10:12, Thursday, February 6, 2022. Eskedal, Norway.

You Are: Anna Jacobs

Mood: Anxious

"Mom are you sure this is the right port?"

"Yes Anna, I'm positive this is the right station. Do you want to check the board again?" She's getting annoyed with me now but there's a little smile on her face. She's just as anxious as I am.

God I miss her.

We've been waiting for 8 minutes now, only because mom asked if I wanted to come early. In my excitement I said yes, Adgar scolded us for leaving because the trains are organized by number and ranking. So even if we came on time, we'd have to wait another 5 minutes just for Elsa's ferry to make the stop.

Her laugh. The way she smiled.

It feels like a zombie shat maggots in my chest and sewed it back up.

...

I'm sorry that you haven't noticed by now but I am not a pleasant person.

Her eyes, her hugs.

"No", I bounced from one foot to the other. It's been snowing for a while now. I probably should have put on a heavier jacket, but that's irrelevant. When I look around it's like a color accentuated black and white photo. Though the harbor was already a spectrum of gray, the snow and black clad soldiers really sold it. Then comes the friends and family buzzing around the scene in normal clothing. It's all kisses and warming hugs, but the dark figures move stiffly. Like they're playing with mannequins. I clutched the pocket watch.

The way she often said my name.

A ship horn went off. I hadn't bothered to check, but people were becoming more alert. Idunn squinted in the sound's direction, "I think that's Elsa's." Yeah, that's what I thought last time and my heart still stings from the disappointment. Soldiers from the last bus were still lingering around.

Jesus fucking Christ I miss her.

The horn was a lot louder the second time, so I spared a glance. The ship was definitely sailing towards this dock. Little black silhouettes were running around on the deck and hanging around the railing. As they got closer you could pick out who was from where; the well off, the underclass, and the half-specter. People are waving enthusiastically, kids are staring in awe.

The third horn makes my heart skip a beat, the ship had docked. Boarding ladders are being lowered and secured, the soldiers are filing out two at a time and yelling to each other. They register with the awaiting enforcers before flooding into the crowd. That's when everything starts to become chaotic.

There's a lot of yelling. Sweaty men are running around in unkempt suits and papers are flying everywhere. Numbers on boards are crashing and rising, only to flat line again—92—46—2—12—0—173—0—0—4—0—

Something pats my lower back, the men become translucent. But numbers are still dancing in my peripherals. Idunn's voice makes the papers go away, "Go look for her Anna, I'll get the car warm." You're chickening out, there's a waver in your voice. But then again, it's been 379 seconds since the boat had arrived and I haven't moved a damn centimeter. Idunn's gone before I can will myself forward. Once I take the first step I'm awkwardly half-jogging around the area. It's hard to maneuver when there's people violently squeezing each other and swapping saliva. There's a lot of half-specters this time. They always have a certain look in their eyes.

More time passed, and I broke out into a full jog. Soldiers were still filing off the boat, but the irrational side of me was saying she was dead or hospitalized somewhere. Which is stupid because then we would have been notified... or the notification could just be late.

My throat is starting to burn—but then my eyes catch on a particular shade of blue. There's this beautiful warming sound that transcends the ambiance; an endearing expression that flickers between moving bodies. There's a man next to her on crutches, he talks but his words are lost in the wind. She's carrying his bag for him I suppose, That's something she'd do. Something my Elsa would do.

I don't know why I'm just standing here and staring. I'm waiting perhaps...

...

If I knew what I was waiting for, don't you think I would have said so the first time?

...

There's another man walking with them though, with his arm slung around her shoulders. I don't want to just walk up to them and... I don't know. Something stupid, I've always been good at fucking up the simplest things.

The healthier guy leans down to kiss her temple, the other one chuckles, Elsa smiles. I look to the ground as if I saw something I shouldn't have seen. Parts of me are happy, other parts are indifferent, one is a little crestfallen.

...

Well gee golly gosh anon, I wasn't aware that Elsa was a human being with romantic and sexual needs that I am unable to satisfy. I thought she was born solely to keep me from shooting up a building.

...

Please don't get smart with me right now, my mood has already dropped a bit. 3 seconds pass before I look up again, now all I see is the stark blue of her irises.

The perfect arch of her brows and awestruck expression. It only lasts half a second.

A gorgeous smile blooms across her face right after and lights up her eyes. I can't hear her but by the way her mouth moves I swear to god she said my name.

The bags she carried are on the ground, the men are just standing there, she runs to me. I run too with my heart lodged in my throat.

As soon as I'm in her arms she lifts me into the air and the momentum causes us to spin, I can't stop myself from giggling—giggling anon.

My feet touch the concrete and she kisses my brow, my bridge, the corner of my lips. It's precise and desperate but tentative and I feel... I feel... wholesome—loved.

This time I drag her into an embrace. My nose is buried in her neck, her hands are firm against my back. I finally choked out, "Christ, I missed you. I missed you so much." How long have we been like this? I don't want to let go. The first time I did she left for years. The second time she left for weeks but they were longest weeks of my life. By Einstein's theory, the next time I let go it should only last half a minute but I don't want to take that risk.

Elsa doesn't say it back, she doesn't have to. Her actions are loud enough. We finally give each other some space. My hands remain at her waist, she cradles my face with her own gloved ones. It's been 6 weeks since we stood face to face—face to chest really.

Even through all of this joy, when she takes the time to study me I feel anxious. She brushes her thumb against the scar across my nose, the small crescent under my left eye, and along the short line above my left eyebrow. Elsa's loving expression only falters when she catches the patch of silver in my hair, but she doesn't call me out on it.

Instead her gaze meets mine and that's when I realize—"Let me just get my stuff", she pats my shoulders once before jogging back to get her bags and hug the smiling men good bye. One pecks her forehead.

I shoved my hands back in my pockets and inhale sharply, my cheeks tingle from smiling so hard. I don't even realize that I counted the seconds while she was away... it was 27. Elsa wraps an arm around my shoulder and I clasped her hand. A few people give us looks, I bet a good portion of them know me from school but that only makes me smile more. The only thing that bothers me is the bronze statue of a bull floating in the middle of the harbor.

We walk out of the area and past the guards on duty. Kristoff is actually working as one for community service. He spots us from his post and does a double take, then he gives one of his endearing smiles and waves. I nod, Elsa waves back with her free hand then adjusts the straps of her duffel bag.

Idunn sends a text on her location and I find her used car waiting about 50 meters to our left. It's the kind with only two doors and you gotta pull the passenger seat forward to get into the back. She's had it long before Elsa was born. Elsa smiles at her and waves when we approach, Idunn's eyes light up and I can hear the muffled greeting.

I open the passenger door and climb in the back, Elsa throws the duffel in the trunk. When she gets in the passenger seat, Idunn shifts gears and merges with the line of cars trying to get out. She spares Elsa a side glance and a smile. It's awkward but caring, that's understandable, "How was the boat ride? With all the storms that's been forming lately, there must have been some trouble."

Elsa chortles, "It was definitely... wild. The waves were tossing us all over the place and the freezing rain iced the deck. Quite a few of us got sick, some people even broke a limb, but nothing I couldn't handle. How was it in Arendelle? I heard that all the eastern coastal cities were getting hit with the after effects."

"Oh yeah, power outages, lots of sleet, and the streets would be flooded days at a time—especially in our area. The superintendent of education had even called and pardoned everyone in the flooded areas from attending school. That didn't stop Anna from trudging out in rain boots and trying to walk to campus. Ags had to drag her back inside multiple times and patrol the front door."

For some reason I feel a little embarrassed at the emphasis she puts on my name, "Online classes aren't the same as live, it's easier to get distracted."

"You what is also very distracting? Pneumonia, hypothermia—the flu. It's a new year and you haven't even gotten your shots yet", she shot back.

Elsa laughs, "I think it's pretty promising, that takes dedication. Come hell or high water I will do what I gotta do." We finish off the phrase in unison and Mom sighs in exasperation. There's a smile on her face.

She asks Elsa if she's hungry or if her stomach is still funny from the trip. Elsa assures her that she's fine and that lunch would be good. Mom doesn't ask me though because even if I say I'm not hungry I always end up stealing off her plate; the catch was that I had to pick the type of restaurant. We end up going to a small burger joint in the less crowded side of town.

Mom ordered the special burger of the day, Elsa asked for cheesy fries, I got a chocolate shake and chicken strips because I can't exactly steal a burger without looking like a jackass. The waiter is nice to us, especially towards Elsa. We talk—or mom and Elsa talk while I observe with minor input. They've mastered verbally dancing around each other and it's hard not to just watch.

Like a badMinton match with two really competitive players who only spikes the shuttlecock.

...

Haha yeah I know, shuttlecocks.

"How is it at the children's hospital? Last time I remembered you couldn't catch a break." In other words, do you make an effort to stay home once in a while now that I'm gone?

Mom dodges the silver lining like it's nothing, "We've had a lot more kids over the past few years, especially for respiratory issues. There's been a couple of cases where they've gone partially blind… But thankfully the number of hands have increased as well. I'm not called in as much, so I get to keep an eye on Agdar and Anna when they're home."

…

Yeah she's a nurse. She's specialized mostly in pediatric, geriatric, and private duty. These days she's still in the pediatric field, but spends a lot of her time in the ER or on home care.

…

Idunn is amazing at her job—which is good for my dad and I since we're a pair of hardasses when it comes to taking care of our health. I hate calling her for help sometimes but… I can't always keep up my spitefulness, sometimes the pain is overwhelming.

…

My sister's a regulation scout, my dad's an enforcer, and my mom is a nurse.

And I'm the government's bitch.

...

"That's definitely an improvement, it's good to know there are more people in the medical field", Elsa nods before stuffing a few fries in her mouth. It appears the shuttlecock is moving so fast the fans can't even see it, or are our players just swatting the air. Idunn takes a sip from her soda then asks, "How are things at home?" Oop, there it is, out of bounds.

"Home?" Elsa repeats innocently. Her brows knit together in confusion and her head tilts slightly to the left. My heart feels like it's been kicked off a two story building. Idunn catches the silver lining as well and purses her lips.

There's a pause, "How're things Anna? Is everything alright?" Wait what, me?

"O-oh uhm, yeah. Overall everything is fine, but there's always room for improvement. I managed to bring my average in Stat up to a 96.7, I'm feeling pretty confident about my mid-semester assessments, and I've racked up enough community service hours to cash in for vacation time", I completely avoid my social life or the work I do.

I don't want to tell her how many times I've woke up in the middle of the night trying to claw a bullet out of my chest that wasn't there, how I've started to feel the gentle caresses of dead lovers and how much my heart aches for them even if we've never met, how I died several different deaths while having dinner the other day, how many hours I spent scrubbing blood off my hands that shouldn't have been there, or about the burning bodies I found in my closet. I don't want to tell her about the episode I had two weeks prior because the assimilation session didn't go the way it should, how my therapist had to adjust my medication 4 times while she was away, how I completely forget my name until it escapes her lips in a way only she can accomplish, how hard I've tried to find the rest of me in this patchwork I call a brain without her around to remind me.

I don't want to tell her because it's literally all in my head and I'm not strong enough to handle it. Maybe if I tried a bit harder I can get past all these memories that aren't mine but it's… hard, oh so hard. I do however—want to tell her I love her… and that I'm trying, because that's what she wants me to do.

Elsa's stare lingers, like she caught a glimpse of the mess I tow around before nodding to Idunn, "All is fine at home it appears. Minor adjustments could be made but home is good."

Mom casts her eyes down and nods deeply, this odd smile was in place, "I'm glad."

After we finish eating, we drive back to Arendelle. The trip was quieter than before and by the time we get back the sun was still at a comfortable position in the sky. Mom tells Elsa about the dinner Grandma had planned and how she was invited to come. It's been years since Elsa and Grandma saw each other, she says yes with very little hesitation. When we slow to a stop in front of her apartment I mindlessly grip the handle, Idunn asks where I'm going and says that Elsa needs her rest.

I feel embarrassed because she's definitely right, but Elsa quickly says that she wants me to come over and that she'll make sure I get home before curfew. Mom glances between us then agrees—you know, the way moms do when they're skeptical.

When Elsa opens the door we wave Mom off. When the door closes behind us we visibly relax. "I'm going to take a quick shower and change alright?" She calls to me from the hallway.

"Don't drown", I've already set my knapsack on the couch and placed my folded pants somewhere safe.

…

Pants are the devil's work, there's nothing you can say to change my mind about it. I walked out onto the balcony, there hasn't been any snow for the past few days so it's relatively clear.

Cars are still speeding down the highway, toys are still littering the balcony to my left, and as if on cue Black Eye slips past his glass doors and onto his balcony with a lit blunt. But this time he has pants on, and his face has healed since then, the bridge of his nose is crooked.

We've exchanged glances a couple of times in the hallways at school, but nothing more than that. I wave at him, he nods back. I don't know what he does after that, my attention goes back to all the speeding cars below us. I don't keep track of time or of the chill that creeps up my legs.

That's a nice looking—"I wonder what's so interesting out here."—Christ.

I nearly jumped out of my skin, but firm hands hold me down by the waist. I looked over my shoulder and tried the best I could to glare, "Elsa what the shit?"

…

It's hard to be pissed when she has this mirthful look in her eyes, "Sorry love." She then looks past me, at the cars, and her smile loosens.

No no no, I take her hands in mine and twist us around so her back faces the highway, "I haven't given you your gift yet." I don't notice how close we were until her knee brushes between my inner thighs when she leans against the railing. Elsa runs her thumb over my knuckles and I have to fight the urge to lean forward and kiss her.

"What'd I say about spending money on me?" Elsa doesn't like being "spoiled", which means anything over 10 dollars is bad. My present is around 140 so she definitely won't be pleased at first but it's worth it. She's worth it and so much more.

"That you don't know how to accept my awkward displays of affection and must have them thrust upon you with rigor whenever attempted."

"That sounds absolutely nothing like what I say", her eyebrow raises.

"I paraphrased", I shrugged and tugged her gently towards the sliding door, "c'mon, you'll love it I swear." She looks over me once before returning my crooked smile with her own.

I ended up dragging her inside while she playfully protested. Netflix was already running on the tv screen, there were only a couple bottles of soda on the coffee table because Elsa had cleaned the apartment of food before she left. We had just eaten anyway, so it was all good. She took a seat on the couch and watched as I sat on the opposite side and dug through my knapsack. "You swear I'm going to like this?"

"Yep."

"What if I don't?"

"Then I'll just return it and drag you to stores with the money I get back", I chuckled when she made a face.

I rewrapped the box this morning, even though the paper from a few months ago was still good—even changed out the bow for a new one because the knot had loosened over time.

…

Yes, I know how to actually tie ribbons into bows on boxes.

…

It's a stupid skill but it's useful sometimes, especially when it comes to Elsa. She takes pleasure in the little details.

You'd think I'd be nervous or awkward even but everything comes… so easily. I barely register the soft curl of my lips or how open my gestures are when I present my gift to her. Judging by the surprise on her face, I must look pretty fucking excited.

Elsa took the package from me carefully, her bottom lip was caught between her teeth.

She glances at me.

Then at the present.

She turns it a couple of times.

Then hums quietly before glancing between me and the box again.

Her cheeks redden, her entire body gesture turns bashful.

She stares at the package for a couple more seconds, only Elsa can stretch my patience like this. "This... feels expensive", she finally mumbles as she runs her fingers over the blue ribbon.

"Oh no trust me the paper was from last year's Christmas party and I got the ribbon from Mom's sewing kit, I didn't waste a penny."

…

What? I'm a jackass, "However if you check the inside, the box was probably like 25 cents. Plastic may go for about say 10… maybe 15 cents."

Elsa rolled her eyes and untied the bow I worked hard on then tore away the paper. The box was plain which only made it look more suspicious on my behalf. She gave me another look, my heart thumped harder.

"You know this is the exact weight of a horse dildo from Sully's Sultry right?"

"How do you know the exact weight of a horse dildo from Sully's Sultry Shop?" I do know actually, I weighted the box just to fuck with her. It was Sully's idea.

"B-Because she's a good friend with a bad back that needs help taking stock."

"Stock eh? That doesn't sound the least bit suspicious."

"Anna!"

…

It's a sex shop that sits between our neighborhoods. She used to go to school with Elsa, but she dropped out to work the family shop with her parents. Sully is her surname, I don't know her first name and Elsa just calls her Sully so that's what I call her too. She's a smart person.

…

I don't concern myself with her romantic or sexual life anon. I thought this was implied before, "open it."

…

I'm not very straight anon, I thought that was apparent.

When she flips the wings open and moves the black paper out of the way, all I can see in her eyes are stars.

"It's a school approved tablet—I didn't actually get it from the school! But it's the brand they recommend at the college, I bought it using my student discount… and because it's registered under my name you have access to the mass library, which means anything having to do with the liberal arts. However I don't have complete access to major specific textbooks online like architectural studies or neurology because, well, I don't have those classes. I'd have to pay a fee of like 4 credits for whatever files to be open for three months—but I have absolutely no problem if you wanna make a purchase! There's about 40 credits saved up on my account since I just use the hard copies at school or share with an acquaintance, there's no point in letting them collect dust. You can also annotate, highlight, and write notes directly in the text—sweet fuck I'm rambling uhm..."

I ducked my head awkwardly and tucked a strand of hair back in place. My cheeks felt like they were on fire, "Do you—do you like it?"

Elsa had been studying the tablet since I had started nervously word vomiting about technology. I don't think I've ever met someone who loves learning as much as Elsa does, and the fact that she wasn't able to receive the high school experience or even have the chance to go to college just breaks my heart.

It bothers me how the military only teaches very specific subjects to the kids they conscript—just enough to make use of the soldier but it doesn't compare to an actual school education. I remember seeing her so upset when her aptitude test came in years ago, how she was assigned as a field runner instead of a navigation unit or a tactician. At least then the curriculum would have something she was interested in.

I just thought that… if they won't give her the opportunity I could try.

When I find the courage to look up again she's beaming at me with glossy eyes and reaching for me, the tablet and box had been set on the coffee table, "Anna come here."

I don't waste any time crawling across the couch. This might be wishful thinking but if I was a bit older and a little less related I swear she would have kissed me without any restraint. Instead I'm wrapped up in her arms again with this sense of completion.

"Thank you so much, I-I really wasn't expecting anything like this. I love you—and the gift. It's wonderful", there's a slight quiver in her voice but I can tell it's from happy tears not bad ones. There are goosebumps where her breath hits my neck, "I just wanted to make you smile, that's all."

What the fuck that was lame. You could have said it back or something, or came up with a better line.

"You were already enough", she laughs. The sound warms my chest and I can't help but hold her a little tighter and smile like an idiot, "But you deserve so much more."

She doesn't reply, instead her hold tightens, she rubs my shoulder. I feel like there's something she wants to say but she doesn't know how. I don't know what to say either but it doesn't hurt to try I suppose, "Want me to show you how the system works? I promise I'm much better than the tutorial."

Elsa laughs again but this time it's much quieter; the psychologist in me says it's a signal—that she's hiding something, the soldier says she's just tired, the fifties mother says she's having boy trouble, but I feel like they all need to stop and listen. "Yeah, of course."

After I showed her how the tablet worked we spent the rest of our time cuddling on the couch and watching whatever Netflix thought was best for us. We talked about life away from each other; I told her about the stupid things Hiccup and Kristoff had dragged me into and how Hans got in trouble with his dad again. She told me more about Havard and Baelfire because she wanted me to meet them sometime.

There were moments when the television was simply background noise and neither of us had anything to say, when I could focus on the steady beat in her chest and her fingers as she traced circles against my arm.

"You alright?"

I jumped, "Y-yeah I'm fine, just thinking." We're walking home—well, I'm walking home and Elsa's walking me half way despite my feeble protest. Somewhere along our walk my hand got caught in hers, she's being a lot more affectionate than usual. Not that I mind, but it's making it a lot harder for me to hide. She gave me a look, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, yeah. I was wondering what my schedule will be tomorrow, that's all", that's a lie. I'm fantasizing about domestic partnership with my sister when we're in our thirties. Why? I don't know, don't ask.

…

Well I can't exactly marry my sister.

…

I mean, yes I can but it's still a really fucking big social taboo anon. Elsa already has a fair chance of being dragged into a alleyway simply because she exists, what the hell do you think marrying her sister would do? On top of that, she'd be repulsed by the idea.

She nods slowly, "Oh yeah, that's right. I guess I should start planning as well."

Wait, planning? I gave her a look, "You get the next few days off, don't you?"

"Yeah but, to cheat death as much as I do, it'd be a waste to spend even a day at home", She instinctively rubs at the scar across her neck. My skin prickles.

…

I don't want to talk about it, "As long as you don't push yourself."

Elsa squeezes my hand softly and smiles, "Don't worry about it… speaking of which, what's with this?" She points at the silver in my hair.

Uh oh. I duck my head, "O-oh um, there was another malfunction with the assimilation a couple weeks back. They gave me more than I could handle and this is sort of what's left over from the mental stress. The doctors thought it was best to give me a break for two months, so I haven't been back since." I was an absolute mess afterwards.

"They should just shut everything down for good and be done with it", Elsa said. I don't have to look up to tell that she's angry. "It's not like they even listen to you anymore."

She's right, they don't. But I'm so tired of fighting with them… I shrugged. I couldn't really think of anything to say. We reached the halfway point, our special spot by the water. The sun is setting but the sky is covered in clouds so it just a weird orange. I don't want to let go of her hand and she seems to share the same sentiment as me because neither of us are budging. A minute passes before I finally let go of her hand, "Alright, I guess… I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, tomorrow", Elsa held out her arms and I instinctively went in for the hug. Short and sweet, I end up walking away with just the slightest bit of pep in my step. I can feel her eyes linger as I leave.

Guess who's back, back again. With happy floof. And stuff. In this angsty dystopian. Anyhow! Yeah, I hope you guys like this chapter. Thanks for pointing out some hiccups with the story's inconsistency. It's become apparent that I don't know basic math? So to clear things up without having you guys go back and reread the story:

55% - Basic Citizens.

43% - Are not citizens of Arendelle but are recognized civilians of Norway. They are entitled to the bare essentials such as food, water, and shelter.

2% - Specters.