A/N: AAAAAAAA, I FOUND IT! I thought I had lost this. Everytime I tried to write a new chapter, my computer would go crazy and would delete all the files from it (I wish I was lying, but happened twice.).

I think from now on I'll be only focusing Lena's pov. I will get back to Merle once in a while, but I just feel like it's easier for me to write about her side of the story for now.

I also decided to focus on the relationships of the story (Merle and Lena, Michonne and Lena, Martinez and Lena) instead of the actual zombies for now. Just for now. Life at Woodbury can be pretty boring if you think about it.

But anyway!

I'm not sure if im going to keep writing this, tho. If you like video games (until dawn) check my newest fic (about until dawn) on my profile. It's different from what I'm writing here (mostly bc until dawn is WAY cooler than twd. Also Josh Washington. Reblog if u agree) and idk man, I really like writing fucked up characters.

bYE

~ooOOoo~

Lena woke up with a shaky gasp and a heavy breathing. Sweat was dripping on her forehead; she grabbed the sheets as she quickly sat on the bed. As she tried to take deep breaths, just like Doctor Alice told her to do, memories from that horrible day came to her mind and she tried to brush them away.

She couldn't remember how many time had passed since the incident; since then, she actually didn't care about time that much. The wound on her arm was already healed. Now, there was only a nasty scar on the place of a very deep cut.

"You okay?" Merle's voice made her jump scared; she looked at him with tearstains on the cheeks. She blinked slowly to him and shook her head.

"No." Trembling, her voice was nothing more than a whisper.

"C'mere." He sat on the bed and reached out for her. The bed was small, but Lena still was in the very edge of it. "Hey."

His voice was authoritarian this time. Lena kept staring his light blue eyes. Swallowing hard, she slowly moved towards him. His arms were like a soft, comfortable bed for her. She had already admitted to herself, Merle was the reason why she was sane.

After all, he was the one who saved her from those crazy fucks several weeks ago.

But she was changed, he knew that. Whatever they did to her in that place... She wasn't the same anymore. Of course she wouldn't speak of it. She wouldn't tell him what happened then. Or anyone.

I guess he could say he wasn't the same either. He never thought he would be so over protective for someone that wasn't his little brother. All that time wasted with whores and women he'd met on bars, he wouldn't imagine the one he'd fall for a little one, so vulnerable, so fragile that he had to protect at all costs. He was amazed with himself, he had changed a lot.

Just not too much.

It was clear now to everyone at Woodbury. Lena was Merle's. And nobody would touch her without his consent. Nobody would even talk to her, unless he knew. He wouldn't let her go out of the town on her own. He wouldn't let her wonder around the town on her own. He owned her.

Of course she had her ways of slipping away Merle's wings. Especially in a time like that, when a few members of the Governor's "club" were starting not to trust the leader. And they were right.

Philip only gave privileges to Merle and Lena and no one else. Merle more than Lena. She knew what they did on their own. Both making plans, sharing the throne, telling people and soldiers what to do, feeling like the king of the world.

She knew Philip wasn't good news.

She knew a lot of things. She knew Karen talked shit about Merle and Lena behind her back. She knew Ms. Davidson tried to commit suicide, by taking all the sleeping pills at once in a rainy night. She knew Matt, the dark skinned boy, with blue eyes, who lived near the square was into Celine, the most recent member of the community.

She knew Celine was fucking Merle.

She knew Merle was cheating on her. She had eyes and ears everywhere. And people who'd tell her shit.

When she got back to the town with second-degree burns in the back and bruises in the entire body, people started to kiss her ass. Mostly they were just curious, but she knew the true intention behind the flowers and the "get well soon" bullshit. They wanted to know what was like outside. What kind of people they would have to face if they leave the community.

She became friends with a few of them, but the only one who kept visiting her, even after she was better, was Martinez. He was the one who stayed. If people didn't know she was with Merle, they would think they were dating. Both were always laughing and training, having lunch, or even going out for scavenges together. When Lena found out about Merle and Celine, Martinez was the one who wiped the tears off her face.

It was ironic that the best friend of her boyfriend was the one who made her feel better. Don't get me wrong, Merle also made her feel good, but Martinez was always there for her. Merle wasn't.

But she couldn't let him go. He, after all, was the one who held her at night when she had nightmares.

Inhaling Merle's scent, shaving cream and soap, she buried her face on his neck. Even though all the shit, that was where she belonged. On his arms. And she knew, it didn't matter what he did, it didn't matter how much he'd hurt her, she would never let him go.

~oOo~

Nine or ten days had passed since Lena had her last nightmare. She was sitting at the kitchen table with Martinez, trying once more to convince him that she was right.

"You know it's true." She said, taking another spoon of her cereal with no milk.

"I don't believe you." He said with a serious expression.

"Well, blame Milton." She shrugged. "He was the one who put the idea on my head."

"Don't you think it's a little exaggerated?"

Lena frowned at him, shocked.

"Martinez, you saw what he does outside." she put her spoon on the table. "Since I was kidnapped, he's been different, and you're the one who should see this more than anyone else!"

He nodded, chewing his food. "What 'bout Merle?"

The girl stares at his eyes for a moment, then looked at the table, sighing.

"He still bothering you about-"

"Yes." she interrupted him, looking at his eyes.

"Y'know." He leaned his arms on the table. "Sometimes... Talking about it, is the best-"

"I don't care." She cut him off again. "I don't wanna talk about it."

She didn't want to cry, but her eyes started fill up with tears.

"Lena, you know you can trust me." He touched her hand on the table.

There was so much she wanted to say. So many things she wanted to get off her chest. But she just couldn't. She had realized that the past is past. She couldn't change what happened.

Martinez reached out for her face, touching the scar on her cheek. For a moment, she thought about it. She knew that talking about that horrible day wouldn't change the fact that it happened, but it would make her feel better. But she didn't want to. She didn't want to feel better, because that kept her awake. What they did to her, it was what kept her smart. It was what made her not to trust anyone. Not even him. Not even Philip. Not even the Governor.

"I wasn't talking about that." She took his hand and placed on the table. "I was talking about the Governor, okay. And how he's not the same guy who saved Merle and I on the highway."

"Lena-"

"You know that!" She exclaimed and both were quieted for a moment. "We should do something."

"What- Hey." He interrupted her even before she started talking. "Listen to yourself. You're thinking about taking down the man who founded this town? Did you forget that the people here think that he's actually a good person? We can't just... Force him to leave the throne, you said it yourself, he's mad as fuck!"

Lena gave him a half smiled and he frowned. "We?" She asked.

Martinez sighed.

"So you do agree with me!" She let out a laugh.

"I do think he's not the same man than before…"

Lena tried not to smile. "Okay. It's a start."

"Take this smile off yer face, Mackling." Martinez mocked, doing an impression of Merle.

"Ha-ha." She said, standing up. "Well, I need to hit the shower."

"Oh, almost forgot." He called her. "Celine wanted to see you."

Lena frowned. "Celine? Why?"

He shrugged. "She said she wanted to ask you something."

"Oh… Okay… Anyway, if you see Merle, tell him I said hi. Didn't see him today."

"Aw, you miss him?" He mocked her.

"Shut up!" She shook her head, walking towards the bathroom. "Close the door when you leave."

Closing the bathroom door, she leaned on it, taking a deep breath. Why would Celine want to talk to her? Lena never talked to that girl, not even once. Maybe she wanted something. Brag about Merle wanting her more than Lena? Tell her to back off from him? There were so many questions in her head; she was even a little scared.

"Okay, okay, relax." She said to herself, taking another deep breath. "Is just a slut… A whore. That's… Stealing my man… No big deal."

I'm not scared of her… Am I?

~oOo~

"You want what?!" Lena asked to Celine in complete shock. "A pregnancy test?!"

"Shhh!" The blonde girl answered, almost whispering. "Yes. And can you please not tell anyone?"

Lena wanted to bitch slap that girl. And then punch her. And scream and run to Merle and punch him. And then she wanted to leave the town and cry her eyes out and let a walker eat her. But she just took a deep breath, closing her eyes, trying to relax.

"Okay." She replied and sighed. "I'm going to a supply run, then."

"Will Merle let you go out?"

Don't you speak his name in front of me, bitch.

"I don't need his permission to go out." She answered, after taking another deep breath, extremely annoyed with the girl.

Before Celine could answer, Lena was already in the front door of the apartment.

"You'll have your… Thing… By the end of the day." She said without looking for the blonde.

As she walked towards the quarters, Joey went in her direction.

Ah, great.

"Hey!" He said, walking with her. "Big fight this week, huh?"

Lena sighed. "Yeah, whatever. I'm not gonna participate anyway."

"You know, I still don't get it why you stopped fighting."

"Ah, it was too much for my head. It still is." She let out a laugh. "It was a stupid idea."

"What?"

"Putting walkers in the wrestling?" She shook her head. "What was I thinking?"

"Oh, come on." He complained. "It's fun."

Lena looked at him dead in the eye. "It's dangerous."

"Yeah, but… People love it."

"That's the problem!" She stopped walking, making him stop too. "They love the walkers! They don't see any danger on them. They should know messing around with them is not safe." She sighed. "What happens if this town is overrun? They don't even know who to protect themselves."

"Hey, look." He stepped closer to her. "The town is not gonna be overrun, okay?"

She rolled her eyes. "It will eventually. More the people, more the walkers."

"Morgan!" Merle's voice echoed in the street. "Something's up."

He walked towards them; Lena frowned, worried about him. Suddenly, all her anger was gone and all she wanted to do was kiss the man and never let him go. That's what she hated about him. She was so deeply depended of the man that he made her forget why she was mad.

"Is everything okay?" She asked.

"Yeah, we just catch a helicopter sign and it crashed." He replied putting his hand on his hip.

"Oh."

"We're gonna take a look, see if there's any survivors."

Joey started to walk away from them when Merle called.

"We're going in two cars. Get Martinez and the others!"

"Yes, sir." He replied.

"Missed you this morning." Lena said, catching Merle's attention.

"Yeah, I had a thing to do. With the Gov'nor." He didn't smile when talking to her.

She nodded giving a smirk. "Well, take care… Please."

"Will do." He grinned at her and leaned for a kiss.

She watched him leave and felt a weight on her heart. It was a love-hate relationship. At least for her.

~oOo~

"You know I can't let you go." The guy who was watching the gates, whatever was his name, said to Lena, who was already in the car to make her supply run.

She sighed, rubbing her face with her hands. "Listen, pal." She said, annoyed. "I had a pretty bad day, and it's only midday. Make this easy for me, please."

He shook his head. "Can't let you go. Orders from Merle."

Merle doesn't tell me what to do.

She sighed again. "I'm gonna be honest with you." She swallowed. "I think I'm pregnant. And I really don't wanna find that out when I start growing fat. I need a pregnancy test, okay. Help me to figured this out."

The man sighed and shook his head, walking towards the gate and opening it. Lena shouted a 'thank you' for the man and drove quickly, looking for pharmacy near by. When she found it, she spent a few minutes in the car.

She didn't cry. All she could feel was anger. All she wanted was to never come back to Woodbury.

When she finally left the car, she entered the place and checked for walkers. After clearing up, she took a plastic bag from the cashier and started walking around, trough the shelves. The place was untouched; most of the missing stuff was just food and some drinks, and the rest of it was perfectly put in their places.

When she finally found a pregnancy test, she sighed and picked one up. Looking at the box, she wasn't reading it, but thinking on the next step. She was going to give it to Celine and would mind her own business.

However…

If she was really pregnant, it was obvious that Merle wasn't going to assume the baby. So the blonde girl would have to live with a child on her own in a world full of dead-living. She didn't know she was crying until she saw drops of tears on the box she was holding.

Goddammit, Merle. What did you do?

Her thoughts were interrupted by a sound on the outside. It was a motorcycle. The loudest sound she ever heard echoed the surroundings… And it stopped.

"Shit." She whispered, running to the back of the store and hiding behind a shelf.

As she expected, someone entered the pharmacy, slowly, looking for some sign of walker. Trying to stay calm, she heard a whistle. Just for a second, she thought more people were going to enter the pharmacy, but there was no response. At the second whistle, the louder one, she realized why they were whistling.

Checking for walkers. Smart.

Lena peeked a little to see whom she was dealing it. She couldn't tell if it was a bad person only for their looks, but she could have an idea. She saw nothing but a leather vest with wings on it. When he turned around, she hid again, quickly.

Okay, okay, it's okay. Don't panic. Just wait for him to leave.

Her plan was going to work, if it wasn't for the walker that just entered the place. He didn't notice; was too busy picking up all the food he could hold in one hand. Lena opened her mouth to warn him, but closed right away, remembering what happened last time she encountered strangers.

Daryl didn't see it coming. One split of a second before the walker attack him he turned around. But it was already too late. The thing was one step ahead of him, and all he could do was let go of the food and try to grab his crossbow. Only if it was an inch closer, he could save himself. But he couldn't.

At the very last moment, when he thought he wasn't going to make it, something happened.

Lena grabbed the walker by its clothes and pulled it from Daryl with a strength she didn't know where it came from. The walker that was shoved behind obviously started to walk in her direction, but she quickly grabbed her baseball bat and hit it. When it fell on the floor, she hit it once more, making blood splatter all around.

It took one second to Daryl process what had happened and grab his crossbow. It also took one second for Lena to vomit whatever was in her stomach on the floor.

Goodbye, Frootloops.

A silence followed in the place, they could only hear the heavy breathing of Lena, when she realized what she just had done. She had saved a stranger's life. A stranger's life.

Oh, my God.

Acting without thinking, she pulled her Imanishi 17, the white gun she hadn't used in weeks, from her belt and pointed directly to him. Realizing the intentions of the girl, Daryl aimed his crossbow to her and they stood like that for five, maybe six seconds before he broke the silence:

"You saved my life so you could kill me yourself?"

His voice was rough, and his eyes reminded her of Merle, of course, but there was something different on them. Much like kindness, but different.

Honesty.

Uncocking her gun, she lowered and cleaned her throat.

"Sorry." It was nothing more than a whisper.

Narrowing his eyes at her, he slowly lowered his crossbow. Looking at the girl who saved his life, he felt sorry for her. He didn't know why. Maybe it was the tearstains on her cheeks, or maybe the scar on her face. Or maybe it was the sadness he saw in her eyes. He felt some sort of compassion for her.

Without saying a word, he turned around and started to gather his food. Lena watched him for a moment before speaking.

"I never did that." Her voice was weak, almost like she was afraid of him.

He turned on his heels to look at her. "Did what?"

His tone was a little aggressive, and fear instantly crept her heart, making her turn her head to side, revealing the scar on her cheek. Daryl's heart softened a little.

"S- Saved a stranger's life."

She walked towards the shelf to get another pregnancy test for Celine, which she quickly put in her plastic bag. She wanted to get out of there, now she just wanted to be save. She didn't want to go through hell again. Without saying another word, she picked up her baseball bat and rushed to the front door.

"Hey!" Daryl called her before she could leave. Lena stopped walking and tears started to cumulate on her eyes. "Hey, girl." He walked closer to her.

Her hand tightened the baseball bat as she slowly turned around, looking at those familiar blue eyes.

"Thanks." He said with the most honesty in the world.

She nodded.

"You're welcome."

~oOo~

It was already night when Merle and the others came back. Lena was helping Doctor Stevens to organize some medicines in the medicine closet when they came into the infirmary with two outsiders.

"Can you close the closet?" He asked, giving the key to her. "I'm being called…"

"Yeah, sure, go ahead." She replied, taking the keys and watching him leave.

Looking at the uncountable bottles of medicine in the shelves of the tiny closet, she ran her fingers through them looking for one specifically. When she found it, she put it in the pocket and closed the door, locking it.

Walking through the hallways, she heard a familiar voice; Merle's voice echoed inside a bedroom and she stopped to hear it.

"You've seen my brother?" He said.

"Not for a long time." A feminine voice answered.

"Makes two of us."

"He went back for you and the girl. He and Rick." She said. "You were already gone."

"Yeah, well." He laughed, mocking her. "Not all of me."

There were a small pause and Merle laughed again.

"Yeah… Rick." He said. "He's that prick that cuffed me to the roof top."

"Yeah…" She said. "He… Tried. Daryl saw that."

"He's always been the sweet one, my baby brother."

Yeah, no shit, Merle.

"He wanted to keep looking." The voice continued. "But things happened. People died. A lot of them… Jim, Dale, Jacqui, Carol's daughter Sophia… Amy."

"Your sister?" Merle asked. There was a silence.

"Yes." The voice was small, like if she was trying not to cry.

"She was a good kid." He said.

Were you fucking her too?

"I'm sorry to hear." He continued.

"There were more… A lot more. We had to leave Atlanta, we ended up on a farm… Daryl stepped up. Became a valued member of the group."

"He dead?"

"I dunno that for sure. We got ran off by a herd."

"How long ago?"

"About… Eight months ago?" Pause. "I was separated from the rest of 'em. Got left behind… I know what feels like."

"I doubt that."

There was a silence.

"What do you want from us?"

"Wow." Lena said, making all in the room look at her. Merle smirked at her and Andrea just frowned. "Here she is, four walls around her, a roof over her head, a place to sleep, medicine in her veins and… You want to know what we want from you? " She walked into the room. "Most people say 'thank you' and go to bed happy to be resting their heads on fluffy pillow instead of a rock."

Andrea looked in shock to Lena.

"There you are." He reached his arms to Lena. "Have you met Lena?"

"Oh, she has." Lena said, looking at Andrea. "'We came here to get supplies, not help little girls!'" She imitated Andrea's voice, remembering every single detail from that day. "Tell me, Andrea. How's my brother Rick?"

"We know he's not your brother." She replied.

"Oh, he told you our little secret? Well, I don't think he would be a good brother, though. Family doesn't leave each other behind, right?"

"Cherry-"

"No, tell me." Lena interrupted Merle. "Was he a good leader?"

Andrea stared at the girl for a moment and then sighed. "Like I said, he tried."

"Ah, he realized that being the good cop wasn't going to work out, didn't he?"

There was a silence in the room, followed by a snort from Merle. However, Lena didn't take her eyes off Andrea. With a fake smile, she said the final words:

"Enjoy your stay."

When she turned around, her smile instantly disappeared. Bumping lightly into the Governor in the hallway, she didn't even stop to apologize and kept walking. Merle followed her, but Philip stopped him to whisper in his ear.

Lena was already out of the infirmary, marching her way up to her apartment. Slamming the door behind her, she searched through her jacket pockets for the small bottle of medicine.

As she sat on the table, she put the bottle on the table and stared at it. She didn't know how long she was sitting there, just lost in her thoughts, making plans that would never work. She wanted to escape. She wanted to leave. She wanted to disappear from there and never come back. She wanted to die.

Her hand reached for the bottle, but the front door opening interrupted her. Quickly, she grabbed the bottle and shoved it in her pocket. Merle stared at her for a moment.

"What?" She asked, crossing her arms on her chest.

"Sean came talk to me few minutes ago." He replied.

"Who?" She frowned.

"Y'know, the guy who guards the gate."

Lena's head pounded and her heart raced. She tried to conceal her fear by turning around and walking to the kitchen.

"Oh." She said as she took a bottle of water from the fridge with trembling hands.

"Where'd you been all day?"

God, she hated when Merle played like that. He'd always make her say something he wanted her to.

"Uh, at the library." She said taking a huge gulp of the water.

"Funny." He started to stand up. "Because he said you begged him to let you out."

Lena's breathing was unsteady now. She didn't understand why was so hard to lie to him.

"Where'd you go?" He asked getting closer to her, with a furious look on his face.

"No- Nowhere."

"Don't lie to me, Lena."

As he got closer and closer, Lena started to sweat. But then she thought about something. If Merle was lying to her, why couldn't she lie to him?

"I went…" She started telling him, with a little uncertain on her heart.

To get a pregnancy test for your other girlfriend.

She swallowed the words she didn't even say. And then sighed.

"I went to get pregnancy test." She confessed. "I'm late."

Merle closed his eyes and sighed. "Well, are ya?"

There was a silence and a moment of tension between them.

"No." She said after shaking her head.

He nodded. "Better not be." He turned around and walked towards the door. "Told you not to leave." He said, before grabbing the doorknob. His eyes weren't looking at her, but to the door.

"Good luck sleeping on yer own tonight." He said before leaving and slamming the door.