This is just a little oneshot I wrote because I needed my Delena holiday dosage and since the show didn't provide it, I decided to do it myself. You know what they say: if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. So here it is.

Those quotes about true love in the summary are from Once Upon a Time. That show really knows how to make someone believe in true love.

You can find the full cover image on my Tumblr (link is in my profile).

Have fun reading!

I think when it's all over

It just comes back in flashes, you know?

It's like a kaleidoscope of memories

It just all comes back

~ I Knew You Were Trouble by Taylor Swift

~ Flashes ~

The Salvatore Boarding House was on fire, and I mean it in a metaphorical way.

Cheesy Christmas songs, a giant tree my friends and I helped decorate, and everything else holiday-y was there. Christmas has finally come to Mystic Falls, and it's come with style. The gang was finally all together: Bonnie recently got back and reconciled with Jeremy, Stefan and Caroline confessed their undying love for each other (I may have spiced that up a bit, but hey, at least they're together), Alaric and Jo were making out in the corner thinking nobody can see, Liv and Tyler went out on a double date with Luke and his sugar daddy of a boyfriend, and that psycho Kai was nowhere to be seen.

In short, life was good.

Mostly.

After what appeared to be hours worth of partying, everyone found themselves a room to spend the cold, snowy night in, leaving Damon and I all to ourselves by the barely lit fireplace. We sat on the couch in silence, our eyes focused on the fire before us, neither daring to move or say anything in fear of startling the other.

It was close to midnight now, Christmas Eve slowly drifting away into full-blown Christmas. I looked up, a ghost of a smile on my face at the sight of mistletoe hanging right over our heads.

It used to mean something; to him it still did, I could feel it in the air, the tension he oozed, the pain, the sorrow that he desperately tried to hide behind a frozen, statue-like façade to maintain his bad boy image that fooled absolutely no one. I doubt he even believed it himself.

For me it was nothing and that hurt the most, him more than me. Because it was always him that ended up hurt, no matter what. It's like the universe had a twisted sense of humor and made him the butt monkey of all its jokes, only they weren't nearly as funny as they probably should have been. I felt sorry for him. It was me that got him into this mess in the first place, and worst of all, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make it right because I still felt nothing, not even a piece of what I should be feeling right now.

According to what I've heard and those little flashes I've seen that one time I crossed the border, we were this great, epic love no one could ever compare to. We were royalty amongst couples, the best this world had to offer when it came to madness, insanity, emotions and lust all combined into love most powerful of all, the greatest of the great.

How stupid I must have been to make it all disappear.

The clock ticked midnight and both Damon and I twitched at the sudden noise. Then our eyes met in what seemed to be the most awkward gaze ever and I found myself facing this horrible reality I wished so hard I could make right because every single inch of it felt wrong.

"So," I started, not sure what to say, the uncomfortable silence driving me insane.

"So," he echoed. His eyes darted over to the mistletoe over our heads and his lips twisted into that famous smirk that only he knew how to do right and make so irresistible. His eyes did that wiggly thing that sent shivers down my spine and made me feel all those funky and crazy things I couldn't put my finger on, yet they felt so familiar and so welcome and I wanted to know why.

I did have a slight idea.

My eyes never left the beauty that was his face. It was as though angels themselves had sculptured him from head to toe using their finest of gifts, the entirety of him magnificent, perfect, almost unreal, starting with those electric pools that were his eyes and that silky mess of a hair that I had a strong urge to run my fingers through and pull at amidst a heated moment of passion.

"You're staring," Damon said jokingly. There was no malice in his words, only friendly teasing as his lips slightly twisted into an adorable smile only he could pull off and make look so fucking good. "Again," he added.

I tended to do that a lot lately.

I laughed; I actually laughed and he laughed along, his voice the most beautiful melody I've ever heard, echoing through my head over and over again, reminding me what I could have had if I wasn't so fucking selfish and lost in my own grief.

"Sorry. You're just…" Hot. Sexy. Gorgeous. Marvelous. Brilliant. Magical. Flawless. Magnetic. Add an over the top adjective and you get a perfect description of him.

"Irresistible?" he offered.

Instead of outright confirming his statement, I said bluntly: "I like looking at you."

I don't know what came over me to say it. I did, however, feel better once it slipped out, and the look of absolute joy on Damon's face made me happy, too. Even if I remembered nothing of our relationship, he still mattered to me. I cared for him in my own way. Nothing could ever take that away; not compulsion, not magic, not whatever evil deed he does each week in attempts to spite me because he thinks he doesn't deserve something and tries to ruin it.

He would always be my Damon, in good and bad, right and wrong, because that's just the way he is and I've accepted, partly even admired him for it.

"I am nice to look at," he said cockily, once again waggling those cute eyebrows of his, and I let out a giggle.

"True," I admitted.

"Of course it's true."

There it was again, that spark in his eyes. In a second all joy left me, replaced by anguish, guilt I didn't even know I was capable of feeling. This wasn't supposed to be like this. Just like always, I ruined everything: us, him, his happiness, his life. According to stories my friends told me, I was all he had, the light of his life, and now I've deleted it and proceeded to live as though none of it ever happened.

He was in pain and it was all because of me.

Damon was right when he said those memories weren't mine to erase. They were his, too. And even though we agreed to make new ones, I still couldn't shake the horrible thought that it was me who did all this. I cursed us. It was because of me that he was hurting and I hated myself for it. Maybe if I wasn't so weak, none of this would have happened. We would have been happy, together and in love just like it was always supposed to be, forever and ever just the two of us, team Delena (as Caroline recently named us) rocking and rolling and making everyone else jealous.

Instead the only thing close to love I felt right now was attraction. He attracted me in an almost supernatural way, his sex appeal strong and hard to resist. I was falling for him all over, though I could see, from the sad look on his gorgeous face, that it still hurt him that I didn't love him the same way he loved me, the way I used to love him not even five months ago.

And in return that hurt me. Because his pain was my pain. It's like we were united, one ended where the other began. We were a tangled mess of emotions I still couldn't quite sort out despite my best efforts.

I wanted to remember. I should have left those memories, even if they broke me, tore me apart, ripped away every positive emotion from my heart and left me nothing but a broken shell of a person I used to be. For him. Because he deserved to be remembered.

I wronged him and I hated myself so, so much because he deserved better, and right now I was the worst.

"Damon…" I stuttered, unsure what to say. I've already apologized countless of times, and each time he assured me it was okay, said he forgave me and promised to be the man he knew I needed and wanted. I wanted him to know that he already was that man, but words wouldn't leave my mouth, forever stuck in my throat. You can only apologize so many times before you run out of words; you can only feel sorry for a certain degree before you break.

I was on the verge of a breakdown.

"What, Elena?" Damon asked, suddenly concerned. He leaned over to me, his finger tenderly brushing a stray lock of hair off my face, eyes glued to mine in an almost hypnotic gaze that, if I was human, I would think that it was his attempt to compel me. Only he wouldn't do that. He wasn't that man anymore, I knew that much. I may have remembered him as a monster, but he had changed. I could see that on his face, in the way he spoke to me and treated everyone around me.

He used to be threatening and vulgar, ready to break all rules to get what he wanted. Now he was careful, not afraid to show emotions anymore, and he loved and cared about me so, so much that he let me go despite it being against everything he stood for because he wanted to do right by me, wanted me to make the choice instead of making it for me.

It was then that I decided that was it. My lips, swollen and achy from the temptation his mere presence arouse within me, crashed into his in full force, my arms around him in an instant, gripping him tight, holding him in place against my warm body that yearned for his touch. He gave into the kiss, deepening it, adding the flavor it so desperately needed and I let myself go, succumbed to his dominance. He played his role well, so perfectly like I knew he would because he's Damon fucking Salvatore and he's experienced in these kinds of things.

How could I have been so stupid to make myself forget that? This man was divine, a god in vampire form, the very definition of perfection, and he was in love with me. He was devoted to me and me only. He could have had any woman he desired with just one look; just one waggle of eyebrows and a smirk and any woman would fall at his feet.

Yet he chose me.

All of a sudden it hit me, a rush of pictures flashing in my mind, words and laughter echoing, bouncing around like swirling snowflakes amidst a blizzard. Everything came back in flashes, one by one, each filled with emotion that just a second ago felt so unfamiliar and now seemed so real, so natural and, in a way, nostalgic, and I instantly cursed myself for being so stupid as to take it all away because all of this felt so good and I couldn't figure out how I could have possibly made a decision to forget it.

FLASH!

The dance. Blue dress, black suit, competition in which everyone looked fabulous, though from the look in his eyes, I knew it was me who he considered the most beautiful one out of all. Even back then I was the one for him. He knew it. I think a part of me knew as well, despite me loving his brother, that Damon was it for me; he was always supposed to be it for me.

We danced and danced, not once stumbling, all eyes on us, our presence graceful and full of beauty mostly he added to because that's just the way he is. His movements were magnificent. He was like an angel, a divine creature, every step, every move perfect and mesmerizing, taking my and everyone else's breath away. It wasn't supposed to be him, yet there he was, my very own knight in a dashing suit.

For me. Because he loved me even then, even when I was still forbidden and thought I disliked him. He still came for me because he cared despite all that. That's how good he was for me, how deserving of my affections he was and always will be.

FLASH!

Damon on the brink of death. Me holding him, cradling him like a child, finally admitting I liked him the way he was. He probably thought it was just a dying gift, but all of it, every single word and touch and caress was real. I liked him then; I always liked him, even at his worst, even when he broke all the rules and made all the wrong choices because I knew, deep down, that it was him who I really wanted.

Then I kissed him and it tore me apart. The thought of losing him ripped at me, burning at my body like acid, slowly destroying me inch by inch. I wasn't ready to lose him. I didn't know him for long back then, but he'd gotten under my skin even as an enemy, a frenemy, and finally a friend. No, he was more than just a friend.

He was everything to me before I even knew what everything was.

FLASH!

My birthday gift was a necklace I had lost, a present from Stefan, and Damon still went through hell and back to get it for me. I could see it on his face that it hurt to do that, to be that close to me when it was his brother that I was in love with, and it was then that I realized just what those feelings building up inside of me were. I was falling for him, I realized, and there was nothing I could do to prevent it.

I didn't want to prevent it. Loving him felt safe, in a way. I always knew I was safe with him. Even when he claimed I was nothing to him, he was still by my side, protecting me, caring for me, cherishing me in his own special way.

And when he took me down to the party and all eyes were on us, I couldn't have been happier. I was supposed to be sad due to my then-boyfriend being gone, yet I was happy and it was all because of Damon. He knew how to bring out the best of me, make me laugh in the worst of times, get me to have fun when all I wanted to do was curl into a fetal position and cry.

He just had that effect on people, especially on me, and I loved him for it.

FLASH!

The porch kiss.

He said he wasn't sorry for it, as though possible remorse would mean something. I remained quiet and when he stepped away, my lips instinctively reached back for his, craving one more peck, one more touch to make sure it was all real and not just a daydream, but he just walked away with a simple: "Goodbye."

I wanted more. I needed more. Stefan was an amazing kisser and an even better boyfriend, but Damon…

Damon was something else. He topped them all. Whatever my previous boyfriends did, he could do it better, sexier, with more passion and devotion than anyone else. He wouldn't hesitate to cross all lines and break all rules for me, because he cared so much, and even when I wanted to hate him for it, I couldn't when all I could see was a man so desperately in love he didn't give a damn about anything but the object of his affection that just so happened to be me.

I ravished in it. It felt good to be loved like that, and even better when I realized that I was just as willing to go all lengths for him. For our love, for what we had because it was the most real and most beautiful thing I have ever experienced in my short life.

FLASH!

Stefan thought that I had feelings for Damon and he was right.

That didn't stop me from initiating the kiss and pretending to be indecisive. I think a part of me refused to acknowledge what everyone figured out a long time ago, that I was in too deep when it came to my love for Damon. For me he was still that bad boy whom I just so happened to love, rotten to the core and merciless and cruel, yet at the same time so sweet and forbidden that he was basically begging for me to choose him.

FLASH!

I made the wrong choice. I left him to die alone, chose to go back to the guy I pretended to love because that's all it was by now: pretending. I knew no one would approve, so I went along with it, played my part almost perfectly, neglecting the one person that needed me the most.

He thought he was dying and I left him all alone. I will never forgive myself for telling Matt to turn back. I should've gone forward, ran to Damon, took him into my arms and comforted him in what he thought would be his final moments.

God, I was such a bitch.

FLASH!

I wanted to dance with him. So we danced, and then we did more than just dance. And the morning after and later that day we danced in our own way. And even after I found out I was sired, I still wanted to dance with him. That's how much I knew it was real, all of it.

FLASH!

I finally made the right choice and after all this time we danced properly, all the way just like we always wanted, free to be ourselves, relieved from all judgment. None of it mattered anymore. We were just us: a couple madly in love, hot for each other, passionate and wildly lustful.

FLASH!

There were kisses and more dances, and kisses, and fights, but in the end we've overcome it all because we're just that powerful. We're strong when we're apart, but make an unstoppable force when we're together and that's what makes us work.

FLASH!

Car door opening. Seatbelt fastening. Hands gripping tightly. An explosion. Sudden surge of pain and then there was nothing but pitch black, pure, nightmarish darkness. All I kept thinking about was him, if he was going to be okay, hoping to see him soon and kiss him to make sure he was never leaving me, not again, not after all this time, not now that we've found each other and made right choices.

FLASH!

He was supposed to be there. Where was he? I felt dread overcome me as I looked around, hopelessly searching for any sign of him, a scent, a movement, a sound, anything to let me know that he was here.

But there was nothing. And I had to leave all alone, leave him behind because I had no other choice, and it hurt so fucking much.

FLASH!

Hands gripped me as I cried and begged to be left alone, demanding to see him because he was my life and I was lost without him. This wasn't supposed to happen! I should have waited for him; he should've been there with me, right by my side just like he always was.

Yet he wasn't.

So I cried, and cried, and cried until my eyes ran out of tears, my body a broken, trembling mess an inch away from falling apart. I never should have let her touch me; I should have stood my ground and waited for him.

FLASH!

Rain. Clouds. Downpour. Kisses. Promises.

"Promise me this is forever."

"I promise."

He promised me, I thought, my emotionless face growing sadder by the second as memories flashed, and flashed, and flashed, one after another.

"Elena? Are you okay?"

Damon's concerned voice brought me back to reality. I gulped, and then took a deep breath in an attempt to calm down. He was looking at me, his hands on my cheeks to make sure my eyes stayed on his so he could be sure I was alright.

I remembered the pain when he was gone, desperation that drove me over the edge, every day without him ripping a piece of me off like an old, worn-out cloth. Even those illusions of him I had forced myself to indulge into didn't feel real. Nothing could ever feel real enough, no hallucination, no vision; nothing could replace the real, living and breathing Damon that I had with me right now, Damon that I wanted to stay with forever and never leave his side.

What have I done?

"It started to rain and I made you promise this is forever," I said, tears of joy clouding my vision as I remembered our recent talk about what was the most beautiful night of my life, and he lied to protect me and ended up hurting himself, again, for my sake, because he could never be selfish when it came to me. "And you promised."

Realization dawned on him in the form of a smile equaling my own, his hands reaching for mine and giving a strong grip that would, have I happened to be human, surely have crushed my bones.

"You remember," he stated, his voice barely above a whisper.

"I broke the promise." Words came out of my mouth before I had time to think them through and in a second his arms were around me. I leaned my head against his shoulder, sobbing into his shirt, both sad and happy at the same time, and also mad at myself for all the pain I put him through when he had always tried his hardest to be there for me and I knew he'd never, ever choose to forget me. Not because he told me that, no – but because I know him.

He loved me so much that he'd rather hurt than erase memories of me from existence. God, what a heartless bitch I was.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, my words muffled by the soft fabric of his shirt my mouth was pressed against. "I'm so, so sorry. I never should have forgotten us."

"You don't have to apologize," Damon said softly, placing a small kiss to my hair.

"I do. God, what was I thinking?" I let out another sob before continuing: "I will make it up to you, I promise. I love you Damon. I love you so much!"

"I love you, too."

"We'll be forever," I continued. I already imagined us in future far away, still together and very much in love. The mere thought brought a small smile to my anguished face.

"We will," he confirmed. He cupped my face and lightly pecked my lips, just enough to give me a taste of what would surely ensue later this night. "Merry Christmas, Elena."

"Merry Christmas, Damon."

Neither of us could have gotten a better Christmas present. The future was looking bright and I couldn't wait to share it with the man I loved.

Hope you liked it!

I would like to say a huge thank you in advance to everyone who reads, favorites, and/or reviews this!