Part 5 | heart | 3,773 words
Post UBW route, game verse.

. . .

When he reaches her house and stands in front of the door, all he feels is so much prana saturating the house, and a ground that seemed to tremble ever so slightly under his feet.

His hackles rises immediately.

And then he freezes.

There's a faint whisper of a desperate cry that he can barely catch reaching his ears, and it makes his blood run cold.

He can't tell what is being said, but -

It's Sakura. He knows it's Sakura.

And he suddenly realizes he can't feel her anymore.

When did Tohsaka's prana flow trickle to a stop?

His stomach churns.

What had she done? Why did she need so much prana? Is she okay? Is she injured? And why - why didn't he stop her -

Is she de -

He slams down that thought with a sharp breath, and jerkily, he tries to twist the door knob that doesn't budge.

It's locked. Shit. The barrier - no, it can't be the barrier. The barrier is only active when no one is in.

In other words, he just needs a key.

His mind races. He doesn't have the key and he should have taken a set with him, but - but -

He takes in a deep breath. He's not waiting. Not this time.

With a hasty step back, he tries to kicks the door open.

It rattles but does not budge.

This time he slams it with his body, throwing all his weight behind it.

The door breaks open this time, thankfully, even if his shoulder is pin and needles from the impact, and he thinks Tohsaka is going to scold him for breaking her door -

But that thought is quickly shoved aside as he stumbles in.

"T-Tohsaka?" he calls. "Sakura?"

The hall is eerily empty.

The grandfather clock ticks in the silence, and it only increases the feeling of foreboding.

He runs to the basement, where the prana felt most saturated.

There'a a familiar metallic scent in the air, and it sends something cold down his spine.

And what he sees makes his throat go dry.

A red ritual circle on the floor - and he knows, instinctively, that it's blood. Real, pure, human blood. It's Tohsaka's blood, he can't help but think. It would explain her exhaustion, it would explain why she had seemed pale and almost cold, and it would explain why her magic crest caught her off guard -

And the girl he loves so dearly is being held tightly by a crying Sakura, in the middle of the circle, where the density of the ring is the thickest and the unrecognizable red symbols fills almost every gap on the floor.

Sakura is okay. Sakura is okay, but it didn't look like she noticed him.

Or if she did, she did not care.

Tohsaka is not moving.

Tohsaka Rin is not moving.

Her pale right hand hangs limply and touches at the cold floor, and her head is turned inwards and resting on Sakura. Her eyes are closed and she is not moving -

"... No." Sakura. A mixture of despair and raw grief. "Nee-san… nee-san, please… wake up… you - you can't! You said - why - please - wake up - !"

Nee-san?

He doesn't follow. He can't follow. His legs go weak, and he drops to his knees.

He stares.

Tohsaka is ▅▅▅▅.

Tohsaka is ▅▅▅▅.

Tohsaka is…

No. No. It can't be.

It just can't, because she promised him.

And somehow, his leaden feet moves, and he crawls up to them, ignoring the way the blood - her blood - stain his pants and smears on the floor.

He lifts his trembling hand and presses two fingers against the vein on Tohsaka's neck and hopes - he just hopes -

If she's ▅▅▅▅, he doesn't know what he will do. He had once daringly told her to just watch him become a great magus but that wouldn't happen anymore if she's ▅▅▅▅ and he won't get to see her blue eyes anymore, he won't see her smile that smile he fell in love with, she won't tease him again, all he will be left with is a ghost of a memory that will haunt him day and night, and a part of him will die with her, because she is his ▅▅▅▅ now, and he will be so, so lost without her and he can't lose her he can't lose her he can't lose her and if he loses her he will never be happy again -

...dum..

His scrambled thoughts come to a halt.

...ba...dum...

It's a slow, faint heartbeat.

So faint, he almost did not catch it.

She's alive she's alive she's alive -

He draws out a slow, shaky breath.

He doesn't let himself go lax yet. He doesn't know what has caused this condition. He doesn't know if this means she will be okay or will make a turn for the worse.

This time, he looks over the unconscious girl carefully.

A pale pallor. Skin that is cool to touch, but not cold. Left arm bare, sleeves rolled up where it lay limp on her stomach. Tohsaka had been using her magic crest and she is possibly drained dry of prana.

For what reason?

His fist clenches and unclenches.

Then - a faint flicker of familiar green.

He hones in on her left arm immediately.

He had not noticed it earlier but - now that he's actually checking, he can see it.

It's a very, very faint green glow emanating from her arm - so dark that he would have thought he imagined had he not stared at it for a full ten seconds.

The soft light flickers in and out intermittently, as if fighting to stay there, yet not quite succeeding.

He doesn't know what that means. Is that good? Is that bad? Good that the crest is keeping her alive, or bad that it even came to that? He hates that he can't grasp what it implies, but he knows this means going to a hospital is no longer possible. For all the desire he has to just take her and run full speed to the nearest doctor, revealing that will make Rin a specimen in some god-forsaken laboratory and he will not have that happen.

He turns to the girl he considers his family, the only one who might have any answers as of right now. By all accounts, this entire thing would mean that Sakura is at least a little bit aware of what magic is.

It might even be that Matou Sakura herself is a magus.

He takes in another deep breath.

"Sakura," he says.

The purple haired girl doesn't seem to hear her, for all intent and purpose lost in her grief as she clutches at Rin.

"Sakura."

She startles and jerks her head up. "Ah – S - Senpai…"

A tear-stained face.

"Tohsaka is not dead," he says with forced calmness. And then he points a trembling finger at her arm. "Look."

She does.

A soundless gasp as purple eyes widen.

"...Her crest..." Sakura murmurs shakily in realization, "It's - " the grip she has on Tohsaka tightens.

Then her head jerks up to meet his again.

"S-senpai - quick, we - we need to -" her eyes darts around the basement wildly, searching for something.

Then she shakes her head rapidly, as if trying to clear her mind.

She takes in a deep breath.

"We - we need to bury Nee-san in the soil at the backyard."

He stares at her.

Did she just say bury Tohsaka in the backyard?

"It's - it's the leyline," Sakura says rapidly, urgently, "it will - it will help her recover. Because she's the heir to Tohsaka, the magic crest won't let her die, but - but she needs - more - from the soil - this land - "

He can barely understand what she is saying. The girl is rambling and talking too fast, even if it registers to him that, for some reason, Sakura thought that burying Tohsaka will save her.

Sakura is already standing with trembling, weak legs; and trying to pull the older girl up with her without success.

"...Senpai." A broken whisper. "Please."

A desperate plea.

And somehow, it is this that penetrates through his numb mind, and he moves to lift Tohsaka into his arms.

The girl he loves is too light in his arms, too cool to the touch, and too still.

He takes in a deep, shaky breath as the younger girl watches him with tears in her eyes.

"The backyard?" he asks for confirmation.

If Sakura says that will help...he will trust her. The girl seems certain, and he doesn't know what else he can do. Having someone or something to fight - even fighting Archer - was easier than this; he loathes not knowing what to do.

She nods weakly. "There should be - there should already be a hole, under a wooden block - "

He doesn't ask how she knows all these - there will be time for answers later - and he just breathes.

"Okay," he says. "Okay."

The look that Sakura has then - it makes his heart clench tightly.

. . .

It's a good thing there's no school today.

Nevermind the mad scramble of events from the past night that went on to the following afternoon - from him throwing soil on top of Tohsaka to him making Sakura get some rest, then to him hastily doing patchworks on the broken door, then to him checking in on Rin (whose condition seems to improve by the hour), then to him inspecting the basement and trying to figure what has happened, then to him checking at the backyard again, then to him preparing some food, then to him finally digging where he buried Rin at the younger girl's behest -

And now it is evening.

In front of him, on the bed where he had embraced the girl he loves just a few days ago, is the very same girl who has not yet woken up; the soil-flecked clothes replaced by clean pajamas that Sakura changed for her.

Color has returned to Rin's cheeks, however, and she is somewhat warmer to the touch than yesterday.

It appears that burying did help, and unfairly, she looks like she's just sleeping peacefully while he had the fright of his life.

He has not slept, he is still wearing clothes stained with her blood and the brown soil, his nerves are still raw, and that scene - that moment when he thought she's no longer breathing - is still so fresh in his mind.

His hands hasn't stopped trembling.

Just the thought of it - the thought of it.

He breathes out slowly.

He wants her to wake up.

He wants to see those blue eyes.

He wants to see her smile.

And yet, she remains asleep.

"Senpai…" Sakura, behind him, calls hesitantly.

He turns to meet her.

The younger girl is standing by the door, with red eyes and a cross between sadness, guilt, regret and shame for reasons he can't grasp, and there's cloth of some sort draped over her arm.

"I brought you some clothes."

She does not mention his stained ones.

"You should take a shower and get changed, Senpai. I'll watch over Tohsaka-senpai for now."

Somehow, he manages to give her a nod and walks over to her as she passes him the clothes - a black shirt and black slacks. He wonders where she got them from.

"Thank you...Sakura."

The smile she gives him is strangely sad, but he does not understand why.

"Are you feeling better?" he asks after a moment.

The purple-haired girl had almost collapsed as she left the basement, and her whole body had been shivering. And in contrast to Tohsaka... Sakura had been too warm and feverish.

"Yes," is the soft answer. "I - I just needed to rest a bit."

He doesn't quite believe her. Her cheeks are still flushed, though part of it might be because she had been crying.

He wants to know what happened in that damnable basement, but he doesn't know how to ask without making her cry.

So he lifts a hand to her forehead instead.

She startles. "S-senpai - "

Still too warm.

"You have a fever," he says disapprovingly as he removes his hand. "You are going to rest."

But the girl seems to be resistant to that order; she darted a worried glance at a sleeping Rin. "I'm - I'm fine, Senpai. This isn't… this isn't a fever."

Now, didn't he hear that exact same thing yesterday from Rin?

The thought of it still makes him want to scowl.

In retrospect though, Sakura must have been as worried as he was. From her reaction in the basement, Tohsaka might have quite literally went unconscious in front of her, and for all intent and purpose had seemed dead.

He knows it's not a nice experience to have.

And if that is the case, it would be unfair of him to pull her away from the older girl.

He wants her to rest, though.

"If you don't want to rest in the guest room," his tone brooked no protest, "go lie down next to Tohsaka. That way you can keep watch on her while resting."

A pause.

"I'm not asking you to sleep - but at least lie down and rest for a while," he says carefully. "Okay?"

Sakura blinks rapidly at him. "Ah - is that - is that okay - ?"

"I don't think Tohsaka will mind," he points out. And she's not awake, so it's not as if she can protest.

For some reason the younger girl seems hesitant, strangely so. A cross between sadness, guilt, want, shyness and timidity.

"Your only other alternative is the guest room, Sakura." He tries for a threatening tone.

She just stares up at him at that - it makes him wonder if he had failed - but eventually a reluctant, but genuine smile, spreads across her face.

"...I understand, Senpai."

He drops a hand on her head and purposely messes up her hair. "Good."

"S-senpai!"

Ah. Now that's the Sakura he knows, scowling indignantly up at him in a very-Sakura-like way, which… actually really isn't a scowl. She's too gentle a person for that.

But at least she doesn't look so sad and lost anymore.

. . .

He brings dinner into the room.

Half of it is because he hopes Rin will wake up to the smell of food, however unlikely that is, but the other half is because he doesn't want Sakura moving around.

So now, they are quietly eating soup mixed with rice and thinly cut vegetables by the table - something not heavy, contains some solids, yet still easy on the stomach.

And at some point, it is Sakura who breaks the silence.

"Senpai… can I ask you a question?"

"Hm? What is it?"

"Tohsaka-senpai mentioned that… that she rebuilt a heart... for you. Is - is that true?"

He stops midway of scooping more soup from the bowl and looks up at her. Sakura seems to have reverted back to 'Tohsaka-senpai' from 'Nee-san' - though it's probably because she had some time to calm down - but honestly, what she just asked is a lot more surprising.

"She told you that?"

"...I don't think she really meant to," Sakura says hesitantly after a moment, but doesn't actually explain to his bemusement. "But - so... so it's true?"

There's a myriad of emotions that he can't quite read playing on her face.

He nods. "It's true. She saved my life." A few times, he doesn't add.

As if by its own accord, he lifts a hand to his chest and rubs at it; he feels a sudden intense, phantom pain where Lancer had once pierced. It's not something he will ever forget, for many reasons.

Sakura lets out a breath she was holding. "When - how did that… happen?"

He's not really sure how to explain it. What he can say depends entirely on whether Sakura really is a magus, and if she is aware of -

"Did that happen during the Holy Grail War, Senpai?"

He tenses despite himself.

"...So you do know about the war," he says quietly. He had hoped, despite himself, that Sakura was not aware of it. That Sakura is not a magus, merely magically aware.

Sakura's gaze drops, a mixture of sadness, guilt and pain. She does not deny it.

He stops himself from asking questions he wants answers to.

They can wait, because the girl in front of him is too fragile right now, and he's not so selfish that he will make her cry just to get his answers.

For now, to him, it is enough that both of them are safe.

And perhaps the only solace to be obtained from this revelation is that Sakura had not been actively involved in the war as Shinji was the one chosen.

So instead, he digs into his pocket and grasps the pendant he had always kept with him, and places it on the table. Tohsaka doesn't yet know that he's been keeping it on him, but it's not as if he has been planning to announce it.

In front of him, Sakura's eyes widen in recognition. "This… pendant..."

"You recognize it?" he asks despite already knowing the answer from her expression.

She nods mutely, and still stares at it.

"Lancer pierced through my heart," he says simply. "Tohsaka used the prana stored in this pendant to rebuild it."

Sakura lets out a stunned breath, and again a myriad of emotions play in her eyes, too fast for him to grasp properly.

She speaks no more after that, and they finish dinner in silence.

. . .

It's night time when he starts to feel a sensation like cold droplets of water trickling in his magic circuits. It is far, far less than what he is used to, coming into him drop by drop with long intervals in between, but he knows what this is.

He knows what this is.

He knows what this is.

He draws out a slow, long breath where he had stood motionless in the middle of the kitchen.

Then he grasps the tray containing a teapot and three empty cups, and walks up the stairs.

He tries to still his trembling feet.

He stands in front of the door.

His heart pounds, and something in him is going ghostly hot and cold all at once.

Voices, too muffled by the door, but undeniably there.

He twists the knob.

And then - he just stares.

The girl he loves is sitting up, resting against the frame, a hand pressed to her face; an anxious Sakura is hovering around her where they sit on the large bed.

"Really, Sakura," Tohsaka Rin mumbles faintly, tiredly, "I'm fine. You are being too worried. I'm awake right now, aren't I?"

"I'm too worried?" the younger girl shoots back, real anger seeping into her voice. "You lied!"

He has never seen Sakura like this before, and from the way Tohsaka seemed to startle, she didn't either.

"I did not," Rin protests still.

"You did!"

"No, I didn't. I just didn't tell you."

"You - " Sakura closes her mouth, then opens it again with aggravation clear in her usually gentle voice. "Nee-san, you are being a child."

"W-what?" Tohsaka sounds completely caught off-guard by Sakura actually scolding; her usual expertise and elegance in deflection is nowhere to be seen. "I - I - I am not!"

Of all the things he thought he would have seen, those two bickering certainly wasn't one of them. It's not something he would have expected from either of them. Tohsaka, because Tohsaka wouldn't openly sulk in front of anyone, and Sakura, because Sakura wouldn't readily show expressions like she does now.

They look like a pair of squabbling sisters who are undeniably close to each other, and a small part of him wonders when that happened, and how.

What happened that day when Sakura went over? Have they been this close long before that? Why hadn't he noticed then? Or were the events yesterday just too rattling that it changed them somehow?

"Yes, you - ah, Senpai…"

Sakura has noticed him.

At that, Rin's head shoots up to meet his.

Blue eyes.

Tohsaka Rin stares at him.

"S - Shirou? W - what are you doing here?"

Clear, vivid azure.

She has called his name.

She is alive, she is staring at him, and she has called his name.

He breathes.

He doesn't answer yet, instead making a beeline for the study table and putting the tray down.

"...Shirou?" "...Senpai?"

Twin sounds of confusion.

Then, he takes two steps to walk up to the bed.

"W-what...?" For all the exhaustion that is clear on her face, and how pale she is right now, Tohsaka looks increasingly wary as she stares up at his looming figure.

He doesn't know what he's thinking when he sits on the bed and pulls her into his arms, blanket dragged along and all.

She huffs out a breath of surprise.

She's small and warm in his arms. Not quite all that warm enough, but warmer than she had been all day and yesterday. He thinks if he holds her too tight, it might just crush her and nothing scares him more than that right now, and he somehow restrains himself.

And he doesn't speak.

He can't speak.

He breathes in a scent that is uniquely hers, tries to feel for the soft heartbeat coming from her through the awkward embrace caused by their positions, and memorizes every soft thump that comes through and taps faintly against his chest, and how it seems to rhyme with the tiny droplets of cold prana trickling into him -

He doesn't know how long they stayed that way.

Then, the girl he loves slowly curls her fingers around the back of his head gently.

Her cold, clammy forehead rests at the edge of his cheek.

"... Idiot," she half-heartedly scolds,yet filled with so much warmth and fond affection, "I promised you, didn't I?"

She did.

But he can't muster up any will to speak, and merely holds onto the faint warmth tightly.

He breathes.

. . .

A/N - Sorry about how late this is. There were, um. A lot of distractions. And life happening.