THE CORNERS OF THIS ROOM
By: wyback
© 2014

Rating: T, may be higher later
Disclaimer: If I owned Mai Otome or Mai HiME, I'd be making a ShizNat-centric episode by now. The only thing I claim is the story below.
Distribution: So long as the credits are intact, feel free to save a personal copy or to link. If you plan to post whole chapters somewhere, just ask. :)
Spoilers: Plenty for Mai Otome, the anime. Maybe some Mai HiME too, because they're related.
Author's Notes:
This is my first ShizNat fic. I didn't plan to write one (and many apologies to those who were expecting an update on my Noir fic - it's coming, just later) but this story pretty much grabbed me and ran. The first parts take place years before the events of Mai Otome. The way Natsuki and Shizuru meet in this story isn't canon, but as far as I'm concerned, ShizNat itself is canon in Mai Otome. ;) If you want to read a canon-close take on how ShizNat met, I highly recommend Leebot's "Oneesama," which is based on the Otome drama CD. Mine will have a different take on how Shizuru and Natsuki met, fought and fell in love over the years, though the rest of the 'verse will be mostly canon. Thanks to xxmadlaxx for taking the time to beta this fic!

1: The Past - Coral

Natsuki thinks that because we're both women who like women, our love is the same. She doesn't understand. My love for her is, and has always been, different.

I'm Shizuro Viola, scion of a rich and noble house, but that means nothing next to the fact that I am the most deadly of weapons. I am an Otome, a supersoldier renowned and sought after for my battle dance. Entire armies would fall before me. Only another Otome would stand a chance. Women, and more than a few men, adore me.

When Natsuki and I graduated, we were offered the chance to replace the Pillars who were retiring to have their own families at the time. Being a Pillar is the closest an Otome can come to freedom, or at least to being able to live and die by her own will. Otomes are usually bound to their masters; the best among us serve royalty and the heads of state. But Pillars are bound to the Predecessor, the first Otome, and in this way we serve, not the interest of any one country or king, but the good of Garderobe Academy, the affairs of Otomes in general and in no small sense, the world.

But it wasn't always that way.

I was a Pearl in my last year at Garderobe when I met her. I was finishing my classes when she approached, a girl with long hair so black and shiny that it gleamed with tints of blue under the sunlight streaming through the windows. I was surrounded by a number of students my classmates teasingly called my "fans" but that didn't deter her. She marched towards me with head down and clenched fists, and blocked the middle of the hallway until I was forced to acknowledge her.

"Viola-senpai," she began, and I had to hide my amusement because it had been so long since anyone had said my name through clenched teeth like that.

"Yes?" I prodded, though I'd already guessed what this was about.

"Please make me your heya-gakkari." Her "please" sounded so aggravated that a few of my fans gasped indignantly on my behalf. A heya-gakkari or room attendant is a Coral or first year who assists a senior Pearl in mundane things like keeping their room neat or preparing lunch. In return, the Pearls mentored their attendants. Somewhere during that process, the bond between the students often deepened into sisterhood or friendship.

"You don't sound very happy about it," I observed nonchalantly.

Only at my words did the girl look up, straight into my eyes, and - just like that - I was lost. Viridian fire leapt from those eyes. Her defiant glare engulfed me. Like the wide, fathomless sea, the thought came out of nowhere, I could drown in those eyes.

"Your name?" I asked, though I already knew. It was to buy myself time, so my heart would stop its sudden pounding.

"Natsuki Kruger." The Coral was turning red at the attention she was receiving. Obviously she was unaccustomed to a crowd. Her glare was even beginning to turn on some of the onlookers, which only served to pique their interest more. If I did take her on, I was going to have my hands full.

I turned to the girls milling around us. Several were already throwing unfriendly glances at the newcomer. "Please excuse us, it seems Kruger-san and I have much to discuss." They dispersed unwillingly but in a minute we were alone.

I told her we should try things out for a few days and see if we suited each other. But in reality it was practically a foregone conclusion. The instructors had already asked me to, and it would be advantageous if they remembered how graciously I acceded to such an unusual request. What I didn't count on was my feelings on the matter. Suddenly, getting to know this girl was something I very much wanted to do.

*** Some days earlier ***

"Ah first Pearl Viola, come in." Miss Maria Graceburt was Garderobe Academy's stern mistress of student affairs for as long as anyone could remember. She indicated the chair across from her. "I have a favor to ask of you."

"Of course, m'am," I replied politely as I took my seat. It was not a "yes" exactly, but signaled a willingness to listen that Miss Maria would find pleasing.

"I understand you've not yet selected a room attendant. There's a new Coral, Natsuki Kruger, from the country of Aries..."

She launched into a story that I only half-listened to as I served each of us tea from the pot on a nearby table. Basically, this new girl had potential but her attitude left a lot to be desired. She skipped classes and barely made an effort when she was present. Although she scored well during battle dances and tests, her manner steadily pulled her down in the rankings. This was highly unusual. Girls from all over the known world fought for a slot at Garderobe Academy. Even then, acceptance was only the beginning. Since only one or two out of three Corals made it to the level of Pearl, competition among the students was fierce.

"I don't understand, ma'am. If she doesn't like it here..." Then this Kruger girl should simply drop out. Plenty of girls would happily take her place.

Miss Maria's lips compressed into a thin line. "It appears she has some talent. Her dance is robust...though lacking in grace."

Ah so Miss Maria's not exactly happy about this either. I sipped my tea quietly, waiting for what was next. The promise they saw in Natsuki must be extraordinary, because I learned that this wasn't the first intervention.

They had already tried to push her by assigning her to the same room as Mai Tokiha, the current number one Coral. Although that had led to some improvement, "we feel she would benefit from a Pearl's guidance. For this reason," Miss Maria concluded, "we ask that you consider her."

Naturally, I assented as graciously as I could. While Miss Maria had diplomatically couched it as a request, it was obvious that I could hardly refuse. At the time, I was torn between annoyance and intrigue. What could they possibly see in her that was worth all this? The annoyance vanished once I met Natsuki Kruger, and if anything I became just as determined to see her stay at Garderobe.

*** A few days later ***

My attraction and interest in Natsuki didn't lessen in the days that followed. If it were just her green eyes and beauty, I believe I would've gotten over it in time. Instead, the more I got to know the reluctant Coral, the more I became drawn to her. Her cool aloofness, I learned, was only one facet of her personality. Beneath it was a genuine and thoughtful concern for the people around her. For example, she was very protective of her roommate, Mai. As first Coral, Mai faced a lot of competition and some of the students used underhanded methods, like spreading vicious rumors about her. Natsuki got into a lot of shouting matches that week.

Gradually, that concern extended to me. I hadn't made her my attendant officially yet because I was getting people used to the idea of seeing us together. Eventually, this would minimize any opposition or ill feelings generated by the way Natsuki had first approached me. So Natsuki and I began to spend time together, and we would often walk around the grounds and fall into conversation. She eventually began to open up to me. She even started doing small tasks for my benefit. Not once did she press me for an answer to her request. Because the idea was so foreign to me, it took me awhile to figure out that she wasn't doing these things with any particular end in mind, but because she genuinely wanted to help me out somehow.

One evening, a knock sounded on my door. "Viola-senpai?"

"Come in." I turned from my desk as the door to the room I shared with Haruka, the number two Pearl, opened. I was surprised to see Natsuki bearing a tray of food. "Ara, is it that late already?"

"I thought I'd bring your dinner since you didn't make it to the cafeteria." Natsuki placed the tray down on the only empty space on my desk. She glanced curiously at the piles of paper that littered the sizable table. "Do all Pearls have to do this much work?" she asked, faintly horrified.

I grinned at her obvious dismay. Unlike me, Natsuki's feelings showed up fairly frequently on her face. "No. That bunch is homework. This," I indicated the papers currently in front of me, "is Trias paperwork." If I were more like Natsuki, there'd be a scowl on my face at this point, too. "The leading three Pearls become members of the Trias, Garderobe's student council, so there's that on top of the usual school work."

"Oh, I didn't realize. I guess you're too busy..."

Hmm, so this isn't just a regular visit? "No, it's time for a break." I smiled at her. "Does Natsuki want to share?"

"I already had dinner, Viola-senpai -"

"Oneesama," I interjected smoothly, as I began to eat.

"Huh?"

"If you're going to be my heya-gakkari, you can call me 'oneesama,' Shizuru-san, or even just Shizuru," I pointed out. "You shouldn't address me as if we barely know each other, when plenty of the younger students already call me 'Shizuru-oneesama.'"

She grimaced at that, and I could tell that it annoyed her, the legion of fans that followed me around. "How do you stand it?"

"What do you mean?" Idly, I noticed that I liked the food that Natsuki had chosen for me. None of the food I disliked was on the tray, while certain dishes I was partial to were. I wondered if that meant that she'd taken the time to find out what I liked. Also, she'd chosen simpler but well-prepared fare over the intricate, often disastrous, experiments that some of the Corals tried to show off with. But then, Natsuki would be the type who preferred something well-made over something flashy.

"Everyone following you around all the time, acting as if they know more about you than they really do. Doesn't it get irritating?"

"Natsuki has a problem with people who show their admiration?" I pushed back from the table and got up. The Coral had settled next to my desk with her back to the wall. In a few steps I was in front of her. "Or perhaps," I hazarded, my voice dipping into huskiness as my attraction to this fierce, beautiful girl manifested itself, "Natsuki is jealous?"

Deep green eyes went wide as I leaned forward and placed my hands on her shoulders. Our faces were inches away from each other, and it took everything I had not to immediately close that distance.

"You don't need to be," I murmured. I knew that a good many regarded me as more than fair, with my feminine mien, chestnut waves and eyes the color of warm wine. So there was a chance. And if Natsuki returned my attraction by even one iota, I knew I would kiss her, and possibly more. Though many chased me, the truth was I hadn't kissed anyone since I was a Coral. Appearances and heavy flirting aside, my focus upon first becoming a Pearl was to rise in the rankings. My family expected no less than a Trias ranking. When I overshot that mark, their main reaction had been one of sheer satisfaction rather than any kind of congratulations.

"Shi-shizuru!" Natsuki exclaimed in panic as my lips hovered ever closer to hers.

She doesn't feel the same way. The realization cut much deeper than simple disappointment would have. I smoothly redirected so that my lips only brushed the hair that swept over her forehead. "Thank you for dinner." I tried to keep my tone light but in reality I felt like a fool. Normally, I only made a move like this if the other person was just as clearly interested in what I had to offer. What was it about this girl that made me want to gamble? I didn't even realize how much of a gamble it was until I stepped away, and saw that Natsuki's hands were curled into fists.

Would she have hit me? She hates the thought of me touching her that much? With my pride in tatters, I tried to end this horrible night. "If that's all, I still have a lot of work -"

"Is that what you expect from me?" She was blushing but her steady gaze was deadly serious. "If I were your heya-gakkari, would you want..." Natsuki trailed off and it was priceless, really, because she couldn't even bring herself to say the words. Then she squared her shoulders, and that defiant gleam was back in her eyes. "I know some Pearls have...relationships with their attendants. Is that what you expect? Because if it is... If you accept me, I'll do my best as your attendant, but you need to know that I won't ever - I'm not one of your goddamn fan girls!"

My eyebrows rose at her outburst over my 'goddamn fan girls' as she put it. "Is Aries a very conservative country?" I asked in amazement. "Is it one of those strange places that pretend girls don't have their own minds or desires?"

"Of course not!" she denied hotly.

"Then there's no need to insult people just because they feel so strongly about something that they need to be open about it, is there?" I chided. "There's nothing wrong with expressing admiration, Natsuki, for as long as it doesn't overstep certain bounds. Nor do I lose anything by being pleasant about it. Unless," another possibility occurred to me, "are you one of those people who believe that Otomes should be like the ancients' vestal virgins? The process has been explained to you, right? That the nano-machines in our blood are susceptible to male chromosomes, and that we risk developing an immunity if we have sex with men? But even if you were to kiss a man, that wouldn't -"

"I know all that!" Natsuki cut me off hastily. She was as red as a tomato now.

"Then what is it?" Her reaction baffled me.

"Kissing and what follows, it shouldn't be taken so - so lightly!"

Silence reigned for a few seconds. "I see," I said slowly. "Natsuki is a romantic."

"Gah!" Now she looked like she wanted to hit her head on the nearest hard surface.

"Well," I told her gently, "there's nothing wrong with that either." In truth, I found her response touching, mainly because it had been so long since someone had expressed a sentiment so completely...naive around me. I may have once felt that way myself. Like maybe when I was nine, before all the lessons on strategy started. "If Natsuki becomes my heya-gakkari, I won't expect her to wash my back at the baths then." That brought on another round of blushing. Teasing this girl might become a habit, I thought, just because her reactions are always so cute and amusing.

Hesitantly, she spoke again while I resumed my seat. "Please, you didn't answer my question. What do you expect from me?"

I was already eyeing the formidable pile of papers in front of me, but my attention was completely focused on her. "Will Natsuki listen to me?"

This obviously wasn't the response she was expecting. "What do you mean?"

"To be my attendant doesn't mean to merely clean my room or fetch my things. It's a mutual relationship where both parties can benefit by learning from each other. But that will only happen if Natsuki keeps an open mind. Otherwise, the exercise is useless and a waste of time." I swung my chair around so that I was facing her again. "So, will you listen? Or do you think that there's nothing useful that I can possibly share with you?"

"I'm not - I don't -" she replied, flustered at my little dig. "I know I have a lot to learn. I've seen your battle dance and it's every bit as astounding and graceful as everyone says. But I don't see the point in the social niceties that you exercise all the time."

"Ara, the point is you will deal with people, whatever you do. Whether it's your master, a student, another Otome, or the person fixing your bike ..." I added that because she'd let slip that she had one.

"Shizuru, I can never be like you."

She sounded so discouraged that I laughed; I just had to. Did she have any idea what it took to become me? The relentless lessons I had gone through, day after day, since I was six years old? The endless days where every meal and occasion was regarded as practice in order to perfect the facade I presented to the world, so that no one, no matter who I conversed with, saw anything beyond my smile and the apparent interest in my eyes? As to the grace in my battle dance that everyone oooh'd over like it was magic? That movement was the result of countless hours spent in dance, gymnastics, and martial arts. My family had extensive resources, and a good portion of that was used to mold my body, mind and psyche so that I would become an ideal Garderobe candidate and, ultimately, one of the world's most powerful of weapons.

"I'd never want you to be," I told her in total honesty. "But there are many kinds of battles, Natsuki. The dance is one. Sometimes dealing with people is another. If you're to become an Otome, you can't afford to limit yourself to one field of battle."

She took a deep breath, and I could see that she was working up the courage to say something. "I..."

I took her hands then. This contact was nothing like the kiss I'd tried to bestow on her a few minutes ago. For some reason, I simply wanted to help this girl with whatever burden she was carrying. "Whatever you say now won't leave the corners of this room."

"I'm not sure I want to be an Otome." She dipped her head. "I thought you should know that before you made your decision."

A gasp left my lips. No wonder she was so reluctant to speak. With her confession, Natsuki had just placed herself completely in my hands. In this of all places, her statement came close to sacrilege. One word of it, and her time at Garderobe would be over.

She saw my shock, and tried to fill it with words. "Please don't get me wrong. I want to be able to protect what's important to me with everything I have. For that reason, I want to be as strong as I can be. But I can't see myself blindly obeying the will of a master. I don't want to fight or kill just because someone says so, not if it doesn't agree with my own idea of what's right and wrong. During the last Great War, Otomes who were dear friends killed each other on their masters' orders. Why? For power? For more territory? If we're the most powerful weapons on this planet, why do our lives matter so little? For us to be used like pawns, it's just all...wrong."

She's going to get herself killed. If Natsuki succeeded in becoming an Otome and the wrong people heard her talking like this, she wouldn't just be finished at Garderobe, someone would see to it that she was silenced forever. My grip on her hands tightened, then let go. "Natsuki, please don't ever repeat those words."

The hurt that flashed across her face was so palpable, it was almost as if I'd slapped her. Stiffly, she drew away. "I'm sorry, Viola-senpai -"

I waved her apology away. "Ara, I'm not berating you. I'm glad that you confided in me. But Natsuki, you know how other people will feel about this, right?" Powerful people. Deadly people. "That's why I'm saying you should keep it to yourself for now. As for your questions, I wish I could help but I honestly don't have any answers. I'm just another student like you. But what I can say is that you have to decide for yourself: as things are now, do you want to become an Otome or not? Because if you do..."

She gave me a weak smile. "I have to do a lot better, don't I?"

"You're too smart not to know where you stand right now." Another part of my brain was going: Wonderful, just my luck to fall for a romantic idealist of a philosopher... wait, what?! Oh for the love of Fumi, I had to get this girl out of here before she bewitched more of me than she already had. "Please think about it? Then come back and give me an answer."

"I will," she nodded. The determination in her eyes suited her. More shyly, she added, "Thank you, Shizuru."

I watched her turn to leave, and spoke just as her hand twisted the doorknob. "Natsuki." Can I really let her go? What if she decides to give up? But wouldn't that be to my advantage? Wasn't she too much of a distraction already?

"Yes?"

Oh to hell with it. "I meant what I said. Your secret is safe with me." And it's no longer a burden that you need to carry alone. "If you decide to stay, please ask to become my heya-gakkari again." I felt my lips curve into a teasing grin. "If you do, I promise I won't make you take a turn at the baths."

That night, I fell asleep dreaming about the many ways I might try to make her blush again.

A/N #2: Feedback feeds the muse. Just saying. =) What I like about Mai Otome is simply this: Shizuru loves Natsuki without apology or shame. There's the risk of heartbreak and being unrequited, as there is in every relationship, but no belief that her love is somehow wrong or (depending on the translation you get) wicked. Or maybe the Shizuru in Mai Otome, being a kickass supersoldier, just doesn't care. ;)