Season of Change

Disclaimer: I own nothing having to do with NCIS Los Angeles or NCIS.

I'M LISTING THIS CHAPTER AS RATED M JUST TO BE SAFE.

Author's note: Scrooge. Yep, that's who I feel like right now – maybe that's where this came from. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy the way Humbug turned out. I agree with some comments I've read that maybe it was too soon, or a little too easy. Nothing is ever easy with these two crazy kids, though, is it? What if Humbug would have gone down and continued like this…

Kensi had fretted from the second she agreed to go snowboarding with Deeks. Her stomach was in knots. She knew she and Deeks had something special, but she was so afraid of it going any further. She knew it was selfish of her to expect Deeks to keep waiting for her to be ready when she honestly didn't know if she ever would be. Even he had reservations after she came back from Afghanistan, although she knew it had more to do with Angelo than anything else. He was just working through it. She sensed he was getting closer to giving their thing another go and it was scaring the hell out of her. In her confused state she had decided maybe it was best if they just stayed friends and partners. It hurt, but she thought there was no other way. Now, as he took her hands in his and guided her around the rink, she just had to tell him. Before she could start, he let her go and she grabbed the rail to stop herself.

"Come here!" She called after him as he skated off, leaving her along the railing. "Deeks!"

He swooped back in, skidding to a halt in front of her. He looked at her with those beautiful blue eyes she gets lost in, which made it even harder for her to begin. She just stared back, not able to speak.

"What's going on? You're freaking me out," he asked her anxiously.

She looked at her feet for a second, taking a breath. "Oh my gosh. Um… Deeks, uh…about Mammoth and snowboarding. After thinking about it, I… I don't think I'm gonna be able…actually, I don't think I should go," she stammered.

"What? But why?" Deeks asked, shocked.

She shook her head and smiled sweetly up at him, "I can't do this anymore, Deeks."

"You can't do what, Kensi?" He asked, completely lost as to why she was acting like this.

"Us, Deeks. You're my partner, my best friend. I can't tell you how much that means…how much you mean to me. I can't lose that, Deeks." She blew out a breath and then looked away from him.

Deeks stood there looking at her. "Why would you lose that by going snowboarding with me?"

"It's not just that. I mean our thing…if I go with you, we are going to be tempted… It will just complicate things, Deeks. I know you think the same thing. I know I asked you to be patient with me…and, and you have been. Maybe a little too patient," she chuckled then, but there was no humor in it. She looked him in the eyes again. He just shook his head slowly, not understanding where this was coming from.

"Kens, I'm sorry if I seem to have been dragging my feet, but please believe me when I tell you...I am all in with you. Yes, it will be complicated. Don't you think it'll be worth it, though?" Deeks questioned softly.

"Not if it doesn't work out, Deeks. Like I said, I can't lose you. I need you in my life and if...if this," she motioned between themselves, "if this gets messed up...if we screw it up by becoming more than what we are right now and it doesn't work, then what?"

"What if this is not enough for me, Kens? What about me? Don't my feelings count, too?" He asked, fighting the hurt and anger he was feeling.

She shook her head slowly, "I'm sorry, Deeks. I...I just can't, okay?" She pleaded with him.

"Don't do this to me, Kens. Please," Deeks looked at her, hoping she would change her mind. She looked at him one last time before turning and pulling herself along the railing to the opening at the edge of the rink. "Please, Kensi!" Deeks called after her.

She sat down on the bench and began pulling her skates off. She glanced up at him quickly before turning back to pull on her boots. She straightened her jeans down over her boots and then looked back to Deeks. He was gone. She scanned the crowd on the ice but he was nowhere to be found. She sighed. As she sat there she noticed Sam and his whole family laughing and having a good time. Over in the corner, Joelle seemed to be giving G a second chance. Kensi smiled softly, glad that maybe Callen had finally found someone.

Deeks sat in his truck. He slammed his hand on the steering wheel in frustration. He leaned his head back and thought about everything. His head was spinning and his chest hurt. Just then he saw Kensi walking to her SRX down the street. She was walking slowly, her hands in her coat pockets. He could tell she was upset, too. He took a deep breath and held it, then let it out slowly. She got in and drove away. He pulled his cell out and dialed a number, then started his truck and headed for his apartment.

Later that evening Deeks decided to go see Kensi. He drove to her apartment. As he was pulling in he saw her getting in a cab. She was wearing a dress and heels. She hadn't seen him. The cab pulled away and Deeks decided to follow, hoping maybe she had a change of heart and had gotten all dressed up for him, but that didn't make sense because she knew he should be on his way to Mammoth.

That point was proven quickly when the cab headed in the opposite direction of Deeks' place. Curious now and more than a little upset, he continued to follow. The cab wound its way through traffic to a club downtown. He knew this place. Nell had admitted to Deeks some time ago that this was where Kensi always used to come when she was looking for a date for the night. That was before she and Deeks got close and started spending all their time together. His heart sank. Apparently she was wasting no time at all in getting some random guy to take her back to his place to work out all the pent up tension. He couldn't let that happen. He found a place to park where he could keep an eye on the door.

It was just over an hour later when he saw Kensi come out. She was hanging on the arm of some guy. As luck would have it, they were walking right towards Deeks. He slowly got out of his truck and waited for them to get closer. As they approached he could hear the guy telling Kensi what he was going to do to her when they got back to his place. Kensi just leaned into his side closer and laughed. He knew this was how Kensi acted before they became partners, but he had never witnessed it. He was no angel before either, but this was not easy for him seeing her this way.

They were very close to him now.

Deeks stepped out from his truck.

"Kensi? What are you doing?" He asked as he reached out to her.

"Who the hell are you?" Kensi's companion yelled at him. "Get your hands off my date. And her name is Kelly, asshole!"

Deeks looked at Kensi. She wouldn't meet his gaze. "Kensi, why are you doing this? This is not who you are!"

She looked at him finally, and for a moment Deeks thought she was going to tell the guy to get lost, but then she did the unthinkable. "My name is Kelly, you must be mistaking me for somebody else."

Deeks grabbed her arm. "Kensi, I don't know what you think you're doing, but you're making a big mistake. Please don't do this. Please."

Deeks was so torn about seeing Kensi like this he didn't see the punch coming until it was too late. The guy she was with had a nasty right, and it fully connected with the corner of Deeks' mouth. Immediately he could taste blood. The hit stunned him and he let go of Kensi's arm.

She gasped, her eyes were wide as she watched Deeks stumble and hold his jaw. It was the same jaw Sidorov had rearranged for him. The same jaw Kensi had punched him in.

"I told you to keep your hands to yourself, prick. Now get the hell out of here before I really beat your ass!" Kensi's date grabbed her arm and pulled her to him. As they walked away from Deeks he heard him say to her, "Come on sweetheart, let's get you home and out of that dress."

Deeks rubbed his jaw and spat a mouthful of blood at the curb. He thought about approaching them again, but decided against it. Kensi had made her choice clear to him. He climbed back in his truck, pulled his cell out and dialed.

"Het...Hetty? Sorry to bother you this late. Can...can we talk? Great. I'll meet you at the boatshed in twenty minutes then. Thanks."

He ran his hand through his hair and started the truck. He drove away and didn't look back.

Kensi let her date open the passenger side door for her and she slipped into the seat. She tried to focus on him, but all she kept seeing was the hurt in Deeks' eyes when he realized what she was doing. He wasn't supposed to be there. She was angry that he had followed her. Obviously he had or he wouldn't have known where she was. He should have been well on his way to Mammoth by now. Why couldn't he just leave it be? He was so determined and stubborn.

The driver's side door opened, breaking her train of thought. She looked to the man who slid into the seat next to her. He was smiling, his eyes roaming up and down her body. She smiled back weakly.

"What's the matter, baby, did I scare you back there when I punched that loser?"

She tried to think of something to say, but nothing came to mind that made sense. Paul, at least she thinks that's what he said his name was, started the car and pulled out of the lot.

As they drove she couldn't stop thinking about Deeks. He deserved someone better than her. She was too messed up. Why couldn't he see that? Why couldn't he just be happy being her partner, having her back at work and doing things together as friends away from work?

"You okay over there, sweetie?" Paul asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Kensi replied, starting to get a little annoyed at the pet names Paul was using.

Paul reached over and put his hand on her leg. Kensi tensed a bit, not expecting his touch.

"Calm down, babe. You're really wound up tight, aren't you?" Paul chuckled.

His hand slid down to the hem of her dress slowly. His fingers moved from the fabric to her skin. She glanced over at him. He was looking at her, a huge grin on his face. When she did nothing to stop him, he let his fingers trail down lower to the inside of her thigh. She took a breath. She thought this was what she needed. Some random guy to work her over in bed to help release the stress. It was what she had always done before, although she always felt like shit after. All the first dates. It was just sex. It meant nothing, and usually she was more frustrated afterward due to the fact that the men she picked up only cared about themselves. She'd end up taking care of herself later.

She blew the breath out she was holding as Paul's fingers slid the hem of her dress higher up her thigh. She closed her eyes and she heard Paul groan a little as he got closer to what he was after. Encouraged by the lack of resistance, Paul pulled the dress up the rest of the way quickly and began working his fingers under her thin panties. Deeks popped into her mind again and she gasped slightly. Paul grunted, thinking her reaction was to what he was doing to her.

Kensi began breathing heavier, but not with desire for Paul. She was remembering that one night she and Deeks had shared before she was sent away. How gentle he had been with her. How much he showed he cared about her, not worrying about his own needs at all, but only wanting to please her. Not even Jack had given her that much attention. Paul was getting dangerously close to hitting her little bundle of nerves at this point. In that split second before his fingers found the spot she realized how very wrong this was.

"Stop!" She yelled as she grabbed his hand and pulled it out from between her legs.

"What's wrong, baby?" Paul asked, confused. "I just wanted to get you warmed up a bit before we get to my place," he reasoned with her.

She shook her head from side to side. "No, it's not gonna happen! I'm making a mistake being here with you. Stop the car." Kensi exclaimed.

"Kelly, come on, babe! I'm ready to go here," he pointed at the tent he was pitching in his Dockers.

"No, uh-uh. Stop the car right now. Let me out!" Kensi said forcefully.

"We're almost to my place, sweetheart. Believe me, it won't be a mistake. You'll be begging me for mercy once you feel my- Fuck that hurts! What the hell are you doing, you crazy bitch?! Let go!" Paul all but screamed as Kensi squeezed his family jewels through his pants.

"I said stop the car and let me out. Do it. Now! Or these are coming with me when I leave," she said very calmly. He looked at her as she leaned towards him. He saw the fierceness in her eyes and immediately pulled to the side of the street.

"Okay, okay! Here, I'm stopping!" He cried as he put the car in park.

She let go of him and opened her door. Without a word or look back she got out and slammed it shut, walking back the way they had come. Paul yelled some derogatory remark at her as he pulled away, spinning the tires as he went.

Kensi straightened her dress and pulled her cell phone out. She dialed Deeks' number. She needed to fix this, and quickly.

"Come on, Deeks...please pick up," she willed him to answer. After several rings it kicked to voicemail. "Dammit," she muttered under her breath.

She tried again with the same result. It was ringing so that meant his phone was on. Then it dawned on her maybe he was on the phone with somebody else, or maybe he was trying to call her. She kept walking, waiting for him to call her back. The call never came. She didn't think he would ignore her call, but maybe what she had been about to do was too much for him.

She saw a cab approaching and she flagged it down. She gave the driver her address and tried Deeks' number again. This time it did go straight to voicemail. She sat there watching traffic as the cabbie drove her back to her apartment. The whole way there she was worried sick she had ruined any chance at all of working through her fears with Deeks. She couldn't believe how stupid she had been to not see it all along. She belonged with Deeks. The look on his face, especially when she told him he was mistaking her for somebody else...she might as well have literally plunged a knife into his heart and twisted it with her own hands. Then she remembered the punch he took. The fact it was the same side of his face Sidorov had mangled, and the one she had punched that one morning when he didn't take the shot, was not lost on her. She hoped he was alright.

Ashamed of herself for what she had almost done, she ran inside once the cab pulled up outside her apartment. She changed quickly into a pair of jeans and a sweater. Pulling her boots on, she ran to her SRX and drove straight to Deeks' place.

"Mr. Deeks, are you sure this is what you want to do?" Hetty asked her liaison again.

Deeks sighed, nodding yes. She looked at the screen where Director Vance was waiting. She nodded her acceptance.

"Detective Deeks, we look forward to your arrival. Someone will meet you at the airport. If I had to guess I would say it will be Ms. Sciuto. We'll see you when you get here." Vance nodded off screen and it went black.

"Thanks, Hetty. I appreciate this," Deeks said quietly.

She took a deep breath before looking at him, "I'm sorry this has happened, Mr. Deeks. I thought for sure you two would have figured things out by now."

Deeks huffed out a small, humorless laugh. "One would think so, yeah?" He looked at his boss, pursing his lips before looking away. He nervously brushed his hand through his hair. "Well, I better get to the airport. Thanks again for pulling some strings and getting me on that flight."

She smiled up at him, "You're quite welcome, Mr. Deeks. Enjoy your time in DC, we'll see you back here in a few days."

Deeks laughed genuinely this time. "Merry Christmas, Hetty," he offered as he walked towards the door.

"Merry Christmas, Mr. Deeks," she waved after him as he left.

She sighed, pulling Deeks' apartment keys out of her pocket. She promised him she would take care of Monty. She figured now was as good a time as any to go pick him up. She made the drive to his apartment in short order, noticing the SRX pass in the other direction. She was positive that it was Kensi. She smiled at the thought. Apparently Mr. Deeks had gotten through to her after all and she had abandoned her "date". She almost felt bad for the woman. She knew Ms. Blye would spend the next four days or so looking for her partner, wanting to make things right with him. Monday morning would be interesting to say the least.

She unlocked Deeks' door and stepped inside. She reached out and flipped the light switch. Monty came running. She rubbed the dog behind his ears.

"You'll be staying with me, Monty. Mr. Deeks has gone away for a while."

Monty barked once and sat down at her feet. Hetty glanced around his apartment quickly, admiring how clean and orderly it was compared to the last time she had been there. That's when she saw his cell phone laying on his coffee table.

"What's this, Mr. Deeks?" She asked incredulously. She shook her head, not happy that he had abandoned his phone. Ms. Blye, she knew, would be calling and texting him all weekend long.

"Bugger," Hetty said aloud. Monty tipped his head at her, as if trying to understand what she was saying. Monday morning was going to be interesting, indeed...

TBC