My very first NCIS story, hopefully it's well received and enjoyed. Please review, I'd love to know how active this Fandom is. I think it'd be cool to share my stories with you guys. No pairings, just a family story. Enjoy, and warning, it's a heavy story...

She hated the word perky today. Her perky? Sure! But today she was far from perky. Today...she was dying inside. The other 364 days of the year, no matter how bad she could soldier through. But today she wanted to break. Let the mask she wore more often than not slip off and shatter on the floor. Jenny never asked why she requested this specific day off every year. It was simply granted and Leon for the most part granted it was well. They knew she didn't miss work unless she absolutely had to. She loved her job, the team that much. She'd been blessed that usually there were no big cases open or they'd be solved before her requested day dawned. But this year she wasn't so lucky. This year the case was grisly. The suspect was smarter than the average fool dumb enough to break the law in their jurisdiction. Team Gibbs was hot on his tail, and it'd all be over soon enough. But not today.

Not today.

Sighing, she closed her eyes. Not even 9am and the melancholy was full force. Already people were picking up on her change in moods.

"What's wrong Abby? You're not your perky self today. Everything alright?" Tom had asked, brow furrowed in concern. The other guards agreed, echoing his concern.

Maybe I'm too friendly.

Cringing at memories threatening to surface without permission, she forced herself to focus on the task at hand: turning on her babies. The soft hums and whirring of her comrades brought a slight smile to her face.

Please catch him so I can go home.

By noon she wanted to scream. Tony had startled her, resulting in her nearly introducing him to her right fist. She knew he'd never hurt her, but her body rebelled regardless. The reason why nearly made her sick. Tony was still rattling off some story about Mcgee being afraid of clowns, a story she made a mental note to ask about later. She could feel his eyes on her, skillfully trying to work out what was "off" while telling a story to keep her distracted enough to overlook his covert scrutiny. People didn't give Tony nearly enough credit, he was not the idiot people made him out to be.

Just like I'm not the person everyone makes me out to be.

Suppressing a flinch, she nodded her head and laughed when it was appropriate. She couldn't stop her eyebrow from rising when Tony went into another story, this one about an office rumor of Gibbs being afraid of chickens.

Good one Tony. Using Gibbs as a ploy to get my undivided attention.

Facing him now, she indeed gave him her full, undivided attention. It was a fascinating story, and she sympathized with Gibbs if it was true. Chickens can be deadly. She could read Tony easily, and while his concern was obvious, the alarm was subtly rolling off of him in waves. A heavy silence filled the room and she waited. When Tony didn't speak, but simply gazed at her, she felt her skin crawl.

"DiNozzo..." She growled, patience evaporating so quickly she wondered if she ever had it to begin with. Tony apologized and after handing off the laptop went on his way. Abby was never so glad to hear the ding of the elevator.

McGee headed down about an hour later. Poor McGee. Ducky and Palmer had spent their lunch hour with her, Ducky rambling on trying to engage her and Palmer looking like he didn't know what to say. To be fair she'd grunted and nodded her way through most of Duck's usually interesting stories. It wasn't until Ducky got to the point and asked if she was all right that her mood truly flew south for the winter. Forcing the most painful smile she ever had, she told them she was fine. Just sleepy. To his credit Ducky allowed the blatant lie, Palmer...well there was a reason he wasn't a field agent. His obvious concern reflected in stuttered anecdotes of his life so far as a newlywed. By the time McGee got to her, she was through with pretending. Her best defense would be one hell of an offense.

"Gibbs didn't need to send you down to help with the laptop, I'm done. Nothing on it but the usual hinky stuff and a cell number I just sent to your email."

McGee looked confused. "Then why didn't you call Gibbs like you usually do when you've got something?"

His confusion, along with his question were genuine, and Abby smiled.

It's nice to see someone just being...them. No long dramatic looks, no attempts to head shrink me, no sneaky attempts to gauge my mood-

"Want me to take another look?"

Face clouding over in anger, Abby fixed him with a glare. "Are you trying to say I missed something?"

I want you to. I want you to accuse me of being off my game.

Only Gibbs had told her that, and she admitted it about herself a few times. But the team hadn't. And she'd be damned if they started now.

"No, no. It's just Palmer said you were sleepy, thought a fresh pair of eyes couldn't hurt."

Good one McGee, I almost believed that. You've come a long way. You're so much more than a computer geek.

Her computer beeped.

"Got a hit, Baxter turned his cell on." She quickly relayed the address and McGee rushed off.

4pm rolled around and Ziva made her appearance.

"Here is Baxter's knife, and the gun we found him with."

At least she's to the point. I wonder if all trained killers are? Probably.

Abby signed for them. Nodding, Ziva turned to exit the lab.

"Ziva?"

The woman in question stopped. "Yes Abby?"

"Thanks."

Ziva smiled. The elevator dinged.

To think I used to hate her...

By 5pm with no work to distract her, the thoughts returned, reformed, and questions arose.

I should've known better. I did know better. So by default is it all on me?

The smell of beer and stale cologne mixed with sweat assaulted her nostrils.

Feeling ill, she closed her eyes. Memories played like a horror movie and paused on the worst moments.

Her skin began to crawl, and the feeling of being unclean filled her.

Breathe Abby, breathe...

The scent of coffee and sawdust filled the air. It chased away the offending odor, and settled pleasantly into her senses. Abby belatedly wished she could bottle it and carry it with her always. It wasn't until she heard the shake of her daily drink she realized her eyes were still closed.

Hours earlier. . .

"You are not being honest with me. I know what you meant!" Ziva accused, pointing a finger at McGee, whose eyes widened.

"I am being honest! Ziva, it's not inappropriate..."

"What's not inappropriate McPerv?" Tony asked, walking up behind Ziva, who to her credit didn't flinch.

"McGee was making dirty little plans with his dirty little mind using dirty little code words." Ziva reported, looking at McGee like a hunter with a prize buck in his cross hairs. Tony grinned.

"Oh really? What kind of plans you got elf lord?" he asked, eyes lit up with anticipation.

"Like I'd tell you, now could you please go to your own desk?" McGee retorted, rolling his eyes when Tony plopped down on his desk instead.

"Oh! Do ya...do ya hear that?!" Tony asked loudly. When no one answered him, he turned back to McGee. "THAT, was the sound of you losing your only ally Probie." Turning to Ziva he gestured with his hand for her to go on.

"I heard McGee ask his lady friend what she wanted to 'play' tonight, and McGee said-"

"Uh Ziva-"

"No no McJudas you had your chance! Go on Ziva." Tony instructed, waving McGee off.

"So McGee said he only wanted to do one thing: Bop It." Ziva finished, laughing devilishly. McGee pinched the bridge of his nose. Tony stared blankly.

"I haven't been this disappointed since I found out my dream girl batted for the same team."

"I do not see why that would disappoint you, women are just as capable as men to play baseball-"

Tony laughed and grabbed a laptop in a bag labeled EVIDENCE. "I'll be back to explain just how wrong you are Ziva, but I gotta drop this off to Abby. Tom said she looked pretty upset this morning. I'm gonna cheer her up. A little DiNozzo charm goes a long way!" Before Ziva and McGee could argue, the elevator doors closed.

Ziva stared off into the distance for a few seconds.

"McGee?"

"Yes Ziva?"

"Bop It isn't a dirty word is it."

"No Ziva. It's a game."

"It's a game...McGee?"

"Yes Ziva?"

"You value your spleen yes?"

"Uh-"

"Then the prior conversation never happened. Understand?"

"Uh-"

"I think the word you're looking for is YES McGee." Gibbs supplied, walking by with a coffee.

"Got it boss."

"Tony take the computer down to Abby?"

"Yeah...and he's back." Tony answered, strange look on his face. Ziva and Gibbs studied him.

"You okay Tony? Is it Abby?" McGee asked.

I don't know, I don't think it was Abby...am I losing my touch, or is she just that hard to read? It's never been that hard before, I've read serial killers better than that.

"Hey." As if it was a shout, Tony snapped out of his inner turmoil.

"Yeah Boss."

Please don't ask me if she's okay. I...I don't know. And you know what scares me the most? I don't think I ever did.

"Get to work. All of of you."

McGee reluctantly got to work, Ziva studied Tony a minute longer then she herself got to work. Gibbs stood. Looking at Tony, he gave his trademark with me gesture and headed for autopsy. Once the elevator doors closed he hit the emergency stop button. Tony gulped. But Gibbs didn't look at him, he only stared straight ahead.

"That bad?" he asked quietly. Tony swallowed.

"Honestly Boss, I think it's worse." He'd never seen Gibbs look surprised, but he'd bet his badge that his boss indeed looked slightly surprised. And that made him feel worse.

Because if you don't know Boss, then...

The elevator returned to life and descended into autopsy.

Ducky had no answers yet on the third victim, and he was getting frustrated. Time to revisit the crime scene, see if they missed something. He pointedly suggested Ducky have lunch with Abby, and he hoped for results. From the both of them.

Nothing new at the scene, but he didn't expect there to be anyway. He needed to stretch his legs.

"McGee, go see if Abby needs any help with the laptop."

While I go speak to Ducky.

To his credit, McGee nodded and headed down to the lab. Tony watched him go, and Ziva looked like she wanted to say something to her partner. They'd talk soon enough (when he was gone), and with a simple grunt of coffee he headed to autopsy.

"You've got a real loon on your hands Jethro. Baxter of course, not our dear Abigail." Ducky reported as soon as Palmer was gone from the room.

"Tell me something I don't know Duck."

Please.

"Private Hall was killed with the same weapon as the other two, and should you find the weapon you've got a slam dunk of a case. Of course the DNA under all three victims fingernails matches Baxter as well, so it's just a matter of catching him."

Is it wrong that I don't care right now?

"Anything else?"

"About the case no. About Abby..." Ducky trailed off. Resisting the urge to walk to up to him, Gibbs settled with meeting his eyes.

"Duck?"

"She's never acted like that before." Tony said quietly, mostly to himself.

Before Ziva could respond, McGee called. They found Baxter. Ziva offered to take the newly discovered evidence to Abby.

I do not know what is wrong with you dear friend, but I will grant you something I wish people had granted me when I returned from that horrible prison: normalcy.

The DNA matched, they had the smoking gun and the literal gun. Case closed.

"Go home. Vance said we could take a day tomorrow." Instead of moving, the teamlooked at the elevator. He thought that he'd have to repeat himself, but they reluctantly gathered their things. He hoped they would catch a drink together, and build each other up after current events. They gave him a look once they gathered in the elevator.

Fix it...please.

I will.

The doors closed, and Gibbs headed down to Forensics.

He knew how to be quiet, when to be loud, when to sit back and listen, and when to hug. But watching Abby now, back to him with her head bowed, irregular breaths the only noise in her way too quiet lab, Gibbs was at a loss. He knew she was well on her way to a panic attack, most likely already experiencing one. But there was an unfamiliar tension in the air, one that made him uncharacteristically nervous. Taking a step forward, he frowned when she didn't notice his heavy footfall. Taking a few more heavy steps, he waited. Her breathing changed, her shoulders dropped, and she turned slightly towards him. A smile spread across his face. His heart always warmed when she did that. It was a habit she'd picked up over the years, one he was sure she didn't know she developed.

The trust you give me I would never abuse.

He shook the Cafpow slightly to get her attention.

"You really came through for me today. Good job." His gut seemed to be screaming at him to tread lightly, speak softly, and don't push. He had no problem listening to it. Better his gut than the beating of his heart, coiling in anxiety. Something just wasn't right, something important but he didn't know what.

"Thanks Gibbs." She didn't know what to else to say. She wanted to scream, she wanted to cry, but what really scared her was she wanted to die.

"You gonna turn around?" Spoken so gently, only those who knew him understood it wasn't a question. Or a request.

Turning around, she reached for the Cafpow. Making sure to avoid contact with his hand, she brought her prize securely to her chest. Playing with the straw, she wondered if he'd leave now.

"Thanks again. You didn't have to, I was just doing my job. Nothing you wouldn't have done." If that sounded hollow to her ears she knew it must've been ten times worse for his. A slight chuckle surprised her.

"I know I don't have to. I do it because I want to." He had a point. She couldn't remember the last time he'd done something he didn't want to do. She could feel him studying her, just as Tony had done hours before, and tensed.

I feel so alone...I'm drowning.

Her skin began to tingle, then gradually began to crawl.

"You gonna look me?"

Abby already knew the answer to that. She'd been saying it for years: the eyes were the window to the soul. What her eyes said today would change his life for the worse. No way would she look at him.

Let me spare you a little pain, you've experienced so much already...

"Abby?"

"What is with everyone today? Everyone is acting all weird! Can't I just be slightly off ONE day without it being such a big deal?!" She exploded, relishing the surge of anger. It was oh so welcome, a breath of fresh air from the despondency pervading her soul. Any emotion but the current ones she reached out to tether to herself, a temporary salve for a wound that ran so deep she was sure it'd never go away.

Now he'll walk away. He'll leave me to my-

"No."

She froze. "What did you say?"

"Said no...my answer to your question."

As long as I draw breath, you're not allowed to be anything but happy.

"Gibbs, I am not up to anything right now except going home and going to bed, okay? I'm sorry for snapping, I'm just sick of the interrogations, and-"

"Fine, no interrogation. Let's start with a simple ride home." His tone was not unfriendly, but it was clipped and a lot less gentle than it had been minutes before. Sighing, she grabbed Bert and her purse.

I knew I shouldn't have yelled.