THANKS FOR READING MY STORY. I HOPE YOU ENJOY READING IT AS MUCH AS I ENJOYED WRITING IT!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own The Twilight Saga or any of the characters. The Twilight Saga belongs to Stephenie Meyers. I am writing this for fun and have not and will not seek any financial gain for this story.

CHAPTER 1: BREAK ME

The heat of his hands cupping my face seeped through me. I felt a flush bloom over my cheeks and race down my neck. I was afraid. I had been fighting for so long to just not have to choose. Jacob had made it clear that he wanted to be more than friends and if I had not been so selfish, If I had not needed him so desperately I would cut him off and let him move on a long time ago. My heart still longed for Edward and I knew that I could never love Jacob that way. It was wrong to hold on to him the way I did but I could not find the strength to let him go. I had told Jacob a million times that we were just friends. Told him a million different ways that I did not love him the same way he loved me. But I knew that every time I held his hand, every time I laid my head on his chest, every time I hugged him I was saying something different.

There was a piece of my heart that belonged just to him and not matter how small it was I could not wield the knife that cut him out willingly. If I let him kiss me now and rejected him there would be consequences. I could not keep telling him no when he so desperately wanted a yes and think that we would stay friends. He would not abandon be with Victoria still on the loose but he would be bound by honor and not love.

I stared into his eyes and knew this would be the last time he looked at me with love in them. This was goodbye. I wanted to etch this moment in my memory. I tried to get a clear picture of him as he was right now. The way his blue black hair was in slight disarray as if he had been absentmindedly running his hands through it. The way the florescent lights in the kitchen still gave his bronze skin a flattering hue. I would miss his long eyelashes and perfect nose. His big ears that were just right for his head and his plump lips. Lips that spoken so many works of love. Lips that were slightly parted and so near that I could feel his breath against mine.

He hesitated a moment and then ever so gently touched his lips to mine. Not even a kiss really but a touch of his lips as if to gauge my reaction to him being this close. I stayed still hands at my side. He pulled back a bit and looked into my eyes. Whatever he saw there brought his lips back to mine still gently. I closed my eyes as he placed feather light kisses on my bottom lip, my chin and the corner of my mouth.

It was a strange sensation. I had only ever been kissed by Edward and his lips were hard and unyielding. No matter how urgently I kissed him he would never yield to me the way I yielded. There is a measure of both conquest and surrender in a kiss that I had not experienced until I felt Jacobs lips on mine. There are equal parts give and take. With Edward there was only so much he would take no matter how much I was willing to give. I'd wanted him to change me so we could be equals. To balance the scales in our enormously lopsided relationship. But he would not yield and in the end that's what caused him to leave. He would never give into me. No matter how much I loved him it wasn't enough. It had to be his way or not at all. And I had loved him in spite of that hoping that with time I make him see things my way.

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Tears for what could have been with Edward and what would never be with Jacob. Tears because just once I wish Edward would have surrendered to me and let me choose. My heart clenched in my chest as Jacob trailed kisses up my jawline to my earlobe.

He ran his nose up and down the length of my ear of few times before he uttered in a choked whisper "Bella. I love you. I'd do anything. Give anything . Just please Bella. Please. Whatever you're willing to give."

My heart leapt in my throat because a part of me wanted to know what it would feel like to be loved like this. To be loved by Jacob. To surrender to him and have him surrender to me in equal parts. I wanted it so badly that it hurt. I wanted to kiss him until he gave all of himself to me. I wanted to claim as mine once and for all. Could I do it? Could I let Edward go?

I turned my face and kissed Jacob looking for the answer feeling his lips soft yet firm give beneath mine. I kissed him again harder this time and he moaned sliding his hands into my hair and his tongue into my mouth. I wrapped my arms around his waist as our tongues glided over one another my fingers clenching at this t shirt.

Jacob grabbed my upper -arms and started walking me backwards steering me across the kitchen till I bumped into the counter. All the while his lips never left mine. He pressed the length of himself against me and I circled my hips ever so slightly eliciting another moan of pleasure. He knotted his hand in my hair and yanked tipping my head back so he could kiss my neck. It was my turn to moan. I would have been embarrassed if it wasn't for the fact that I knew I was making him feel the exact same way.

I kept waiting for him to stop to pull back and say enough. But this was Jacob and he didn't have to be careful. He wanted me as much as I wanted him and there was no fear here. He would give as much as I wanted and take whatever I gave with no apprehensions. He could grope and squeeze without fear that he would break me and I could nip and pull without fear that I would push him too far. I loved the way he reacted to my touch, the way he leaned into my caress. I loved the way the heat of him enveloped me so completely and made me feel safe.

Breathless he pulled his lips away from mine and rested his forehead against mine. "Tell me you love me." Jacob demanded hungrily still pressing me to the counter.

The words were there in my mouth but I was too afraid to say them out loud. I leaned forward to kiss him but he turned his head. He ran his thumb across my across my lips to take the sting out of his rejection.

"Tell me. You love me." He said huskily his eyes boring into my.

"Please Jacob." I whispered leaning forward to kiss him but he leaned away again. "Please," I begged pulling at the front shirt "Kiss me."

He stopped and stared at my lips his jaw clenched deciding whether or not to give in before me. I cupped his cheek and he closed his eyes then turned his head and kissed my palm. He grabbed my other hand and kissed that palm then kissed the inside of my wrist before draping my arms across his shoulder blades. He nuzzled my ear then kissed my temple, my forehead and my eyelids. He kissed my nose, my cheeks, my chin. He kissed the corner of my mouth but when I turned my head to kiss him full on his lips he turned away.

"Jacob. Kiss me." I pled.

He smiled my smile. "I am." He said and the started the circuit of my face again.

I turned away. "Kiss me here." I clarified, putting a finger on my lips. He kissed my finger.

I felt weepy all at once. I stared into Jacobs eyes and saw all the love there and I could feel the tears welling up in mine. I wanted him to give in. I wanted him to capitulate. I needed him to. I needed to know that this was about us not just about him. I needed to know that he could bend for me. That it would be he and I. Give and take. I did not want to feel like I felt when I was with Edward. I didn't want to feel like I was always the one giving in and not being heard. I did not want to feel like what I said did not matter. What I wanted what I needed did not matter. I knew it was stupid I needed him to do what I wanted.

As if reading my mind Jacob grabbed my face and kissed me. Hard. I gasped and his tongue slid into my mouth. He kissed me slow and his hands drifted down my body till they rested on my waist. I wanted him to slide a little lower but I knew he was hesitant. He bit my lip and I buck my hips against him. I ran my left hand down his arm till it rested atop his hand and gently nudged his hand toward his desired goal. I felt his hand go lower then stop. He pulled back and looked into my eyes questioning.

"I want you to touch me." I breathed.

"Where?"

I paused, caught off balance by his boldness. "Everywhere," I said trying to shock him.

He sucked in a breath and clenched his jaw. "No." he said straightening.

"No?" I repeated stupidly and more than a little hurt

"No." he said again.

"You don't want me." I said more to myself.

"How can you say that?" He said angrily "I can barely stay in my skin you make me feel so much."

He kissed me gently. "I love you." He kissed the corner of my mouth "I need you." He kissed my top lip. "I want you." He captured my mouth with his and probed with his tongue. And I kissed him back eagerly. He smiled at my enthusiasm. Then pulled back and kissed my forehead " But I cannot touch you" He paused eyes roaming over my body "Everywhere and not make love to you."

"Make love to me then" I interrupted.

He continued as if I hadn't spoken "- and I can not make love to you if you don't love me. Otherwise It's just sex. " He shrugged, confident that his reasoning would make mw acquiesce.

"What's wrong with just sex."

"What!" He exclaimed looking truly befuddled.

"What's wrong with just sex. Love and lust don't always come hand in hand."

He grappled for a way to frame his thoughts to make me understand. "It does for me Bella. If we crossed that line and then you left me. It would break my heart. I mean if you left me now I'd be heartbroken but it would be different if we were intimate like that. I would break me deeper because I think," He struggled to find the words "I think I'd love you deeper after."

"Then we'd be a matching set." I said tears in my eyes.

"Don't cry. Bella please don't cry," He implored wiping tears from my eyes "What do you mean a matching set.

"Then we'd both be broken." I whimpered. "Could you do it Jacob? Could you risk being broken for me? " I knew I wasn't being fair. I knew I was asking him for everything and without giving anything in return. "I need you." I kissed him softly on the lips "I want you." I said huskily circling my hips. "Isn't that enough?"

He growled frustrated. "Why are you doing this Bella? You want to give me your body but not your heart? You want me to love you knowing that you have no intention of loving me back"

"I never asked you to love me" I yelled pushing him away. "I never asked you to give me your heart. I kept telling you that I was broken," I clenched my chest. "That I couldn't love you the way you love me. I'm broken. Jacob. I'm sorry." I cried, gut wrenching sobs racking my frame because I knew this was the end. I knew he would leave me now. And that I'd never see him again. He'd told me he loved me and I could not bring myself to say that I loved him. It hurt too much. The thought of loving that deeply again terrified me. I slid to the floor and wrapped my arms around my torso and waited for the Jacob piece of my heart to rip itself out.

Jacob bent down next to me and scooped me off the floor. "Don't cry sweet girl." He kissed the top of my head.

I turned in his arms and threw my arms around his neck. "Don't go. Jake. Please don't go" I begged frantic to find a way to make him stay. "I'm so sorry. I just can't. It hurts too much."

He walked me out of the kitchen and into the living. I thought he would deposit me on the couch so I could continue my cry-fest in relative comfort but he walked right past the couch and continued up the stairs. And then I understood, as a final act of kindness he was going to sit with me till I fell asleep and then leave forever. It would be like the time when Sam told him to stay away except it would be infinitely worse. Because it would Jacob willing avoiding me because I couldn't love him back.

Jacob walked us into my room and kicked the door closed behind us. He slid me onto the bed. Then sat next to me and started unlacing his boots.

"Jacob. You should just go. You don't have to sit with me. I'll be fine." I wiped my tear stained face with my sleeve.

Jacob ignored me and kicked off his left boot then began unlacing the other.

"I think it's better is you just go. Why prolong the moment. If I'm never going to see you again I may as well get used to it sooner than later."

Jacob finished loosing the shoe strings on his other boot then kicked it off as well. He stood up walked to my bedroom door and locked it then turned to face me with the most unfathomable look on his face. He pulled his shirt over his head then stepped out of his jeans. He was quivering as if would burst out of his skin. I was afraid. Afraid of the look in his eyes. He looked overwrought, like he was feeling so much it was hard to hold it all in. I saw him take several deep breathes and master his emotions.

He stood there before me clad only in his boxers. He was so beautiful. I wanted to touch him. I wanted run my hands across the corded muscles of his back and the sculpted beauty of his chest. I wanted to kiss his navel and run my fingers in his hair. I wanted to kiss away the pain in eyes. I wanted to tell him that I loved him but I couldn't. I just sat there and stared at him. He watched me watching him and the look in his eyes shifted. He crossed the room and sat next to me on the bed.

He slipped his fingers under my blouse then lifted it over my head.

"Jacob what are you doing?" As much as I wanted him and as much as he wanted me I knew he did not want me like this. I knew he wanted to hear the words that I could not bring myself to say.

"I'm letting you break me." he said then he covered my mouth with his lips and touched me. Ab. so. lutely. Everywhere.