I woke up at 6am on Christmas morning with this in my head. I think about HP slash too much XD

Blessing

It was the Summer holidays and it was Sirius's first school holiday away from his family. He had run away at Christmas that year and the Potter's had agreed to take him in until school was over. Unfortunately for Sirius, James hadn't told his parents about Sirius's dilemma until a day before the Christmas holidays.

So it was because of this procrastination that James and Sirius found themselves sharing James's bed on the first night of the Summer holidays. Sirius didn't really mind. Anywhere would be better than staying at Grimmauld Place with his horrendous Mother, despicable Father and annoyingly perfect brother.

James snored. That was one thing that got on Sirius's nerves. He snored and he snored and he snored. Sirius grinned to himself as he lay in the darkness. If James was to wake up, Sirius would pretend to snore really loudly – just to give him a taste of his own medicine.

He was positively excited the moment he heard James's snores fade into heavy breathing and then to a steady, normal type of breathing; this meant he was awake. Sirius scrunched his eyes shut and let out a very convincing loud fake-snore.

Then he let out another.

And another.

And then he felt lips press against his own. He was startled. He was unsure what to do. He could pretend to be asleep and ignore it, he could freak out, or he could kiss back. Right now, his mind was telling him to pretend to be asleep, but his body was telling him to kiss back.

And being Sirius, he kissed back. And passionately.

Sure, it felt odd snogging his best friend, but there was an undeniable spark between them when their lips crashed together.

When they broke apart, they stared at each other through the darkness – bewildered.

"I-er- I'm sorry," James mumbled.

"Me too," Sirius replied, feeling awkward. "I love Remus, so..."

"Yes, and I love Lily."

They lay together in silence for a while, the awkwardness polluting the atmosphere. "It was a good kiss," James said suddenly.

"Yeah," Sirius whispered. "But it can't happen again."

"Why?"

Sirius sighed. "James, you're straight."

"Who says," James asked. "Because right now I don't feel very straight."

"You can't just turn gay overnight," Sirius replied. "It's just a curious phase you're going through."

They stayed silent for a while, until James finally spoke up. "You're right."

##

The following night, James's parents had managed to get Sirius a bed. Just as he was dozing off to sleep, he felt the covers pull up and someone slide into the bed next to him – James.

"What are you doing?" Sirius asked, turning around in bed to glare at his best friend.

"I'm not straight."

"Yes, you are," Sirius replied. "You love Lily."

"I loved kissing you last night," James said.

"Me too," Sirius admitted. "But that doesn't change anything."

Before Sirius knew what was happening, James was kissing him again and he felt it was rather rude to not kiss back – at least, that's how he rationalised his reaction to this kiss.

Panting with puffy lips, the boys broke apart, arms and legs entangled around each other's and mussed up hair sticking up in all directions.

"I want you," James whispered.

Sirius sighed. "I want Remus."

"He's straight," James said. "You know that for a fact, and he doesn't love you back. Just like Lily."

"You're straight too, though," Sirius pointed out.

"Not as straight as you think," James sighed, running his hand through his jet-black hair. "I've been having...dreams... about... well, you."

"What kind of dreams?"

"The kind that I can't talk about," James said, blushing.

"Maybe you can... show me some time?"

"Sure."

##

James had slipped into Sirius's bed once more and the snogging session had just finished. It had been more heated than usual - more passionate and more touching.

"Sirius?" James asked, kissing the top of Sirius's head. "Can I speak to you about something?"

"Sure."

"I-um-wondered. Would you like to be, er, together?"

"Together?" Sirius raised an eyebrow.

"Like a couple."

"James," Sirius said quietly. "I see you as my best mate. My brother."

Sirius stopped to think of what he'd just said and then shuddered. "Okay, not my brother. That's just wrong considering the things we just did."

James grinned.

"You don't want to be with me."

"I do," James said. "It's been a whole Summer now, kissing you – being with you in this way. I've realised I love you."

"You...er, you love me?"

"Yes."

"Kiss me, James."

And that was the end of that conversation.

##

It was time to go back to Hogwarts; time for their little secret relationship or whatever they could call it to end. Sirius felt sick thought at the idea of going back.

"You do realise this has to stop, don't you?"

"Why does it have to?"

Sirius looked down and played with the hem of his shirt. "Because you're my best mate and you know since I've been in love with Remus for so long I feel obliged to still love him, even though he doesn't love me back I'd rather have a crush who isn't into me in that way than a friend who I experimented with and fell for – hard, may I add – who got back to school and realised that he was still madly in love with one Lily Evans, and risk getting my heart broken."

"Um, I have no idea what you just said," James replied.

"Never mind," Sirius muttered.

"Sirius, I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Then what is the problem?" James asked. "Are you afraid?"

"I'm afraid we'll get back and you'll take one look at Lily and fall out of love with me."

"That would never happen. I realised what a fool I was."

"Me too," Sirius replied. "Remus would never love me."

"And Lily would never love me."

"But you love me," Sirius stated, blushing slightly.

"Too much."

"Okay," Sirius said. "Maybe we can try this. As long as we promise to stay best friends if all goes badly."

"That would never happen, but I promise," James said with a smile.

"I promise, too."

"How do we seal this promise then, eh, Padfoot?"

Sirius smiled slyly. "Hmm, how about a kiss?"

James didn't need telling twice; his lips were instantly on Sirius's.

The feel of Sirius's lips against his was the only reassurance he needed to know for sure that Sirius was all he ever wanted in life, and for the fact that he had it so young was a blessing.

xXx