Warnings: strong language, some violence, some bullying, mentions of cancer in/death due to cancer of an offscreen character, 2nd POV.

Edited: 1 March 2015; long author's note deleted.

Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath.

-Eckhart Tolle

The day starts out as innocently as any other at Station 51, if a little quieter. Chet Kelly is the last one to roll call (as usual), earning him latrine duty (as usual). Typically, this assignment would result in the young lineman spitting out a one-liner or making a face, but not today. He just nods, straight-faced, accepting it without complaint. The lineman is uncharacteristically silent as he goes about his morning chores: no jokes, no pranks, no sniping with Johnny. You just let it go. Everyone has days where they're quiet and off, and today is just his day. Johnny, however, is not seeing it that way.

Johnny spends the whole shift needling Chet about what's wrong, why he's so quiet, but you let him go, too. He's probably just worried about Chet and trying to draw him into his usual behavior. He's a good kid, after all, and he won't push Chet too far… at least you hope he won't. Roy will probably rein him in before it gets too far. You try to keep a close eye on Chet anyway, wanting to be sure nothing is too wrong. Only two hours into the shift, while the squad is on a run, Marco comes to you with concerns, his brow knit, his concerns very similar to your own. You just tell him to keep an eye on Chet, especially when you're on a run. It won't do to have Chet spacing out at a fire where he could get hurt or worse. You shudder at the thought. You watch him around the station, noting that he doesn't seem distracted. Just quiet.

It's a quiet shift, and you have yet to decide if that's good or bad. Chet works fine when the engine does get a run or two, so that isn't a problem. If anything, you notice that he's more focused at the fire than usual, almost anticipating your orders (not that he's ever not focused at a fire). Unfortunately, a quiet shift means a restless Johnny, and a restless Johnny means trouble. You take note that Chet makes an effort to make himself scarce where Johnny is concerned, to avoid Johnny and his sniping, which can also be interpreted one of two ways. Chet is at least smart enough to leave well enough alone, but if he has to take pains to avoid Johnny's taunts, it means they're getting to him. Marco voices the same concerns, as does Roy. You tell them to keep an eye on things, to keep the two youngest men apart, to just try and make it through the shift without incident. You're still fairly new to Station 51's A-shift, fairly new to being a captain, and you don't want to be too quick to police behavior like some captains you've known through your career. All everyone has to do is make it through until the end of the shift, and a day off will help heal the whole situation.

Well, you have to say, the shift is over before it happens.

Johnny, apparently unable to leave well enough alone, continues taunting Chet in the locker room, going over to stand by Chet while the lineman changes into his civvies.

"Come on, Chester B, what's the matter? That pretty 'lil thing you were seein' finally get sick of ya?"

Chet's whole body tenses up.

"Now, what was her-? Oh, Laura. That's it. Laura drop ya?"

"Gage, I'm warnin' you," Chet grinds out, "Drop it or I'll-"

"Or you'll what? Come on, I'm just tryin' to have a 'lil fun with ya."

"Well, I'm not havin' fun, so how 'bout you stop tryin'," Chet snaps.

Tension hangs thick in the air, but you hang back, still observing. You need to see how they handle themselves here. You need to see the dynamics. The rest of the crew moves closer, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"Aw, lighten up, Chet," Johnny smirks, "You been a wet blanket all day."

"Johnny," Roy mutters, reaching for the young paramedic's arm, "come on, Junior, just drop it and-"

"No! He's allowed to pick on me when I'm feelin' like shit! What, Kelly, can't take your own medicine?"

"Goddammit, Gage, I told you-"

"At least I know it's Laura's got you upset-"

"Shut the fuck up-"

"Come on, why'd she do it, Kelly? She don't like your winning personality?"

Chet is so tense the muscles of his arms are corded, his hands clenched into fists, a vein pulsing in his neck. Johnny goes on, sneering, "Or maybe it was your stupid fuckin' jokes? That dumbass moustache? Your shitty cookin'?"

"Gage, I swear to God, you shut the fuck up or-"

"-'cause it looks to me like maybe she was doin' the cookin' for ya. Givin' ya four meals a day, looks to me. Maybe that's her thing, y'know," he tells Chet, stepping closer to him, "feed a guy up then dump his fat ass-"

Johnny punctuates this remark with a rough poke to Chet's midsection that earns him a vicious right hook. Johnny hits the floor, and all hell breaks loose. The locker room erupts with shouts. Chet has Johnny pinned, landing quick jabs and bellowing at him. Johnny yells back, trying to fend off Chet's blows. You are the first one into the fray, grabbing Chet and hauling him off Johnny while he spits vitriol at the paramedic. Roy and Mike jump in to hold Johnny back, the young man howling and swearing. Chet squirms wildly in your arms, almost sending you both crashing into the lockers, but Marco rushes to your aid, the two of you hauling Chet out of the locker room to the office while you bark orders for everyone to stay where they are.

"Sit down, Chet! Sit-! Dammit, Kelly, listen to me!" you shout, shoving him into a chair and practically pinning him there, "Sit here and calm yourself down, Kelly! You sit here and wait for me to come back, understand?"

Chet is breathing heavily, tears in his eyes, his whole body still tense and shaking. He's half-dressed, wearing only an undershirt, unbuttoned jeans, and socks. You tell Marco to stay with Chet, and you go back to the locker room to deal with Johnny. Roy is tending to Johnny's face. He has a bloody nose and a split lip, and you're sure he'll have some impressive bruising for the next week or so. The bleeding paramedic looks at you briefly, wincing at Roy's prodding.

"Would you like to tell me what that was about, Gage?" you ask.

"Why don't you ask- ow!- ask Chet? He's the one who jumped me and-"

"He wouldn't've done that if you coulda just left well enough alone!" you snap, "Now, I was tryin' to let you be an adult, tryin' to let you stop on your own and see your own mistake, but you just had to keep pushin' him. Wouldn't let Roy here tell you otherwise or try to help you. Wouldn't let the fact that Chet was clearly upset stop you. You just had to keep pushin' and now you're mad 'cause he pushed back."

"Cap, you hear him do that shit to me all the time! He's always jokin' and rilin' me-"

"Yeah, he jokes with you, Gage. It's always good-natured. What you were doin' wasn't joking," you tell him firmly, "What you were doin' was downright bullying, and I will not tolerate that kind of behavior from grown men when I don't even tolerate it from my daughters. Do you understand me?"

Your voice is sharp and clear. Johnny is beginning to look properly sheepish, but it's not quite sheepish enough.

"Here's what you're gonna do, Gage. You're gonna sit here and let Roy fix you up and give you his lecture while I talk to Chet. Then, you're gonna go home and think about what you did, and when I see you here for our next shift, you are going to apologize to Chet for your behavior today, do I make myself clear?"

"Yessir. Crystal."

"Good. Roy, Mike, take care of this ja-... this twit."

Both men nod, and you return to the office. Chet is still agitated and tense, Marco trying his best to soothe him. The young lineman jumps when you enter the room, his face still red, his eyes still wet. You grab a chair and sit in front of Chet, Marco moving to stand at his side, his hand not leaving Chet's shoulder. Chet's expression is a mixture of anger, a bit of fear, and something you can't quite place. You sigh, looking Chet right in the eye, and tell him, "I'm sorry, Chet."

That surprises him enough to abate his anger some. He blinks at you but says nothing, so you explain, "I mean that. I should've spoken to Johnny earlier about his behavior. I shouldn't've let him push you like that. I honestly think he started out joking, but at some point it crossed a line, and that's when I should've stepped in. I guess I was hopin' he'd shape up and listen to Roy so I wouldn't have to step in. I guess I wanted to see if you guys could handle it yourselves… and I didn't think it was so serious it would come to blows."

"I'm sorry, Cap, I didn't mean to hit him," Chet tells you earnestly, "Honest I didn't. I just-… he just kept pushin' and-and I couldn't-… I was just so mad, Cap. I-I didn't even realize I was-"

"It's alright, Chet. I'm not gonna punish you for something that's not your fault. I would like to talk to you, though," you say, then look to the other lineman, "Marco, would you give us some privacy please?"

He clearly doesn't want to, but he replies, "Sure thing, Cap. Chet, I'll wait up for you, amigo," giving Chet's shoulder a squeeze and heading out of the office. Maybe he would give Johnny a lecture, too. Chet watches him go, his body still tense, still clenching his fists. You have some work to do.

"Would you like to talk to me about what's going on, Chet?" you ask carefully, your tone gentle, "It seems to me like there's been a lot on your mind since you got here yesterday morning."

"Did I screw up on a run-?"

"No, no, you did just fine on those few runs we had, just as good as usual. Just… that was a very strong reaction you had in there, and you weren't yourself here around the station this past shift. I can tell something's bothering you. Marco, too."

Chet casts his eyes down at his lap. You wait patiently for him to speak, not wanting to push him. It's a trick you use on your daughters when they're tight-lipped about their problems, so you're hoping it works on young firemen, too.

"It's-… will this stay between us, Cap? Just me and you?" Chet asks, his voice thick.

"Absolutely. I won't share anything you don't want me to."

He picks his head up slightly but doesn't look at you directly. You catch sight of his lip trembling beneath his moustache. He sniffs loudly. You wait.

"It's-it's my mom," he says at last, "She-… she was, uh, was diagnosed with-with lung cancer earlier this year, and it's-… she's not doing too good, Cap."

Your heart clenches in your chest, aching for the young fireman.

"Chet, I'm very sorry to hear that. I wish you would've told me sooner. I'd have arranged some time off for you."

"I-I can't. I have to help pay the medical bills. She doesn't have any money anymore, and my brother-…nevermind. I've been pickin' up OT, actually, just to make ends meet for me and her. Last week, I-… she asked me to clean out her apartment and-and let the landlord know it was open to rent out again. He was, uh, was really good about it, but I just finished yesterday, and-… it's just-…"

Chet sucks in a shuddering breath, wiping at his eyes. You want nothing more than to wrap him up in a hug and tell him it'll be okay. Your own mother passed not too long ago, so you can relate to his problem, though your mother died in her sleep rather than of a lingering illness. Chet wipes at his eyes again.

"Is there anything else bothering you? I mean, that seems like enough, but I feel like there's a little more behind it. Please, Chet, keep talking."

"There's just been a lot to deal with lately, with Mom bein' sick, and I- now you gotta promise not to laugh, okay?"

You reach out and lay a hand on his shoulder, assuring him, "I promise, Chet. I won't laugh."

His face is red anyway. He sniffs and tells you quietly, "Well… like I said, I been under a lot of stress, and when I'm stressed out, I… I eat a lot. More than usual. And Johnny was right. Laura did break up with me… like two days ago."

"Did she say why?"

"Yeah… yeah, she told me I wasn't payin' her enough attention, you believe that shit, Cap? My life is a fuckin' disaster right now, and she's pissed I'm not takin' her out enough."

Anger flares in your chest, but you push it away. That's not what Chet needs right now. He continues, "Add that to me puttin' on some extra weight, especially when I was picked on as a kid for-for bein' fat, and Johnny just got on my last fuckin' nerve in there."

"Sounds to me like he deserved it," you say gently, "Thank you for telling me all that, Chet. I know how hard it can be to confide in your captain, especially a new one. I just wish you would've told me sooner. We're here to help you, every man on this shift, and I wish we could've helped you before now, in anyway you needed us to. We're not just your coworkers here. We're your friends. If you want my opinion, I think you oughta tell the guys what's going on, but it's entirely up to you, and I promised you already I wouldn't share anything without your go-ahead, and I can't tell you what to do. I would like to be informed of what's going on with your mother, though, especially because it's upsetting you, okay, pal?"

Chet nods, saying, "I will, Cap. I'll keep you updated."

You are confident that means he won't tell anyone else what's going on with his mother, though he'd probably come up with something to tell Johnny on their next shift to explain his own behavior. You tell Chet, "That means you call me whenever you need me, can call my home day or night. I want you to ask for help if you need it. You don't have to go this alone, alright?"

"Yes, Cap."

"Good. Now, are you alright to drive home, Chet?"

"I think so. I think I'll be okay."

You give him a gentle smile and squeeze his shoulder reassuringly. He smiles back, though it's far from his usual grin or smirk, and heads out of the office. True to his word, Marco is waiting for him. You watch the two of them walk into the locker room so Chet can finish changing, pleased to note both Roy and Johnny have already left. Approaching footsteps draw your attention.

"Is he alright, Cap?" Mike asks, stepping up beside you.

"He will be. I have no doubt about that. Come on, Mike, let's get outta here."

He stares at you for a long moment, his blue eyes piercing. It's an odd action, but you're becoming used to him doing it. The two of you go in and tidy up the office and make sure you left nothing in the locker room before heading out to the parking lot. Chet and Marco are already out there, seated in Chet's grubby old van. You don't look at them too closely and don't slow down, not wanting them to know you saw them. From your brief glance, it looks like Chet's crying, crying hard, and you know he wouldn't want you to see that.

Chet calls your home a month later, in mid-August of '71, his voice thick and broken, informing you that his mother died earlier in the afternoon.

"You take all the time you need, Chet," you tell him softly, "I'll make sure everything at the station is taken care of. You do what you need to do, okay? It'll be alright."

"I know," he chokes, "but it doesn't make it any easier. It-… it hurts, Cap."

"Believe me, pal, I know it. I know. You want some company?"

"No."

"Do you need some company?" you ask quietly, gently.

"…yeah… yeah, I do."

"Alright, I'll be right over, Chet."

You hang up the phone and grab your keys. Ginny comes in while you're putting on your shoes.

"Where are you going, Hank? Dinner's gonna be ready soon."

Rising from your chair, you give her a peck on the cheek and simply tell her, "One of my boys needs me."