling, orgasmic kiss...

'What is wrong with you!? You're Olivia Pope! You don't pine away after men, they pine away after you! Get yourself together!"

Liv glanced down at her watch and decided that enough was enough. She picked up her phone to call Jake one last time. When it went to voicemail, she decided that he was officially ignoring her calls. There was no way she was going to indulge in another game of cat and mouse with yet another man. Confident in what she was about to do, Liv moved to do something she hadn't done in a very long time. She collected the stale dinner and disposed of it in the garbage, before popping her favorite popcorn and grabbing a bottle of wine. She would spend the evening with the two loves that never seemed to disappoint.

When everything was set up on her coffee table, she went into her bedroom and changed into her favorite white silk pajama pants with her Grant for the People T-shirt. She paused for a moment before ripping the shirt off of her body, and putting the matching silk pajama top and cashmere sweater on instead.

It had been so long since she had been able to wear her favorite pajamas. 3 months to be exact. There were no reminders of Fitz or DC allowed in Zanzibar, but Fitz hadn't bought her this pair, so it was safe, she supposed. She stood in front of the mirror, taking in her appearance as she reflected on the Shakespearean drama that is the men in her life. Between Jake and Fitz and everything that had deteriorated in both relationships, Liv just wanted time to herself. She needed time to herself. No one, not Jake, Fitz, Rowan, or Cyrus would have access to her during this time. They all had the ability to make her mistrust her gut and her heart, which meant she needed to deal with each of them as little as possible. It was time she take back her life.

Liv looked at her phone one final time. When there still was no word from Jake, she held down his contact info and once she saw the pop up, selected the block number option. She then went through her contacts and did the same for the White House, Fitz phone, and Cyrus' contacts. She left his black number open, just in case of an actual emergency, all other calls would go straight to voicemail.

Once those contacts were blocked, she moved on to the final person. She pulled up her father's contacts, all 15 of them, and blocked each number, one by one. She changed her personal voicemail greeting, stating she needed time to herself to make some decisions. She was safe, and would let them know when she was ready to be bothered. When she saved her greeting and set down her phone, Liv began to wonder. Out of curiosity, she decided to dial the number to her Fitz phone. Sure it was broken, but she hadn't told Fitz that. To her surprise, it was still active.

She left a more personal greeting on that one, telling him that they needed to grow into the people they wanted to be, before they could even begin to think of a life as "them". She told him that this time she would be doing this alone, and she would be remaining in DC. She told him that if he truly loved her, he'd give her this time to figure out who she was and where her life was going. She needed time to find the woman she used to be, the woman she knew she could be and flourish into a more profound version of the woman he fell in love with. She told him she would still be there to help if a crisis should arise, but she would remain behind the scenes. Before she lost the nerve, Liv added an "I'm sorry for everything I have ever done to hurt you, and I love you so very much. More than you'll ever know".

When her greetings were finished, Liv sent a quick text to Huck, and asked him to see about getting her a new reinforced door. Something where the locks couldn't be picked or hacked, and would be near impossible to kick in. Huck responded that he was on it, and that he would be present for installation the next day.

Now that everything was in order, Liv walked back to her sofa and began her date with her trusty companions, popcorn and wine. With a heavy sigh, she turned on her tv and slouched into the sofa's cushions. When BNC Nightly News appeared, Liv decided she was going to take a break from the fast paced-scandalous life of DC. If there was a crisis, people knew how to get a hold of her. So, Liv flipped through the channels until she finally came across Jimmy Kimmel Live. For the first time in five years, Liv relaxed completely, and enjoyed her first night on just being.

When Kimmel went off, Liv flipped through the movie channels. She had spent thousands of dollars for cable over the years, and had only benefitted from the national and international media packages. It was time for her to see exactly what else her money was buying her. Opting for something light, Liv settled on Just Friends, and curled further into her sofa with her popcorn and wine. Not once did she look at her phone or laptop through the entire movie. Before she knew it, her eyelids were growing heavy, and she decided to turn in for the evening.

The next morning when she awoke, Liv wasn't shocked to find Huck already working with the installers on her new door. The security feature on this door was only what Liv could describe as being something out of a movie. There was a normal key lock, but there was also a remote, that only unlocked the door when her fingerprint was scanned. Part of the exterior wall had been removed, allowing the door and it's track to be placed. Because the sliding security door was now inside of the wall, it would make it harder for someone to kick in. It sort of reminded her of the door to the bunker, but it was metal with wooden exterior, and looked much very like her old door. She knew Fitz would be notified to the changes made to the apartment as his name was on the deed. When she took the job as Communications director, Fitz had purchased her apartment as well as Cyrus' home, under the Grant Administration account. The funds for her apartment however, had been transferred from his personal account.

When she first left the white house, she considered moving. That was until Cyrus showed up at her door one evening, convincing her that although she no longer worked for the white house, Fitz wanted nothing more than to have her remain in her home. She was after all a dear friend, and considering the launching of the OPA, she would still hopefully remain the administration's closest, most trusted advisor.

He was always so generous with her, but the way Fitz always looked after her, left Liv feeling conflicted. She knew he wanted to take care of her, but she could honestly take care of herself. She always had. She loved that he didn't want her to want for anything, but there were things she needed to do on her own.

The OPA was a prime example. When she went to open the OPA, Liv was in the prime position to acquire the loans needed to do things on her own. She should have been thankful when people moved mountains to help her reach her goals and open the business in less than a month, but she couldn't help but be upset, as each "stroke of luck", had Fitz written all over it.

When her name was leaked and Fitz found out her business was failing as a result, Fitz purchased the OPA, saving her from losing everything she had worked so hard for. He had given her the deed for the entire building that housed the OPA, and the house in Vermont at the same time. Both properties were solely in her name, but the apartment was in his. It was why her home was still waiting for her when she returned, with no disruptions to her belongings. Just thinking about it she felt bad that she had allowed another man... men into what was supposed to be their sanctuary, but not once did Fitz ever throw it in her face. Fitz, instead, loved her in spite of the things she constantly did to hurt him. She loved the fact that Fitz loved her as she lived him too. She just needed him to realize that she didn't want him for his money or what he could do for her. She wasn't Mellie. All she wanted was him.

Liv was pulled out of her thoughts as Huck flopped down on the sofa next to her. She had been so absorbed in her memories, she hadn't realized the men had finished and gone on their way.

"The hallway looks just as it did before they arrived. Everything is good." Huck said as he handed her the remote to her door. He spent the next half hour showing her the security features, and guiding her on what to do if there was ever a power failure. Apparently the door had been connected to a small generator which would be activated by pressing a button on her remote.

"Thanks Huck. I feel much safer now."

Huck knew Liv was referring to Jake and Fitz, and not just some intruder. Being a single woman living alone in DC could be dangerous, but the relationships she was currently in, and the turmoil that surrounded her from the men in her life, could be lethal.

Huck alerted Liv that he had the second remote, in case of an emergency which made her feel even safer. With deadbolts on the top, bottom, and side of the door, Liv could breathe easier knowing Huck could get to her if there was an emergency. Huck stayed with Liv a little longer, and the two of them remained content in their peaceful silence. After a while, Huck managed to force her to eat and drink something from an authentic set of food groups. When he was happy with her nourishment, Huck said his goodbyes and told her he would see her the next day.

Since she was taking the day off, Liv made her way into her bedroom and changed into her black yoga pants and her GWU t-shirt. She went into the living room, and spent the next few hours doing yoga and meditating. After she finished her sessions, Liv searched through the phone book and decided it wouldn't hurt if she talked to someone about what she has been going through. She picked up her house phone and made a few calls, and in minutes she had scheduled an appointment to begin therapy. Through all of this, not once did Liv check her cell phone.

She didn't know what the future held, but she knew that she was on her way to rediscovering Olivia Pope. In time would come her truth. Then and only then, would she be able to see the light.

Six months had passed without any interactions with Cyrus, Jake, Rowan, or Fitz. Once a month Fitz would still send a dozen white lilies to the OPA, but he had stopped leaving notes to accompany the flowers. Jake still sent a dozen orchids every month, but like Fitz, he had stopped sending notes with the flowers as well. Although she truly missed the notes, she was thankful they were somewhat honoring her wishes.

Every morning, Huck would go through her voicemail and erase any messages left by Cyrus, Fitz, Jake, or Rowan. He would also clear her blocked call list so she wouldn't know who had been calling her. It was something she had asked of Huck after seeing both Fitz and Jake had left her numerous voicemails one night.

Two weeks into her search for Olivia Pope, Liv had begun seeing a therapist, and she was able to begin sorting through her issues one step at a time.

It had taken until her tenth session for Liv to finally open up about even the tiniest of things. Growing frustrated with the hour long staring contests, her therapist suggested they use false names to symbolize the people she was struggling to deal with. He knew Liv was a high profile person, who had dated some high profile people, including one extremely high profile person if the rumors had been true.

The name substitution had worked like a charm, and Liv soon began speaking freely, sometimes even throwing caution to the wind and using their real names. She knew she was safe in her revelations as an iron clad NDA had been signed, serving as reinforcement on top of the HIPPA laws that were already in place. As added reassurance, Liv knew the threat of being utterly destroyed by Olivia Pope should anything she spoke come to light, would surely prompt her therapist to remain discreet.

Over the past six months they had made progress. Whether it was significant or not depend upon which person you asked. When she left her last appointment, her therapist encouraged her to throw herself out there and begin forging healthy relationships either with people she did or didn't know. Based on everything Liv had told him so far, he was surprised she always seemed so confident and sure of herself when she was delivering a speech on tv.

Liv had done everything her therapist had challenged from adopting a pet from the SPCA to appease her need of being needed and loved unconditionally by demanding forces, all the way to having date nights with herself and getting to know Olivia Pope all over again. She had to admit that she had changed over the past few months. The major change being that the nightmares had stopped. There were also other changes however big they may or may not have been, but they did not go unnoticed by Huck or Quinn.

By the end of the second month, Liv was coming to work everyday with a genuine smile on her face. She no longer spent hours just gazing out of the window, staring at the White House. Now she was more focused than she had ever been, and she was able to keep her clients first at all times. She did have moments here and there when she would see Fitz on tv or a particular anniversary in their relationship had passed. Instead of breaking down, Liv reached out to her therapist, and they created a calendar of potential harmful events. Those were the weeks her sessions were upped, so she could safely work through her feelings. This schedule came in handy, especially when Jerry and Harrison's birthdays came around.

Liv wasn't as distracted as she had been over the past few years, and the three of them would even go out and have a nice dinner two, sometimes three nights a week. To many it seemed like friends just having a good time, but to them, it was the early stages of repairing their broken family.

By the middle of the third month, Abby had begun joining Liv in a few sessions a month. They were terribly missing one another, but Abby couldn't understand why Liv had abandoned them. Going one step further, Abby demanded to know why Liv didn't allow her family to be there for her. But they had been friends far too long, to give up on each other now. By the end of the third month, Abby had begun joining Liv, Huck, and Quinn on their dinner dates. Eventually, Abby, Liv, and Quinn began having girl's nights either at one of their apartments, or a night out on the town. They were finally beginning to behave like the friends they needed to be.

Liv was now more open and talkative about her life to her friends. She didn't keep things bottled in. Although she kept her past with Fitz tightly guarded around them, there wasn't anything about the present or any other non-Fitz related moment that she didn't mind sharing. Things were beginning to look up for Olivia Pope, and even though she would be the first to admit she wasn't 100%, she could at least acknowledge she was on the right path.

One slow day at the OPA, Liv decided to glance over the news. The White House was set to host a dinner a month from now, and although Liv had received her invitation in the mail, she wasn't sure she would attend. It wasn't that she didn't want to go, but she didn't trust herself to be in the presence of Fitz. She knew what seeing her dressed up would do to him, and she wasn't oblivious to the fact that her response to seeing him would be similar. She could feel the progress she was making, and although it wasn't anything significant to her, she didn't want to lose it. She was finally obtaining a slice of normal, and Liv never thought in a million years, she'd obtain it as a single woman.

"We've got incoming!" Huck yelled, effectively pulling Liv from her thoughts. She stood and straightened her white Armani pants suit, and made her way out of her office. Like a small army of soldiers, Huck, Quinn, and Liv marched out to the foyer, and met their guest as they were stepping off of the elevator.

"Why Olivia Pope as I live and breathe. May I say you look stunning."

Liv's breath hitched as she took in the man standing before her. It had been a while since she had seen him, but time definitely made him look even better than before. Her eyes roamed his body from head to toe, as his eyes were clearly doing the same. After a few beats, Liv slipped back into gladiator mode.

"What can I do for you?" She asked with a blank face, although she knew where this could possibly be headed.

"I came to ask you to dinner. A night on the town. Anything to just be in alone in your presence."

"You know I can't do that and as much as I'd like to, you know why."

"But you see, that no longer flies with me. I have grown a lot since the last time you saw me and I am a man that knows what he wants. I simply won't take no for an answer."

Liv stood tall, determined to not let her confidence and determination falter. Power, grace, and poise exuded from her stance. On the inside she was crumbling, fighting to hold on to her resolve. The time they had spent together in the past made her wonder what things could be like for them. She knew of his past, but like all people she associated with, Huck had kept an eye on him, and all of his reports have been glowing. Liv desperately wanted to say yes as this may actually be good for her. She quickly brushed it off because she had rules in place for a reason. They were rules that shouldn't be broken.

"Look, -" Liv paused for a moment, as she gathered her thoughts. "As much as I would love to go out with you and just let go of everything, even if for just one night, you know why I can't."

Her suitor was staring her down, daring her to believe what she was saying was true. He saw the doubt in her eyes, and decided it was time to make his move.

"For the one reason you can say no, there are so many more reasons why you should say yes. Say yes Olivia, say you will give me the chance to show you the new me, the real me. Give me a chance to get to know the new you, the real you. If you want me to get on my knees and beg, I will." Her suitor then got on his knees, and folded his hands as he looked up at her with puppy dog eyes. "Please Olivia Pope give me the honor of treating you with the utmost admiration, respect, admiration, and possibly one day love. Give me the chance to treat you the way you deserve to treated, spoil you the way you deserve to be spoiled."

Liv's resolve was weakening by the second, and before she realized what she was saying, a "Yes" had escaped her lips in a voice so sensual, she didn't believe it was her own. Her suitor reached out and grabbed her hand, and placed a soft lingering kiss on each finger, before standing and placing an equally lingering kiss on her cheek.

"Thank you Olivia. I promise you will not regret this. I'll pick you up tomorrow night at 7." He said before turning quickly on his heels and making his way towards the elevator.

Liv stood there frozen with the goofiest smile on her face as she watched her suitor disappear as the elevator lowered. With her hand pressed on her cheek where his lips had been just moments before, Liv made her way back towards her office with an extra spring in her step. Huck and Quinn noticed the shift in Liv's mood, and although they had given her and her suitor some privacy, they knew what had to have transpired between them. Huck was honestly happy Liv was coming further out of her shell, but Quinn was worried about what this would mean in light of recent breaking events.

Liv walked into her office and floated down into her chair, completely oblivious to what was going on in the world around her. Thoughts of a date with her suitor quickly flooded her mind, and she immediately began reflecting through her wardrobe, trying to decide what she would wear. Liv was lost in her own world, until the headline that was splayed across the TV caught her eye. She immediately turned the tv up and her mouth fell open in shock as the news announcer began to speak.

"This just in. It is official. As of 7:52 this evening, President Grant and First Lady Mellie Grant are officially divorced. The couple split earlier in the year on the grounds of irreconcilable differences, following the death of their eldest child, 16 year old Fitzgerald Thomas Grant IV who passed away from bacterial meningitis, just hours before his father was re-elected into office.

For months speculation surrounded the mental well being of the former first lady as she had seemed to at one point have given up on everything including her two surviving children. Mellie Helmsworth reclaimed her maiden name, and returned to North Carolina to her family estate upon their separation. She shocked the nation when she waived alimony, and financial assistance from the president, stating she had the means to support herself.

During the past six months of their separation, President Grant has been making drastic moves that have gained the approval from both Republicans and democrats alike. His approval ratings are at a shocking 98.7%, the highest we have seen from any president to date.

It is said that Theodore "Teddy" Grant and Karen Grant, the two surviving Grant children, will remain with President Grant until his term in the white house is over. Karen will be removed from boarding school and will reside at the white house full time, where she attend a local private school, and will take on the role of first lady for the time being.

Once president Grant's term is over, custody arrangements will be reevaluated. President Grant is the first president to successfully divorce his wife while in office, and now America is curious to see if he will take on a new first lady in the future, or if he will finish out his term as a single man."

Liv clicked off the tv and allowed the weight of what she had just heard to sink in. She had spent five years fighting Fitz on his divorce, and it seemed like she had worried for nothing. Although he was divorced, Liv knew she couldn't allow herself to get excited just yet. She was nowhere near ready to take on the life Fitz wanted for them, and she knew that jumping into the fire so quickly, would prove to be disastrous for them both.

She wondered how he was really doing in the wake of his divorce. She knew him, and high approval ratings meant Fitz was throwing himself into his work. He was already a great president, but he was the man she knew he could be, when he wasn't spending most of his day, worrying about her.

Liv knew that since she had pushed them both away, Fitz and Jake hadn't exactly made amends, but they were a little more than civilized towards each other. With Liv no longer being a prize to be won, their friendship seemed to be on the mend as they adapted the "bros before hos" mentality.

Liv couldn't help but laugh she could picture them comparing stories of their time with her. Maybe they were sitting around around a round table, holding meetings on Wednesday nights. An ex-boyfriend of Olivia Pope self help meeting, she could totally see it. It's not like they wouldn't have quite an impressive turnout of of DC's most powerful men, all show up to regale the leader of the free world with stories of how Olivia Pope had broken their hearts as well. The thought of breaking Fitz's heart was quite sobering in the moment. She wasn't ready to let him go just yet, but she also wasn't ready to be his Livvie so soon either.

Becoming fed up with the direction her thoughts were taking, Liv pushed all thoughts of Fitz, Jake, and everything else to the back of her mind. She had to admit that she was more than a little excited for her date the following evening. No matter what happened, Liv promised herself then and there that she would keep an open mind, and not allow thoughts of Fitz, Jake, or anyone to taint their evening.

The following evening came much quicker than Liv had anticipated. She had just showered, and was now sorting through her wardrobe, deciding on the perfect dress to wear for the evening. She knew that this date would make it to some form of media publication as she hadn't been seen in public with anyone in this capacity in almost a year. Her last photo op was a stroll through the park with Jake just months before the election.

Liv briefly wondered how he was doing since she had shut him out of her life. Although it wasn't blatant, she knew the signs that he had been keeping watch over her. Between Fitz and Jake and their constant surveillance, Liv knew she should feel like the most protected person in DC. So why did she feel the exact opposite? She thought back briefly to her time on the island with Jake and how he had been there for her when he needed her most. It wasn't that she didn't want Fitz to be there for her, but he had responsibilities that prevented him from being what she needed him to be in that moment.

When they first left for the island, Liv wasn't prepared for how her mind would begin to finally process everything that had happened over the previous year.

At first it was her inability to eat. Wine had become her main source of calories during that first week. Then, came the restless nights, which she turned to a mixture of wine and scotch. She would drink and drink until she passed out. A week into her "new life", things took an unexpected turn for the worse. When the day of Jerry's funeral arrived, the nightmares began. Night after night Liv couldn't close her eyes without the nightmares coming. To make matters worse, the nightmares were all relatively the same.

Liv was sitting in a boat in the middle of the Indian ocean. The water was eerily calm, and it looked as if a storm was rolling in. She would hear someone crying for help, asking her to save them. As she sat, one voice turned to two, then five as her father's voice blared overhead.

'Everyone is worth saving Liv. The question is, can you save them all?"

Liv would turn to the first voice and quickly realized it belonged to Jerry. She would try to row to him, but her paddles were missing. She tried to use her arms to propel the boat to the boy, but the boat only went in circles. Feeling helpless, Liv would jump into the water and try to swim to the drowning boy, but her body wouldn't move. No matter how hard she kicked, she was simply rooted in place.

For the first week it was only Jerry. Then came Harrison. The second week the dreams began the same, but as she sat in the boat, she would hear Harrison and Jerry arguing over who she should save. Each night she seemed to find her way to one or the other, but as she approached them, a huge tide would come, and wash them further out into the ocean. All of her efforts were for naught as they both drowned.

By the third week, Fitz had been added into the mix, and she could see them all fighting to stay afloat. Again, they were all arguing over who she should save, but Fitz was screaming for Liv to save Jerry. She wanted to save them all, and she began to panic as she couldn't begin to imagine her life without Fitz in it. Once again, she managed to find her way to someone, but no matter who she tried to save, they would all be washed further out into the ocean, where they would drown just like before.

It wasn't until the fourth week in, that her mother came into the dream. She too was drowning begging to be saved. Fitz was still screaming for her to save Jerry. By the fifth week, her father came into the dream, only Liv noticed that as he was drowning, he wasn't asking for help like the others. He had this laugh, this menacing laugh and as she looked out from her boat, she noticed that he was holding everyone else under water.

The night her father entered her dream, Liv woke up screaming. Unlike the other times, Liv's screams caused Jake to flee into her room, and when she finally came around, Liv realized Jake was by her side. He was there with her, he was there for her. She may not have been able to save the Fitz or Jerry from the ominous cost of another four years in the white house. She wasn't able to save her mother and father from themselves or each other. But she had been able to save him.

That night Jake held Liv and calmed her fears. Before she knew what was happening, she was kissing him feverishly. They made love on the island for the first time that night, and as Liv woke up the next morning, she realized the dream hadn't returned. Jake became her rock during that time and although it was wrong of her to use him as she did, he made the nightmares go away. So she embraced her time with Jake, as well as the life it seemed she would now be living.

Of course thinking back, after everything she had been told, Liv wonders if Jake was being authentic when he proclaimed his feelings for her. She wonders if everything that had happened on the island was the real Jake Ballard, or if it was simply what her father had trained him to be. Feeling herself slip back into that place she didn't want to be, Liv pushed the thoughts from her mind, and continued preparing for her date.

Reaching into her closet, Liv opted for a sexy yet simple black dress. The sleeveless dress loosely clung to her torso, and flared out at the hips, serving to accentuate her curves in a subtle fashion. The dress itself stopped just below mid thigh. The length coupled with the scooped neck design, her red Louboutin 4" heels, smokey eyes, and red lip, added just the right amount of sexy to her otherwise innocent attire. Her hair was pin straight, with diamond hair clip pinning up the right side.

Liv chose to wear her black pearl earrings and matching necklace to finish off her look. As she stared into her jewelry box, her breath hitched as she took in the gold infinity ring that was nestled inside of it's cushion. Next to it was a ring with two interlocking hearts that Jake had given her on the island. She considered wearing them both, but decided it was best if she went into this date without any reminders of what she was recovering from. Instead, Liv took out a simple gold ring that held a black pearl in the center. She sprayed a bit of her Chanel no 5 perfume, and made her way to the door. Just as she reached the end of the hallway, she heard the bell ring. Liv checked her makeup in the mirror one last time, before glancing at the monitor to ensure it was her date who was at the door.

"Right on time." Liv said as she opened the door and took in the man before her. He was dressed in a sleek black Brooks Brothers suit, with a white button up shirt, and a red tie, which matched her shoes to perfection.

"Honestly, I've been outside in the car for the past half hour. I didn't want to be late. You look amazing Olivia." He said as he nervously ran his hand over the back of his neck. He finally found the courage to meet her gaze, and when he looked into Liv's eyes, the warmth he saw calmed his nerves and warmed his heart.

"Here, these are for you." He said as he handed her the bouquet of party diamonds lilies with pink and white roses accenting the bouquet. "I know roses are cliche for a first date, so I wanted to add in something different."

"Thank you, they're beautiful. Why don't you come in and I'll put these in water and then we can go." Liv said as she made her way towards the kitchen. She reached into the cupboard which thanks to Fitz and Jake, was now full of vases. She searched through the cupboards and found a vase she had bought when she and Abby had gone shopping at an antique store a few years ago. Happy with her decision, Liv filled it with water before placing the flowers inside. Once the flowers were arranged to her liking, Liv carried the vase into the living room, and placed it on the table by the front door.

"I'm ready when you are." She said with a genuine smile on her face. Her date extended his bent arm, which Liv slid hers through gracefully, and the two of them were on their way.

The restaurant they went to was one of the classiest in DC. Liv knew first hand there was a long waiting list, and reservations had to be made in advance. A few times when she hadn't felt like waiting for a reservation, she had Huck hack into the restaurant's computer and secure a reservation for her. The other times, well, there was no need for a reservation as she had gone with Fitz who had shut the entire restaurant down, allowing them to just relax and enjoy the evening. She began to ponder how he got reservations on such short notice, but quickly remembered his status and immediately had her answer.

They enjoyed dinner and simply talking about any and everything that came to mind. Liv felt good being able to go out for the evening on the arm of a handsome gentleman without having to hide, or being overcome with guilt that she was betraying the man she loved with his best friend. She was able to relax, and found that she and her date had a lot of the same views and beliefs. She had known him for quite some time, but never like this. This was... Refreshing.

As the night went on, the two of them enjoyed salsa dancing at a local club, and then went for a stroll through the park. They laughed, talked, and even settled into comfortable silence. Liv hadn't felt this carefree in years, and felt her heart sink when the night came to an end. As he walked her to her door, he placed a chaste kiss on her lips, and the two of them made plans to see one another again the following evening.

Once Liv was safely in her apartment, she quickly stripped off her clothing and slipped into her lavender silk pajamas. She then went into the bathroom to remove her makeup and perform her nighttime rituals. When she was finished Liv climbed into bed, deciding to forgo the wine as she was feeling good. She lay in bed, reflecting on the wonderful evening she had just experienced, and wondered if the following night would be just as exciting. As excited as she was for the next date, Liv couldn't help but feel as if she were cheating on Fitz.

Okay so, I want to say that I have not given up on or abandoned my other stories. I promised I wouldn't stop writing, even with the way S4 is going. I cannot deny however that I was in denial. Lack of Olitz is seriously killing my mojo for my main stories, and I find myself needing Olitz to heal so we can end this bullshit revolving door of heart ache. I honestly don't know when I will have the drive to continue my other stories, but I promise you Olitz won't be apart for long. So let me know what you think, and who you think Liv is dating. I guarantee, you will not guess this one. XOXO