Liquid Blue

Chapter 1

"Rude Awakening"

Sleep was fleeting at Skyhold. Miriana honestly felt that she slept more on the road than she did at home because always someone needed something from her. Being a leader, she had decided some time ago, was a highly rewarding pain in the ass. She loved it but she loved having a life as well. Not that she had any hope of having a life, such as it was, within the confines of the Circle but just to be allowed to sleep a few hours without some catastrophic emergency would be nice.

So far, the night had proven exactly what she had craved but her deep slumber would not last long.

BANG BANG BANG!

"Go 'way! I'm sleepin'!" she mumbled from under layers upon layers of heavy bedding. Despite the fire burning happily in its stone fireplace, the room was cold and she was reluctant to emerge from her nest.

BANG BANG BANG!

"FUCK! I said 'go away 'cause I'm sleepin'! Your Inquisitor orders you to…"

The next "knock" was the sound of her door being thrust open by a booted foot and the sound of people forcing their way into her rooms. Miriana panicked and prepared a spell that would do little damage but freeze her possible assailants in place. Then she recognized Cassandra. Her hand fell back to her side as the two guards with her gently dropped a comatose man onto her bed.

Cassandra lit an oil lamp and carried it to display the haggard face of the pale, drawn man Miriana had come to love in recent months and she gasped. "Cullen! Maker's breath, what happened to him?"

"Nightmares I suspect," Cassandra said softly. "The guard found him in a snow bank, wandering, shouting at- things. They tried to talk to him but he put up a fight and before passing out. Solas said he needs rest, time and gentleness. Warm clothes, food and quiet were not on that list but I am adding it. He is temporarily relieved of duty, as are you, Inquisitor, until he passes this phase of his recovery."

Miriana threw the sheets from her body, scrambled out of bed and into a robe since her choice for bed clothing tended toward "none." The guards noticed as did Cassandra but where the guards carefully ignored her, Cassandra did not. "You have become more fit since we first met. Good. Soft leaders do not lead long. Keep that in mind."

"What do you mean that I am relieved? The Inquisition cannot run itself!" Miriana complained as she began an assessment of Cullen's condition. He was wearing a pair of very thin, red-striped blue sleep pants and a white linen shirt. He was soaked and shivering, lips and fingers a ghastly shade of blue-white. She pushed him up and started pulling the shirt off of him with Cassandra's help.

"You and the Commander have been granted leave for a few days to deal with his lyrium withdrawals. It is necessary. You understand him, you love him and he trusts you. I trust you. If he is to recover from this, he will need you and he will recover faster away from his duties. Do you understand?"

Miriana looked across the prone man's chest at Cassandra and frowned. "So you'll be down both your Commander and your Inquisitor. How wise is that?"

"It happens from time to time regardless when he is called away while you're off on missions. We will make do as needed. You and the Commander will not shirk your duties entirely, of course. We have made arrangements for you and him to spend time in Ferelden at a cabin on a lake not far from his family home where you will do paperwork as needed but the immediate demands of the Inquisition will be handled by the rest of us. If, however, we have a desperate need for you, we will get in contact. Rest assured, the Inquisition will not be entirely without you or him."

Miriana nodded reluctantly as she pulled the soaked pants from him. His feet were puckered, frigid to the touch and pale blue. She used a touch of fire magic to warm them and was rewarded by a happy pink flush that made them look normal again. As she warmed his feet, she tried not to look at his ample genitalia as it rested against his muscular thighs. It was the first time she had seen a naked man in quite some time and it stirred something within her, especially since this was him.

Miriana looked up at Cassandra after she wrapped Cullen in a heavy, incredibly soft alpaca-fleece blanket. He was delirious, muttering with his eyes half-lidded, heavy black circles beneath them and his breathing shallow. His state was quite terrifying to anyone who didn't know what he was enduring. "I see. And when are we to leave?"

"Tomorrow. Pack whatever necessities you require but the cabin, donated by a man who owes us much, should be fully furnished. You only need the most basic of personal items. Cullen's departure, including his belongings will be managed by my select, hand-picked team. None will know of his problems save those present now and none will speak of it." She looked back at the guard and muttered, "Are we clear?" They nodded.

Miriana walked into her well-appointed bathroom where her huge marble tub was and turned the knob for the hot water and added cold water until the bath was tolerable but hot. During renovations, the dwarven builders Josephine hired had installed basic plumbing into the keep for most guest suites, the kitchen, all public privies and most importantly, her own rooms. It was an expensive but greatly welcome luxury, even if the pipes did sometimes freeze or groan when air got into them.

Back in the bedroom, Cassandra watched her dispassionately. "You're the only one who can help him through this the proper way. To the rest of us he will fight like a demon himself to prove he's fine and fall on his face in the process. If he is to succeed in this, he needs someone he can show his worst side to. It won't be easy, Inquisitor. He'll be violent, short-tempered, and desperate for lyrium, sometimes not even aware of anything he is doing or saying. Expect a great, overpowering thirst that no normal beverage can quench. And if you're expecting to sleep, forget it. His nightmares will keep you both awake. Then there are the headaches… Solas has created a tea from several herbs and oils that will help with that. He warns me that it is foul. If you must, force him to drink it because he assures me that it will help. There is a night version as well that may help with the nightmares but I fear it will mimic lyrium's ability to create a mental fog. He must learn to deal with his memories as they return to him."

Miriana nodded. "How long will this take? Help me get him into the tub," Miriana told Cassandra, her chin held high. The Seeker nodded and together, they lifted the big man, now nude, from the bed and hauled him to the hot water waiting him in the tub.

"I don't know. Each person who quits taking lyrium by choice suffers at a different pace than others. Some who go through this particular phase can take from a few days to a few weeks. I wish I had a better answer… He is heavy!" Cassandra remarked. It took the combined effort of both women and a guard to slide the muscular commander into the steaming bath. Miriana pulled her robe closed, tied it at her waist and smiled at the guards before flipping her fingers at them. "Show's over, boys. Begone." She sat down on the edge of the tub and looked up at the Seeker. "What time should we be up tomorrow, Cassandra?"

"When you are ready, we will be ready. We will wake you around mid-morning and leave Cullen's armor outside the bedroom. Just ensure that Cullen can walk on his own first." Miriana nodded but just as she was about to reply, Cullen started to stir and struggled in the tub. She laid her fingers on his shoulder reassuringly. "Until tomorrow, Inquisitor. Ah, have a good sleep. If he allows it," she said, her eyes on the dazed man sitting in the marble tub. With that, Cassandra turned on her heel and left, her guards following in her wake.

Miriana turned back to the tub where Cullen was starting to flail, his motions sending hot water sloshing onto the floor. It was as if he was fighting something only he could see, his hands swinging an unknown weapon at some monstrous assailant in his mind. He was terrified of it, whatever it was. The mage reached out to him, called his name and was unexpectedly hauled into the tub, her hands pushing against his chest as he used his strength to overpower her. "Cullen! Stop!" she gasped as he cried out curses at his demonic nightmare visage.

He wasn't looking at her but rather through her. She was just in the way, standing between himself and his goal. "It must die! I have to- I have to destroy it before it hurts the Inquisitor! My heart… I mustn't let her be harmed!" he cried.

"Cullen, enough! I'm fine! I'm here!" she replied, clinging tightly to him, her head barely above water as he struggled against her.

"No! You're one of them, an illusion to stop me! I know magic! I know this is the Fade! I must save Miriana! Maker, please, my love, be alright…" he pleaded, shoving her back down into the bath, water covering her head. Thankfully, Miriana had grown up around water and could swim as easily as she could do magic. She pushed upwards, avoiding his hands as she fought for air. Her head broke the water's bubbly surface and she filled her lungs with a loud gasp. She realized that she would have to use magic against him but loathed the idea, especially knowing what he endured in the Fereldan Circle and later, Kirkwall. There must be another way…

After borrowing precious seconds to think, Miriana realized that she had one trick she could use that would be non-invasive and harmless against him: she would enter his nightmare through her connection with the Fade and speak to him, wake him up, release him from the talons of the lyrium-deprived dreamscape he had been sucked into.

She discovered a hidden reservoir of physical strength that she tapped and used to shove him against the back of the tub and straddle his stomach. He fought her, kicking and shoving at her with his big hands but she held strong as she touched her forehead to his and then reached out to his fractured mind.

*I'm here, Cullen. I'm fine. Just open your eyes and you will see. I am warm and safe, in your arms if you reach out and wrap them around me. Please, open your eyes. Look at me. See me. Touch me. I'm here…* He was skeptical at first but he stopped struggling and soon, he relaxed and began to breathe normally once more. His eyes fluttered open and met her violet gaze, seeing her for the first time. She touched his cheek with her fingertips and smiled sweetly at him through the soaked tendrils of her hair.

He reached up and caressed her face with his hands before kissing her lips softly. A moment later, he crushed her to him, holding her against as he wept hoarsely into her shoulder, his arms firm around her body. "Maker, I am so, so sorry. I could have drowned you! Forgive me. Wait… How did I get here?"

Miriana pulled back a little with a tender smile, her arms loose around his shoulders, the robe clinging to her body like second, nearly transparent skin and floating behind her in the warm water. Cullen was politely averting his gaze though he couldn't help but take small peeks. "Cassandra brought you here in the hopes that I could find a way to help you through this. Warming up now?" she asked as he swirled the water with his hands. "Fingers still good? Toes? You were apparently out in the snow for a bit. The guards found you and brought you to Cass who brought you to me. You and I are on vacation as of now."

"'Vacation?' You mean Cassandra finally relieved me of duty…" he said softly, disappointment in his voice.

She patted his shoulder. "Not exactly; you'll have work to do just not here. It will only be for a few days, couple weeks at most. And it isn't just you, it's me as well because you really do need me. I'm under orders to keep you stress-free and help get you through the worst of the withdrawals. I've been researching Lyrium addiction so I have an idea of what to expect. Had you ever hallucinated in your sleep like this before?"

"To the point where I was bumbling about in my bedclothes in the snow? No. I feel like such a fool…" he murmured as he leaned back in the tub, his eyes closed for a moment. "We can avoid all of this if I just start using the lyrium again…" he said, his eyes hungry as he looked at her.

Miriana pushed away from him and crossed her arms against her chest. "No, no and more no! You are not using lyrium again, ever again. You don't want that, you know you don't! How can you believe that for a moment I would allow you to go back on this decision? You know what you're doing and you know why you're doing it!"

"But the needs of the Inquisition must come first! My- condition- is taking me away from my duties and I swore if it ever came to that I would either relieve myself of duty or start taking it again. This should not involve you."

She leaned forward and covered his mouth with hers, kissing him softly. "But it does and I'm fine with that. I want to help you, Cullen. We're together now, you aren't alone. You will never be alone again, not in this or in anything else. We can work this out, you and I. We just have to trust each other. Beloved, let me help you, please."

His eyes fluttered open and he nodded slowly. "You have faith in me where I struggle to believe that breaking free of these blue chains is possible. But if you believe in me then maybe I can believe in me as well. I can do this, I think."

"I know you can do this. Maybe you need some help, tough guy, even if you won't admit it but that's why I'm here."

"So, this, ah, vacation… Where will we be going?"

Miriana smiled and rested her hands on his chest. She only now realized where she was sitting, her legs spread on either side of his lower stomach. She could feel the heat of his groin beneath her bottom, not quite under it but almost. His skin, however, was in firm contact with her lady bits, the folds spread wide and flush with his strong, muscular body. They were flesh to flesh and she liked it. She had to clear her throat to speak as heat colored her pale skin. "There's a, ah, a cabin not far from the lake you brought me to a few weeks ago. Remember? The Bann there owes the Inquisition apparently and Josie is calling on favors to let us stay there until you're no longer risking hypothermia or sleep walking."

He reached out and touched her face with his fingertips. "This is very distracting, madam. You are very distracting. Oddly enough, I only just realized we are both naked. It's not unpleasant, actually." he chuckled, his own cheeks flushed pink.

"You're naked, ser! I am wearing a robe," she pointed out with a little chuckle.

"Is that so? I can't tell," he grinned, his eyes determinedly on hers, trying to avert his gaze and clearly failing.

She laughed and splashed water on his face before rising to her feet and stepping out of the tub. In his struggles, a great deal of water had exited the tub and now pooled on the mosaic tiles on the floor. "You made a mess, Cullen," she chided as she looked over her shoulder at him and peeled her soaked robe off. The commander gasped as his eyes widened, her beautiful, toned body filling his gaze and making his mind wander. "I'm glad you approve," she laughed as she wrapped herself in a plush towel.

He got his long legs under him and pushed himself out of the tub unsteadily. Miriana was there to help him as soon as he got back on his feet. He grimaced at her in his shame but she ignored it, her only goal to be where he needed her to be. With one arm around his waist and the hand of her left clutching her towel to her breasts, she helped him exit the tub. He pulled the stopper out with his toes before leaving it completely. "I did slosh out a lot of water, didn't I?"

"I hope the next time we make a mess like this it's for the right reasons," she chuckled as she handed him a towel just like hers but a soft shade of blue. She placed two more towels on the floor to soak up the water and pushed them around with her foot while he blinked down at her.

"What? Oh… You mean…? In the…?" he stammered, awed that she would suggest making love in the bath.

"Maybe. Something to think about, yes? Could be fun." She held his hand as they exited the bathroom and entered her darkened bedroom. "I wonder what time we'll be awakened? I am desperate for sleep," she said as though thinking out loud and drew him to the bed where she gently pushed him into a seated position. Just as his hands reached out for her waist, she turned, leaving him watching after her and uncertain about everything.

Miriana dug through a drawer, looking for something to wear and found it; a long wispy negligee in pale purple that flowed around her graceful curves the way smoke drifts around a smoldering coal and nearly as transparent. The twin points of reddish-brown that marked the nipples of her pert, upturned breasts caught and held his attention as they swayed with her every step. If he looked lower, he could see the auburn shadow that marked the finely-trimmed hair of her pubis. He could tell the color even through the hazy lavender fabric. The neckline itself was cut daringly low, trimmed in delicate lace and nearly displaying the whole of her cleavage. As it was, the nearly-sheer fabric left nothing to his imagination and rather enhanced her ethereal beauty.

His voice caught in his throat as he tried to say something along the lines of, "You're beautiful" or anything equally flattering and failed in the attempts. All he could do was stare at her.

"Are you alright?" she asked him as she approached the bed.

He nodded numbly. "It's been a few years since I saw a woman dressed like you are. Or undressed as it were. I'm awestruck, I'm afraid. I've never seen anything or anyone more beautiful in my life. Do you mind that I'm, ah, that I'm looking? Should I avert my eyes? Maker, this is embarrassing…" He grabbed the sheet then as he realized his body was reacting to the splendorous vision before him.

"Don't hide your arousal on my account; I'm flattered," she said with a smile as she climbed into the massive bed, a Free-Marcher four-post style with luxurious crimson and white sheets and thick, warm quilt of rich burgundy covering the whole of it. She also had two soft, heavy blankets, one of plush wool and the other made of the fleece of an alpaca. The bed was covered by a dark red canopy and curtains that could be untied and closed for privacy as needed though she never had.

She was laying in the bed beside him, only her hard nipples covered by the bodice of her gown as her breasts spread across her chest, her arms above her head. Cullen looked down at her and dared himself to touch her. She smirked up at him, her eyes dancing in the pale lamp light. If he touched her, he wasn't certain if he could trust himself not to go further but she was there, inviting his gaze, inviting his caress.

He supported himself on his left elbow while his eyes slid down her body, tasting her with his mind and imagining himself embracing her, slowly fucking her until neither of them could hold back their desire for release. That was how he liked to make love; slow and steady with a lot of teasing, licking and touching before entering his lover's body and finishing with loud cries and moans as they gave into the rapture.

So he reached out with his fingers and lightly grazed her body with them, skimming her silk-draped stomach, drifting over her pubic region and up over her breasts, where he lingered, teasing and stroking her hard pleasure points. She sighed softly, her eyes closed. "Mmm… You're very good at this…touching…thing." She opened her eyes at him dreamily. "I don't have the energy to make love but if you want to touch my body like you're doing now, I wouldn't complain." He smiled and slowly kissed her mouth, his lips lingering on her chin and neck, slowly worked their way down to her breasts where he used his mouth and tongue, sucking on her hard nipples through the fine fabric. Then his hand moved lower between her thighs and with his fingers he entered her and fondled her clitoris until she was arching her back and clutching at the sheets.

Miriana had never met a man who could, using only his mouth and fingers, thrill her to the point of orgasm with no expectation of reciprocation from her. She sang her exaltation out into the room, each ripple of pleasure from his glorious manipulations forcing her voice louder and louder until she flopped back against the pillow, spent and exhausted, labored breathing coming out low and soft. "Maker's breath, Cullen, where did you learn to do that?"

He grinned and pulled her into his arms. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Let's just say that I had a good teacher while I was in Kirkwall who thought I might need to know how women like to be touched and leave it at that. I made the foolish mistake of starting to fall for her and could never show my face at the Rose again."

"She was a courtesan?" Miriana asked him softly.

"Ah, yes… You might say she was."

"My first time was with a Templar named Jonah Hetchinson. You might have known him, actually. He was sent to Kirkwall because he deflowered young mages, male and female alike, with the regularity of a bee pollinating blossoms. He even got more than a few impressionable young women pregnant. Thankfully, I was warned so when he took me, I was prepared for everything that might come to pass- and then used it against him."

Cullen stared at her with wide eyes at first before drawing his brows together in a deep frown. "Knight Templar Jonah Hetchinson was a damned pervert! Yes, I do remember him! He tried the same crap in our own circle and I put an end to it! Stopped him in his tracks before he could ruin another apprentice's life. Why did you allow it to happen if you knew what he was doing?"

She shrugged and stretched, her arms reaching high over her head as she thought back to that day. "He had a sick reputation and I had a vested interest in protecting my fellow mages. I permitted him to think he was seducing me and while he was happily fucking me, several higher-ranked Templars and the First Enchanter entered the room I told them we would be in and they caught him in the act. I trapped him using myself as bait, albeit willingly. He would never have allowed me to get away with it if he had known I was on to him; Ser Jonah liked his mages to be ignorant of the realities of what he was. I was hoping they would kick him from the order entirely but they reassigned him instead. It was so damned frustrating…! I'm happy you stopped him. Where is he?"

Cullen laid back on the bed and drew her against him. "Rotting in a labor camp in Orlais. Most of our mages were not allowed out of their cells and they respected the strict rules we had against fraternization so what he had been freely given at Ostwick, he tried to take by force in Kirkwall. The cries of rape became so numerous that, despite Meredith's refusal to investigate, I investigated anyway and discovered what he was doing. I took his shield and handed him over to the Seekers for judgment. He was found guilty on multiple counts and sentenced to hard labor in an Orlesian quarry that uses prisoners instead of paid workers."

"Good. He got what he deserved then. After him, all my encounters, with Templars or otherwise, were willing and desired. But they were nothing like this, like us. I've never fallen for anyone like I'm falling for you, Cullen. This is a new experience for me."

He kissed her forehead and cuddled her tightly against his chest. "And for me, my lady."

When sleep came for them, it came easily.

…Until the nightmares began in earnest for Cullen…

To be continued