The Heart of a Hamada

I don't own Big Hero 6.

One thing to note, I just played around with Cass's full name because Cass sounds like it could be short for either Cassandra or Cassidy and I picked Barnes because it seemed like a basic last name and Hamada really sounds like it would be her brother-in-law's last name, not her sister. I hope you like this fic!

Chop. Chop. Chop.

The knife slid in through the vegetables with ease in a quick a fluid motion. Chopping was good, it was fast, and it was rhythmic, why she could practically do it with her eyes closed as she simply relied on muscle memory. It let her focus. It let her be numb.

It let her forget.

Oh, no not that she could ever forget. Cassandra Barnes knew too much about pain, about tragedy and loss to ever forget. And how could she? She didn't just lose things, like a pair of boots, or like misplacing her keys. No, she lost people. People whom were dear to her heart. So Cass did what she did best, something that she had to learn over a decade ago how to do. She compartmentalized; pushed back what feelings that weren't, couldn't be necessary at the time and focused on them later. That later was usually when she went down into the supply cellar where she knew she could be alone—Mochi hated going below the café— and fall to her knees, wailing for what felt like hours at a time.

What broke her heart even more was knowing that the boy whom was registering for his college courses might now have to do the same. Luckily though, that might not be for years even, as her surviving nephew was still so young and still apt to wear his emotions on his sleeve. Perhaps this would give Cass the chance to help Hiro through this dark time.

Cass swallowed the lump that rose in her throat as it hit her once more as to why her small family was going through a dark time. They had been hit with tragedy once again.

Tadashi had died.

It was to have been Hiro's big night, and it in way, it had been Cass and Tadashi's big night too for they had finally found a way to get Hiro to explore life beyond bot fighting thanks to the latter's idea to showcase to his younger brother just how amazing his college experience was and by dropping the not-so subtle hint that one of Hiro's idols taught at the school his brother was attending.

It had been spectacular, watching her younger nephew's fantastic creation come to life, rendering nearly everyone in that large hall silent as they watched his presentation in awe. Cass herself had been so thrilled and proud that she told nearly everyone in the close vicinity that the genius boy up on that stage was her nephew. And then, for the piece de resistance, Hiro had gotten what he set out to achieve, he got a spot in the university—that "nerd school" Cass had heard him call it—beside his hero, his brother.

And yet, not ten minutes after the showcase had ended, disaster struck the school as it had been set ablaze via arson as Cassandra would later find out. In the meantime, she had gone home to prepare a celebratory feast, blissfully unaware that once again; her world would come crashing down as it had once done over ten years ago. She had been in the midst of adding oil to a heating frying pan when there was a knock on the door.

The police were there on the other side, and this time, there was only one grief-filled nephew flinging himself into her bewildered form. One, not two.

Tadashi had died.

He had run into the burning building, sacrificing himself in attempt to rescue his beloved professor. It had all been for naught. And in a way, it had almost cost her Hiro too, for she had found out that in his worry, Cass's nephew remained close to the burning building in the hopes that his older brother would be returning shortly instead of being thrown back by the propulsion of an explosion.

An explosion of all things!

Chop. Chop. Chop…

That lump in her throat was swelling, making it difficult to breathe as tears filled her eyes. She wanted to blame it on the onions she was cutting, she really did, but she was too clever of a chef to forget the tricks that prevented saline from clouding her vision. Cass bit her lip, trying to hold back not just the sobs, but the taunting words that her mind was playing over and over again.

Tadashi had died. And he wasn't ever coming back.

Flinging the knife into the sink, Cass finally gave into her sorrow and began to sob. She whirled around so her back was against the countertop as she slid to the floor, hiding her face in her hands, knees bent to her chest as she cried and cried. It was just like when her nephews' parents had died. Everything hurt and everything was numb and surreal all at once. Her chest constricted with the phantom agony of heartache and left her breathless.

She had lost her sister, her best friend and her dear, kind brother-in-law. Now her nephew was gone.

Hiro was all Cass had left and she was all he had left. It wasn't fair, it wasn't right! She was supposed to have gone first. Before both of them. In the back of her mind, Cass was starting to have stronger thoughts about once picking up a parental book. Maybe there was a chapter on stopping your nephew from throwing himself into danger for the greater good, even if he did have a big heart like his father.

The heart of a Hamada.

She wasn't sure how long she cried for, all she knew was that the tears came to an abrupt stop when she heard footsteps on the cement steps outside of her Lucky Cat café and what sounded like Hiro's harried voice. Cass quickly stood up and did her best to wipe away any evidence of her heart's despair, now was not the time to be all emotional. She needed to be strong and she needed to be there for Hiro.

She needed to compartmentalize.

Reaching for the knife she had been using, Cass rinsed it off and with showmanship finesse, twirled it before resuming her onion chopping, her movements faster and slightly erratic as she did everything in her power to reign in her emotions as she heard the small bell attached to the front door chime as her nephew walked in.

"Hi, sweetie!" Cass called out, hoping beyond hope that Hiro couldn't hear that the cheerfulness in her voice was forced.

"H-hey, Aunt Cass!" Hiro called back. He still sounded harried; maybe registration was crazier than she thought. Maybe she should have gone with him.

"How was school, college man?" she asked when she heard him come close to the kitchen. She turned to face him, knife still in hand so she could move onto the next ingredient meant for his special dinner.

He seemed sheepish, "oh…heh. It…it was fine…got my schedu—" He cut off as his eyes grew wide. "Aunt Cass, you're bleeding!"

Cassandra blinked. Bleeding? Following the path of Hiro's panicked gaze, she noted that there was indeed a small slice on both the index and middle finger of her right hand and indeed there was blood. She frowned, guessing that she had taken longer to curb her sorrow than she thought. She was never careless with her utensils.

Her frown turned into a smile as she waved off her nephew's concern. "It's shallow, little man, I'll be fine." She turned back to run her cut under cold water, keeping her head facing half toward Hiro. "Dinner will be ready in about twenty, sound good?"

Hiro was about to respond when a loud voice that sounded almost…robotic chimed out, "wheeee!"

"What was that?"

More rambling from the fourteen-year old, "oh! Uh…It…i-it must've been Mochi! Heh." He tried for bravado. "That…that darn cat." Said cat was actually slinking around the boy's ankles and purring loudly. Hiro stared down at the feline in dismay, why couldn't anything make any sense today?

Shaking his head, he faced his aunt's back once more. "I'm actually gonna eat in my room, Aunt Cass, if that's okay with you. There's just so much to catch up on with all of the classes that I missed…"

Cass nodded absently, barely hearing Hiro's distracted tone. "Sure, sweetie, I'll bring you up a plate soon." Hearing his response of "sounds good" and a quick race up the steps, Cass's attention returned once more to her injured fingers. She frowned as blood continued to flow out of the wounds. Why was she still bleeding? Her skin was practically numb. It clicked when she realized it still needed pressure. Perhaps it was deeper than she thought.

In the back of her mind, Cass could hear her older sister's voice, slightly chiding and yet amused. 'C'mon, Cassandra, that's First Aid 101.' Oh how Lizzie loved calling her by her full first name, especially when she stressed the middle "a" like her sister was one of those snooty, upper-class types. She was always amused by whatever reaction she got out of the younger Barnes daughter.

Forcing down the lump that was once again rising in her throat, Cass gripped the counter as she closed her eyes and inhaled sharply. She was not going to lose it. Not again. But, she told herself, if she thought she was going to lose control, then she was sure as hell going to do so in the storage unit where Hiro couldn't hear. He was slowly bringing himself up. She wasn't going to cause him to come crashing down again just because of a few tears on her part.

"Aunt Cass?"

She flinched at the sound of her nephew's voice, just barely clinging to the towel that was wrapped around her fingers. "Are you okay?"

Pasting a smile on her face, Cass turned to face Hiro. "I told you that this cut is manageable. I'm gonna be fine, sweetie."

Hiro frowned slightly, not entirely convinced. "Are you sure this is just about the cut?"

"What else could it be about?"

They both knew, but they didn't want to say.

Tadashi was gone.

An awkward silence filled the kitchen as they mentally acknowledged that they were lying to one another. Cass's smile became strained as she realized that lying was probably not recommended in the parenting book she should have picked up years ago.

Ruffling Hiro's spiky black locks with her good hand, she tilted her head toward the frying pan. "Wanna help me finish dinner? I mean, I can do this one handed, I'm not helpless, but I feel like I haven't seen you in forever." Her gaze became pointed. "And you need to eat, kiddo."

A sheepish grin spread across Hiro's face. "Y-yeah, I know…I just…haven't been up to it, is all." He rubbed his arm as a further sign of discomfort.

Cass's face softened as she gently nudged Hiro with her good arm. "Well, so long as you make an effort to try something tonight, I won't keep nagging you anymore, deal?"

"Deal." There was a pause before Hiro then added, "I'm gonna head back up to my room. But first…" he slips past his aunt with ease and grabbing a spatula, quickly stirring around the ingredients in the pan to his satisfaction and plated it. He stood up on the balls of his feet and planted a fast kiss on Cass's cheek before darting out of the kitchen and once more bounding up the stairs to his asylum, because she knows that's what feels to the boy. Not in terms of refuge, but a place for the insane, because how can one grieve without going a little insane?

After stowing all dishes and utensils that have been caked with grease and grit, tears and effort into the dishwasher; Cass flips the switch and heads into the living room. She sits on the couch and reaches for the remote which is resting on one of the end tables, her eyes meeting brown orbs not quite as large as the ones belonging to the young teen hiding in his second-floor bedroom. She bites her lip and gently places the frame facedown as she does everything in her power to remain calm. Compartmentalize, Cassandra! Compartmentalize! Hiro needs you to be strong; he still isn't ready to fly on his own yet.

Breathing through her nose, Cass picked up the remote without even looking at it. She then flipped on the television, Mochi hopping up to then settle on her lap, one hand stroking through his multi-colored fur. Her thumb rapidly pressed down the "up" button as she channel surfed, the digit slipping for a second and landing her on a wrestling match.

Oh. Wrestling.

It was what had helped Cass bond with Tadashi believe it or not. It had been a typically warm autumn evening in San Fransokyo and both aunt and older brother had finally settled down a very insistent, very not-sleepy three year old Hiro. The pair had tip-toed down the stairs for it was not yet Tadashi's own bedtime and not surprisingly, his homework was done and her help wasn't needed. Still completely new to the thought of being a full-time guardian, Cass had been unsure of what to do with her nephew for it was before games were introduced to her home and no books of hers were worthy of his inquiring, young and still fairly innocent mind.

So she had turned on the T.V. and wrestling had been the first thing to pop up. Tadashi had turned to her with a raised brow and slightly curious look in his eye. "You like wrestling, Aunt Cass?"

Cass had chuckled. "Well, this is actually a new television and new cable package for me, kiddo, I haven't quite located the 'Hamada-friendly' channels yet."

"You're a Hamada," Tadashi had replied quietly.

Cass had smiled gently and was about to point out the technicalities when her elder nephew plowed on. "I mean, I know that your family name is really my mom's maiden name, but I'm serious, you're a Hamada. My dad loved you as much as my mom did…" he then wrapped his arms around Cass's middle from the side. "And I love you and so does Hiro. So, you're a Hamada. Plus you've got the heart of one."

Cassandra glanced at her nephew from the side. "And what exactly is a Hamada heart like?"

Tadashi had shrugged, still hugging his aunt, for his emotional scars were still too fresh and he was still of an age where hugging was acceptable. "It's big…and…and filled with lots of love. And compassion. And it knows how to heal other hearts."

Cass held back her own tears as she returned the embrace. "Okay then, sweetie, I'm a Hamada." Wanting to distract the ten year old from any more pain, she then gestured back to the television. "So, does that mean us big-hearted Hamadas watch something other than wrestling? Something sappier?" She leaned in closer, mischief written all over her face. "Do you wanna watch a soap opera with your auntie?"

Tadashi had recoiled at that, pulling away from his guardian completely. He'd made a face and shook his head vigorously. "I think I'd prefer the wrestling match." And so the two had watched wrestling; quickly becoming engrossed in the program. Each had picked a side and Cass would tickle her nephew and teased him when his fictional champion lost a round, though they tried to keep their mirth down so as to not wake Hiro.

Yet the tinier Hamada had shown up at the top of the steps in tears, having suffered a nightmare and Tadashi had leaped up and caught the child up in his arms before Cass could even stand up herself. The two consoled Hiro with hugs and words of reassurance that he was fine and that his world would not become smaller.

The night soon found Aunt Cass with her back pressed against the corner of the couch, her slender legs only taking up half of the seat cushions. Tadashi took up the other half, though his right leg was tossed across both of Cass's and Hiro was sprawled out between the two of them, conked out completely within a matter of minutes. Tadashi leaned his head against Cass's shoulder while he held one of his brother's tiny, dimpled hands; their aunt stroking the boy's sweaty, wild inky locks.

"Toldja you're a Hamada," the elder boy had whispered, not taking his eyes off the television screen. Cass remembered smiling in bemusement, for all it seemed like what she had done was what any normal parent would do in such a situation. Yet the words meant something dear to Tadashi…

…though Cass would never know what it was.

She came out of her memories with the feeling of fresh grief hitting her with full force. All at once, several stages of grief hit her. Denial; no, no, Tadashi could not be gone. It simply wasn't possible…no, he wasn't gone, any minute he was going to come walking in through the front door with a big, kind smile on his face as he launched excitedly into a verbal exposition on his latest project. He was not dead.

Anger; anger at the monster who started that fire in the first place and threatened the lives of not just her boys, but many others including a beloved professor whom had also been lost. Anger at Tadashi for even though it was a noble move on his part it was also reckless for he wasn't equipped for such a situation, not like a fire fighter. She's angry at herself for not insisting that her boys come home right then and she's stupidly angry with Hiro for not getting his brother away from the burning school and to come back with him.

Bargaining; oh Cass had pleaded with and prayed to all sorts of deities that this was all just some sick, sick dream that she and Hiro and the rest of San Fransokyo would eventually wake up and that Tadashi was just fine, that he was alive.

Depression, well, that was always with her, clinging to her like an ethereal Queen's cape, she was just much better at hiding it than others.

Acceptance. Acceptance was a tricky one. It's where her heart and mind warred most of all. For although her mind constantly whispered sibilant whispers that Tadashi was indeed gone and there was nothing that Cassandra Barnes could do about it, her heart just wasn't ready to believe that yet as all she wants is to cleave to a desperate—oh she knows it's non-existant—thread of hope that her tilted world would right itself.

The lump in her throat returned with a vengeance as her forest green eyes filled with tears and her breath hitched. She quickly turned up the volume so as to not disturb Hiro for she knew she would never make it down to the food cellar in time.

Mochi leaped down from her lap, meowing his indignation as Cass wailed, sobbing hysterically with hot tears rolling down her cheeks and burning a path across her heart. The remote fell to the floor with a clatter as she once more buried her face in her hands, crying and doing her best to muffle the screams of anguish ripping themselves from her throat. Her nephew, one of her boys; one of her genius, big-hearted boys was gone and it hurt like hell.

Cass struggled to keep her breathing in check as it kept hitching while she tried to simultaneously wipe her eyes and swallow that damn lump in her throat. The only thing that snapped her out of her grief induced hysteria was that robotic voice she just knew she had heard earlier.

"On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your emotional pain?"

With an effort, Cass raised her tear-filled gaze and came face to face with a concerned, bulbous, white…robot? Wait a moment…

"Baymax?" the grieving aunt whispered as memories of an excited Tadashi eagerly filling her in on the details of his latest project, the one it seemed he was the most passionate about and was pouring his heart and soul into came rushing forth.

"Hello, Cassandra," Tadashi's creation greeted her calmly—Cass had forgotten he was brought to her home following the funeral. "I perceived your sounds of emotional distress from upstairs in Hiro's room and came to see if I could do anything to help. Therefore on a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your emotional pain?"

"Ten," Cass's voice was hoarse. No, it was more like a twenty for not only was she mourning Tadashi, she was mourning her late sister and brother-in-law too.

Baymax blinked his optic orbs. "As I was informing Hiro earlier, it is recommended that one seeks out the company of others during their time of grief."

She opened her mouth to reply, but was stopped by a new voice instead. "Aunt Cass?" She looked past Baymax up toward her nephew whom was watching her from the stairs, his large brown eyes even wider with concern for her. Before she could muster the strength to put a smile on her face, Hiro was at her side, hugging her tightly.

His face was buried in her shoulder. "I'm so sorry," he mumbled. "I'm sorry, Aunt Cass. I forgot how you might be feeling about this…this…never-ending nightmare."

Wiping her eyes, Cass doesn't say anything at first, just wraps an arm around Hiro's shoulders as she tries to swallow that damned lump in her throat born of heart break. "It's not your fault," she finally whispered when the silence becomes too deafening for her to bear. "I'm the one who should be comforting you, not the other way around."

"But you have been," Hiro insisted as he leans away to wipe his own eyes. He smiled weakly when he notices Baymax proffering a box of tissues. "Thanks, buddy," he tells the robot quietly, taking a tissue. He doesn't use it though, instead passes it to Cass who murmurs her own thanks to the two and continues to wipe her still weeping eyes.

"You've comforted me," Hiro picked up from where he left off. "You've been there for and you've done everything in your power to get me to live when all I wanted to do was shut the world out. To…to cease being me." He hung his head as he went on with his revelation. "Because I felt like…without…without …Tadashi, I just…couldn't be me anymore." He glanced up at Baymax, "but I think I might have found my purpose again."

There's a secret in his voice, one Cass should be paying more attention to, but right now she's just grateful that her nephew is here and talking to her, not just holing up in his room or shooting off to a future he's desperate to make himself ready for. She heaved a watery sigh and manages to form what finally feels like a genuine smile. "We're family, Hiro, that's what we do. We have each other's backs and do our best to pull one another out of whatever darkness we may have plunged ourselves into."

"We're Hamadas," Hiro confirmed her words with a nod. Her mind shoots back to when ten year old Tadashi said those words and even though Cass still isn't entirely certain as to what they mean, she finds that it's okay, for now. Maybe okay isn't the right word, but she knows and Hiro knows too that one day it will be okay and the memories won't inflict such fierce pain. Maybe not by tomorrow or the day after that or even the following year. But she has Hiro by her side and he has Aunt Cass by his and in that moment, it seems like enough.

The two settled back into a position that was once formed by three as they watched Baymax toddle after Mochi who is on the hunt for any scraps the usually meticulous Cass might have left behind in the kitchen calling for the "hairy baby". Cass laughed for the first time in weeks, it was a good nickname.

Hiro leaned into her shoulder and she stroked her way through his spiky locks of ink, absent-mindedly humming an old lullaby. He's too old for such things and to be honest, she isn't sure if she's "mom" enough for it, but neither one of them mind and the tune weaves its way through the serenity of the air and for the first time in what feels like eons, there is peace is the Hamada household.

Hello, Big Hero 6 fandom! I love this movie dearly though I haven't written fanfiction in about four years! That being said, I hope this was decent. Another thing to be said, I shouldn't be allowed to write grief pieces, I cried several times when writing this. Oh dear. I've got to admit, I'm a little disappointed that I didn't know where to fit in Baymax so he doesn't have much to say. Nor did I touch much on the "Heart of a Hamada". Maybe I can continue this and explain it there.