Jumping Off the Cliff 2/2

Author: dettiot

Rating: T

Summary: Felicity and Oliver are standing on the verge of a precipice without realizing it. What happens after they jump-and when they realize each other has jumped, too? Sequel to Holding Your Breath, to be followed by Blinded by Love and Daring.

Disclaimer: I don't own Arrow. No copyright infringement intended.

Author's Note: Now it's time for Oliver. If you couldn't guess, I'm diverging from canon here, except for those things that I want to include. :-) I hope you enjoy!

XXX

Channel 7 Breaking News Alert, October 10, 2012
On-Air Anchor: We interrupt this program with breaking news: Oliver Queen is alive. The Starling City resident was found by fishermen in the North China Sea, five days ago-five years after he was missing and presumed dead after the accident at sea which claimed the Queen's Gambit.

Channel 52 News Alert, October 10, 2012
On-Air Anchor: In a shocking development, Oliver Queen, believed dead since the shipwreck of the Queen's Gambit five years ago, has been found. He was discovered on an island in the North China Sea. No reports on his condition or his activities during the past five years has been released yet, but Channel 7 is ready to bring you round-the-clock coverage of this miracle.

Starling City Examiner, October 11, 2012
Oliver Queen Found Alive; Only Survivor of Queen's Gambit Shipwreck; Will Reportedly Return to Starling City on Monday

Wall Street Journal, October 11, 2012
Queen Consolidated Stock Rises After News of Oliver Queen's Rescue

USA Today, October 12, 2012
The Aftermath of Trauma: Experts Explain Oliver Queen's Road to Recovery

People Magazine, October 15, 2012
Oliver Queen Back From the Dead! The Miraculous Return of America's Favorite Playboy

Channel KQBC, October 15, 2012
On-Air Anchor: You're watching live footage of Oliver Queen's return home. The lost billionaire is rumored to be in physically satisfactory condition after five years on a deserted island, but he is being taken to Starling City General Hospital for further evaluation. It's expected that his mother, Moira Dearden Queen, and his sister Thea will meet him there.

TMZ, October 15, 2012
-Anyone else disappointed that Ollie Queen isn't coming back with a couple of geishas?
-Geishas are in Japan, not China.
-Whatever. Hot little Asian chicks.
-Before, he liked brunettes, not Asians.
-Before, he liked women!
-Don't know that Starling City is the best place to meet women nowadays, since all the smart ones have left town.
-What smart woman would want anything to do with Oliver Queen?
-I can think of a few reasons-and not only the billion or so he has in the bank!
-Seriously, welcome back, Ollie! We've missed you!

XXX

When he had left five years ago, Starling City had simply been home. The place where he grew up, the place he had always lived.

Now it was his city. His to protect, his to save.

It was the only way to make his father's sacrifice matter. To redeem the mistakes the Queen men had made, and not just the ones from before the shipwreck.

Which meant it was time for him to make some sacrifices of his own.

Gazing out the window at the darkened skyline, the lights in buildings and homes twinkling, Oliver Queen knew that the lovely scene was a mirage. That the light couldn't drown out the darkness-he had to eliminate the darkness, fix the rot that infected Starling's core.

The fingers on his right hand rubbed together, like they did when he was holding an arrow nocked on his bow. Not that different from how, in another life, his fingers would rub against the pen as he wrote.

Oliver swallowed. The last five years had been about survival: about staying fed, about staying sheltered, about staying alive. There had been no time for regrets or what-ifs. No time to think about what he used to want. To wonder what he could have been, who he could have been with . . .

And there was no time for such thoughts now.

He could feel eyes watching him. It was probably his mother . . . and hopefully Thea. He didn't know what the delay was, so he kept his eyes forward, looking out the window. Waiting for the moment when there wouldn't be silence any more.

"Oliver."

The scent of Chanel Number Five washed over him. Almost unconsciously, Oliver took a deep breath. Then he turned, knowing that the small, hesitant smile he had on his face was actually genuine.

"Mom."

Moira Queen was older-of course she was. But it was more than just five years of aging on her face: there was worry and heartbreak in the almost-imperceptible lines. Her hair was a bit shorter, her figure just a bit less trim. And her face didn't show the secrets she harbored, the secrets that his father had only hinted at before he had pointed a gun to his head and pulled the trigger.

But she was his mother and she was on the verge of tears at the sight of him.

"My beautiful boy," she said, a catch in her throat as she wrapped her arms around him.

He hugged her back, savoring this moment. Pushing aside all that he knew, the things that could poison this if he thought about them. He had spent five long years hoping for this reunion; right now, he could avoid thinking about the list and just remember that this was his mother.

They stayed like that for a few long minutes. Oliver felt his mother's shoulders shake a few times, but when she pulled away from him, there were no signs of tears in her eyes. She searched his face and then smiled softly. "We have missed you so much. Is it good to be home?"

How else could he answer but to agree? It was what she wanted, what she expected him to say. From birth, he had been brought up to do what was required, what was proper. Even his wildest playboy antics had been accepted, because at least people could understand that.

What he was planning to do, though . . . there could be no acceptance. There would be no understanding. That, among a hundred other reasons, was why no one could know about the trunk he had brought back from the island, about what he had learned since the Gambit went down. About what he was planning to become.

So with a tight smile, he nodded. "Yeah. It's good to be home."

Moira rubbed his shoulder lightly. "Thea's here-she begged to come with me instead of waiting at home."

"I'd love to see her," Oliver said, feeling grateful for something he didn't have to lie about. Because he did want to see his sister. After all, he had agreed to go with his father in order to preserve his relationship with Thea-a decision that he had never regretted, even with everything that had happened to him. And he wanted to see Tommy, too, even though he was pretty sure his best friend would want to drag him back into the party scene-something he wasn't excited about.

A crowd of people was something he was dreading, after five years of learning not to trust anyone.

But Tommy would expect him to be the same old Ollie. That was what everyone wanted. And even though that Ollie had never really existed, not as anything more than an act, Oliver knew he'd have to put the mask back on. He wasn't sure it would fit, but it was expected.

His mother leaned in and lightly kissed his cheek. "I'll get her from the waiting room. Do you want to see Tommy? He's been calling constantly, not to mention practically haunting the house, since the news broke."

"In a bit . . . maybe tomorrow. I want to spend some time with you and Thea first."

She paused, tilting her head to the side as she looked at him. Then she let out a soft puff of air that held a trace of laughter. "You're so thoughtful now. And I'm well-aware of how that sounds," she said, touching his shoulder again. "Of course you've changed. Not just physically, which is easy to see. But on the inside, too."

Oliver took a deep breath, once again smelling the perfume that said 'Mom' to him. Once on a street in Hong Kong, he had caught a fragment of that same scent and had been hit with a powerful longing to see his mother. To have his life be easy like it once was, when Moira could fix any problem for him.

But she couldn't fix this problem. She couldn't fix him.

At a loss for words, Oliver just nodded. "Yeah."

Moira gave him a small smile. "I'll be right back." She hesitated, then turned and stepped out of the room.

Once again, he turned to look at the Starling City skyline. For a man who knew he was damaged, he thought he was holding it together well enough. The novelty of these reunions, though, helped him tamp down all his emotions and push them down into his gut. Once everyone got past the newness of his return, when he would have to start being more like the Ollie they wanted while hiding who he really was . . .

That would be the real test.

XXX

He hadn't known exactly what to expect from Thea. A hug? Tears? A slap in the face? A stream of questions? She had always been nosy-But that was the old Thea. Who knew how the last five years had affected her? She could be totally different . . . not unlike him.

Hopefully, not exactly like him. He didn't want to think of his sister as being broken. Bent and scarred and tortured like him. When he left with his father, he had done it so he wouldn't have to leave Thea's life. So he wouldn't have to hurt her. But since he was Oliver Queen, he had ended up hurting her anyways.

But none of that mattered when he saw his little sister for the first time in five years.

"I knew it!" she said, coming at him with the same intense energy that had made him call her Speedy. "I knew you were still alive!"

The feel of her thin arms around him, holding so tight to him, made Oliver realize just how broken he was. Because he knew he wasn't as strong as her. If their positions had been reversed, he doesn't know if he would have had the same belief. The same faith.

Thea pulled back and Oliver took a good look at her. She wasn't a slightly-gawky twelve-year-old anymore, although he could see that she still had to grow into her long arms and legs just a little. Her eyes held a faint shadow, a hint of the pain she must have experienced since the wreck of the Gambit.

But right now, she was smiling. And Oliver realized that Thea was beautiful. She was a beautiful young woman with her whole life ahead of her.

Oliver took a deep breath, feeling a wave of protectiveness. More than that: a compulsion to make Starling safe for Thea, for everyone who cared about someone like he cared about Thea.

If he could still feel like this . . . maybe he wasn't as hopeless as he thought. As he feared.

"Hey, Speedy," he said softly.

She rolled her eyes, reminding him painfully of the Thea he remembered-the Thea that didn't exist anymore. "Ugh, I had kinda hoped you had forgotten about that nickname while you were on that island." A sheepish, uncertain, scared look crossed Thea's face, as she realized she shouldn't have brought up what had happened to him. She had probably been warned not to do so by their mother.

There would be a lot of that in the coming days, he guessed. People trying to be subtle as they slipped in their questions about the island, about the last five years. But there were only a few people that he would let off the hook for their fishing expeditions.

"It's okay, Thea," he said softly, gripping her shoulder. "I know you have questions."

"You don't have to talk about it," Moira said gently, speaking for the first time since she had lead Thea into the room. "Not yet, at least. We're just so happy you're home, Oliver."

Thea nodded and hugged Oliver again. He swallowed and hugged her back, starting to feel overwhelmed. Pressed down by all the emotions, all the secrets he was carrying. Because how could he ever tell them the truth?

Just a few details would set off a chain of questions and doubts in his remaining family. Once a question was asked, it had to be answered somehow. But Oliver couldn't give them the truth. Not if he was to do what needed to be done.

No, it was better if he was vague in his responses. If he feigned mild amnesia or claimed it was too painful to talk about. Because he wasn't sure if he could bear to tell his mother and sister the truth about Robert Queen. About the way he had died-and about the way he had lived.

And if he couldn't tell them that . . . he couldn't tell them about his quest.

"Oliver, I've been talking with your doctors, and they say you can come home tonight if you like," his mother said, working very hard to keep that hopeful note out of her voice. But Oliver heard it, just like he saw the wistfulness in Thea's eyes.

Their care was almost smothering. But he simply smiled and nodded. "That sounds great."

If he couldn't give them the truth, he could at least give them normal.

"Wonderful," Moira said with a radiant smile. "Let me make some calls and handle the paperwork, and then we can leave."

"Okay," Oliver said, watching Moira leave and for a moment savoring the relief of letting someone else handle all the details. But it was only temporary relief, before he started feeling antsy and out-of-control. So he turned to Thea and smiled. "What's up with you?"

Thea hesitated a moment, her eyes flicking over his face. Oliver did his best to keep his expression blank and neutral, and it must have been enough to convince Thea. Because she tugged him over to the sofa in the room, pulling him down beside her as she began talking.

The steady stream of chatter helped ground him. But the touch of Thea's hand against his did even more.

XXX

Leaning back against the leather seat of Tommy's Mercedes, Oliver could almost pretend that the last five years hadn't happened. That he was still Oliver Queen, playboy and quasi-author, riding shotgun with his best friend again, making plans for the night.

But one sight of the Glades made him realize that the last five years had been hard on a lot of people. He wasn't alone in suffering.

"I don't know why you wanted to come around here," Tommy grumbled. "This place has gone downhill. Your dad closed his factory at the right time."

Oliver disagreed. Not just because Queen Consolidated closing that factory made things in the Glades even worse, but because he didn't want to keep talking about the location he had already earmarked for his secret hideout.

So instead, he turned his head to take in Tommy.

Unlike his mother or Thea, the changes in Tommy were less noticeable. Still handsome, still charming, still the life of the party. But there was also a brittleness to him now. It was like the feeling you got when you bit down on a piece of tin foil: strange and off-putting. Yet he also seemed fragile, in a way Oliver couldn't define.

"Okay, so something I wanna ask you," Tommy said, turning the car and driving away from the Glades. "Are you letting your mom suck you into running QC?"

"Right away? No," Oliver said. "It was never something I wanted to do . . . "

Tommy nodded. "But . . .?"

"But I'm sure that someday in the future, I'll get tired of holding out and give in to her," Oliver said with a small sigh.

"Tell me about it. Dad's making noises about me actually using my office at Merlyn Global for its intended purpose, instead of keeping it for boss/secretary fantasy sex." Tommy made a face, then grinned. "But until then . . . there's always Frat Boy Fraternity."

"Don't tell me you kept it running?" Oliver asked, feeling surprised.

With a shrug, Tommy glanced over at him before returning his eyes to the road that lead to the Queen mansion. "Yeah, I did. Kinda turned it into a memorial to . . . well, you."

The last thing Ollie Queen deserved was a memorial. He nearly blurted that out before he caught himself. Because he knew Tommy mourned him, just as much as his mother or Thea had.

"Have you thought about it, though?" Tommy asked. "Picking it back up?"

Oliver shook his head. "No . . . I mean, I'm not exactly a frat boy anymore."

Tommy swept a quick, measuring gaze over Oliver. "No. You're pretty ripped, dude. Guess it was all the tree-climbing and coconut-cracking, right?"

For Tommy, that was downright subtle. It fell between Thea's straight-up questions about the island and his mother's gentle encouragement to take his time hiding her assumption that he would eventually tell them. Oliver appreciated it, though. But there were just so many questions, and if he started answering them . . .

"Something like that," Oliver said quietly. But both he and Tommy heard the finality in his voice, and Tommy simply nodded.

"Well, if you wanted to write again, I'm sure everyone would be pounding down your door for it."

"Only if I wrote about the island," Oliver said. "And I'm not going to do that."

That shut Tommy down for the rest of the drive, leaving Oliver feeling like a dick. As Tommy pulled the car up to the front door of his house, Oliver turned to him. "I'm sorry. I know you're worried."

Tommy looked through the windshield for a long moment. "Yeah, I am," he said, finally meeting Oliver's eyes. "But if you want to keep it in, it's your call, Ollie." He paused, then gave him a weak grin. "Eventually you'll crack, just like you did about Gillian DeMarco."

Oliver ducked his head, feeling his lips quirk up. "It was the first time I had sex in a hot tub. How could I not talk about it?"

"How about the fact that you promised her you wouldn't tell anyone?"

"I promised right after I came," Oliver protested, getting out of the car and leaning down to talk to Tommy through the window. "That shouldn't count."

"Gillian thought it did-and so did her very large, very protective older brother," Tommy reminded him, smirking widely. "I'll pick you up at nine-thirty for your welcome back party."

Nodding, Oliver straightened up and watched Tommy drive off. There was enough time before then for Oliver to do some research. He needed to figure out the first person to cross off from the List . . . needed to start ordering supplies for his hideout . . . needed to come up with a better name than 'the hideout'.

He took the stairs to his room two at a time, again feeling the sense of mustiness and disuse when he stepped into the room as he had last night. It must have taken Raisa a lot of work to get it ready for him, so he did his best to ignore the way the hair on the back of his neck stood on end. Tried to not feel like he needed to find a place to hide.

His old MacBook Air was still sitting on the desk. He couldn't remember his passwords, but he bypassed the social media accounts for now to begin some searches for archery equipment and computers and all the things he would need to begin his secret crusade.

It was while he was looking into electronics that he came across a news article from a few weeks ago. One that answered a question he had tried not to think about: what had happened to Felicity Smoak. News that totally diverted his attention from his research and onto much more disturbing questions.

What kind of sociopathic asshole could attack someone like her? Why had it taken so long for her attacker to be caught? And why the hell had Felicity needed to take the stand? He'd only been able to watch the recording of her testimony for a minute before he had to turn it off. Because the fear had been so palpable in her, even as she gritted her teeth and answered the softball questions from her lawyer. How had she stood up under cross-examination?

Even with all he had seen of the world, none of this made sense to Oliver.

The more he read and watched, the less he understood it, until finally he had to lean back in his chair and close his eyes. He thought there was nothing that could surprise him anymore. But reading about Felicity Smoak's attack had done just that.

Actually, there were two surprises for him. One was that something this awful had happened to the last woman who deserved such an attack. The other was how much he wanted to break into Iron Heights and put an arrow into the man responsible for hurting her.

Because Felicity Smoak should not hurt, ever.

Oliver swallowed. He couldn't make this about one person. Because it wasn't. It was about saving his city. Crossing names off the List.

And it was time to get started.

End.