A/N: Guys… I am so sorry about this fic's disappearance. I truly am. Like the Kuja in this story, I can't even find the words to explain how sorry I am.

So here's what happened: I removed Silence and White Noise because I was getting involved in professional writing, and I wanted to give them a proper re-edit. Unfortunately, before the edit happened, there was an incident. I lost… so much data. Horrifying amounts of data. Luckily, my super amazing friend (the same person who beta'd these fics originally) helped me track down all the missing chapters of Silence, allowing me to re-edit them as originally intended.

White Noise has been almost entirely resurrected, but the last two chapters are still missing. If anyone saved them, please, please send them to me. I may know a way to track them down, but on the off chance that my plan doesn't work, I would appreciate any help I can get.

Also, I'm setting up an AO3 account where I will be reposting these same fanfics. The username will be the same: Doctor Haifisch. If you like the drawing I did for the cover for this fic, you'll find even more drawings to go with each chapter of Silence and White Noise over in AO3!

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy IX or anything related to its franchise.

CHAPTER 1: A SECRET IN SILENCE

Kuja had such deep, blue eyes. They were beautiful – or they had been, before everything fell apart. His face, too, was empty. Where an artist had once painted, there was now an empty canvas. Kuja's face was like a doll's: it was perfect, and it was empty.

Zidane brushed the white, gauzy curtains aside, allowing the sun's radiance to light up the room. With his face illuminated, the shadows carved into Kuja's face became more apparent. The illusion of perfection was washed away.

"Beautiful day, isn't it?"

Though Kuja's pale skin glowed elegantly in the morning sun, his blue eyes were dull. Zidane pushed the tall, glass windows apart. The warm breeze lifted Kuja's glossy silver hair. Zidane turned and gave him a tremulous smile.

"Warm out there, too. Would be a perfect day to practice sparring."

As expected, there was no response. Kuja hands were folded in his lap, and his eyes were fixed on some unknown point in the distance. Zidane kneaded his forehead in exasperation.

There was a gentle knock at the door. Zidane hesitated, chewing on his lip, then shouted,

"Who is it?!"

"General Beatrix, Your Majesty."

Zidane turned away from Kuja and headed towards the door. He only opened it a fraction, however, forcing General Beatrix to squeeze herself inside. Zidane immediately locked the door behind her.

"Hey," he greeted. The general snorted and rolled her eyes.

"Some king you are. One of these days, the queen will have to teach you some manners."

"And good luck to her." Zidane chuckled. "So… what's up?"

"You're needed downstairs. More boring meetings, I'm afraid." Zidane caught Beatrix's eye flickering towards the open window. He followed her gaze and saw Kuja seated beside the windowsill, unaware that anyone had entered the room. The silver feathers in his hair fluttered lightly in the breeze. One of the curtains brushed gently across his face.

"Still no change?" Beatrix raised an incredulous eyebrow.

"Of course not."

The general's lips tightened. Zidane had become adept at reading the subtle cues on her face. She was refraining from saying something. He was about to ask her what was on her mind, but she cut him off before he could speak.

"Time slows for none, Your Majesty, so if you would – the meeting…"

"Yeah, yeah, tea and crumpets, I gotcha."

Zidane was sure he saw a flicker of a smirk on the general's face before she turned away. He followed swiftly behind her, not even bothering to glance at Kuja.

It's not as if anything would change.

;

Garnet wasn't sure how long she'd been standing outside the room with her fingers gripping the cold doorknob. The room was driving her insane. The more it repelled her, the more she desired to enter. With a deep breath, Garnet stuck a finger down her long, white glove and pulled out the brass key she stole from Doctor Tot's office. Fingers trembling, she twisted the key inside the lock. The click was so loud in the silence that Garnet nearly jumped out of her skin. She took a deep breath to calm herself before turning the handle and squeezing herself inside.

In truth, nothing at all had changed – as if time itself was frozen within the room. There was a bed with a gauzy canopy, and there, the marble armoire her mother imported from Treno. The man who killed her mother was sitting in front of the window. If not for the fact that his face haunted Garnet's nightmares almost every night, she could've believe he was another decoration inside the room. Kuja's silver hair blended perfectly with the drapery, and he moved about as much as the chair he sat upon.

Shaking from head to toe, Garnet began to approach the figure.

He can't possibly hurt you… she told herself over and over. Yet that comforting thought was quickly blasted apart by the jet of fire exploding from Bahamut's mouth. Garnet could practically feel the flames rolling against her skin – the water rising up to swallow her away.

Shivering, Garnet stepped forward until she was facing Kuja. He didn't lift his head or acknowledge her presence.

Garnet hesitated, then took another deep breath. "…Kuja…?"

There was no response. Garnet quietly repeated his name, but the man neither flinched nor moved.

It was hopeless. Garnet's emotions scattered like minnows in a pond, sliding through her fingers before she could grasp them and analyze their meaning.

She felt fear, certainly.

And sadness, because Kuja's presence made Zidane unhappy.

Garnet also felt frustration, because nothing could be done about the situation.

There was also unease. And rage.

Rage that she could never tell Kuja what she really thought of him.

But most of all, Garnet felt apprehension. With Kuja hidden away inside the castle walls, there was no telling what would happen.

Garnet could still remember that day so well… the day her joy turned to devastation.

When Zidane made his triumphant return to Alexandria, he and Garnet spent one perfect night together. Zidane gave absolutely no indication that there was any darkness hidden behind his smile.

It wasn't until the following day, while Zidane and Garnet relaxed peacefully in bed, that he finally said the most dreaded words of all:

"Dagger… we need to talk."

Garnet curled up against Zidane's side, stealing his warmth and breathing in the scent of cedar that clung to his hair.

Oh, if we could stay like this forever… she thought despairingly. Instead of speaking her mind, however, she merely gave Zidane a curious, "Hmm?"

"…It's not good news…" he admitted.

Garnet's mind wailed in protest. Don't… please… I'm so happy…

"What is it, Zidane?" Garnet's throat was tight as she forced the words out.

"It's… it's about what happened at the Iifa Tree."

Garnet tensed against Zidane's body. He ran his fingers gently through her hair.

"You don't have to talk about it if it's too soon," she whispered, hoping he would take the hint. It's too soon for me, Zidane… I'm not ready to hear this…

"Well, it's just that it's about Kuja…"

Garnet was as shocked as Zidane when a broken sob tore from her lips. As if that wasn't humiliating enough, large tears began to run down Garnet's cheeks. Zidane continued stroking her hair, as if that could somehow soothe her.

"He's dead," Garnet sobbed. "Tell me he's dead…"

"He's not dead," Zidane murmured. "He's here, in Alexandria. Tantalus is hiding him inside their ship."

Zidane let Garnet cry for several minutes.

My perfect world… in less than a day it's over…

"Zidane… how could you…?" Garnet whispered into his side. With great effort, she raised herself onto one elbow and stared furiously into Zidane's eyes. "How could you do this to me?! Kuja murdered my mother! He started a world war! Tens of thousands of innocent lives were snuffed out… and you brought him back?!"

Zidane reached out slowly, awkwardly, and thumbed away the queen's tears.

"Dagger, you have to understand… Kuja is the reason we're still here. He's the one who saved us from the Iifa Tree."

"One good deed does not resolve a lifetime of bad ones!" Garnet swatted Zidane's hand away. "Kuja is the most evil man in all of Gaia's history!"

Zidane squeezed his eyes shut as if he were in pain. "It's complicated, Dagger,"

"If he kills more people, the blood will be on your hands! Do you have any idea what that would mean?!" Garnet's eyes burned as she waited for an answer. Zidane's face fell.

"Kuja can't hurt us anymore."

"If you think for one moment that he's changed – "

Zidane's raised his blue eyes, and they pierced through Garnet. "Kuja's body is alive, but his mind..."

It took Garnet several moments to process what Zidane was saying. "Is he... damaged?" Her voice dropped to a whisper. "A head injury...?"

"No." Zidane shook his head. "It's more like he's…"

Zidane wouldn't meet Garnet's gaze. She pressed her fingers against her lips in horror as she realized what he was implying.

"Zidane, is… is Kuja soulless…?"

Zidane flinched, and it took him a moment to recover his voice. "I don't know…" It was an obvious lie. "All I know is, there's nothing he can do to you now…"

"There's nothing you can do …" Garnet echoed.

The silver feathers in Kuja's hair fluttered in the breeze. Something stirred within his eyes – a shadow of regret, perhaps. Garnet wasn't sure if the grief she saw there was real, or if she was imagining it in a feeble attempt to reanimate Kuja's face. Garnet backed away slowly. She wished she'd never come to see him.

She wished he was dead.

;

That night, General Beatrix requested an audience with the king. The request itself wasn't so unusual, if not for the fact that she asked that they meet on a bench in the night garden.

Delicate, white flowers blossomed in the darkness, their pale petals reaching towards the starlight. They sat there - two battle-hardened heroes - breathing in the dark beauty.

"Until I moved here, I never knew flowers could bloom at night," Zidane mused. General

Beatrix nodded thoughtfully as she plucked a white flower from beside the bench and twirled it between her fingers.

"Kuja used to love this place. Even as the war escalated into chaos, he would sit out here in the dark and admire the flowers. I think it was the only time he could escape the conflict."

"That's what you wanted to talk about, isn't it?" Zidane glanced at Beatrix from the corner of his eye. "You wanted to sit me down here in this pretty place and make me get rid of Kuja."

Beatrix was quiet for a moment. Then she sighed and let the flower drop from her fingers.

"Your Majesty, I must be blunt…"

"As if you aren't always."

Beatrix smiled, but it was cold, and without humor. "If Kuja isn't removed from the castle, I'm going to arrest him for war crimes."

"You can't!" Zidane hissed, whirling around in horror. "He's not in his right mind – it's against the law!"

"It won't matter in the eyes of the court. They still reel at the very mention of his name."

General Beatrix's eye tracked the pale moth that flitted by. "He'll be executed."

Zidane couldn't hide his panic. "Don't do this, Beatrix. I'm begging you, don't do this to me."

It was unlike Zidane to beg, but Beatrix was unfazed. "It's a matter of principle, Your Majesty." She held out her finger and allowed the moth to land upon it. "I cannot rest while Alexandria's most feared war criminal sits comfortably in the castle. You may see Kuja as a brother, but how many of your people are seated beside an empty chair at the dinner table tonight? How many brothers did your people lose?"

Zidane buried his face in his hands. "It's more complicated than that and you know it."

"Is it?" The moth fluttered back into the darkness. "I think it's quite simple, really. Your wife is suffering, Zidane, so you have to choose: Kuja or Garnet."

Zidane raised his face and stared out into the garden. The eerie, white light bled the color from his skin and shimmered in his eyes. General Beatrix had to suppress a shudder. In the rare moments that Zidane was overcome by that haunted stare, he became the terrifying doppelganger of his "brother." Their features were alarmingly similar: the delicate nose, the intense eyes, the doll-like profile…

Then again, Zidane and Kuja had been crafted from the same mold, hadn't they? Beatrix was sketchy on the details, but from what she'd gathered, Kuja and Zidane were nearly identical on a genetic level. The only true difference between them was their souls, and as far as Beatrix could tell, Kuja had lost his soul somewhere between the Iifa Tree and the castle.

Zidane shivered, and a little life returned to his eyes. "Why do this to me now, Beatrix?

Kuja's been in the castle for over half a year without incident. Why can't we let it stay like this?"

"Because someone will find out eventually," said Beatrix calmly. "I can't imagine what that would mean for you or Queen Garnet. You'd be arrested as liars, criminals… traitors, even… Your Majesty, you're the king now. You have a responsibility to your kingdom. Do the right thing: get rid of Kuja."

Zidane let out a shuddering sigh. "Who will take care of him…?"

"Your Majesty told me the Black Mage Village was caring for him just fine. I doubt that's changed in the last six months."

Zidane's face grew troubled. "Look…" His voice was softer than before. "This whole thing with Kuja… it's complicated. Dagger doesn't understand, and I don't expect you to either, but if I told you I have to keep Kuja around, can you at least try to believe me?"

"I find that a rather difficult request."

"Beatrix, please, you have to understand – "

"Then make me understand," she snapped. "Tell me exactly why you're willing to risk everything to keep a living corpse in the castle. Her Majesty is too emotionally attached to hear your explanation, but I'm not. Tell me why I shouldn't strike that man down right where he lies."

Zidane's boots shuffled in the dirt, smothering white flower petals. He was twenty years old, yet he seemed as much a child to Beatrix now as he had when he was a common thief. She wondered if Zidane would ever mature enough to be king.

"Tell me everything," Beatrix demanded.

"It's… it's such a long story…" Zidane's blue eyes glimmered darkly.

"I have all night, Your Majesty. My duty is to guard you, and I will guard you straight into the morning if I have to." Beatrix's lips curled into a sneer.

Zidane's eyes went out of focus as he fell back into the thorny arms of the past. "Alrighty then…" he murmured.

"I'll tell you everything…"

A/N: Thank you once again to any of my returning readers. I know I tried your patience, and I'm sure you gave up on me, so I'm going to try and make it up to you by making this fic better than ever. I'll continue to post the rest of the chapters one-by-one as I finish editing them. Hopefully they're a much better read now.

Rally-ho until the next chapter!