As surprising as it may have sounded, it wasn't hard for me to adjust to the new set of circumstances. It was a very, very welcome change for me, in fact. Not only was I able to take a break from the hospital to help tutor young Mr. Vincent (as he was expelled), I also got the opportunity to rekindle my friendship with Kev. We started out with coffee breaks in the morning by ourselves, and had warm meals with the boys at night. I learned that Kev could cook quite well, despite being incredibly messy in the kitchen- something I both adored and despised. It grew to late night tutoring sessions, long walks around the neighborhood, board games on the weekends, and quiet heart to hearts on the back porch. After a few months it was almost as if we were a kind of family, the four of us- though only two of us were related by blood.

When Mr. Barr graduated and Mr. Vincent received his diploma through an online program, we celebrated by going bowling where I discovered a few incredible things, namely: the Barr men were astronomically terrible at bowling, Mr. Vincent pretended to be bad for his companion's benefit (though with a limp and cast he could have beaten us all), and sadly enough, I found I was only mediocre at aiming. However, after two hours of strange techniques and far too many gutter balls, we called it a night. We went back to the house and put on a movie, it being some action film released earlier that year, I think. It wasn't twenty minutes into the movie that I fell asleep, my knees pulled up to my chest, my arm linked to the man next to me and my head resting on a hoodie clad shoulder.

It was the first night of many that I spent at the Barr residence.

Perhaps at that time it was too early to predict the relationship Kev and I would have, but I could sense that we were in for something special. We could hardly separate from one another at that point anyway, and we both knew it. It became official while on a walk one summer evening, when I noticed Kev couldn't keep the grin off his face as he walked, shaking his head.

"What?" I asked, assuming it was something funny his son had said earlier. "What are you thinking of?"

"It just keeps hitting me, yknow?"

"What does?"

He swung our hands a little, contemplating his answer. "I got you back- after all this time, I mean. Years, even. I assumed you were either dead or far away. I didn't think we'd ever see each other again, let alone... together. It's amazing, to tell you the truth. Way cool," he said, glancing at me from the side of his eyes. "Way cool."

While he meant his words to sound happy and grateful, for me, they were bittersweet. The only reason he had to fear our separation was because of me. I was the one who drove him away- drove him so far he held no hope for us. I suppose, that in the moment, I held no hope for us either. I held no hope for him, nor us, and especially none for my myself. But my fears caused him pain...years of wondering and perhaps even missing me that I could not take back or repair. I had done him wrong, and I knew that we both suffered because of it.

Sensing my thoughts, Kev sobered, looking thoughtful. He let out a nervous laugh, holding onto my hand tightly. "Can I ask you something?"

I looked at him, and seeing his longing, nostalgic expression, I knew what was coming. "Yes, you may."

"I was wondered...after that night, after you woke up..." he shrugged helplessly, clearing his throat. "Why didn't you want to see me anymore? What...what did I do wrong?"

"Oh Kev," I let out shakily, shutting my eyes as they started to burn. "You don't understand," I choked out, stopping and turning to face him, holding out my free hand for him to take. A couple of tears threatened to spill out as I clenched his hands in mine, desperately wishing I knew the best way to explain to him just how much right he had done. How much good he had done for me and how I would never be able to repay him. "I didn't want you there- I think I needed you there. I was so, so scared and alone and I wanted nothing more than to just have you beside me. Truly, there was not a day, nor a moment where I did not ache to have you with me. I thought that if anyone could help me or bring me comfort...it was you." My frail voice broke and a tear fell, followed by another and another.

"But that was just the problem, wasn't it? I couldn't have you. Not in the way I thought I needed. I could not ask you to be my savior. Not then, not now. I couldn't- rather, I wouldn't keep you from everything you were capable of. I couldn't let you go. But I did. I didn't think I had any other choice. And I am so, so sorry."

I laughed wetly, the horrible memories being overtaken by the relief of the present. "But I am also so grateful. Because now I have you, and you have your son, and we have Mr. Vincent. I truly cannot imagine a happier ending than this."

At this, Kev gave me a nervous smile, searching my eyes with eagerness. "Guess that means you're stuck with me for the long run, huh?"

I could hardly imagine, that after all these years, someone would still want for me, and with the adoration he so clearly held in his apprehensive grin. Knowing that, while we were far from perfect, but still so very much perfect for one another, gave me a sort of hope that the younger version of me could have believed existed in this world. I had no dreams of fairy tales, but the thought of living the rest of my life arm in arm with the one person I could ever claim loved me just as much as I loved them, gave me butterflies.

As I looked at him, it was almost like seeing him in his wholeness for the first time. I grinned at his laugh lines, nodding. Overcome with my absolute gratitude and adoration for the man I could now claimed I loved, I leaned forward and kissed him, our hands still clasped at our sides. He was only surprised for a moment before he reciprocated happily, before pulling back and beaming as if he had just seen the sun for the first time in years.

"I can't wait," was all he could say.

I couldn't have agreed more.

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After the boys left for college, I moved in, making the warm house the Barr-Marion residence. Kev snored and I was far too particular about silverware placement, but all in all we were as happy as could be. No one who crossed our paths doubted the nature of our relationship- though we wore no wedding rings and did not share the same last name. Kev was as nurturing and open minded as I had always known him to be. I rarely felt fear in his presence, nor did he in mine. The sun seemed to have finally come out, and I basked happily in the warmth it brought. Even the nights where the panic attacks reared their ugly head were filled with a sort of joy. For I was never alone in those moments. Even if I could not hardly feel up from down, I could always count on the feeling of warm fingers in my hair and a voice in my ear, promising that everything would be okay.

We traveled to Disneyland with the boys, and soon after they were engaged. We helped plan the wedding, and when the day arrived, we were both father of the groom, whether by blood or by bond. We saw the two young men wed, overwhelmed by pride and joy. Right before they left for their honeymoon, all four of us gathered in a group hug, and I can honestly say that one moment was the most at peace I have ever experienced. We had all come together through so much, whether at our own hands or not. We experienced so many different kinds of pain in so many ways. The healing was still an ongoing process. It was more than miraculous that we had found one another at such a crucial time in one another's life- and I was honored that I was able to be a part of it all.

Grandchildren came, as did uncles, aunts, cousins, and enough stories to fill up a library. I lived out my days loving and being loved by those closest to me. My career, my past, my fears... every waking moment of misery that I had endured, the loneliness, the pain, the hopelessness...it was all so, so worth it. I did not think myself capable of any happiness, but to witness the life and the peace that I got after it all ended, I would have done it all again.

I cannot imagine a life without my family, my boys, my amazing grandchildren, and especially without Kev. Every morning I awake with him breathing softly I know that no matter what happens we'll be okay. I know that he has me, and I have him. Now, when I think of the future, I think only of the happiness I get from being free of all the chains that held me back.

Now, when I stand on cliff edges I don't stick my legs out. I stick my arms out and I breathe it in.

Because on that night, the only true goodbye...

Was the goodbye to my ANXIETY.

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THE END.

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A/N: I would like to thank everyone who ever encouraged me to write. Over the last eighteen months, I have -with your help- written almost 200,000 words, which have been viewed over 70,000 times and reviewed over 600 times.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

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Anxiety isn't about a 'love-conquers-all' kind of plot. It is, with HBEL, a story of second, third, and two hundredth chances. It's a story about not giving up even when there is nothing to hope for. It is a story about finding what it most important despite the challenges. In ways it is my story- in ways it is yours.

It is a story about knowing that things will be okay.

Things will be okay.

-wiseyetharmless