Forever yours

By: Emilio Burnfeild

-: Epiloge:-

The smell of soap and rubbing alcohol never seemed to completely set in Matthew's nostrils. Every time he tried to calm himself with a deep breath the smell stung. Matthew never liked hospitals. They always reminded him of sick and sad people. Even thought he wanted to be a doctor once in his life, he could never work in environment like this.

"Williams and Jones?"

"That's us, Miss!" Alfred rose from his seat and pulled Matthew along.

"Right this way." The nurse smiled almost too friendly towards Alfred. Maybe because Alfred did the same. Matthew's stomach gradually turned as they passed white doors, white floors and white walls. He didn't really know what he was about to see.

"409. Here it is." The nurse unlocked the door and smiled politely.

"Thank you, Miss!" Alfred said cheerily, and a bit too loud, before she disappeared down the hall. Matthew gave out a small sigh but didn't have time to enter the room before Alfred was already in and amazed.

"Oh wow! It looks cool!" Alfred almost ran inside towards Arthur who was sitting down reading the paper with a tube stuck to his arm.

"Alfred don't touch that-" He said low as he kept reading.

"I thought it would be green or glowing!" Alfred looked at the plastic bag and turned it around to look at it more clearly. As soon as he did Arthur raised his voice with a tint of panic.

"Alfred for fuck sake-"

Alfred stopped moving as if offended by Arthur's words. "Don't swear at me."

"Alfred don't stress him!" Matthew swiftly took Alfred's hands away and held them down as he gave his brother a bitter stare.

"Why did I think think this was a good idea?" Arthur muttered as he folded the paper.

"Because you love us and don't want us to worry? Or... if you didn't bring us you would be at your first chemo session alone?" Alfred said smiling innocently as Matthew let go of him.

Arthur laughed softly and tried to fight the grin on his lips. "Both, Alfred. Now sit down or I'll kick you."

"Bad or good leg?"

"Both of em."

"Oh, damn we got a bad ass over here." Alfred held his hands up to surrender and then crashed in the futon next to Arthur. Matthew was about to take a seat when he noticed that there were no other chairs in the room. He looked suspiciously at the examination table for a second before Alfred gasped and patted his knees.

"Sit!"

"No, Alfred." Matthew said a bit embarrassed.

"Come on you haven't sat I my lap since you were like nine!" The American kept hitting his legs.

"Yes, and for a reason. What if I'm heavy?"

"I'm heavier!" Alfred said and held out his hands to Matthew.

The boy sighed and rolled his eyes. "Okay."

"Yes!" Alfred pulled Matthew in a tight hug before he even had the chance to sit down. Arthur chuckled and looked at both Matthew and Alfred with a melting smile.

"Well..." Matthew tried to find his balance before he looked back at his father. "How are you feeling?"

"Oh, I'm fine. Though, they told me that I'll probably feel nauseous during the night."

Alfred cringed. "That sucks man. Do you want us to buy some ice cream? It's easier to kick up."

Arthur scoffed and looked suspicious. "Firstly, that might ruin ice cream for me. Secondly, how do you know this, Alfred?"

"Experience. You know the summer two years ago?"

Arthur shook his head and shut his eyes with a disgusted face."Ugh, don't remind me."

"Are you sure you are fine? That stuff is strong." Matthew glanced at the bag beside Arthur. He knew that what was in those did more then just kill cancer cells.

"I'm splendid sitting next to you two dear. You look so cute sitting like that. Wait! I'll snap a photo of you." Arthur felt his back pocket and pulled out his phone.

"Please don't post this on Facebook..." Matthew begged as soon as the picture had been taken.

"Don't worry I'll tag both of you." Arthur said with a devious smile.

"So, dad. When is your hair falling off?" Alfred asked in a sarcastic tone.

Arthur's face turned into a bitter frown as he placed the phone back. "Oh, shut up."

"Well, we can get you a wig?" Matthew asked softly.

"Let's not bother, I'm not so fond of it anyway."

Alfred's arms tightened around Matthew as he almost burst of joy. "Oh! How about we do something fun with it?"

Arthur scoffed. "Like what?"

Alfred hummed thoughtfully for a moment. "Colour it, maybe?"

"What colour are you thinking?"

"Pink!"

Arthur had a look that Matthew couldn't comprehend before he silently whispered. "What the fuck, Alfred?"

"Don't swear at me. It's a great idea! Right Matthew? Right?"

Pressured by Alfred's nodding and the stars in his eyes Matthew felt he had to agree. "Well...It would match your eyes."

"My eyes are green." Arthur responded shortly.

Matthew responded equally shortly. "They'll stand out more."

"Listen to your gay son!"

Matthew's face lit up and he turned towards his brother. "Alfred!"

"What?"

The boy shook his head and leaned back on his brother. "I bet you are a little gay too."

"Yea!" Alfred laughed. "Gay as in happy! Happy that my brother likes dic-"

"Shush!" Matthew covered Alfred's mouth before he could end the sentence. He met eyes with Arthur who seemed very amused. Matthew carefully let go of Alfred and just sighed and shook his head.

Alfred laughed lightly and tapped Matthews shoulder. "But, I might give guys a try. I mean Francis seemed to be a pretty awesome dude." At that moment Matthew felt a stab tearing through his insides. His chest tensed and he stopped breathing as Alfred continued. "And if you think we look cute together you should have seen Francis and Matthew dad!"

Arthur placed his hand on Alfred's arm and squeezed a bit too tight. "Alfred I don't think you should-"

"Don't worry. It's fine." Matthew said and looked down at his hands. He breathed out and reminded himself to stay calm.

"You sure, Matthew?"

"Yea." Matthew nodded and put on a smile. Arthur frowned as he met Matthew's eyes.

"By the way..." Arthur felt his pockets before he found his wallet and handed it to Alfred. "There is a snack machine at the ground floor. Alfred why don't you grab us something?"

"Sure thing! Matthew could you-"

"Yea, yea. I'm on it." Matthew rose from his seat and Alfred disappeared out the room. Matthew sighed as he sat down again. "You didn't have to do that."

Arthur rolled up his sleeve not to cover the tubes. Matthew eyes lingered at the Arthur's tattoos for a moment. He hadn't seen them in a while."I know. But you look like you needed a break."

Matthew chuckled lightly. "We just got here."

"Sometimes a minute is all you need. How are you coping?" Arthur crossed his legs and turned to Matthew.

The boy shook his head lightly. "You're asking me? You got chemo in your veins!"

"And you got sorrow in your heart. Just because you see mine doesn't make your pain any milder." Arthur looked directly into Matthew's eyes. His gaze was sincere. "So, how are you doing?"

Matthew sighed and took off his glasses. "Well... I feel..." He polished the glass with his sweater as he searched his mind for a word to describe the feeling. "Numb in some kind of way. But it still...it catches me by surprise sometimes."

"I understand. Is Alfred making it harder for you?"

Matthew put his glasses back on and leaned back in his seat. "Sometimes. But, he is really trying."

"It's something I guess." Arthur chuckled.

"Yea." Matthew smiled softly. Alfred really did care. He was just a bit clumsy sometimes.

"Did you visit his apartment?"

Matthew's smile faded. "Yes." The boy remembered the eerie feeling. Walking inside Francis home without him there was heartbreaking. If it weren't for Gilbert Matthew wouldn't even have stepped inside.

It felt colder and more bare. Matthew saw things he didn't notice before. The old wall paper and worn out couch didn't seem so charming any more. The floors creaked and Matthew could feel the wind even though all the windows were closed. It was like a storm had entered and stolen the warmth. But there was one thing that Matthew could not fail to feel. In every inch of the apartment he could feel it. It was subtle but still there.

Matthew felt the pain swelling in his chest. "It still smelled like him." He swallowed and took a deep breath. "You know, like his hair did. Like his clothes did."

"Mhm." Arthur nodded.

Matthew felt tears forming in his eyes. He quickly dried them and laughed. "You know Gilbert, h-his friend, told me that Francis had cried over me."

"Oh?" Arthur grabbed Matthew's hand and held on tight. Strangely enough, it Matthew felt safer. Arthur's palm was warm. "Why did he do that?"

Matthew smiled softly."He felt bad about leaving me." Tension formed in the boys chest and he felt his mind loose track of reality.

"Let's...close our eyes...and pretend we are somewhere else. We'll open our eyes when Arthur is here, non?"

A bitter sting shook Matthew and he bit his lip. "It's too bad he had to go so soon." His breath got unsteady and Arthur's hand tightened around him. Matthew covered his eyes and tried to fight his tears but he was so tired of keeping them in. "Sorry."

Arthur sighed and stroke his thumb on Matthew's hand. "You have nothing to apologize for, Matthew."

Matthew dried his tears and sniffed. "In his last moments...I knew that he was dying dad." Matthew berthed deeply and turned to Arthur.

"Matthew-" Arthur's eyes were soft and full of worry.

"And I know that I took that time for granted." Matthew took a calming breath and turned his face away. "I know it's stupid to think about it now...When it's all over." The boy swallowed. "But I don't want our time to be taken for granted, okay? Promise me that we won't..." Matthew's words struck in his throat. The horror in his mind seemed far to real for him to continue.

"We won't." Arthur said and patted Matthew's arm. "I promise."

Matthew nodded and let the pain in his chest sink before he spoke again. "How long did you cry?"

"Hm?" Arthur drug his thumb over Matthew's hand.

"Mom."

"Oh." Arthur shifted in his seat. "A long time. Eventually you realize that you have to move on. And that the person will still be in your memories even if you stop thinking about them once in a while."

"Yea." Matthew nodded and soaked up the last of his tears.

Just as the silence had laid calmly like a blanket over the room a knocks from the door could be heard. It was Alfred no doubt. Matthew took one sip of the tranquillity before he opened the door. On the other side Alfred had stretched out his hoodie and filled the pocket with all kinds of sweets.

Matthew only stared for a moment. "Uh...Alfred-"

"Oh, no I don't need a hand, thanks!" The American stumbled into the room and pored everything he carried on the examination table. "I didn't know what you wanted so I took one of each!"

Arthur covered his face and muttered under his breath. "Oh my god."

"Here Matthew! This one has a polar bear on it!" Alfred threw a chocolate bar and Matthew barely caught it before it landed on the ground.

"Alfred why would I like it if it has a polar bear on it?" Matthew turned the bar to read the label.

"Well duh, Canada." Alfred said bluntly as he opened a bar and put it in his mouth.

"We don't have polar bears in Canada, Alfred. It's not that cold. Alfred...this bar is for malnourished babies."

Alfred spoke between his munches. "Well, you were a malnourished baby once. Dad what do you want?"

Arthur's palm still rested on his forehead as he sighed. "Something with hazelnut I guess?"

"This is a hospital, dad. People are allergic." Alfred said before he finally swallowed. He eyed Matthew for a moment. "At least Matthew isn't allergic to nuts."

A blazing flame of rage and shame shot through Matthew's chest. "Alfred! I swear to god-"

Alfred interrupted with a small smile. "I love you."

Matthew took a breath more similar to a bull's them a human before he spoke with a face red as a stop sign. "I...love you...too... But no more puns!"

Alfred sat down in the futon next to Arthur and held his hands up in surrender. "Okay. Okay." Matthew sighed louder then ever as Alfred also tapped his knees for Matthew to sit. The boy took a big breath to fume out the last of his anger as he sat down when Alfred started rocking his knees back and fourth. "Okay...Okay...Okay to be gay-" Matthew felt his face fume as Alfred burst out in full song. "-let's rejoice with the boys in the gay way!"

"I hate you!" Matthew drug his hoodie over his face and leaned back at Alfred to suffocate his song.

Arthur started giggling. "It's nothing to be ashamed of, Matthew."

"I know!" Matthew yelled with the voice he could manage.

"Oh, you don't like that one, Mattie? How about...I want to take you to a gay bar! GAY BAR! GAY BAR! GAYYY BAR!" Alfred was screaming at this point.

"Ahaha! Stop it Alfred! The nurse will hear you!" Arthur was shocking on his laughter.

Even though Matthew never thought things could be more devastatingly embarrassing for him, he was happy. He started giggling under his hoodie as Alfred's arms squeezed him tight and butterflies stirred in his stomach. He finally heard the laughter and felt the pure joy that he had been missing for years.