A/N: I seem unable to drop the theme of Loki dying in Svartalfheim. But, oh well.

~ Chapter 1 ~

Impossibility

Thor dreaded this moment. No one would ever dare to call him a coward and indeed, he wasn't. All his life he run to face any dangers, any foe head on without fear. Only that… To face no physical enemy but what pains your heart is no easy thing.

Three days have passed since he came back from battle on Midgard, from defeating Malekith and getting rid of the danger to the Nine Realms. Three days as he left Jane, again. But no matter how much he wanted to stay with her, forget what happened, be at peace not remembering the losses he faced - he couldn't. Many things needed a closure, needed being taken care of. Thor must return to Asgard, speak with his father, see to his home's healing after Dark Elves' attack... be a prince his people expected him to be.

And… the one he had left in Svartalfheim needed to be brought home.

Thor tried not to think of his actions regarding Loki, because it was still raw, still painful. It was still an open wound. Pretending to be fine helped no one. Especially not Thor.

Guilt. It was eating at his soul the whole time since he left Asgard. Guilt from which it was impossible to escape. He loved Jane and it was not her fault, but he was guilty of bringing her in his home. Guilty of holding her in higher regard than his own people – when palace was being destroyed, when people were killed, great beauty of the realm turned to dust. Because of his actions his mother was murdered – the woman he knew his whole life, who was a permanent figure, who you could rely on, always… Gone. Thor's actions – be they direct or not - resulted in her death. Loki was right. His brother spoke cruelly and aiming to hurt but he was right – Frigga relied on him, trusted him. And where was he? Where was he when most needed? He failed. Failed everyone.

Then Loki. Thor couldn't run from so many regrets regarding his brother no matter how desperately he tried, no matter how unsuccessfully he justified his actions. It was of no use. In that time in prison cell Thor felt nothing seeing his brother for the first time in years after he was put there, nor did he care for Loki's appearance. They have just lost their mother! Thor did not let himself overthink much about the fact that Loki should have been there standing beside him at her funeral. He just didn't think. Coming to the dungeon Thor spoke bluntly and heartlessly, wishing Loki to feel even worse than he already did by the looks of the state of his destroyed cell. Thor regretted also that Loki was alone in his grief for mother, that there was no one for him but his own thoughts. Thor hadn't even humored the thought of visiting Loki ever and in that time, he felt good about it. Not good, but… it felt right. But oh how he wished it wasn't so! How he wished he visited him, liked he it or not! Those moments they were together turned out to be so short. And walking beside Loki Thor ignored him. If he had known he would never see Loki again, that he would lose him forever in so short a time – a day! – he would have watched his every move, tried to remember his every expression. Hell, he would have thought about something – anything – as not to involve him at all! And thus, not feeling bitterly guilty for leading Loki to his demise.

Thor made so many mistakes. Most dishonorable was not even going against his father's orders. No. It was abandoning Loki's body in the Dark World. It felt so disrespectful to leave his brother there after everything he has done, after his sacrifice. Loki did everything Thor asked of him, he played his role well. And the moment Loki was sucked into the vortex, Thor felt his heart freeze. He was so relieved he got there in time. Because never – never again – Thor would see Loki fall and do nothing about it as he did on Bifrost. Loki fought their enemies, he even saved Jane! Thor couldn't ask him for more.

Standing side by side, like so many times before, Thor felt his heart breaking. He struggled to stand his ground, but Loki… Loki made the cruel beautiful hope light up in his chest. Hope for reuniting, hope for giving each other one last chance. They had no need for more. And Thor saw it in Loki's eyes – his brother wanted it too. No matter the past – in that moment they both wanted a new future, both gave their silent consent to try start anew. It was meant to be difficult, to be done with so much effort, past actions put behind them. They were both ready to listen.

Thor tried not to think that fighting Kurse could have possibly resulted in his death. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Thor knew he could fail. But what he also knew was that he was the most capable of defeating him. So that was why Thor ordered Loki not to engage. It was not that Thor didn't trust in his brother's strength. No. But Loki was only fresh out of his cell, his mind could be sharp as ever but surely his body lost some speed and durability with no exercises or training in that white room.

Loki proved him wrong however, as between beats, Thunderer saw Loki quickly disposing of Dark Elves that were many against one Loki. Only Kurse remained. Thor said he would fight him so Loki would stay away and protect Jane. Until that moment Loki did everything right.

He only didn't listen once. And it cost him his life.

And later when Thor thought about it, he felt most useless once more. Because in the end Loki – not Thor – was smart enough to take them from Asgard by secret passages no one else knew about, Loki – not Thor – was there to protect Jane (even if he didn't want to but nonetheless did) so she would use her science to stop Malekith on Midgard, Loki – and not the son Frigga trusted, her only son by blood - avenged their mother, killed the monster who took her from them, made Kurse pay…

What did Thor do?

He let those precious to him who he swore to protect die, he let his family be torn apart, he conspired against his father and made even the most trusted subjects betray their king for his own selfish plans, he became a traitor and made his friends follow his lead, he may have in his mind saving Asgard but did not hesitate to add to the ruins himself.

He was not fast enough and let Frigga die. He was not strong enough and Loki died because of him.

Thor had so many victories that resulted in grand feasts and joyful times celebrated by all of Asgard. This victory will not be celebrated. Asgard has not come out of shock yet. As for their Prince – a 'victory' left a bitter taste in his mouth, a hole in his heart and future he did not want to face. Alone because his father became violent, unstable and most angry. The queen was not there to calm him, to guide him. His son betrayed his trust. His other son dead. Overall, defeat was a more suitable word.

-O.O-

He had to come back. He had no right to stall any longer. His shame was unimportant, it didn't matter that he was afraid to face his failure; his not wanting to say goodbye. He didn't matter. Loki must be brought back home.

Thor wished not to tell his father that he would leave to Svartalfheim. He didn't know how Odin would react and most importantly he didn't want to risk it if his father denied him. Odin could be thinking of Loki all he wanted, but Thor would not let his father's madness rob his brother of the last thing he deserved. Loki died with honor. That Odin could not ignore. Thor would not let him.

And why must past matter now when life is gone? They can only honor Loki's memory for what he managed to do and it was saving them all.

Fortunately, Odin chose to indulge in Thor's request and not even listening to the end gave his son a curt nod and left, not looking back. Thor was grateful if a little disappointed.

Taking two Einherjar with him next day Thor left to Bifrost.

Seeing Heimdall on his spot did not surprise Thor. Asgard needed her gatekeeper and even Odin had no one to replace him. Seeing a black bracelet on man's hand was a surprise however. Asgardian Prince remembered seeing this kind of shackle from a book he read years ago wanting to know about Loki's restrains, put on him on his trial. Loki's were magical chains that prevented him from using his seidr, trapping its flow inside the body. Out of curiosity Thor read (a small bitter smile appeared on Thor's face remembering long gone memory of Loki telling him that Thor was incapable of reading and if he would ever read a whole book then it was a cause of celebrating the day for the rest of their long lives as something impossible) what other kinds of bounds there were. It surprised the Thunder God just how many different kinds of magic existed alongside with people who wielded it. Thor had no idea because he never was interested in magic. He only called it tricks to Loki's aggravation and quiet anger because he didn't know better. Now he knew how powerful and dangerous Loki's abilities in the art were if Odin chose to use magical chains of a special caliber Thor read about.

Heimdall had to pay for his treason and for helping Thor escape. Now his friend wore a single black bracelet that not only showed a sign of shame in the runes covering it, but also had absolute control over what Heimdall did. No more could Heimdall open the Bifrost without contacting the king, like he did in that cursed trip to Jotunheim. No more was Heimdall free in his decisions about Asgard's defenses. Nor was he free to leave Observatory like he sometimes did. He was bound utterly and completely to Bifrost and to king's will. Even the smallest disobeying was punished by pain released from a bracelet. And no one aside from King of Asgard could release Heimdall.

Thor promised himself that when he is king… if… he would be king… he would free his friend. But until now gatekeeper should serve to Odin. There was nothing Thor could do about it.

"Hello, my friend." Thor entered Observatory like so many times before.

"Prince Thor." Thor could not begrudge Heimdall his mood. Another trait banned was familiarity with anyone who came to use Bifrost. It was simply unreasonable in Thor's eyes and spoke of Odin's spite.

Thor understood and simply nodded, going to stand at place. Heimdall took his sword and went to the construction to open the Bifrost. Thor readied himself to inevitable. It was time.

-O.O-

For a few seconds Thor did not move nor did he open his eyes. He needed a moment.

Same suffocating atmosphere, same putrid air, same feeling of death and ruin. Thor opened his eyes and exhaled. Svartalfheim. The place that took from him his home's safety, his peace of mind, his family.

"My Prince!" Thor reflexively turned to face a guard who called him and saw a young man pointing his finger to the east of them.

Before Thor could stop himself, the shudder involuntarily took over his body as his eyes found the outlines of a lone body lying on the ground in the distance – the only dark spot in grayness of this world.

Thor quickly looked away so Einherjar wouldn't see his pitiful reaction: the hitch in his breathing, the fast blinking because of stinging in his eyes, the tremble in the hand that held Mjolnir. He was not… he wasn't ready! That stupid guard had no right… he… He needed time…

Overcoming himself, Thor finally lifted his head to face the body of his slain brother.

Why, oh why did he think that it wouldn't be there? Why had he secretly hoped that Loki played a trick on him and stayed alive somewhere doing whatever mischief he wished? Why was he not laughing in his face, mocking Thor that he fell for his lies again? Why was his body lying there where he left him? Why couldn't Loki be alive? Why? Why? Why?!

Knowing his anger wouldn't make any difference nor would it help, Thor harshly cut his line of dark hopeless thoughts sobering up. It was over. Nothing could be changed. He had to just take a body with him. Just take a body and leave.

Thor couldn't remember when the distance of mere sixty feet felt so much like eternal road. And with every step it got harder to breath.

Loki was just like he last saw him. Same horrible image of death. Bloodied torn clothes, hands around the wound, his… his bloodless face, his shut eyes, his calm expression, his…

Thor fell on his knees beside his brother feeling exhausted and worn. Biting his lip until it split, Thor took a moment to simply catch his breath and quiet his panic. He let his blue eyes roam over Loki while he still could and it was time to go. He didn't know how long he sat there staring but not actually seeing anything before him, blank and numb. Thor did not even touch Loki, not daring to disturb him. After some time Thor returned his attention back and noticed how a few black locks lay out of order across Loki's face.

Sniffing, Thor tenderly brushed dirty black hair from Loki's forehead behind his ear. When Thor was leaving Svartalfheim with Jane, a big storm was coming, huge clouds of dust threatened to swallow everything on their way. Thor left before they could reach him. Loki… Loki was left at their mercy.

Thor was so immersed in his thoughts that it only registered after several long moments. The barely there heat. Loki's skin was producing a heat, barely warming Thor's hand in chill air around. In complete confusion, Thor caringly put his hand on Loki's forehead and froze. Loki's body was warm and it felt as if a person was ill with fever. Thor was rendered still by the discovery – how was it possible if Loki was dead for days? Swallowing a lump in his throat and not thinking of anything least he lose his mind, Thor lowered his hand from Loki's face to his neck. He still did not believe, but had to be sure. With baited breath, two fingers searched for pulse that should not to be there. One. Two. Three…

Thor gasped and flinched back, staring at his brother's body in shock and disbelief. It was impossible. He must have gone mad in his grief and his imagination simply enacted cruelly. Screwing up his eyes against tears that stung in his eyes, Thor closely watched leather clothed chest for any sign of motion. He saw what wasn't there. He was tired and grieving, his mind would surely play tricks on him. It was impossible…

A shock stole Thor's breath away. His mind was blank as a white sheet, his thoughts too many to be coherent.

Thor for eternity could not believe his eyes when he saw Loki's chest rising and falling - barely, painfully, with the last of strength.

The first thought that Loki pretended, tricked him into believing he had died, arranged his death disappeared rather quickly as Thor noticed that Loki did not move an inch and was laying just like Thor left him. And it was not fair to Loki, as memories of what happened resurfaced in his mind. Only then shame and fear came upon golden son of Asgard with the realization that he left Loki here in the middle of nowhere to rot, in pain, dying alone, alive not even making sure... Thor abandoned him so quickly...

Could it be? Could it? A chance, an opportunity, a great and blessed relief in knowing Loki survived. Thor could only hope with tears now shamelessly rolling down his cheeks. Thor didn't realize such sounds could leave him – desperate, gasping, chocked sounds of incredulity that rung in the silence of dead world. Royal guards were looking at each other in confusion and anxiety, not knowing what to do. Thor didn't give them a second of his attention. His world has shrunk to the feeling of his brother lying in his arms, alive. Impossibly alive. How it was true Thor would think later.

Not wasting any time Thor carefully gathered his brother's body and called Heimdall to be returned to Asgard. Father should know Loki still lived if only just. But first he must get to the healers immediately. Until it was too late.