Sometimes the way one's heart slows down during stages of shock, is not so unlike moving one's finger down the keys of a piano. The press of only low keys, the sound, a grumble that slips under one's skin. Dean felt like that. He had rushed toward them thinking that he could stop their trajectory. He was not fast enough. He watched Cas' fall and heard his scream, but worst of all was the stillness and quiet in the aftermath. The immobility of his own body as he just stared down at them.

The fall was not quite three stories. Yes, they were on the third floor, but the first floor had high ceilings, and the second floor had low ceilings. If one were to be technical about it, standing on the third floor, was like standing on the roof of a two story building. It is possible to survive a fall from that height if one were incredibly lucky. Al did not appear to have been lucky that day. He landed on his back, flat on the pavement below. There was a splash of blood pooling out from where his head rested. Not much else of him was visible. Cas' body was covering most of him.

Dean stared down at them from the broken window for seconds that felt like minutes, that felt like days. His world was a low growl of blood in his ears. He thought that he might be screaming down to them. He thought that there was noise, but it wasn't registering. He was moving at some point. Time had passed. His body was hurtling back to the stairwell. His shoulder slammed into the wall as he threw himself forward taking two then three steps at a time, nearly falling with each move. He slammed through the front doors of the bank and into the street. Their bodies were there and now he froze, his forward momentum like a sudden vice on his heart. He couldn't move closer; too much would be confirmed.

There were people coming out now, faceless bodies filling the streets. Dean thought that some of them were trying to talk with him. Finally he snapped out of the shock a little and fell at Cas' side. He reached out with shaking hands to him. Touching his arm first, before yelling out to anyone that could hear him, "Someone call for an ambulance." He could hear the shuffling of feet and voices. He did not look out to see who was there who was not. There was just Cas, still and his own hands unwilling to gain confirmation of a pulse. He kept his fingers lightly on Cas' arm, though.

The ambulance came and Dean was relegated to the sidelines. Blood covered his hands from where he had pressed them into Cas' side while he waited for the ambulance to arrive. The bleeding had seemed minor, but he worried that it did not tell the tale of what was happening inside of Cas. He worried that more damage would be discovered and that all would be lost. He did not ride with the ambulance, but instead got into the Impala and tore off in their wake.

On the seat beside him was a blood streaked phone. He had pulled it out of Al's jacket. He thought that he could use it to track A, but really he had no time to think about that now. There was too much happening at once, and he was not functioning completely coherently. It all just came down to needing to be in the hospital, needing to see Cas open his eyes, needing to make this all alright.

And time passed. The drive felt long. The movement from the parking lot at the hospital to the interior seemed to take ages. The halls were long and cavernous despite the bright white lights illuminating everything. They would not let him follow Cas all the way in. He found a wall near the large double doors that they rushed through and he leaned against it. There was no sound making its way into his ears, just the silence of dread as he stood there fiddling with his jacket sleeve.

His phone buzzed. He felt it. He pulled it out of his pocket and looked down at the name on the screen. Sam. It buzzed again, and Dean answered it. "Sam." His voice a cracked mess in even just that one syllable.

"Where are you, Dean? I'll come to you." Sam sounded like he understood everything without hearing anything more than just his name on Dean's lips.

"I'm at the Sutter Hospital. You know where that is?" Dean was starting to hear other noises now, the beeping of machines in rooms and the undercurrent of the fluorescent lights humming away in the ceiling.

"I'm on my way." He could hear Sam moving about even through the phone. He could hear Sam telling someone to drive to the hospital. "Gabe's with me. He's driving." Dean could hear a screech of tires. "Damn it, Gabe. Be careful." A deep breath of air and Sam continued, "What happened?"

Dean felt the world coming back into focus. "It's Cas. He's hurt." He stopped explaining and felt himself choking on a breath.

"What about Lil? Is Lil okay?"

Dean tried to push down the tide of emotions that threatened to overtake him. "Mirov took her. I haven't found her. Missouri and Garth are being held somewhere. God knows where. I don't know what to do, Sam. It's all just fucked to Hell, and I'm just standing here freaking out."

"I'm almost there, Dean. We'll fix this. We'll find Lil. We'll find Missouri and Garth. Cas will be okay." Sam was trying his best to sound confident. Dean could tell that it was a speech for his benefit.

"You didn't see the fall. People don't typically survive a fall like that." The door to the ER burst open next to him as two doctors rushed in. He caught a couple words of their talk as the doors swung shut behind them.

"Fall caused some major internal injuries."

"I can't lose him, Sam. It'll kill me." With that he fell into silence.

Neither of them hung up, but they also didn't speak for a time. For Dean it was enough to know that Sam was there with him, even if just on the phone. Finally, Sam's words broke the silence, "We just parked. We're on our way in." Sam sounded like he wanted to say more, but he didn't.

Dean stared down the hall in the direction that he knew his brother would come from. When Sam emerged, he felt a stab in his gut, not of relief as much as release. Sam strode up to him and threw his long arms around Dean in a tight hug. Dean crumbled into it, letting himself cry a little in his brother's arms. "I'm here, Dean. It'll be okay. I promise. It'll be okay." His words were spoken in a soothing tone down into Dean's hair.

"I should've never come back. I brought this to them. I brought this evil into their lives. It should be me dying, not him. It should be me."

"Shut up, Dean. They did this, Al and A and Brady. You didn't bring this poison into their lives; they did. They are poison, and we're going to take them out. We're the good guys. You are a good guy, and don't you forget it." He let himself stay in Sam's arms for a few more moments before he steeled himself again. He had to pull it together.

He could feel the world pressing in on him from all angles. The pressure was crushing him, the cracks and fissures widening in his once solid being. Just the tiniest bit more and he would be crushed into a fine powder that would be blown away on the next current of wind. He pushed himself away from Sam and looked at the doors that separated himself from Cas. Gabe moved closer to them. He clapped a hand to Dean's shoulder. "He has to be okay, Dean. He's a strong bugger. I don't think that he is anywhere near done with all of us."

"Thank you, Gabe." Dean shrugged away from Gabe's hand.

"Where do you think A is?" Gabe put his hands into his pockets and rocked back on his heels. He seemed to be donning an air of calmness, like this was all just a normal conversation. Dean sensed that he was just filling the space of time and worry with words.

"I don't know. I have Al's phone. I need to give it to Phil to run a trace." Dean looked to Sam and added, "Adam is staking out a plane that we found at a farm. I thought that it might belong to Mirov. I need to be doing something. God…" Dean walked over to the wall next to Sam and punched it, then he stormed off down the hall. He couldn't just stand there. He couldn't just let the rest of his people die because of him. He felt the familiar buzz of his phone in his pocket. He reached for it and realized as he did so that it wasn't his phone. It was Al's. He pulled it out and saw the light of the screen displaying the number that was calling. There wasn't a contact name attached to it. He did not know what would be best. Answer. Let it ring. He felt worry rising up in his stomach. The fear of making the wrong choice yet again. Who would die this time, he thought.

He stopped in front of a window at the end of the hall and gripped the phone. He stared at it and let his finger hover over the button. He pushed it. Raising the phone to his ear he heard the quick words that were spat out into his ear, "'Bout goddamn time. Get your ass back here. The woman injured me. I'm tracking her."

Dean hesitated before speaking, not sure what would happen if he did. Then an idea formed in his head. "A, you bastard." He paused, waiting for him to register that the voice was not Al's.

"Where's my brother?" The voice dropped low and angry. Dean had heard movement before while A spoke. Now there was a type of stillness plummeting down the line.

"I have him. You want him back, you'll give me my people." Dean leveled his voice, careful to show no fear or wavering. This would go his way or no way. A did not know yet that his brother was dead.

"Put my brother on the phone." A's voice, a deep growl, snaked its way over Dean's ear.

"No can do. You see, your brother is not exactly conscious right now. So, you're going to have to operate on trust right now. So, tell me where you are, and I will bring Al to you. You will give me my people and leave. There will be no compromise."

"Dean, you stupid fuck."

"Insults will get you nowhere, A. You have something that I want, and I have something that you want."

"I'm going to kill them now. That cop lady. Yeah, when I find her, she's gone. That scrawny kid you thought could watch over your boy and his little girl. Yeah, gone. I have the girl too. You will have to live with knowing that she died because of you, you stupid fuck."

"Wow, you are like the one-stop shop for insults." Dean thought about the words and realized that he had gotten to A. He adopted an antagonistic tone. He wanted to goad him into a meeting. He wanted him to give up, give him his location. "You don't have her. Lil is nowhere near you. You never had her. So, you can make all the threats you want, or you can listen to how this is really going to go."

There was a long moment of silence. Then, A spoke calmly, almost like he was trying to soothe a fussy child, "My brother and I will enjoy watching you die. So, sure bring him here. I'm looking forward to seeing this all play out. You'll find me at the end of Parson's Way. If you bring anyone but my brother, I'll kill your people. Might do it regardless. You never know." Dean pulled the phone from his ear and saw that A had hung up.

He slipped the phone into his pocket and stalked back over to where he had left Gabe and Sam. "You okay, Dean?" Gabe asked quietly.

"Not so much." He paused and looked from Sam to Gabe. "I gotta do something stupid now. I need you to let me. I need you both to keep an eye on Cas. Don't let anything happen to him."

"Dean?" Sam took a decisive step toward Dean and Dean took a step back.

"No, Sam."

"What are you doing? We gotta know." Sam looked desperate. Dean did not back down.

"Just got off the phone with A. I have a location. He thinks that I am bringing his brother to him. We are going to exchange prisoners." Dean began to move away to head off to A and all that that would hold.

Sam grabbed his arm and swung him back. "What the hell. No fucking way. You can't do that. Al is dead. He sees that and he's going to go ape shit. You can't take him on alone."

"I can, and I will." Dean turned to Gabe. "Make him understand." He turned to leave again, but Sam stopped him again.

"I can't let you do that, Dean. It's a death sentence, not just for you, but for maybe Garth and Missouri too. At least let me go with you." Sam was growing more desperate by the second. His pleading extended to his eyes and his grip on Dean hurt.

Dean shook him off and pushed him back to the wall. "Let go. He said he'd kill them if I brought anyone. I need you here if this goes sideways. 'Cause if it does, he's going to come here next and finish things with Cas. At the very least he would come here looking for his brother. So, I need you and Gabe here. If I think that Cas isn't safe, I'll be distracted. I'll fail. I need to end him. I need to end this."

Gabe stepped between them then. "We got this here, Dean. Do what you must." He turned to Sam and added, "You have to let him. We'll contact the police in an hour, send them your way. Where will you be?"

"End of Parson's Way." Dean nodded to Gabe as he took a step back. "Thanks." He stalked off, down the hall and out into the street knowing that Gabe and Sam were watching him go.

Dean thought of the drive, and how it would end. He thought about the confrontation. He thought about the fact that he had nothing to trade. Lives could be lost, but, he thought, I'm going down swinging. He had gotten more gear out of the trunk of the Impala before leaving the area. He had some guns, a rifle, and a police issued bullet-proof vest. He loaded the rifle and set it within easy reach on the passenger's seat. He put on the vest and slipped a second shirt on over it. He put on his shoulder holster, slipped the second gun into place, and got into the car. His other gun he held until he got into the car where he tossed it onto the seat beside him.

He drove off toward Parson's Way. The land blurred past him. The miles a measure of time that was being taken from him. He was afraid of what his actions now would bring. He thought of Cas' face as he ran at Al. He thought of all the moments that lead to this. He thought again, I'm poison. I'm poison. I'm poison. The turn to Parson's Way was visible now. He slowed as he approached it, seeing the emptiness. The forest was patchy out here. There were fields and scattered clumps of trees. A small creek ran along the side of the road. It was almost more like a water filled ditch. There was a small bridge over it and a long gravel road, Parson's Way, that ran off to a distant metal warehouse and grain silo.

Dean turned onto the road. Suddenly, Missouri was running at the car from a thin stand of trees. He stopped and shut off the car, jumping out to her quickly. "Dean!" She rushed to him.

He pulled her in and back to the car. "I got you." He opened the door and pushed her in, none too gently. "You need to get out of here."

"You can't go in there alone. He's in the woods past the warehouse. He's waiting for you or me or both." Missouri started to get up. Dean did not want her help. He worried that she would force the issue, endanger herself for his cause.

"You can't help me." He looked off past her and saw a plane rising up on the horizon. "Shit." She followed his gaze.

"What is it?"

"You need to take my car to the Griffith place. I left Adam there. Told him to watch a plane that might belong to someone that is mixed up in all this. I was really trying to keep him safe." Dean stopped, and Missouri's eyes roamed back to where Dean had been looking. She took in the plane, and seemed to realize what it all could mean.

"Oh God, no. Not Adam."

She looked back at Dean, her eyes holding a bit of panic. "Go. I'll find you both when this is done."

"Look to the trees. Garth is in the office in the warehouse." She pulled the door to the Impala closed and started her up. She whipped the car back over the bridge and tore down the road leaving dust in her wake.

Dean began making his way to the trees. He could hear the wind in the branches. He pulled the gun out of his holster and held it out in front of him as he moved into and through the thin forest. There was a crow high up in the branches. It cawed loud out into the sky. Dean paused in his movements and listened.

Wind and branches shaking in the breeze could be heard. Beyond this there was nothing. He crept closer, and when he could clearly see the front of the warehouse, that was when A choose to take his shot. The bullet whizzed past his head, embedding itself in the trunk of the tree just behind him. He jumped behind a large redwood, pressing his back to the rough bark.

His jacket buzzed. He slowly reached into his pocket and pulled out Al's phone. There was a text that read. "I see you. Where's my brother?"

Dean put the phone back and called out into the forest, "Thought maybe you and I should talk first. Come out where I can see you."

A answered by taking another shot, this one hit the side of his tree. The bark chipped off and hit him in the face. A bit of blood trickled down to his chin. He swiped at it with the back of his hand. He scooted down into a crouch and edged out a little, hoping to see where A was shooting from. Another bullet clipped the tree.

"I don't need to kill you. You just have to give me what I want." Dean called out again. A shot at his tree again. Four shots. He looked at the mark in the tree that the last shoot made. He calculated the caliber, all estimates, of course. He waited. The whole left by the bullet seemed like it came from a 45. Could have seven or eight in the magazine. He scooped up a rock that was near his foot. He eased back up into a standing position again.

"I'm going to enjoy killing you Winchester." A's voice echoed through the expanse between them. Dean registered in his mind where he thought A was and tossed the rock out that way. A shot again. Five. Do I run on seven or eight? "I'm going to kill everything you love."

Dean quickly shot without aiming toward the voice. "Did I get you, you bastard?" A answered with the sixth shot. Dean knew that he would run on seven, and that if A had eight shots, he could be done. It was a risk, but waiting meant that A could reload. This all presupposed that A had only one gun too. The plan had flaws. Dean was over caring about his own safety. He knew that he could get to him, do some damage before A could stop him.

The wind stilled and Dean waited. The silence was broken by the boisterous caw of a crow just overhead. That lead to the seventh shot. Dean pressed off of the tree and dashed through the woods. He saw A. He pointed the gun at Dean and shot. He had an eighth. It struck him in the chest and sent him flying back. Dean rolled with the fall, breath coming in now painful stabs. The vest saved him, but he was still injured.

Dean rolled to the side though and squeezed off a shoot at A. He missed, just slightly. He crawled toward him. Dean's arms stretched out in front of him, he took another shot. This one hit A in the arm. Dean forced himself up with all that he had left within him, and rushed toward the now bleeding man. A's face twisted into anger as Dean crashed into him. "Why won't you just die, Winchester?"

"You first." Dean's gun got knocked to the ground. A threw a punch that made contact with Dean's jaw. Dean stumbled back, then rushed him again, slamming him back into a tree. The oomph noise that A made blew past his face. Dean punched out at his chest. He landed three solid hits, before A managed to swerve away from the fourth. Dean's first connected with the tree. A lashed out and caught Dean in the face again. He stumbled back again. This time A did not come at him. He moved away toward the warehouse. Dean scrambled for the gun and aimed it at A. "Stop." Dean stood now. He moved toward A. He held the gun out steady, ready to fire.

A turned around to face Dean, slowly. "What now?" His lip curled up into a tiny smile. "You really got it in ya, Dean-o?" He raised his hands up over his head, but it was mocking and he added to the move by rolling out his bottom lip in a pout. "You won't shoot an unarmed man."

Dean heard the distant sound of sirens approaching. Sam and Gabe must not have waited the full hour. Dean started to lower the gun. A laughed a little, and Dean pulled the trigger. "Oops. Didn't see that one coming, did you?" Dean took two steps closer. A lay on the ground at his feet. blood pumping from his shoulder. Dean aimed again, this time at his chest. "It'll look like self-defence, and no one would question it."

"You would, though. You'd always know what you did, and you would never get over it. I'd break you." A laughed at him again, a pained spasm of sound.

"Actually, that is where you are wrong." But Dean didn't get to make good on that plan. Phil and a couple of cruisers from the county roared into the yard, sirens blazing. Dean kept his eyes trained on A, while the officers approached, guns drawn.

Phil lead two others over to Dean. The two officers cuffed A and hauled him, none too gently, to one of the cars. Phil clapped Dean on the shoulder. "You done good. Ya find Garth?"

"Not yet. Missouri said he was in the warehouse." Dean jogged over to the building just ahead of Phil. They found Garth tied and in a heap on the floor. Dean undid the ropes and hoisted Garth up into his arms to carry him out. "God, Garth, what'd he do to you?" His face was a mess of cuts and a patchwork quilt of bruises. His eyes were swollen shut. His hands appeared to have been crushed. He was unconscious, but he was breathing. Shallow puffs of breath seeped out as Dean carried him back out and to one of the empty cruisers. "You have to tell them to be careful. A is more dangerous than he looks." Dean looked to Phil then over to the other cruiser. Phil walked over and spoke with one of the officers. A was already in the back. It looked like he was still cuffed. He gave Dean a wink through the window. Dean lowered Garth into the back seat and told the officer that would be driving the vehicle to get Garth to the hospital.

Dean turned away and walked to Phil's car. Phil returned. "You ready?"

"Yeah. we need to get to Missouri."

"Where is she?" Dean gave Phil the details as they drove off down the road. The other cruiser went on without them, back to town where A would be locked up.

They turned up the long graveled road toward the barn where the plane had been. Dean was certain that the plane that took to the horizon had been the one that he and Adam had seen earlier. He squinted against the glare of sunlight that reflected off of the metal roof on one of the out buildings and almost didn't see Missouri in front of it. "My God." He breathed out as Phil slammed the car to a halt. Dean jumped from the car and ran to her. She had Adam in her arms.

"I called for an ambulance. Why haven't they come?" She was weeping and her voice was cracking through each syllable. Adam was cradled across her lap. His arms hung at his sides. Missouri was pressing at the side of Adam's chest. Blood had soaked through his shirt and was staining the powdery dirt beneath them a deep crimson. She rocked him back and forth, murmuring near incoherent words into his hair, kissing him on each breath. Dean caught a few words from her, "My baby, my baby, my boy. Keep breathing. Keep fighting."

Dean wrapped an arm around her. Phil was on his radio checking on the ambulance. Phil came down to their level and rested a hand on Adam's leg saying, "Said they'd be here in minutes." They could hear the siren in the distance now.

Dean thought that he never wanted to hear that sound again. He wanted to run. He wanted to find a dark place far from all of this with only the stars to cover his life. He wanted to go where no one could be hurt by his choices or circumstances. He wanted to know that he left behind a world that would be safer without him in it. The sirens screamed and something in his soul screamed out with it. He looked down at his brother's face and felt the painful stab of regret. You never deserved this. You never should have known this life. God, I'm so sorry. He wanted to tell Missouri that he was sorry too, but the words were choked off in his throat as she cried and rocked her only child.

They got Adam into the ambulance. Dean took his keys back from Missouri. Phil said he'd make sure that A was securely locked up. Dean nodded. "I'm going to head to the hospital, check on all of them." Dean squeezed the bridge of his nose and pulled in a sharp stab of air into his lungs. He was beginning to make decisions. He wanted to find a path to fixing all of this.

The world that he brought to his people was crumbling. It did not matter that they had slowly chipped away at their enemies. There was always some new threat, some new darkness, unexpected, that threatened to blast up from under them, overtaking all their progress. He knew that he had to find Lil. Then, he figured he could disappear. He could give Cas the chance to start again. There would always be Carter or someone like him that could help Cas forget, move on, be safe. He felt like they had done this before, but this time would be different. Last time, Cas left when it should have been Dean. Dean stayed behind with all of his friends and Cas' too. He lived, kind of, while Cas found exile.

Dean drove on toward the town. He worried that exile would not be enough. He worried about that decision a great deal. He gripped the steering wheel, content for now to just make things as right as he could. He flicked on the radio to fill the silence over the last eight miles. The talk radio station would do. The host sounded familiar. Dean let himself focus on the cadences of his voice for a moment. Frank. He was hearing the story that they had passed onto Frank at the station. Frank was telling the world of Ezra Brady's crimes, the vile acts of A and Al, and the giant world of corruption that Ezra had fashioned from his roots in Brazil.

He raced down the road, listening to Frank's dry voice as it carefully laid out the whole story. He took a caller and answered a question about why none of these people had been arrested yet. He hypothesized that no one with the power to pursue these men had been informed and that now that the truth was out there, things would have to be done. Dean found himself smiling for a moment as he thought about the absolute wreck that Ezra must be right now. He pulled to a stop in one of the empty stalls in the hospital parking lot. Frank went to a commercial break, and Dean shut off the car.

They camped out in the waiting room all night. Bobby and Jess showed up the next morning. The doctor said that Missouri could go in and see Adam. They had stopped his bleeding and were just hoping that he was strong enough to ride out the healing process. He was young though, or so the doctors said. He could heal. Garth was conscious and Dean and Sam took turns watching over him. He didn't speak, as his jaw was wired shut from the injuries he sustained during the beating.

Cas was another story entirely. There were extensive internal injuries, or so they assumed since the doctor said that he could only share information with family. Garth gave permission for sharing and visiting so it was easy with him. The doctor stood in front of them and said, "I'm sorry, I know that it seems cruel, but it is the law.

"We are family." Dean spoke low and intimidating.

"I'm sorry, but you already said that you weren't." A mistake that Dean seriously regretted. He hadn't been thinking. He was freaking out over the lack of information when the doctor arrived in the waiting room and he just erupted with truths. Well, not really truths. They were family in all the ways that truly mattered. He was already plotting how he would defy all of them and strong arm his way into Cas' room, but that would not get him information.

Bobby spoke up then. "He doesn't like to share his personal information with strangers, but Cas is his husband. So, I'll kindly ask you to start sharing the details on my nephew in-law before we sic our family lawyer on you." He thumbed at Sam who stepped up to Bobby's side and nodded.

"Oh, you have different last names." The doctor said as he looked at Dean, trying to decipher whether or not he was getting the truth.

"We're not exactly traditional. Now, please, tell me how he is." He could see that the doctor was visibly moved.

"Fine. You can come with me into his room, and I'll go over his injuries with you there. You can keep him company." When they reached the room, Dean could not tear his eyes away from Cas and the many wires and machines hooked up to him. He had a breathing tube fished down his throat. His chest was covered in a hospital gown, but wires snaked under it, presumably connecting him to the heart monitors and such that beeped away at his side. The steady hum and puff of the breathing machine sent out a steady rhythm into the room. Dean closed his eyes for a moment and bit back the beginnings of tears.

"Tell me he'll be okay." Dean moved to his side and rested his hand on Cas' arm.

"We don't know for sure. He is currently in an induced coma. It is more comfortable that way. Otherwise, he would be in a great deal of discomfort. We are running tests on the internal injuries. The fall did some damage. Luckily, he landed on something softer than pavement. He also fell from a survivable distance. Much more and there would have been no hope for a recovery. So, now, we wait and hopefully your husband is a fighter." The doctor left not long after. Dean let the words play out in his head.

He leaned in close to Cas' cheek and said, "Be a fighter. Come back from this." He kissed him and ran his hand down to Cas' where he threaded their fingers together. He refused to leave his side even when the nurses came in and told him that his family was asking after them. Dean stayed for two full days crumpled at Cas' side. He pressed prayers into his skin and hope and longing and need. He never asked him to come back to him though, just to come back, just to stay. On the second day, he left the room to see his family. He owed them that much. He entered the waiting room and found them all in various stages of disarray.

Gabe got up first. "You son of a bitch. Couldn't even come out and tell us a damn thing for two whole days." He was shouting at Dean. Dean took it. Gabe's fists beat at his chest. Dean accepted that too. Sam pulled Gabe back.

"Let him talk, Gabe." And to Dean Sam added, "Tell what's happening."

"Is Adam okay?" Dean stalled.

"He's conscious and talking. He told Missouri what happened. He's going to be okay. He's beating himself up about the whole thing though. You should talk to him." Sam reached out to Dean and held his forearm. "Tell us about Cas."

Dean felt himself sag a little. Days without normal rest, the stress of the events prior, the lack of any real food, had finally tipped him to the breaking point. "We're losing him, I think." Sam pulled him in. He felt another hand on him, maybe Gabe's. He let himself cry. "He's in a coma, and they haven't figured out how to fix the damage to all of his internal organs. There's internal bleeding that they think has been stopped, but I don't know. It feels so hopeless." He stepped back from Sam and looked at Gabe. "I'm sorry."

Gabe's cheeks were wet with tears. "No, I'm sorry.

"I'll tell the doctor to let you all visit him. Maybe he'll hear you and know that he has something to come back for." Dean squeezed his hands into fists at his sides. "I'm gonna go see Adam." Sam nodded and walked him out of the waiting room and down the hall to where Adam was. Dean entered the room cautiously. Sam turned and headed back the way that they had come, likely to go see Cas.

"Hey, Dean." Missouri's voice was quiet but welcoming. He walked closer to the bed.

Adam was propped up with pillows, "Dean." When he said it, it sounded sad, defeated.

"I'm so sorry, Adam. I'm so sorry that you got sucked into my messed up life." Dean felt his body sag with the words.

"What are you saying?" Adam eased up into a taller sitting position. Missouri immediately moved to help him.

"Be careful. You don't want to dislodge your wires," she admonished as she pulled the blankets up more.

"You know this wasn't your fault, right?' Adam leveled his gaze on Dean.

"I know that you would have been happy and safe with your mom if I hadn't decided to insert myself into your life. Now you've been shot and hospitalized, two things that most people go a whole lifetime without experiencing."

Adam reached out a hand to Dean. Dean took it carefully. Adam said, "We're family. Guess this makes me a true Winchester." He tried to laugh it off, but Dean looked more upset. He released Adam's hand. "Look Dean, it's me that should be apologizing."

"How so? You didn't do anything wrong." Dean's eyebrows came together in a pained expression.

"I didn't stop him. I tried, but I didn't stop him. He had Lil, and I told him that I would shoot. I should have shot, but I was afraid of missing and hitting her. I was more afraid too of just shooting anyone for that matter. It isn't the same as hunting. I panicked. That was all he needed. He shot me and took Lil away." Adam looked like he was seeing it all play out again. He reached up to his face and rolled his fists into his eyes.

"That's on me, Adam. I should have been there or at least not left you there. I'm sorry." Dean reached down and squeezed his leg. "Did he say anything to you before he took Lil?"

Adam perked up a little. "Yes, a lot. I think that he just wanted to get her away. He didn't sound like he wanted to hurt her. He told me that I needed to just let him go. I told him that he couldn't take Lil from her dad. He told me that she would be with family. And he emphasized this, her real family. She looked at him when he said this and told him that she wanted to be with her dad. I swear it had an impact. I almost thought that he was going to let her go, but he didn't. He moved her closer to the plane. That was when I should have taken the shot, but I didn't. Instead, he shot me. He walked over to me after it was done and kicked away my gun. He got down close to me and pulled off my overcoat. He wadded it up and pressed it to my wound. He made me hold it and then he said, 'I aimed to injure you. You'll survive this. Tell them not to come for her. She's safer with me.' He got up then and walked to the plane. He turned back and added, 'Tell them that I said thank you for protecting her.'"

"Damn. Cas was maybe right about him." Dean looked to Missouri. "So, the injury is healing up okay?"

"Yeah, he wasn't wrong about his aim. The doctor said that it was possibly the best place to get shot at if one had to get shot in the torso." Missouri rubbed absently at Adam's arm as she spoke. "He'll be okay, Dean."

"I have to go find her." Dean said to them both as he looked off at the window. "For Cas."

"For Cas," Adam echoed as he nodded at Dean. Gabe came into the room behind him and walked over to the bed.

"Sam wanted me to come ask you if you wanted anything to eat." Gabe looked from one to the next.

"I could stand to stretch my legs a bit. I'll go get some food." Missouri stood and left. Gabe stood awkwardly for a moment before seeming like he was going to leave.

"Wait, Gabe." Dean reached out to him. "You still have your plane here?"

"Uh, yeah. Why?" Then Gabe looked to Adam and then back at Dean. "Oh, no. No, no, no. That is a horrible idea. You can't go after her on your own. This is like some kind of thing that you hand off to like the military or something. You can't go down there. Where would you even start?" Gabe finally stopped for air.

"You finished?"

"No." But Dean interrupted him before he could start again.

"I have to try. For Cas. If anything pulls him out of this, makes him fight, it'll be her. He can't lose her. He has suffered enough."

Gabe gripped the edge of the bed, knuckles growing white with the effort. He seemed to be worrying over the ramifications of his decision. Dean could see him running through the scenarios with each moment that passed. "I don't think this is wise," he finally said, and Dean knew that he had won.

"If you don't fly me there, I'll go some other way. You can get me closer though." Dean reached out to him. "This is for Cas. I know you want to help me. Just say yes."

Gabe looked at him and waited a few seconds before saying, "Okay."

"We can't tell Sam until we are gone. He'll try to stop us." Dean turned to Adam. I'll text you when it is safe to tell them." Adam nodded. Dean added, "I'm going to go pack. I'll be back here in an hour ready to go." Dean stalked off and out of the hospital.

When he returned, he gave Gabe a nod and ducked into Cas' room one more time. He slipped into the chair at Cas' side and pulled his hand into his own. He let his thumbs fall to stroking little circles there. He spoke to him in whispers as he leaned his head over the bar on the edge of the bed. "You know I never want to leave you. Told myself that I would though. I told myself after all of this, that I would leave. I would let you have the life you deserve, but we keep coming back to each other. I keep staying, despite everything, Cas. I need to leave, and everything in me keeps pushing me to stay."

He pushed his forehead down into the bar and closed his eyes. He added, "I love you." He opened his eyes and looked on Cas' face. The bruising had faded a little in the past couple of days. It was a splotchy yellowish color now. His lips were dry and cracking around the breathing tube. Dean reached over to the tube of Vaseline and smeared some on his finger to dab on Cas' lips. "I will bring Lil back to you. I'll at least fix that. Just so you know, I'll always hear your voice like a song. You are everything that matters, and I hope that I haven't ruined you like I have ruined so much for so many." He stood now. Gabe was at the door. He walked to him and looked back at Cas one more time. "Always, Cas. Always." He walked out the door then with Gabe's hand on his back.

They had managed to leave without anyone being the wiser. The airstrip that Gabe had left the plane at was a few miles down the highway. They did not talk. Gabe already knew the plan. Dean had what he needed in the duffle bag. Gabe wouldn't be sticking around to get pulled in too deep. They strapped themselves into their seats, and Gabe flicked some switches before putting on his headset. He turned to Dean and said, "You sure about this?"

"Absolutely." Dean gripped the edges of his seat. He wasn't afraid of much, but flying just seemed unnatural. The plane moved down the runway, slowly at first. Then Gabe accelerated and took the plane into flight. The land slipped away and they greeted the sky. The sky was blue and wide.

Dean leaned his head to the window and watched it all become smaller and smaller. He thought that he might not win this one. He might not come back. He didn't care. He had to go down swinging. He had to try. He watched the world below with its tiny movements. There were so many people down there, blissfully unaware of anything being amiss. He wanted that for Cas. He wanted that for Lil. Hell, he wanted that for Sam and Jess and everyone. They deserve that. He thought this and for a flicker of a second he thought, Maybe I deserve that too. He shook his head and stared out at the land, green and brown patches seemingly moving by, but they weren't really. He was moving, and his trajectory was going to lead to something dangerous.

He closed his eyes and sleep overtook him. It had been a long string of days. He dreamed of better days, of something beyond all of this. He dreamed of a house, high on a hill. He dreamed of Cas pulling him through the front door. He dreamed of Lil chattering away as she drew her family, crayon gripped in her delicate hand. He dreamed of the sounds that happiness made. He dreamed of light in the morning trailing in through the curtains, blanketing their bed and Cas in a sea of gold. He dreamed of him smiling at him, one eye cracked open, not fully waking up until Lil bounded onto the bed in wild abandon. He dreamed of quiet domesticity. The whir of the dishwasher, the sound of a distant lawnmower, the low hum of the microwave reheating leftovers. He dreamed of what it could be, what it should be, what he would always want and likely never have.

He dreamed of quiet and noise. He dreamed of all the beauty that comes from loving someone so much that everything is beautiful, even the fighting that ends in murmured kisses and a gentle hand pressed to one's chest, a hand that says you are home, you are loved. He let his mind live in this. He maybe didn't feel as though he deserved this in his waking life, but in dreams he could have this. He could have Cas and Lil. He could have love and life and all that mattered in the world, for here it would be safe. His heart could have this in dreams even if it is meant to break upon his waking.

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AN: So there you have it loyal readers, the final chapter of part two in this ginormous saga. Ya still with me on this journey? There will be a break between this part and part three (the final part). I will start publishing it, likely in late July or August. I have a couple of other fics that need attention and travel plans for the summer. I'm looking forward to hearing your comments, ideas, speculations. Please share your thoughts if you have read this far as I so enjoy them. During the hiatus from this fic, I will be working on Wayward, a canonverse fic, and my DCBB entry that is now an AU. If you would like to offer up your time as a beta let me know. I have one, but could use a second. Love to you all, and all the gratitude a writer can muster. You are the best.

Lastly, the title of the third part will be Lil Chorus for the Dying. Not sure if you saw what I did there, but I'm incorporating the song stuff into the title and continuing with the name in the title too.

You can also follow me at spearywritesstuff on tumblr if you want to chat or read more of my stuff.