I thought the FMA 2003 Homunculi were creepy and cool characters who could make some heavy-duty commentary on human nature and whose motives seemed vague enough to add a frightening mystique. I also always assumed that the biggest "human" piece missing from them was the ability to tell right from wrong. I'll expand on what I mean here in this short fic.

Lust, Gluttony, and Envy were gathered together in an open circle within some woods on a high mountain hill, where they could look out and see most of Central down below. The sky was dark and filled with stars. The Homunculi could function at any other time of any day, but they chose to be most active at night.

Gluttony was busy gnawing on a stump sticking out of a log, drooling all over it. "I'm hungry, Lust," he whimpered. "When are we going to go back down where the humans are?"

"We've been ordered to stay in hiding and protect these Red Stones at all costs until Master Dante gives us a new course of action," Lust explained as she leaned against the trunk of a tree. Nestled in the trees behind her was a wagon covered in torn tarp. A red glow emitted from the tarp's many holes.

"But I need to eat so badly!" whined Gluttony, pitiful tears forming in his eyes.

"Shut up, Gluttony," came Envy's voice from across the circle of grass. Envy lay on his side on a rock across from Gluttony and Lust, looking bored. "You can eat on the Red Stones; they're all you really need."

Gluttony shrank behind his log, mumbling to himself.

"Say Envy," Lust began, causing Envy to raise his head attentively. "Around what time did you say Sloth was supposed to arrive? I'm almost worried that she fell into the river and got swept out to sea."

Envy stared at her for a moment. "…Hahahaha!" he burst out laughing, slapping his forehead. "Good one!"

"Stop acting like a clown; I'm dead serious about this," Lust insisted. "If something happens to our newborn we'll all have to answer to Dante, including yourself."

"Heh, relax Lust." Envy leaned back with his arms behind his head and one leg swung over the other, bobbing his foot. "Nothing's going to happen to Sloth, I can guarantee you that much. In Dante's own words she's her most versatile creation. She can control any body of water her cells are attached to so she should have no problem getting out of one. And if she ever starts running dry she can always cut a human open and suck the water from their blood. Humans are… what? Sixty percent of that?"

"That's what we are, too," Lust said in thought.

"I'd be careful around her though if I were you." Envy sat up and crossed his legs Indian style. "Her maternal instinct to guard those Elric brats might override the Master's tender-loving programming."

Lust's eyes opened wide at the mention of the Elrics. She gazed out toward Central, her arms folded over herself. "Envy, does it send a disturbing message to you that that Fullmetal boy couldn't sacrifice those prisoners for the Philosopher's Stone no matter how much we threatened him?"

"What're you getting at?" Envy asked casually, yet amusedly. He spotted a tiny mouse skittering across the ground near him.

"I mean, how could someone care so much about something as insignificant as another person's life?" Lust clenched her arms tighter around herself. "It bothers me to no end, how humans can act so foolishly and claim to have a good reason for it."

"They don't have good reasons for anything, not even for their existence." Envy lunged from his rock and caught the mouse, quick as a flash. "Don't let it get to you; they're all lost and confused. They can't answer your questions any better than I can." He lay back on his rock and watched the mouse struggling frantically, dangling from its tail in his grip.

"They're also delicious!" piped Gluttony, rising from his log.

"Shut up," said Envy. Gluttony made a cowering squeak and ducked behind the log again.

"Nonetheless many of them still experience utter joy and happiness all in spite of their ignorance," Lust continued. "Envy."

"Hmmm?" Envy hummed, starting to get annoyed. He was taking a flat stone and carving it on his rock into a knife.

"You're the most human-like of all of us. Do you ever have second thoughts about taking a life, of sharing a kind of suffering with the one you've killed?"

Envy frowned apathetically at the mouse squeaking and panicking for its life as he held his makeshift knife up to it. He held it down and stabbed it, silencing its irritating chatter. He blinked for a second or two. "…Heh, I don't feel any pain."

"But it's not physical pain, it's something else that I've seen in humans. An emotional response." Lust looked on at Central, studying it as if hoping to find the answers right there in her vigilance.

"You know, I've heard dangerous things about human emotions from Dante, how they warp your reason and turn you into a nonsense factory. She's a scientist, see." Envy held up the now-dead-and-bloody mouse and tossed it at Gluttony's log. It hit it with a splat.

"There. Eat that, Gluttony."

Gluttony arose from his log of a hiding spot and looked down at the mouse on the ground. He hissed. "I don't want to eat that; I want human meat!"

Envy sighed and closed one eye. "You're not usually this picky. I guess our discussion on humans is whetting your appetite for them a bit too much. Anyway, where was I?" He leaned back over on the rock. "Dante's theory is like this: they've been brought up to harmonize with the State's laws, which is why when they get out of line, i.e. by committing a sin, they damage the community and face trial. They want to live long and well in Amestris, and that's fine by me unless they get in our way."

Lust glared at Envy, then turned away slowly. "Committing a sin, huh? Is that the root of their anguish?"

"Only if they get caught," Envy chuckled, studying his fingernails.

"No… that can't be the reason," Lust said to herself. But Envy heard her and groaned in anger.

"Don't let this useless pondering distract you from your work. It's bad enough we have an idiot here doing our heavy lifting."

Gluttony cocked his head and stuck his index finger in his dribbling mouth. "Hey…" he muttered defensively, just before he heard leaves crumpling and someone approaching.

Lust and Envy peered in Gluttony's direction, deep into the dark wood behind him. Soon, a womanly figure emerged from the darkness. It was Sloth.

"Am I late? Don't start the squabbling without me," she teased.

"Sloth," Lust seethed under her breath, "what took you so long? We might have needed you in case of an emergency."

Sloth smiled, placing her hand on the hair covering her face. "I was out on surveillance trying to establish the Elric brothers' location, of course. You don't realize how much effort it takes to be a mother, and at your stage of promiscuity I doubt you ever will."

Lust narrowed her eyes at her. Envy smirked in amusement. "Long time no see, Sloth. Tell me, how are the Elric boys? Have they been so traumatized by their own fear of war that they're ready to crawl back to the womb?"

Sloth's smile turned into a frown quickly. "Those boys are too headstrong to ignore. I have to keep a closer eye on them to ensure they don't try to save those Ishbalan lives and prevent the creation of the Stone. But I'm certain they'll come to their senses and do what we want in a short period of time."

"Keeping saying that to yourself. I for one am beginning to lose my patience with those two," Envy remarked. "We might have to flake out on them if things get too complacent."

Sloth lowered her brows. "Well for right now Master Dante wants the boys to be kept alive, so I'd advise you not to lose control over yourself if you ever cross paths with them. Especially the one who still has a pulse."

"Oh come on now, I wouldn't think of laying a hand on him without provocation." Envy bent his head over and grinned. "Like you said: Dante's orders."

"Do you know when Dante will let us return to the humans, Sloth?" asked Gluttony sheepishly.

"For the last time Gluttony, shut the hell up!" Envy slammed one hand on the rock and vigorously rubbed his forehead with the other. "Seriously, I'm about to get a migraine from you and your nonstop whining."

"Don't lose control, now Envy," Lust said condescendingly, with a smile. "You know what Dante said about the consequences of feeling too much human emotion."

Envy sat up instantly and looked Lust in the eye. "…You all better remember your place in the food chain and be on your best behavior," he warned. "'Cause otherwise Master Dante's gonna get a telegram listing your failures and the scorn of the work she put into raising you like her own flesh and blood."

"You're going to tattle-tale on us to Mommy?" Lust asked, unafraid of Envy's threats. She held her hand under her chin, tilting her head suggestively. "Oh pardon me; we know, you're her special little crown jewel."

With that Envy stood up from his rock, crouched, stared piercingly at Lust, and sprang up high in the air. He landed and disappeared into the trees overhead.

With him out of sight, Sloth closed her eyes and lowered her head. "It would do us a bit of good to consume a few more Red Stones and gather our strength." She opened her eyes at Lust, who kept her arms folded, and her own eyes closed, staying silent. Sloth then turned to Gluttony, who was still standing behind his log with his finger stuck in his mouth. "What do you think, Gluttony?"

"I'm so hungry. I don't want to die starving," he replied in a whisper.