Birds chirp in lyrical tones; the wind in the trees makes music for their song. Flowers bloom throughout the grassy meadow, multicolored and beautiful. The sky is bright blue, a few fluffy, white clouds passing every now and then. Though this valley is peaceful, it is surrounded by a deep, dark forest. Trees so high and thick it looks like the world just ends past the first couple layers. He never goes there, though. He doesn't dare.

He sits among the flowers, softly petting their petals and enjoying the fresh scent of the breeze. He's not the only one here. There's another boy, a younger one. This boy lingers near the edge, by the forest, curled up, face buried in his arms. This isn't alarming; it's normal behaviour for the boy. At least he isn't tearing up the flowers and grass as he has before. It's a sad sight, though. He's sure that if he got closer he would hear the boy whimpering pitifully.

In fact, he can hear something. Not the boy, something else. It's faint, coming to him from the wind...

"...jurou-sama? Seijurou-sama?"

He blinks and his dining room fades into view. He's sitting at the table, one of the maids - Suzuki - next to him and a woman he's never seen before across from him. Suzuki is talking to him in a gentle voice.

"I know it's hard, but we really need to get this done..."

Oh. What is he supposed to be doing again? He closes his eyes and tries to focus on a few minutes ago. He remembers being sat down at the table unwillingly and then...flowers? He shakes his head hard.

"Um..." the lady across the table interjects his thoughts. "Maybe we should do this tomorrow. Give the poor boy a little more time." Time sounds nice.

Suzuki agrees. The lady stands and gathers up papers Seijurou hadn't noticed were there. Suzuki stands as well and they bow to each other. "Akashi-kun," the lady says, speaking directly to him. "In the meantime you and your father can pick an outfit for her."

"Yes." Right... Suzuki shows the woman out and Seijurou goes in the opposite direction, to his bedroom. Walking up the stairs, he realises just how tired he is. His eyes sting and it feels like he hasn't slept in days. Even his limbs feel sluggish. He catches a glimpse of himself in the decorative mirror at the top of the landing; he looks terrible. Pale with dark circles under his red eyes. It even looks like his hair is fading, though that's probably his imagination.

Seijurou enters his bedroom and immediately flops face-down on his mattress. He snuggles into his cushy pillow and falls into a short but dreamless sleep.

He's jolted awake by a loud noise, a huge bang. Eyes open wide, heart beating fast, he scans the room for the source of the noise. Nothing. There's another noise that he's just noticed. A light pattering against his window. It's only storming, he thinks, relaxing back into his pillow as blue flashes followed by another clap of thunder.

"So you're awake." The voice slightly startles him until he sees something he missed the first glance around the room. Kuroko, sitting curled up in a chair, reading a book. "How was your nap?"

Seijurou sits up and scrubs his eyes with his hands, hoping he doesn't look too awful. "When did you get here?"

"I've been here the whole time," the blue-haired boy replies calmly, setting his book (Seijurou's book, he recognizes) flat on the shelf, open to save his page. This irks Seijurou but he doesn't say anything. "Sitting here since before you came into the room. I was thinking about going home if you didn't wake up, but it started raining."

As Seijurou's trying to fathom the fact that he didn't even see his boyfriend when he went to bed, Kuroko keeps talking. "So, how was the meeting?"

"It was fine." He supposes, anyway. "I have to pick out a dress for her." It's supposed to be a kimono but he doesn't care. She never wore them. There's a bit of an awkward silence. knows that Kuroko wants to comfort him but Seijurou isn't sure he wants to be comforted. Now or ever. He continues. "I don't know if I should pick white or blue." She looks (looked) real good in deep blue, but that seems too funeral-y. White may be good. It's pure and happy, like her.

"Would you like some help?" Kuroko offers but Seijurou shakes his head. He needs to do this alone.

Short navy blue with long sleeves and a high neck, sweater-like consistency. Long and white with a lot of lace and ruffles. Emerald silk down to the floor with finger thin straps. Black, black and more black. Minimalistic white and long with hand width straps and mostly full chest and back coverage made of billowy light fabric with painted colourful flowers around the bottom. Yes. This is the one.

The funeral is simultaneously beautiful and terrible. They agreed on doing a burial instead of cremation; they have the funds for it and Seijurou can't bare the thought of his mother burning. He had gotten through the wake the day before in a foggy haze, stroking her long, red hair and discreetly hiding a knife in the side of her coffin so she can fight off any evil spirits if needed. He thought about leaving his juzu beads as well but he was clutching them so tightly he didn't think he could get them out of the flesh of his palm.

The sky is bright and cloudless, the weather perfect for spending time outside. Strange for such an awful day. Seijurou's never been to the family cemetery. It's not much different from any of the one's he's seen on the television. Maybe a little fancier and they have an earth section for those who want to be buried instead of cremated.

There's so many people around and he wonders vaguely how all the people knew her. He's standing in the front with other direct family members on either side. He doesn't know them well and they don't say anything to him. There's a man on his left in dark sunglasses. Seijurou thinks that's a good idea. He wishes he brought some too.

It's time to start. The Buddhist priest says a few things that go over Seijurou's head and then gestures for the man in sunglasses next to him. The man squeezes Seijurou's shoulder before heading up.

Seijurou wants to listen to what the man has to say, he really does, but he can't help but only focus on the small chirps of the birds and the little line of ants crossing the grass a couple meters away. He can't hear or see anyone and no one can see him. The world blurs around him and his thoughts are full of flowers and clean air. Blue flowers, purple flowers, yellow flowers. All shades, the petals beautiful and silky. A fuzzy little bumblebee travels from one to another. First to an orange one, then to one that's a bit indigo, then to one that's a colour Seijurou doesn't even know the name of, then-

A hand is on his shoulder and he turns around fast. He's still at the funeral. A lady he's never seen before drops her hand back down to her side. She's the one who brought him back to reality. "You're Shiori's son?" He nods in affirmation. "I see you inherited her beautiful hair. You lucky, lucky child." She smiles warmly as do the people next to her. He smiles back politely before turning to the front again.

Sunglasses man isn't speaking anymore and is instead placing white flowers on top of the coffin. He kisses his fingers and touches the wood as if transferring it to her. He returns to his spot next to Seijurou and gingerly places an arm around his shoulders. Seijurou glances up in confusion but the man just smiles sadly and pulls him a little closer. Seijurou thinks, with startling realization, that this man is his father.

One of the red-haired relatives goes to have her turn speaking and this time Seijurou manages to listen as she waxes poetic about his mother. He doesn't need to hear it though; he already knows how wonderful she was.

The hardest part is when the coffin is lowered into the ground. It makes it so painfully final. She's going to stay there forever, in a dark coffin, covered in dirt. She's not going to break the coffin open and climb up through the soil when he needs her. The priest starts the final prayer and suddenly without wanting to, Seijurou bursts into tears.

Sunglasses man - his father - brings him into a full hug and lets Seijurou sob into his chest. "It's okay," he says, stroking Seijurou's hair. The choked up way he said it makes Seijurou think that maybe he's crying too.

Seijurou tries to compose himself but can't. "I'm s-sorry," he manages to gasp out. He means it as apologizing for losing his composure but the man seems to take it a different direction.

"It's not your fault," he says. "Don't ever think that this is your fault. She was very sick. We couldn't have known because your mother didn't want us to, and when she wants to hide something, she hides it well."

For the first time, Seijurou is glad he has a father.

The next few days are very difficult. Everyone insisted that he take a week off school so he has nothing to distract himself during the day. He mostly mopes around in his bedroom or spends time in the room they put the beautiful shrine for his mother.

The one thing he looks forward to is Kuroko visiting every day after school. They don't do much. He brings Seijurou his homework so Seijurou doesn't fall behind. They complete it together and then read or talk. Seijurou isn't much for talking these days. Kuroko often stays for dinner. They eat with Seijurou's father, whom Kuroko gets along with well, for whatever reason. He's a little jealous at their ability to talk about nothing throughout dinner while he has trouble saying one thing.

Emporer Akashi has stayed silent through this entire ordeal. Seijurou spends a lot of time prodding the back of his mind, seeing if he can find him or if he's really gone forever. He hopes it's the latter.

Seijurou and Kuroko are walking, hand in hand, around the Akashi estate. His family own a lot of land so this is something the two enjoy to do on nice evenings.

"How are you?" the blue-haired boy asks, glancing towards him. He asks this a lot.

"Fine," Seijurou replies automatically. It's true enough. As long as he doesn't think anything is wrong, nothing will be wrong.

Kuroko, however, gives him a disbelieving look. "Really? You seem very distant recently."

Seijurou decides not to answer. He spots a rock in the grass and chooses to kick it with all his might. His foot hits but the rock doesn't budge. It's halfway in the ground. "Ow!" He stumbles and lets go of Kuroko's hand, trying to get his balance back. He barely manages not to fall.

Kuroko is looking at him with those blue eyes, very apathetic. "Idiot." Seijurou only huffs loudly in reply to the insult and walks ahead, trying not to limp. He has to fight to keep a smile from emerging.

Stabbing, burning, freezing, pain beyond belief. This happens sometimes and there's nothing he can do about it. He has an okay tolerance against physical injuries, but he has no idea how to deal with this. Clutching his chest, he sinks to the floor, sobs coming hard and fast. He can barely breathe.

Why do humans have this reaction? What is the point of being hurt inside? Sure, animals have emotions as well, but they don't cry and they get over it quick. At least for physical injuries there's ointments and bandages and things you can do to make it better. For this there's nothing.

"Please," he weeps to no one in particular. "Please help me." He doesn't want to feel, he doesn't want anything except complete oblivion. Blackness. Absolutely nothing.

I know it hurts. It's an answer he wasn't really expecting but he guesses the cry for help was unconsciously to this person. It hurts for me too. We never even got to make up. I didn't even get to say goodbye. There's bitterness in his tone.

Seijurou's sobs ease and he's able to catch his breath. The presence of the other is oddly comforting. "Take it away," he demands. He's never asked to black out before but he reckons he's always had the ability. "The pain, the memories, I don't care. Just make it go away." He yearns for comfort in his chest, so badly he can hardly stand it. "Do whatever you want. Just make it stop."

As you wish. Then, for the first time in his memory, he consciously slips into black.

Yeah...sorry. I don't know much about funerals. Thank everyone who left a comment or kudos or even read this! I'm really, really thankful! *hugs and kisses*