Disclaimer: I own nothing

A/N: Stayed up late to finish this up but boy am I glad I did. There is some great development for Jane and his quest to become a real father to Alex as well as some real headway on the case. Big things are coming up and I'm so excited. And the final scene...that might be my favorite of the whole fic so far.

Chapter 5: A Chance

Lisbon was used to Jane's insomnia, they had been inseparable for months when they were dating and she'd gotten very familiar with his nocturnal habits. He'd always been courteous to her, being careful not to keep her awake with his insomnia. So she fell asleep in his arms, a very agreeable way to fall asleep. But when she woke up late in the night the bed was empty. That wasn't all together surprising but her mind immediately flew to the conclusion that Jane had left.

She got up with a heavy heart; she had to check because she needed to know for sure. When she moved out into the hallway she saw that Alex's door was open and she went to investigate, not expecting what she did find.

Jane was in the room, standing by Alex's bed just watching her sleep. Lisbon didn't know how long he had been there but she understood his desire to just watch her breathe. It probably meant more to him than anything just to see his daughter live.

Lisbon walked over to where he was standing and wrapped her arms around him. Jane clung to her but still didn't move. She kissed his shoulder sweetly and stood on her toes to speak into his ear. "Come back to bed."

"She's beautiful," Jane whispered, still happily staring at his child.

She rested her head against his shoulder. "I know," she replied, "When she was a baby I used to stand like this and watch her sleep." Lisbon sighed, enjoying the sight almost as much as him. "But we don't want to wake her up. Two figures standing over her bed in the dark might scar her for life."

His lips twitched at her exaggeration. She took his hand in hers and tugged gently. "Come on, let her sleep."

This time Jane did go with her, settling back into her bed and she tucked herself in beside him. He was quiet for a while, stroking her arm gently before speaking. "How was it when you first brought her home?"

Lisbon was a bit surprised by his question but she was more than happy to answer. "She was a good baby, happy most of the time, except when she was hungry."

"Are you sure she's not Rigsby daughter?"

She grinned and turned her head to look at him. "Her appetite was all you, but she hasn't developed a tea fetish yet."

"Yet, it will come I am sure of it." Jane replied, "Tell me more, like what was her first word?"

"Her first word was 'mama' and she said it when she was six months old. She started walking at ten months. Always ahead of the curve."

"Now that does sound like our daughter, has she ever scared you?"

She frowned at that question. "Like what?"

"Like disappear or gotten very sick?"

"She's always been healthy but she when she was smaller she had a way of disappearing on me. She was a curious little monkey, still is," Lisbon mused with a smile on her face.

"Who helped you when she was born?"

"I mostly took care of her myself, you know that." She knew Jane wasn't actually with her when she had the baby but he wasn't blind either.

"Mostly, but there were others. Tell me please."

Lisbon shrugged. "My brothers came down when I moved here, they helped make sure Alex and I were settled. Grace and Rigby helped out too. I think Grace is hoping that one day Alex and Ben will get married." She looked up into Jane's face and smiled. "Silly huh?"

"No, not silly." Jane disagreed. "Tell me one more thing."

"What?"

"Did you hate me at the time?"

Lisbon took in a breath and let if out. "I was angry and disappointed...but I don't know if there is anything that could make me hate you."

"You should have hated me." Jane said firmly. "I left you and Alex you had he right to hate me and still have the right to hate me."

"There are a lot of reasons why I should hate you." Lisbon agreed. "But its impossible to hate someone you love."

"I'm sorry, not just for leaving but for everything I did."

She sighed. "I know you're sorry, but we need more than apologies. You need to actually stay, to be a part of our lives."

Jane was silent for a little while before finally admitted. "I can't do that just yet. Teresa I want to be part of both your lives I am just not sure if I should be allowed to. I don't even know why I was give a second chance."

"Maybe you should stop asking yourself why and just accept it."

"What if I can't accept it?"

That thought filled her with bitter disappointment. "Then we'll continue on as we did before…but eventually something has to change and Alex and I will stop hoping and just…give up."

"And what if I don't want things to continue?"

She turned her head to look up to him again. "Well…that's up to you isn't it?"

"Yes and no." Jane explained, "You need to let me back in not just into your life but also Alex's. You need to let me part of her world...of your world. I can't promise everything will work or that I won't run but I am here now and willing to try if you just let me in. Please Teresa just let me in."

She shook her head. "Patrick, I told you from the beginning that the door would always be open with Alex. That has never changed."

"And you?"

"The longer you take the harder it will be for me to wait."

He paused, thinking that answer over before asking one last question. "Are you still in love with me?"

Lisbon hesitated a moment before being completely honest "Yes."

He leaned over and kissed her softly. "I'm trying," he whispered and then kissed her again. She kept her head on his chest, unsure about what the future would be but happy that there was some reason to hope.

The alarm went off but Lisbon slapped it to shut it up, then snuggled up closer to the man she was currently spooning. Jane groaned lightly, stirring from the alarm too. He ran his fingertips up and down her arm lightly, "You know if we stay like this you'll fall back to sleep."

"Mmm," Lisbon murmured, "I'm tempted."

"Too bad there's a case we have to work," Jane replied, "and there's a little girl that needs to be woken up."

"I hate it when you're right," Lisbon mused, opening her eyes. "Hey, while I wake Alex up why don't you make the coffee?"

"I can handle that," Jane said, only half joking. The both reluctantly removed themselves from their warm cocoon and went about their chosen responsibilities. Lisbon was excited to get Alex up for breakfast with her father.

Alex roused slowly, with a sleepy, "Mommy?"

"Time to get up, munchkin," Lisbon said, gently helping her daughter out of bed. "And there's a surprise. Daddy is downstairs."

"He is?"

"Yes, he wants to have breakfast with you."

That woke Alex up. She was quick to hurry downstairs as fast as her little feet could take her, making Lisbon laugh. When they made it to the kitchen the coffee was brewing and Jane was looking through the fridge for food. He turned when he heard them coming and smiled at Alex. "Hello there, did you sleep well?"

"Yes," Alex replied happily. "You're still here!"

Jane nodded. "I had to stay for breakfast," he said it as it if was natural but Lisbon knew this meant the world to both of them.

Lisbon stepped over to the fridge. "I have some sticky buns in here somewhere, maybe we'll have that this morning."

Alex liked that idea, anything to indulge her sweet tooth. Lisbon grinned as she pulled out the roll and popped open the can so she could lay out the unbaked dough.

"Can I help?" Jane asked.

"Sure," Lisbon said, "You can get your daughter some juice."

Jane moved past her to get back into the fridge to find the apple juice. Alex smiled brightly as if nothing made her happier than to have juice delivered to her from her father. "The pink cup," Alex declared, Lisbon had to smirk when Jane looked slightly at a loss as to where said cup was until she pointed at the cabinet.

He brought the juice over to Alex and took a seat beside her, she picked up the cup and took a big gulp, her eyes focused on him as if he would leave if she looked away. Jane crouched over to look right into her eyes. "I assure you, I'm very real." Alex giggled, flashing her little teeth. "I'm a real live person and I'm right in front of you, I can't disappear like magic."

Alex put the juice down. "Mommy says you do magic."

Jane nodded. "She's right, you want to see?" Alex nodded so he showed her a coin he pulled from his pocket. "Watch." And with a few deft hand gestures the coin disappeared before her eyes.

"Wow!" She exclaimed, "Where did it go?"

"I don't know," Jane said, "But I can make it come back." And just like that he did another wave of his hand and the coin reappeared.

"He has a million of those tricks," Lisbon said from her stance in the kitchen, "And he just loves to show off."

"Only to an audience that appreciates it," Jane replied with sly smile.

Lisbon rolled her eyes and pulled the finished buns out of the oven. She quickly covered them with the icing before pulling them apart to serve. "Be careful, Alex," Lisbon warned, "they are very hot, wait for them to cool."

Alex stared at her sticky bun as if willing it to cool faster, which made Jane laugh. In a few moments it was too much temptation and she reached to dig into her sticky bun. She quickly drew back to put her burning fingers into her mouth. Lisbon gave her daughter a warning look. "I told you not to touch it until it was cool."

But Alex was just as stubborn and she reached for it again. This time keeping the food in her hands long enough for her to take a bite. Lisbon looked on disapprovingly and then eyed Jane. "That willful disobedience comes from you."

He laughed then and shook his head. "I'll take full credit for that but you knew it was a distinct possibility."

The three of them turned their attention to their breakfast, which was a nice sweet treat for all of them. Lisbon was honestly just grateful that Jane and Alex were sitting at a table together; it was something she had despaired of ever seeing again. When they were finally finished, the adults cleared the place while Lisbon told Alex and her sticky fingers to stay put.

"Hey," she said to Jane, "You probably want to go change before you go to the office. I have to get Alex ready and drop her off."

"You're giving me permission to go?" Jane teased.

"You're an adult," Lisbon reminded him, "You can do whatever you want. But I'm just pointing out you don't need to stay."

He looked over at Alex and Lisbon was happy to see he was clearly conflicted on this choice. Finally he turned back to Lisbon. "You're right, there's no need to spread anymore gossip as it is."

She nodded and leaned forward to kiss him. "I'll see you in the office soon."

He left then and Lisbon watched him go without sadness but something akin to contentedness. It didn't escape her that there had been something very domestic about their morning, even the kiss goodbye with the promise to meet up at work later. It was a glimpse of the life she'd envisioned for so long.

For the first time she began to wonder if maybe it was finally within her grasp.

Jane got to the office later than everyone but Lisbon, that in itself was rather unusual. When Abbott saw him he looked a little surprised and then quite pleased with himself, obviously the man had noticed when Jane never went to his hotel room the night before. But it was equally clear there was more important things going on than Jane and Lisbon's renewed relationship.

"What's going on?"

"Wiley has something on Lucas Trager."

That perked Jane's attention. "What?"

Wiley stepped forward looking like a puppy with a tennis ball. "I found it, a connection between Trager and Jason Fletcher."

"Don't keep us in suspense," Abbott said.

"Jason Fletcher's parents took in foster kids," Wiley explained. "Trager was one of them."

Jane nodded; it was all making sense now. "That's it. Jason is Baldr. Trager must have seen Jason as the perfect son. So when it was time to find the Baldr for his work…of course he would turn to him."

"Cho," Abbott said, "Go interview Fletcher's parents, see what they remember about Trager. Wiley will stay here and help track Trager down. It might be time to bring him in for a talk."

They separated to do their jobs with Jane deciding to tag along with Cho. They passed Lisbon as they made their way to the elevator and she looked bewildered. "What's going on?" she asked as they hurried past her.

"Case work," Jane replied, "You can come if you want."

Lisbon stood there for a moment honestly unsure of what had happened. But she quickly followed, mostly because she wanted more information.

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Cho filled her in on the new information when they were in the car and Lisbon understood the urgency after that. They were quiet for a moment while Lisbon felt a little upset that she'd missed everything that morning. "I'm sorry I was late," Lisbon explained, "It's not easy wrangling a little girl some mornings." That was true, just not this particular morning.

"Jane was late too," Cho stated simply, the man in question couldn't help but smile then to Lisbon's ire.

"Was he?" She said, trying to act surprised.

"Yeah, you two are really bad at keeping things quiet when you're together."

Lisbon blushed immediately feeling embarrassed but Jane didn't seem fazed. "This is coming from the man who was certain I only ever saw her as a sister."

Cho merely shrugged it off. "I would have preferred if you had."

"Because you lost a bet?"

"Yes."

Lisbon glared at him. "I can't believe you were betting on us."

Jane just smiled. "Well, to be fair the entire CBI were betting on us not to mention the FBI,"

"Shut up, Jane"

"What? Just stating the obvious"

Cho just looked annoyed. "Should have taken separate cars," he mumbled.

"And miss all the fun Cho?" Jane asked.

Cho gave him a dirty look for that one and Lisbon shushed Jane with a simple. "That's enough." There was no need to talk any more about their relationship, especially when no one was really sure what state their relationship was in.

They arrived at the Fletcher household and at the door an older woman with a sad face but a sweet smile greeted them. "Can I help you?"

It was Lisbon who took the lead. "I'm Agent Lisbon, this is Agent Cho and Patrick Jane, we are from the FBI and we've come to talk to you about your son."

"Jason? What happened? Have you found the man who killed him?" The woman looked so hopeful.

"We have a few questions," Lisbon explained, "about Lucas Trager, a child you care for when you were a foster parent."

"Lucas? What does Lucas have to do with Jason?" Mrs. Fletcher wondered aloud. Then she understood. "You think Lucas hurt Jason?!"

"We aren't at liberty to say, do you mind if we ask a few questions?"

"Not at all," she replied, "anything that can help."

She led them inside where they took seats around the living room and Jane immediately took her up on her offer for something to drink, asking for tea if she had some. Jane was happy with the proffered cup and they finally got around to the questions. "Have you had any contact with Lucas Trager?"

"Not since he was moved to another home."

"Was there a reason why he was switched?" Cho asked.

Mrs. Fletcher nodded. "He wasn't happy here, it was difficult for him to adjust to having a brother and in the end it was better for him if he had a fresh start."

"When you mean it was difficult for him to have a brother," Jane said, "what happened between him and Jason?"

"Lucas had difficulties adjusting," Mrs. Fletcher said tactfully, "he didn't know how to interact with boys his own age and had problems not being the sole focus of attention."

"Did he resent Jason?"

Mrs. Fletcher hesitated. "He was a troubled boy."

Well that was a yes if they'd ever heard one. "Can you describe the sort of trouble he was getting into?"

She looked slightly uncomfortable with that question. "He would stay out and occasionally he got into fights at school or with the children who lived nearby. Lucas preferred to keep to himself."

Then Jane pulled a surprising question out of his hat. "Have you ever heard of Susan Burns?"

To their surprise, there was a flicker of recognition in her eyes. "Yes, Susan and her husband lived down the street for a long time. In fact, Lucas was very close to her and Dennis."

"Interesting," Jane said, "what do you know about Dennis Burns?"

Lisbon had no idea where Jane was going with this but she knew better than to intervene. "He was a quiet man, he kept to himself mostly."

"How was he with Lucas?"

"Lucas was very close to him," Mrs. Fletcher explained, "I never truly understood why."

"You found it strange," Jane said, "an older man hanging out with a young teenager, you probably thought something was going on but Lucas denied anything like that."

"Yes he did."

"One more question, was Dennis Burns a religious man?"

"Yes he was," she told him, "in many matters. Lucas would come home with books on the bible and mythology."

Jane smiled, "Thank you, Mrs. Fletcher, you've been a big help to us."

Lisbon and Cho were both still excused when they left the house. "Okay," Lisbon said once they were in the car. "What was that about?"

"Wiley needs to look into the time Trager was here," Jane said, "I'm going to bet that prostitutes were going missing and were later found dead."

"And why would you think that?"

"Because Dennis Burns was a serial killer."

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Wiley got the information back to them quickly, along with something even more important: Trager's address. "Jane was right, there were a string of prostitutes that started going missing. Five were found bound and naked, face down in the dirt in the woods past the interstate. The police never thought they were connected."

"That's why Burns preyed on them," Jane explained, "No one cares about the seedy characters that go missing."

"You don't know that it was Burns," Lisbon reminded him.

"Don't I?"

"Dennis Burns died nine years ago," Wiley explained, "He had a stroke."

"And the killings stopped," Cho finished for him.

"Burns was Lucas's mentor," Jane explained, "a serial killer training another, Lucas may even see his work now as a way to honor his father if you will."

Lisbon shook her head. "Lets bring this guy in before he gets his own apprentice.

They hurried over to Trager's apartment, Jane stayed in the back while Cho and Lisbon kept their weapons ready as they knocked on his apartment door. No one answered. She turned here eyes to Cho who immediately said. "You hear that?"

"Sounds like someone could be in trouble," she agreed.

"Only one way to find out."

Cho quickly kicked the door down and they saw feet disappearing out of the fireescape. "Shit!" Cho rushed over to the window to follow while Lisbon took the alternate route, running down through the stairwell to try and catch him around the otherside of the building.

The two agents gave chase to their fleeing suspect down the street. The young man had an impressive lead and was already fast on his feet but he was being chased by a former track champion and Cho, Lisbon was willing to bet on them.

He sprinted across the street, dodging a car that almost took him out and they had to be careful of avoiding a similar fate. Then Trager ducked into the metro station and they knew they had to hurry.

He jumped over the counter to rush over to the metro car that was just about to pull out of the station. Luck was on his side, Trager dashed through the doors and they closed behind him. Lisbon and Cho could only watch as their only suspect was taken away by the Los Angeles metro.

"Dammit!"

Jane had stayed behind in the apartment after Trager dashed away and he was still there when they got back. With their suspect gone they were able to search the apartment, but any hopes of finding a confession or real evidence linking him to the killings was not to be.

However there were some things of interest, particularly the bookshelves lined with books on mythology, Greece, Egypt, Germanic, even some on the Celts. Jane was intrigued but Lisbon was disappointed they didn't find the smoking gun. Jane insisted that Trager had safe house somewhere, no doubt where he planned his killings, that was where he had run. Unfortunately they had no idea where it was.

Lisbon put out an alert for Trager that all officers in the Los Angeles area and surrounding counties look for him and the news put his picture out as a "person of interest" but didn't explain why. There was no need to alarm the public that there was a serial killer out on the run.

She went home to go take care of Alex, not entirely satisfied with what had happened that day but reasoned that progress was better than nothing. But the case was the only thing on her mind, now that the excitement had died down Lisbon was left wondering again what was going on between her and Jane.

The previous night had been amazing but they hadn't had a real chance to talk. Lisbon didn't know what it meant. The biggest problem was that she knew Jane wanted to be with her, that had never been the issue since he'd jumped on the plane. The problem was if Jane wanted to be a father to Alex now.

He'd come to see her by his own free will, that meant something. Would he come again? Maybe he was seriously thinking of putting his fears aside and sticking around? She wanted to know but was terrified to ask, but that didn't stop her from hoping that he would show up again.

Alex kept asking about her father all through dinner and beyond. She wanted to know if her daddy was coming back, if he asked about her, if he enjoyed playing with her and so on. Lisbon did what she could but there was no stopping Alex's excitement. As the time passed Alex got quieter and Lisbon knew why, she knew that Jane probably wasn't going to come by again after all.

When Lisbon tucked Alex into bed she had one very somber little girl. "Alex," Lisbon told her, "Don't be upset. We had a busy day today and Daddy has an important job, he probably just stayed late and couldn't come."

Alex looked skeptical. "Really?"

"Yeah, we had to chase a bad guy and everything."

Her little girl didn't seem too convinced but she decided to accept it. "Okay."

She kissed Alex on her temple. "Good night, baby."

"Good night, Mommy."

Lisbon left her little girl to go to sleep while she went downstairs to think and drink a little wine. She considered calling Lena to complain but that would mean admitting to her friend she'd slept with Jane again and Lisbon wasn't ready for another long explanation as to why she'd decided to start sleeping with Jane again.

She wondered for the millionth time why Jane could be a father to his first daughter but not to his second. On the surface it didn't make much sense but Lisbon kept coming back to the pain the man had suffered over the years. She knew he was broken, she always had, it was the same excuse she'd used for years whenever she wondered if it was possible that they could ever be more than friends.

Then he had done it. He'd killed Red John and slowly started to put his life together…and then jumped on a plane to tell her he loved her and keep her from running off to another man. It was the most romantic thing that had ever happened to her and she still smiled like an idiot every time she remembered it.

Too bad it fell apart so quickly.

She'd never imagined that getting pregnant would destroy their relationship. Still that is exactly what had happened. He'd always been so good with children; it had never occurred to her that it would be different with his own. But why? Why was it so hard to love his own daughter?

Lisbon wasn't sure if she would ever find that answer.

A knock on her door startled Lisbon out of her thoughts and it was even more surprising to find Jane on the other side.

"What are you doing here?"

Jane looked a little embarrassed but he still smiled. "I wanted to see you."

Then she understood. "You came here for sex."

"I came for you."

She shook her head. "You're so darn frustrating and confusing that sometimes I forget that you are still a man."

Now it was his turn to look confused. "I take it that's a bad thing."

"Go back to your hotel room, Jane. You're not getting any tonight."

He stepped closer before she could shut the door. "I'm sorry, did I do something to upset you?"

Lisbon crossed her arms over chest. "Yes. You came here to see me. Did you forget that I don't live alone anymore?"

"I could never forget about Alex."

"Then you deliberately came after she was asleep," Lisbon pointed out. He didn't say anything and she knew she had him. "Go."

"Lisbon…"

"Seriously, Jane, what is wrong with you? She's a five year old girl not a monster!"

"I never said she was," Jane replied.

"Then why did you stay away?" Lisbon asked. "Did you not enjoy playing with her yesterday? Or breakfast this morning?"

"I did," he insisted.

"Then why did you come now in order to avoid Alex? You can't keep playing this game, stick around or stop showing up."

Jane ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "I'm scared. That's why I avoided Alex. It's as simple as that."

"Can you tell me why?"

"Charlotte meant the world to me," Jane explained, "she was everything and I…I lost that. I can't go through that pain again, not ever."

Lisbon stepped over to him, putting a comforting hand on his arm. "Jane…you won't."

"But I could," Jane reminded her, "I could lose my second child just like I lost my first."

"Nothing is going to happen to Alex."

"You can't be sure of that."

"Jane, you cannot live your life denying yourself everything in case something bad happens…then you'll never have anything to live for."

He nodded. "I know and I'm trying. I just need a bit of time. It was beautiful and overwhelming to be with Alex yesterday…I just need time."

"I can give you that," Lisbon told him, "but you can't avoid her forever."

"I won't."

She nodded. "Okay." Lisbon looked into his eyes, feeling better about the future at the moment and more certain about the present. "Now…do you want to come in after all?"

He grinned now. "I thought you said nothing would happen."

"Just shut up before I change my mind."

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Years of not sleeping much at night had ingrained themselves permanently in his subconscious. He slept better when he was beside Lisbon but Jane knew he probably would never sleep extremely well ever again, it just wasn't in the cards with him. But there were worse things in life than laying down watching Lisbon sleep in his arms, actually that was probably one of his favorite things to do. She breathed deeply, her eyelashes brushing against her cheeks and unconsciously curling up against him for warmth. It was moments like this where he felt content, where he didn't worry about the future or feel pain over the past. All he cared about was this moment where the when the woman he loved was asleep in his arms.

The sound of a door opening pulled Jane from his bucolic thoughts; tiny feet on carpet followed and prodded him to slowly extricate himself from the bed to investigate. He poked his head out of Lisbon's bedroom only to spy a little girl creeping down the stairs. What is she up to? Jane wondered as he followed her, careful not to makes a sound.

Alex crept her way to the kitchen and made a beeline for the fridge, she pulled out a heavy carton of milk and set it rather noisily onto the floor. Then she headed straight for the table and scraped one of the chairs across the kitchen to one of the cabinets where she climbed on top of the chair and then to the counter so she could reach up and grab and bowl from the shelf and then a spoon from the drawer. Finally she toddled down once more, scraped the chair over to the pantry and stood high on her tippy-toes so she could grab the carton of Lucky Charms cereal. Jane had to admit, he was rather impressed.

Alex hopped back down to the floor so she could pour the cereal into the bowl, some of it spilling over the sides and then do the same with the milk. But before she could dig into her treat, Jane decided to make his presence known. "What are you doing, little one?"

The little girl gasped and looked a little embarrassed to be caught. He walked over with a smile so he could kneel down next to her. "A midnight snack or were you bored?"

"I don't know," Alex replied.

"You've done this before," Jane surmised, mostly from how natural she had been moving about the kitchen. Alex nodded and he grinned. "Does mommy know?"

She nodded again and explained. "Mommy found cereal on the floor and asked me. I told her that I wake up sometimes. The doctor says I'm fine, I just don't sleep as much, insomria."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Insomnia?"

She smiled now. "Yeah." Jane shook his head at her and she noticed. "What?"

"Oh nothing," Jane replied, "I'm just going to have to rethink some things, apparently my sleeping problems might be more than I thought they were." At her confused face he put it more succinctly. "I believe your insomnia is just another thing you got from me," he explained, "that and those eyes." He tapped her nose for emphasis and she grinned.

Jane reached over to pick her and put her on the counter, putting the bowl in her lap. She swung her feet against the cabinet door as she happily munched away on her cereal while her father grabbed a broom to sweep up the mess she made. "Why are you awake, Daddy?"

"Because like you, I don't sleep much."

"Were you with mommy?"

He paused; slightly embarrassed to be caught but glad she was too young to know just why he was in bed with her mother. "Yes, I was."

"Why didn't you come while I was awake?"

That was a tougher question to answer. If he was honest, it was because it was easier to avoid her than to face the complications that came every time he saw her. But it wasn't her fault that he was so messed up…and he still hoped that maybe it would get easier. "Oh I was busy working," Jane replied, putting the broom and dustpan away. "I didn't finish until after you were asleep."

Alex studied his face as she chewed on her bite of cereal, as if reading to see if he was telling the truth or not. Perhaps she was adept at understanding people like he was, but he was a better liar than anyone else she knew. So she finally nodded and accepted his answer.

Finally she finished the last few bits of cereal and he smiled. "All done?" At her answering nod he put the bowl in the sink and then lifted her in his arms to put her down on the tile floor. "You think you can try going to sleep again?"

"Okay," Alex agreed, "But will you come?"

Jane took in a deep breath and released it before nodding. "Of course." She lifted her arms up to be held again and Jane reciprocated. Holding Alex in his arms felt as good as holding Lisbon…maybe even better.

He carried Alex up to her room and happily tucked her into bed. She smiled up at him, her dark hair fanning out across her pillow. "Will you tell me a story?" Alex asked.

"Sure," Jane said, "Want to hear about the magician and the princess again?"

She considered that idea but then shook her head. "Something true."

Something true? What an interesting request from the inquisitive little monkey. He thought for a long while, after all the truth wasn't something that was easy for him to tell, worse since most of it was far too terrible for a little girl to know. But there were some things he could say, even if he felt some shame still.

"Has Mommy told you about when you were born?" Jane asked.

Alex nodded. "Mommy said she went to the hospital and stayed there for hours and hours until I arrived."

"She's right," Jane agreed, "you certainly weren't in a hurry to come into this world, I can't blame you for that," he said, brushing her hair back, "but we all did want to meet you." Jane leaned down to look at her more closely. "Mommy doesn't know this but I was there."

"You were?"

He nodded. "I was outside the office when she told Abbott that you were on your way. He told me and after a little while I decided to go to the hospital myself. I waited downstairs for hours and hours until a nurse told me you had been born, that you and your mother were perfect."

"Then what?" Alex asked.

"Then I went away," Jane told her, "I went back to my home and I cried. I cried because I was so glad that you were okay, that everything was all right. And I cried because I knew that it was going to be so hard for me to be the daddy you deserved."

Jane was quiet for a moment as he remembered those days, hating himself for not having the courage to be there and hold Lisbon's hand as she brought their daughter into the world. But there was more to this story than just the day Alex was born. "The day after you were born I went to go see you and Mommy."

"You did?"

"I did," he told her. "I sat down in the room and waited for Mommy to wake up. I watched her sleep for a while before I got the courage to look over at you. You were so beautiful, a tiny little thing wrapped up in pink and sleeping like an angel. I couldn't believe that I was the father of such a beautiful little girl.

"When Mommy woke up I finally asked if I could hold you. Then I picked you up and held you in my arms and got the best look at you. Oh I couldn't stop staring at how perfect you were. Your tiny little nose, your perfect rosy lips and cheeks, those big blue eyes. You held my finger in your fist; you were so small and yet so strong. It took my breath away," Jane said. He looked away, his mind far off and back on that beautiful day, that moment where he'd held his second child in his arms.

He met Alex's eyes again. "Then I leaned down to whisper in your ear, something that was just between you and I."

Alex waited but grew impatient as the silence lasted. "What? What did you say?"

Jane smiled and leaned over so he was whispering in her ear, just like he'd done all those years ago. "I said, no matter what, you would always be my little girl. I will always love you. You are mine…and I am yours."

Alex was smiling softly when he pulled back. "I love you too, Daddy."

Oh that made his heart swell. "I know, baby. And I love you." He leaned down to kiss her forehead. "Go back to sleep, sweetheart. I'll be here when you wake up." And Jane knew he would keep that promise, he found himself looking forward to breakfast with his daughter.

He closed the door behind him softly, letting her attempt to go back to sleep. Then he made his way back to Lisbon's room so he could crawl back into bed with her, carefully wrapping his arms around her again. Jane closed his eyes and breathed deeply for a long while, sleep finally creeping in.

As he drifted off he realized that for the first time, he didn't feel any guilt over this.

A/N: Nope not crying, just have something in my eye. I hope you guys enjoyed this but just wait until you find out more about Trager, not everything is as it seems. This is much bigger than you or Jane can imagine ;-)