The Fading Stars

Chapter 1: Ten Years

The ten year anniversary of Total Drama came at a precarious time in my life. I was on a precipice, about to drive into the next stage of my life. At the time, I thought the reunion would be nothing more than a distraction. Total Drama had not been an important part in my life during the decade since it finished. There was no way I could have expected it would play out the way it did. The way it changed how we thought about Total Drama. The way it changed me.

Courtney was the first to tell me about the reunion. She gave me a call in early May. I'd sat down on my couch to eat cold spaghetti for dinner and smoke a joint. I was living in Toronto at the time. My basement bachelor pad apartment was located in the Annex neighborhood, on the north side of downtown. I had a bed, couch, bookshelf, turntable, and milk crates filled with LPs. I was listening to the Violent Femmes and sweating. It was a warm spring. The apartment had only two windows near the ceiling, and they did not open. It made the air stuffy. Next to my couch, I had a fan blowing, but all it did was move the warm air around.

When I picked up the phone, Courtney was the first to speak.

"Hey Noah," she said.

"Hey Courtney. What's up?"

"Not a lot. How was your day?"

"Quiet. I spent it working in the library. The final chapter of my dissertation is coming along. I want to get it done before June, when I need to mark the papers for the summer course I'm lecturing," I said. I put my cell on speaker phone, and took a bite of my meal. It was leftovers from a couple days before. I did not own a microwave, so I had to eat it chilled.

"Your last chapter? Sounds like you're going to be done soon. That's exciting. You've been working at it for so long."

"There's still a lot more to do. I'm not out of it yet. I dread having to defend it. I can imagine the panel they'll assemble to grill me."

"You'll do fine. If you can get far enough into the PHD to be able to defend it, then they're going to give it to you. It looks bad on them for letting you get that far otherwise."

I sat back in my couch. "True. I'm still stressed out about it. Sometimes I wonder why I need to go through all of these hoops. No one is going to read it anyway. How was your day?"

"Okay," Courtney said. "One of the partners was angry at me out for taking too long on a memo. I stayed at the office yesterday until 11 to finish it. I'm not sure how I could have done it any faster. Do they expect me to discover a couple new hours in the day?"

I let out a slight laugh. "They must hate the idea of you going home at night. I'm surprised they don't have assigned sleep pads set up so that you never need to leave."

"Some people practically have sleep pads. They store cots under their desks. Serious. I've seen it. I've been contemplating asking some of them for a recommended brand."

We shared a brief silence.

"They got in touch with me today. The Total Drama people," Courtney said. Her voice sounded strained at the suggestion.

"Yeah?" I perked up in my seat. I picked up my phone from the table, and turned it off speakerphone so that the music would not drain out any of the words. "What did they say?"

I was not surprised. The ten year anniversary of the show was in July.

Total Drama had been a popular show during its run. It ran for three seasons: Island, Action, and World Tour. We filmed it during the summer. The first season was shot when I was sixteen, having just finished grade 10. I was eighteen for the last season, right before I attended University for my undergrad. The show was a surprise hit. It was the highest rated show on TeleReal for those years. Despite its success, the show was abruptly cancelled after a dispute between the show runner and host Chris McLean and the channel. I expected the show to quickly fade into irrelevance and be forgotten in the graveyard of old cable television shows.

Chris, however, was not as willing to let it die. After his falling out with TeleReal, he wrote and directed a film called Volcanic Rush based on the events of final season. It was a romantic comedy centered on the two manipulative contestants falling for each other, leading to a disastrous end. With a shoe string budget, Chris was forced to hire Heather and Alejandro in the roles of the characters based on them.

Surprisingly, the film did rather well. When it released, it was the highest grossing limited release film of the year. People talked about it everywhere I went. I was uncomfortable about it. At the time, I'd just finished my second year of University. I had no interest in people knowing my association with the movie. Particularly that the snide sarcastic character had probably been based partly on me.

Chris was propelling into stardom by the movie. He'd directed four more films by the time of the reunion. I had heard that Heather and Alejandro were enjoying moderate success as actors as well.

Volcanic Rush also caused an increased interest in the show that inspired it. People were enthralled by the true story behind the movie. TeleReal had no plans for a fifth year anniversary celebration, but fans petitioned the network, so they put together a quick small gathering. It seemed reasonable to expect that TeleReal would try to profit off the show's continued relevance five years later. Courtney and I had talked about it a number of times, in the months leading up to it.

"They are planning something. It sounds as if they are in talks with Chris about it. At the moment, all they said was a number of non-committal statements. You know the sort, 'greatly interested', 'important conversations', 'genuine interest'. That sort of thing." I imagined her miming air quotes on the other side of the phone. The kind she was prone to do in person. "What I could gather from it, they're thinking of a television special, spread over a couple of nights. One night will focus on Chris' career development. Another will be a 'where are they now' sort of show focusing on us contestants. The final day will be a live talk show interview with Chris and all of the contestants." She spoke casually, as if we were talking about plans we regularly made with each other.

"Interesting," I commented, unsure of what to say. "They have not gotten in touch with me yet. I wonder why? Were they looking for legal advice too?"

"No," Courtney said, "They might not have gotten down to your name yet. It is a long list to contact everyone. There's what? Twenty four former contestants? They asked a lot about my current situation: what my job is, where I'm living, that sort of thing. It was actually kind of discomforting. It's weird talking about myself like that. I'm not sure what they were looking for."

"Easy," I suggested. "They probably want to do a spotlight on you. It makes sense. You were always popular on the show. Plus, you've had an exciting life the past couple of years. It'd be pretty boring if they were going to do a spotlight on me. There's only so much entertainment you can get from a stoned wannabe History professor spouting nonsense."

"That's not true. People liked you. And you are interesting!" Courtney insisted.

"What are you? My mother? Please Courtney, I don't need your false sympathy. Hell, I didn't like myself on the show. If I have any fans, I'm not sure I would want to meet them. It'll be like it always has been. Eva, Izzy and I will get a cameo. Maybe a brief mention. It's probably for the best anyways. It'd be totally lame if I was on the screen for too long. I'd hate for one of my students to see me on the thing."

"You're too hard on yourself," Courtney said, in a paternalistic voice. I rolled my eyes. That part of her annoyed me. "Anyways, I have to get back to work."

"Are you still at the office?"

"Yeah. We ordered Chinese. It's okay. We need to get this done."

"Well, try not to have too much fun," I joked.

I could hear her laugh on the other end. "Will do," she said. "Later."

And she hung up.

I finished my plate of pasta. Afterwards, I made myself a cup of green tea. Lighting the joint, I turned up the record, and thought of my fellow contestants on Total Drama. Besides Courtney, Bridgette and Owen, I had not seen any of them since the last reunion five years ago.

The fifth year anniversary was a mess. After the fans petitioned for it, TeleReal only had a couple of days to plan it. Their budget was small. They were constantly changing what was going to happen. The itinerary was only finalized the day before the event, so we attended without a good idea of what was going to happen. All I knew was that I wanted to get shit-faced.

They held it at a fancy hotel downtown. We were informed that we would need to pay for our own hotel rooms and drinks. Cody called me up about a week beforehand and asked if I wanted to split a hotel suite with him and Tyler. It was the first time I'd heard from him in years. I agreed. I had just finished my Master's degree, and was about to start my PHD. There was no way I could afford one of the rooms by myself.

Not everyone was able to attend the event. Chris was still on sour terms with TeleReal, so he did not attend. Owen was not there either. I'm not sure they were able to get in touch with him. When I talked to him later, he admitted that he knew nothing about the event, but would not have been able to attend anyway. Something about walking a pilgrimage across Spain. Duncan might not have been there either. Ezekiel too. My memory's a little too fuzzy to pin them down with any confidence. The fact that I remembered anything was a miracle.

On the day, Courtney and I showed up to the hotel together. The first event was a signing. All of the contestants present were lined up on a long table. Fans walked past with posters or DVDs to be signed. I topped up my cup of Pepsi with whiskey from my flask. The chair to my left was empty. I assumed it was reserved for Owen if he showed up unannounced. Lindsay sat to my right. I tried to ignore her and she spoke mostly to LeShawna instead. Few fans approached me individually. Most of the people who asked me to sign something was hoping for a complete set of signatures. Which was a hopeless effort, considering not everyone was there.

After the signing, I met up with Cody and Tyler. We checked into the hotel room and disposed of our bags. Cody was working for Amazon in Vancouver. He'd scored the job after finishing a Computer Science degree at UBC. He was upbeat, but clearly rattled by the event. He and Sierra had just broken up. The reunion was stirring up those difficult emotions. Tyler was more laid back. In the fall, he was going to start teacher's college. He was excited about it. His plan was to become a gym teacher. It suited him well.

The next event was the meet and greet with the fans. Courtney later told me that the tickets to get into the room cost fifty bucks. After she told me that, I felt a little bad for ignoring all of them. However, I doubt I was the attraction people were seeking. No one was interesting in paying that much to share some awkward words with me. I headed straight to the bar, trying to look as uninviting as possible. Eva sat down in the stool next to me. I finished somewhere in the range of a half dozen gin and tonics. Eva was like a tank. She downed round after round of some straight spirit. She was working up north at the Oil Sands in Alberta. Apparently she was making a lot of money off it, but it was tough. The work was hard and she had to work with a lot of assholes. 'Ezekiel-types' as she referred to them. She told me about one incident where she kicked out someone's teeth because he had grabby fingers. People left her alone after that.

Next, we headed to the Q&A. We were propped up on a stage in bleacher type seats. I'm not sure if there was any assigned seats. I was too drunk to read anything at that point. Eva and I sat at the back. It lasted close to two hours. I had to pee like you wouldn't believe after it. No one asked me any questions, which I was thankful for. I would have nonsensically slurred my speech if they had.

At the after party, I tried to catch up with Courtney. She was mobbed by a number of fans. She gave me a gentle wave, but I was self-conscious in the crowd. Feeling anxious, I met back up with Eva. Izzy joined us, and we did a couple lines of coke in the bathroom. Izzy kept laughing uncontrollably. She'd scored it off a friend after coming to the city. With the help of a distraction caused by Izzy, Eva stole a bottle of Stolichnaya from behind the bar, and we headed up to the rooms. In the halls, wide eyed and drunk, we caused a little ruckus. My jaw clenched tight and blood pounded in my temples from the blow. Eva tackled an ice machine, busting the front up pretty bad. Izzy pressed all of the buttons on the elevator. We tried to take a swig of the vodka for every floor we stopped at. We were like school kids, who'd been let loose for the first time. A foolish lot more interested in self-destruction than the world around us. We didn't care that the event was held for the fans. 'Fuck the fans!' Izzy kept repeating. We headed back to my room. The suite was larger than their individual rooms. We turned up all of the sheets onto the floor, and sat in a small circle.

Cody and Tyler showed up at some point later. I'm not sure when. It felt late at night, but for all I know, it could have been ten. They were surprised to see us looking so fucked. Cody asked if we'd done anything. Izzy giggled like a little girl hiding something. We let them finish the bottle of vodka. If I had anymore, I probably would have gotten alcohol poisoning. We passed around a couple of joints and shared some hazy conversations.

After vomiting for a bit, I passed out in my bed half naked next to Eva. We probably would have fucked if I was not so bloody drunk. There's no way my dick would have been able to get hard in a state like that.

I woke up the next morning with a splitting headache. It felt like someone had punched me in the temples a number of times. A ringing dug into the back of my head like a drill cutting into my skull. I groaned mercilessly. My stomach felt like I'd eaten something rotten. An awful acidic taste crawled up the back of my throat with each breath. I stammered to stand, and vomit in the bathroom. It was easily the worst hangover of my life. The bathroom was a disaster. The mirror was broken and Izzy laid in the bathtub, with puke on the front of her shirt. Ignoring her, I puked in the toilet, and then drank water from the tap until I coughed. Feeling slightly dizzy, I rolled back into the bed, and did not move until the cleaning lady kicked me out after Cody had already checked out. I had not said anything to them before they left.

It was the last time I'd seen any of them.

I saw Owen about a year afterwards. He showed up to the History building one morning, and waited for me to show up. It took me a moment to recognize him. At first, I thought he was a bum. He was skinnier. His hair was long and scruffy. He had a full beard. His outfit consisted of a hiking backpack, tan khakis pants, a rain coat over a red t-shirt, and Doc Martens. He looked weathered. He resembled a wild man returning from the forest.

"Hey little buddy," he greeted me.

"Owen?" I asked, surprised. He brought me into a hug. He smelled awful, and I fought the urge to push him off of me. "What are you doing here?"

"I was in the city. Thought I might say hi. I didn't have an address, but I googled your name. It brought me here." He said with confidence. Owen was more intimidating than before. He'd always been a big guy, but when he was younger there was an unavoidable softness to him. A warmth radiated from his presence. He was more muscular now. The softness had hardened. I felt as if I was talking to a bear towering over me. It was difficult to connect this beast to my old friend.

"Do you want to grab a coffee?" I asked.

"Sure," he said with his boyish grin.

We headed down the block to a Starbucks. I grabbed a coffee, but he grabbed an herbal tea.

He began to spin a yarn of what he had been up to the past six years. After the season of World Tour, Owen decided he wanted to travel on his own accord. He used half of his winning money from Total Drama Island to help his parents pay off the mortgage on their family house. He set up an account with the other $50,000 of the money, and travelled across Europe. He sounded euphoric about it. The way someone describes taking morphine. Apparently, it was just as addictive to him. Owen said that after the account ran out, there were so many more places that he wanted to visit. He began to work for weeks at a time, until he could afford the plane ticket to somewhere new. He'd visited dozens of countries. He worked as a surf instructor in South Africa, an English teacher in Thailand, at a pub in Ireland, as a prep cook on a Russian cruise in the Baltic Sea. He'd just spent the past year going across Africa. For two months, he drove in a 74 Volkswagen Bus with an Australian. He'd been to Botswana, Zimbabwe, Mozambique, Zambia, Tanzania, Rwanda, among so many others.

"Have you ever travelled little buddy?" He asked me at one point.

"Nothing more than the season of World Tour."

"That doesn't count. It was all phony. Stuff for the camera. I'm talking about really visiting places. Meeting the locals. You get a real sense how big the world is. The fact that there are so many other ways to live your life. I met people practically living in shit, who were some of the happiest people I've ever met. That doesn't mean it is okay for them to live that way, but it does make you think about how something must be wrong here. Doesn't it?" I was silent. I didn't know if he wanted a response. "If you get the chance, you should head out. Maybe one day we can go together. There's so many places I wish I could show you. Places that take your breath away: waterfalls in Malawi, having a beer at a floating bar in Vietnam. Too many to count."

"Why did you come back?" I asked.

"What?" Owen said, broken from a daze. I'd guess he'd been imagining a couple more places to add to that list.

"What are you doing in Toronto?" I specified. "Why are you back in Canada?"

Owen's boyish grin turn solemn. He fiddled with the empty cup of tea. "It's my father. Cancer. They caught it pretty late. He's not doing well. It took a while for them to track me down, and tell me of his condition. He doesn't have much longer."

"Shit," I said taken aback. "I'm sorry to hear that."

We sat in silence. We caught up for a bit longer. I told him about my degree. I described how I was enjoying academia. It was not as exciting as his endless tales. I retold him the events of the five year anniversary. He regretted not attending. Made me promise to have just as big of a time at the next reunion. We shook hands outside of the café. I gave him my email and cell number. He never got back to me.

Courtney and I were never friends on the show. I felt as if she was an overbearing bossy bitch. She considered me a know it all snobby rat. They were not necessarily inaccurate impressions. Once the show finished, we ended up attending the same university. She took Political Science, while I majored in History. We ran into each other occasionally during first year. We shared hellos, asked how each other's day was going, and promised to catch up sometime. It was not until second year of university that we actually planned anything. We met up at a coffee shop around noon. It was awkward at first, but once we started talking about Total Drama, things became easier. There was no one else I knew that I could connect over this big experience in my life. I always needed to explain the context of every joke or reference to Total Drama that came up in conversation with my friends; I stopped bringing up the subject altogether to avoid needing to give detailed accounts of everything. If I ever brought it up, people wanted me to speak about my experience. They wanted to know what it was like to be on television. It was completely different with Courtney. She knew exactly what I was talking about when I brought it up. It felt natural. We joked about behind the scenes things and our impressions of the other contestants. I shared stories that I'd nearly forgotten about. We were so engrossed in the conversation, we moved to a bar after the coffee shop closed, and shared a couple pitchers of beer. I felt as though I was untangling a cord that was knotted in the back of my mind. We helped each other make sense of this strange absurd time that no one else understood. That I did not understand myself.

We started to meet up regularly after that. At least once a month we'd catch up. When we graduated from our undergrads, I was accepted in a History Masters in Toronto. Courtney started law school in Toronto at the same time. Neither of us had any friends in the city, so we became a little closer. She graduated two years ago, and was able to find a job at the downtown firm she articled at. I stayed at the same university, and moved into my PHD after finishing my Masters in a year.

Since she started her job, we saw less of each other. We only went out a handful of times in the past year. Soon, when I finished my PHD, I would move to any city that offered me a tenure track position. It could be anywhere from Canada, to the United States or even England. The market was not good enough to give me an option. I would have to go wherever they wanted me.

I thought, on my couch, in my empty bachelor pad, stoned, how the reunion was going to be my chance to see the other contestants for the first time in years. And might be one of the last times I would see Courtney.

…

Author's Notes:

I hope you liked this. It's not my regular style. This story will move at a bit of a slow pace, but hopefully it will stay interesting.

Just to be clear, in the canon of this story, only three seasons took place. They were each filmed one summer after the other. This is an important fact to keep straight. I know there is a bit of an information overload in this chapter, and I hope you're not confused by it. If you are, feel free to ask me, and I'll clear it up.

I wanted to say thanks to my writing partner Nyhlus for giving suggestions and helping refine this story. This story is indebted to his help. If you're inclined to, check out some of the stories we've written together on his account. Particularly, I'd suggest The Pillars of Destiny or Spin the Bottle Cinderella. I'm proud of both those stories.

Please Leave a Review.

Thanks. BJ.