Disclaimer: see chapter one
Thanks everybody for the reviews and sorry for screwing up the dates. Of course the articles would have to say February and April 97. That means that Logan was 8 years old. Shame on me for getting that wrong. Anyway it won't change what happened...
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Chapter 11
Max rushed through the night, repeating the words of the article over and over in her mind. Although part of her was still not willing to apologise, the feline DNA in her made her way too suspicious about Logan's past to wait any longer now. Besides, whether she liked it or not, the fact that Bling had come looking for her at Jam Pony and the contents of the article had really got her worried. She parked her motorcycle in front of Foggle Towers and took the elevator up to the penthouse.
There she was, laughing at the cabin, smiling unwrapping Christmas presents, running away while they were playing catch. ...Then the scene changed again:
"Logan, come here..."
Lissy in the hospital bed, surrounded by relentlessly beeping machines and infusions.
The room was white and so bright that he couldn't see her face. He could smell the disinfectants and the clean sheets. Somewhere in the distance a child was crying.
"Come here, I want to tell you something." Her voice sounded like that of an angel.
He moved towards her, slowly, like in slow motion watching the expression on her face change.
"Logan, come on we don't have time..."
He was walking towards her but with every step he did, the distance was growing bigger.
Lissy was now reaching out her hand. "Come on Logan...We don't have much more time..."
He was trying to run now, but his legs felt like lead. He couldn't reach her. No matter how hard he tried, he was glued to the ground. He couldn't get to his sister.
"Logan, ..."her face was fading now. "I have to go..." The image of her was now flickering, like a TV-screen. "No!" he screamed, struggling to move his feet "Don't go!"
His sister smiled, but he could only see a distortion of her face, which was now as pale as the sheets.
"I have to go now..." He was on his knees now, desperately trying to drag himself along the bedside towards his fading sister. He tore at the sheets but they slipped under his fingers. "No! Don't go! Please don't leave me alone!"
"Logan...shh...it's okay." Her face was a blur now and her voice sounded distant. "I'm going to meet grandma, you know..." His eyes were burning with tears now. "No, Lissy don't go!" He could feel her smile through and through..."Don't cry Logan...it's okay. " he wiped away his tears and looked up. She was gone.
"Logan! Logan!" the voice was distant, but someone was calling him. He looked around. Somehow the scene had changed. Lissy was long gone but he was still kneeling on the hospital floor.
"Logan, it's just a dream...wake up." He tried to get up and follow the voice but he was still glued to the ground. He tried to move his legs but couldn't. His dream was fading. Reality was claiming him back. He felt the couch underneath him,he felt the strain in his neck, his left arm was trapped under his body and felt weird due to the lack of circulation.His mouth was dry and his stomach turned with a strange mixture of fear and nausea. Beneath that he didn't feel much. He tried to move his legs again. Nothing. Right, he thought...he was back. Back to reality. The dream was over, but there was still this voice calling him.
"Logan!" A hand was touching his shoulder and shaking him gently.
He forced himself to open his eyes. He squinted at the light and closed his eyes again quickly. When he opened them again, he was met by a pair of dark eyes observing him cautiously.
"Max!" He would have literally jumped if he could have. "What are you doing here?" His head was aching and he felt like he was covered with sweat. Max didn't say a word, while he struggled to sit up on the couch.
"I came to get some answers." She finally said.
Logan rubbed his face with his hands. His head was still clouded with the images from the dream. He couldn't quite grasp that Max had come back and was sitting right next to him now. She had really caught him in the worst moment of all. He rubbed his eyes and reached for his glasses that were lying on the couch table.
Max watched Logan's shaky movements. He looked like he hadn't showered in days. His hair was dishevelled and greasy and his stubble had grown to what almost resembled a full beard. His eyes were red and he looked pale and tired. His hand was shaking as he was reaching for his glasses.
"You okay?" she asked. "You had a bad dream." Without waiting for an answer she got up and walked over to the kitchen. She came back with a glass of water and put it down in front of Logan.
"Thanks. " he took a sip. He could feel the cool liquid run down his throat and enter his empty stomach. It helped a little to clear his thoughts.
"What are you doing here Max?" he asked with a screechy voice.
"I think you owe me some answers" she said bluntly.
For the first time Logan looked at her. "Why's that?"
"You have been acting weird, you threw me out...I mean, look at you. You are a mess! And what was that dream about? Man you scared the shit out of me! You were yelling in your sleep."
Logan looked down on his knees. He didn't know if he was ready to tell her now.
"Come on Logan. You had me real worried."
"I don't know Max..." he muttered.
But Max was going to get her answers now. " ...That article I stumbled on the other night...what was that all about? It mentioned your family in connection with the foundation..."
Logan sighed and shifted nervously on the couch. He felt like shit and he didn't know how to start. But then, he couldn't feel any worse and he probably wouldn't find the words no matter when, so he reluctantly started.
"My father founded the "Make them smile again foundation". He stopped because he didn't know whether to go on. Max nodded.
"What made him do that?"
Logan shrugged, hoping to sound casual "I guess he wanted to do for other people's children what he couldn't do for my sister." Max leaned back on the couch.
"Tell me about your sister!" she said, eyeing him suspiciously.
Logan stared into space. "She was the bravest little girl I ever knew."
Max swallowed hard. "What happened to her?" she whispered.
"She had Leukaemia. ... She fought for three years. "
"How old was she?"
"She had just turned ten, when she died." Logan swallowed.
He reached for the glass again, trying to fight back the tears in his eyes.
"I'm sorry." Max said softly. " How old were you then?"
"Eight". Max nodded. Suddenly she didn't know how to continue the conversation, what to say. But now Logan continued on his own.
"My father started the foundation a few weeks after she died, to keep his mind off his grief and to help other children, do the things my sister hadn't been given enough time to do. He said he wanted to make it up to her-somehow...."
Max noticed a bitter undertone to Logan's voice.
"Was there nothing they could do for her?"
"They tried everything, they pumped every new drug in her that they would find, but nothing helped. Then the last option for her was a bone marrow transplant...They tested everyone as a possible donor. I was the closest
match."
"Did you..?" Logan nodded almost invisibly.
"It didn't work though. Her body rejected my cells. She died shortly after that..." He hectically wiped his eyes with his hand, turning his face away from Max, so she wouldn't see his tears. Damn it! He had promised not to
cry!Max took hold of Logan's hand and held it tight.
"I couldn't help her..." he whispered, defeated. He was sitting there in front of her crouching on the couch like a little boy, staring down in his lap. Max moved closer to him and slowly put her arms around him, drawing him towards her softly. After a small moment of resistance, Logan gave in and leaned his head against her shoulder.
"You don't blame yourself, do you..? Max asked cautiously, already knowing the answer. She could feel Logan's body start to shake with little sobs and when he spoke, she could hear the tears in his voice.
"Damn it Max! I could have saved her! I was the only one..." Instinctively Max began to stroke his back and slowly rocking him back and forth.
"It's not your fault that her body rejected your cells. You did everything you could have done!" His barriers were down now. All the tears he had kept inside for all those years were now streaming down his face and soaking Max' T-shirt.
"She told me she was gonna be okay." he sobbed, "...She told me not to cry!...He felt like he was choking on the tears that were now forcing their way out. "Now look at me!".
Max stroked his back and held him tight, hoping to somehow ease the pain. She knew how hard it was to lose a sister, and she knew the feeling of helplessness that was eating at you from inside. "Shhhhh!" she said, tenderly rocking him back and forth.
"That's okay. ...It's okay to cry. Nothing to be ashamed of. You can't keep everything locked inside forever. "
"I'm sorry Max." Logan mumbled into her shoulder.
"It's okay, don't worry, I'm here. Just let it out."
When Logan had calmed down a little, Max dared to ask the other question that was lingering in the air.
"What about your parents? How did they deal with it?" Logan drew away from her and stared into space again.
"My dad buried himself in work. He left home early in the morning and didn't come back before midnight. My mom stayed in bed all day. She slept and cried and slept and cried. Most of the time she was so drugged up that she didn't even notice I was still around. I tried to get her to eat something, to get her out of bed and get some fresh air. But she was too depressed to move. After some time I went back to school. I stayed there as long as I could. Sometimes I did something stupid just to get into detention, so I didn't have to go home... . I couldn't face her anymore...I couldn't see her cry. Then, one day, I got home two hours late from school." His whole body was shivering now.
"...Oh god Max!..." he stammered, "two hours!...just two damned hours!..."
Max sat there unmoving, anticipating what Logan was going to reveal next. The words 'sudden and unexpected death' whirled through her head. She closed her eyes and heard Logan say in a whisper:
"I found her in the bathroom...her body felt so cold..." he was sobbing again. "They said it was an overdose. She had been dead for two hours. Max, two hours!" Max pulled his shivering body towards her again, placing her chin on top of his head. Her own tears were flowing freely now. There was nothing she could say. She would have given her right arm if that could have taken away some of his pain. But all she could do was hold him now.Suddenly she understood why he had acted that strange. It took a lot of courage to tell someone about those horrible things let alone relive them in the process. Logan was clinging to her like a frightened child, like the little boy who had just found his dead mother.
"Shhh Logan, it's okay. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. "
After what seemed like hours Max asked the final question she still had to ask. As much as she hated to confront Logan with more details from his terrible past, she feared that he would never tell her if she didn't ask him now.
"You said both your parents were dead . What happened to you father?" Logan sat up and wiped his tear-streaked face with his sleeve. He sighed, interrupted by the remainders of his sobs.
"He couldn't deal with my moms... death. He sold everything. His shares of my grandfather's business, our house, the cars, everything. He took me to uncle Jonas, telling me that he needed to be alone for some time. He told everyone that he was going to spend some days at the cabin." He paused and Max could se his jaw tighten up again. He drew a deep breath before he continued.
"He never came back...."
Max stared at him, mouth open, not believing what he had just said. This somehow was even worse than what he had told her before.
"He left you??" The words escaped her mouth before she could hold them back.
"I always hoped that he'd come back one day." Logan said in a toneless voice. "I never heard from him again. That's as good as dead, right!?!" he added sarcastically.
Max took his hand again and started playing with his fingers. "I'm sorry Logan....For everything that happened.... Seems like you lost everything at the same age I finally got the chance to have a life. "
Logan sniffled and nodded thoughtfully. He felt worn and tired. But somehow he also felt incredibly relieved.
"You know, you are the first one to get the full story." He smirked and then coyly looked up at her .In his watery eyes Max could see a little spark of the determination she was used to see in them.
"Good thing that life brought you here to Seattle." He said firmly.
Max blushed and let go of Logan's hand. "Yeah...anyway, I'm glad you told me."
"Well, I didn't have much of a choice, did I?" Logan said with a shy smile. When he saw Max' face fall he quickly added. "Just kidding. ...Thanks for listening, Max."
"Anytime." Max replied and stood up from the couch. Now that the conversation was coming to an end, she somehow felt uncomfortable about the closeness it had created between them.
"I'm gonna need something to eat now." She quickly said." You want something?" Logan transferred to his wheelchair. "Help yourself. I can eat something later. I think I really need a hot shower now." He wheeled towards the bathroom, but stopped dead in his tracks, when something came to his mind. He returned to the
kitchen, where Max was just preparing a sandwich. "One more thing..." Max looked up startled.
"Yeah?" "I'm sorry about the other night. I didn't mean to yell at you." Max nodded. "That's okay. I understand now you had your reasons." she said softly.
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There you go people! This is the resolution. I'm not sure how or if to continue the story...but who knows...
Please tell me what you think!
Take care and thanks for reading!
Thanks everybody for the reviews and sorry for screwing up the dates. Of course the articles would have to say February and April 97. That means that Logan was 8 years old. Shame on me for getting that wrong. Anyway it won't change what happened...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 11
Max rushed through the night, repeating the words of the article over and over in her mind. Although part of her was still not willing to apologise, the feline DNA in her made her way too suspicious about Logan's past to wait any longer now. Besides, whether she liked it or not, the fact that Bling had come looking for her at Jam Pony and the contents of the article had really got her worried. She parked her motorcycle in front of Foggle Towers and took the elevator up to the penthouse.
There she was, laughing at the cabin, smiling unwrapping Christmas presents, running away while they were playing catch. ...Then the scene changed again:
"Logan, come here..."
Lissy in the hospital bed, surrounded by relentlessly beeping machines and infusions.
The room was white and so bright that he couldn't see her face. He could smell the disinfectants and the clean sheets. Somewhere in the distance a child was crying.
"Come here, I want to tell you something." Her voice sounded like that of an angel.
He moved towards her, slowly, like in slow motion watching the expression on her face change.
"Logan, come on we don't have time..."
He was walking towards her but with every step he did, the distance was growing bigger.
Lissy was now reaching out her hand. "Come on Logan...We don't have much more time..."
He was trying to run now, but his legs felt like lead. He couldn't reach her. No matter how hard he tried, he was glued to the ground. He couldn't get to his sister.
"Logan, ..."her face was fading now. "I have to go..." The image of her was now flickering, like a TV-screen. "No!" he screamed, struggling to move his feet "Don't go!"
His sister smiled, but he could only see a distortion of her face, which was now as pale as the sheets.
"I have to go now..." He was on his knees now, desperately trying to drag himself along the bedside towards his fading sister. He tore at the sheets but they slipped under his fingers. "No! Don't go! Please don't leave me alone!"
"Logan...shh...it's okay." Her face was a blur now and her voice sounded distant. "I'm going to meet grandma, you know..." His eyes were burning with tears now. "No, Lissy don't go!" He could feel her smile through and through..."Don't cry Logan...it's okay. " he wiped away his tears and looked up. She was gone.
"Logan! Logan!" the voice was distant, but someone was calling him. He looked around. Somehow the scene had changed. Lissy was long gone but he was still kneeling on the hospital floor.
"Logan, it's just a dream...wake up." He tried to get up and follow the voice but he was still glued to the ground. He tried to move his legs but couldn't. His dream was fading. Reality was claiming him back. He felt the couch underneath him,he felt the strain in his neck, his left arm was trapped under his body and felt weird due to the lack of circulation.His mouth was dry and his stomach turned with a strange mixture of fear and nausea. Beneath that he didn't feel much. He tried to move his legs again. Nothing. Right, he thought...he was back. Back to reality. The dream was over, but there was still this voice calling him.
"Logan!" A hand was touching his shoulder and shaking him gently.
He forced himself to open his eyes. He squinted at the light and closed his eyes again quickly. When he opened them again, he was met by a pair of dark eyes observing him cautiously.
"Max!" He would have literally jumped if he could have. "What are you doing here?" His head was aching and he felt like he was covered with sweat. Max didn't say a word, while he struggled to sit up on the couch.
"I came to get some answers." She finally said.
Logan rubbed his face with his hands. His head was still clouded with the images from the dream. He couldn't quite grasp that Max had come back and was sitting right next to him now. She had really caught him in the worst moment of all. He rubbed his eyes and reached for his glasses that were lying on the couch table.
Max watched Logan's shaky movements. He looked like he hadn't showered in days. His hair was dishevelled and greasy and his stubble had grown to what almost resembled a full beard. His eyes were red and he looked pale and tired. His hand was shaking as he was reaching for his glasses.
"You okay?" she asked. "You had a bad dream." Without waiting for an answer she got up and walked over to the kitchen. She came back with a glass of water and put it down in front of Logan.
"Thanks. " he took a sip. He could feel the cool liquid run down his throat and enter his empty stomach. It helped a little to clear his thoughts.
"What are you doing here Max?" he asked with a screechy voice.
"I think you owe me some answers" she said bluntly.
For the first time Logan looked at her. "Why's that?"
"You have been acting weird, you threw me out...I mean, look at you. You are a mess! And what was that dream about? Man you scared the shit out of me! You were yelling in your sleep."
Logan looked down on his knees. He didn't know if he was ready to tell her now.
"Come on Logan. You had me real worried."
"I don't know Max..." he muttered.
But Max was going to get her answers now. " ...That article I stumbled on the other night...what was that all about? It mentioned your family in connection with the foundation..."
Logan sighed and shifted nervously on the couch. He felt like shit and he didn't know how to start. But then, he couldn't feel any worse and he probably wouldn't find the words no matter when, so he reluctantly started.
"My father founded the "Make them smile again foundation". He stopped because he didn't know whether to go on. Max nodded.
"What made him do that?"
Logan shrugged, hoping to sound casual "I guess he wanted to do for other people's children what he couldn't do for my sister." Max leaned back on the couch.
"Tell me about your sister!" she said, eyeing him suspiciously.
Logan stared into space. "She was the bravest little girl I ever knew."
Max swallowed hard. "What happened to her?" she whispered.
"She had Leukaemia. ... She fought for three years. "
"How old was she?"
"She had just turned ten, when she died." Logan swallowed.
He reached for the glass again, trying to fight back the tears in his eyes.
"I'm sorry." Max said softly. " How old were you then?"
"Eight". Max nodded. Suddenly she didn't know how to continue the conversation, what to say. But now Logan continued on his own.
"My father started the foundation a few weeks after she died, to keep his mind off his grief and to help other children, do the things my sister hadn't been given enough time to do. He said he wanted to make it up to her-somehow...."
Max noticed a bitter undertone to Logan's voice.
"Was there nothing they could do for her?"
"They tried everything, they pumped every new drug in her that they would find, but nothing helped. Then the last option for her was a bone marrow transplant...They tested everyone as a possible donor. I was the closest
match."
"Did you..?" Logan nodded almost invisibly.
"It didn't work though. Her body rejected my cells. She died shortly after that..." He hectically wiped his eyes with his hand, turning his face away from Max, so she wouldn't see his tears. Damn it! He had promised not to
cry!Max took hold of Logan's hand and held it tight.
"I couldn't help her..." he whispered, defeated. He was sitting there in front of her crouching on the couch like a little boy, staring down in his lap. Max moved closer to him and slowly put her arms around him, drawing him towards her softly. After a small moment of resistance, Logan gave in and leaned his head against her shoulder.
"You don't blame yourself, do you..? Max asked cautiously, already knowing the answer. She could feel Logan's body start to shake with little sobs and when he spoke, she could hear the tears in his voice.
"Damn it Max! I could have saved her! I was the only one..." Instinctively Max began to stroke his back and slowly rocking him back and forth.
"It's not your fault that her body rejected your cells. You did everything you could have done!" His barriers were down now. All the tears he had kept inside for all those years were now streaming down his face and soaking Max' T-shirt.
"She told me she was gonna be okay." he sobbed, "...She told me not to cry!...He felt like he was choking on the tears that were now forcing their way out. "Now look at me!".
Max stroked his back and held him tight, hoping to somehow ease the pain. She knew how hard it was to lose a sister, and she knew the feeling of helplessness that was eating at you from inside. "Shhhhh!" she said, tenderly rocking him back and forth.
"That's okay. ...It's okay to cry. Nothing to be ashamed of. You can't keep everything locked inside forever. "
"I'm sorry Max." Logan mumbled into her shoulder.
"It's okay, don't worry, I'm here. Just let it out."
When Logan had calmed down a little, Max dared to ask the other question that was lingering in the air.
"What about your parents? How did they deal with it?" Logan drew away from her and stared into space again.
"My dad buried himself in work. He left home early in the morning and didn't come back before midnight. My mom stayed in bed all day. She slept and cried and slept and cried. Most of the time she was so drugged up that she didn't even notice I was still around. I tried to get her to eat something, to get her out of bed and get some fresh air. But she was too depressed to move. After some time I went back to school. I stayed there as long as I could. Sometimes I did something stupid just to get into detention, so I didn't have to go home... . I couldn't face her anymore...I couldn't see her cry. Then, one day, I got home two hours late from school." His whole body was shivering now.
"...Oh god Max!..." he stammered, "two hours!...just two damned hours!..."
Max sat there unmoving, anticipating what Logan was going to reveal next. The words 'sudden and unexpected death' whirled through her head. She closed her eyes and heard Logan say in a whisper:
"I found her in the bathroom...her body felt so cold..." he was sobbing again. "They said it was an overdose. She had been dead for two hours. Max, two hours!" Max pulled his shivering body towards her again, placing her chin on top of his head. Her own tears were flowing freely now. There was nothing she could say. She would have given her right arm if that could have taken away some of his pain. But all she could do was hold him now.Suddenly she understood why he had acted that strange. It took a lot of courage to tell someone about those horrible things let alone relive them in the process. Logan was clinging to her like a frightened child, like the little boy who had just found his dead mother.
"Shhh Logan, it's okay. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. "
After what seemed like hours Max asked the final question she still had to ask. As much as she hated to confront Logan with more details from his terrible past, she feared that he would never tell her if she didn't ask him now.
"You said both your parents were dead . What happened to you father?" Logan sat up and wiped his tear-streaked face with his sleeve. He sighed, interrupted by the remainders of his sobs.
"He couldn't deal with my moms... death. He sold everything. His shares of my grandfather's business, our house, the cars, everything. He took me to uncle Jonas, telling me that he needed to be alone for some time. He told everyone that he was going to spend some days at the cabin." He paused and Max could se his jaw tighten up again. He drew a deep breath before he continued.
"He never came back...."
Max stared at him, mouth open, not believing what he had just said. This somehow was even worse than what he had told her before.
"He left you??" The words escaped her mouth before she could hold them back.
"I always hoped that he'd come back one day." Logan said in a toneless voice. "I never heard from him again. That's as good as dead, right!?!" he added sarcastically.
Max took his hand again and started playing with his fingers. "I'm sorry Logan....For everything that happened.... Seems like you lost everything at the same age I finally got the chance to have a life. "
Logan sniffled and nodded thoughtfully. He felt worn and tired. But somehow he also felt incredibly relieved.
"You know, you are the first one to get the full story." He smirked and then coyly looked up at her .In his watery eyes Max could see a little spark of the determination she was used to see in them.
"Good thing that life brought you here to Seattle." He said firmly.
Max blushed and let go of Logan's hand. "Yeah...anyway, I'm glad you told me."
"Well, I didn't have much of a choice, did I?" Logan said with a shy smile. When he saw Max' face fall he quickly added. "Just kidding. ...Thanks for listening, Max."
"Anytime." Max replied and stood up from the couch. Now that the conversation was coming to an end, she somehow felt uncomfortable about the closeness it had created between them.
"I'm gonna need something to eat now." She quickly said." You want something?" Logan transferred to his wheelchair. "Help yourself. I can eat something later. I think I really need a hot shower now." He wheeled towards the bathroom, but stopped dead in his tracks, when something came to his mind. He returned to the
kitchen, where Max was just preparing a sandwich. "One more thing..." Max looked up startled.
"Yeah?" "I'm sorry about the other night. I didn't mean to yell at you." Max nodded. "That's okay. I understand now you had your reasons." she said softly.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There you go people! This is the resolution. I'm not sure how or if to continue the story...but who knows...
Please tell me what you think!
Take care and thanks for reading!