Note: Welcome to part 2 of what I'm now calling Lost Fanfic Theater. Our story this time is Crazy Little Thing Called Love by Queen of Blades. This one's a bit of a monster compared to Two of a Kind, weighing in at 35 chapters. As always, I did not write this. I'm simply publishing it because it's effectively no longer exists on the internet. I'm keeping it as intact as possible, which with this one sadly is not as much as I'd like (The start of each chapter had an illustration depicting a scene or character in said chapter. I also added line breaks between paragraphs to make it easier to read). So without further ado Lost Fanfic Theater presents:

Crazy Little Thing Called Love
by Queen of Blades

CHAPTER ONE

"I told you, I'm going, so knock it off!"

"I thought you said it was your summer vacation?"

"Yes! Emphasis on 'vacation'!"

Kagome and Inu Yasha glared at one another, two mighty wills locking proverbial horns in an argument that Kagome thought was getting pretty old. Every time she went home, he tried to talk her into staying. He just took it too personally! Going back to her time only meant leaving him physically, not leaving him leaving him! And it wasn't as if she wouldn't be back, or anything. They still had more shards to find! But it was her summer vacation, and she figured she was more than due for a little down time.

Inu Yasha crossed his arms and huffed at her. She balled her fists and huffed back. He growled, she growled back. If he hadn't been sitting on the lip of the well, in her way, she would've just jumped in and let him rot. But he was in the way, and she didn't feel like going through the "sit" routine this time. After all they'd been through, she thought in frustration, she shouldn't have to pull that on him to get her way. "Inu Yasha," she hissed through clenched teeth and narrowed her eyes at him, "get out of my way. I'll be back in one week, ok? Just deal with it."

He didn't move. "Why can't you spend your vacation with me?"

She rolled her eyes. "I'm always with you!" Oops! That didn't come out right. Kagome backpedaled and tried it again: "I mean, I like being with you, but we're always in some kind of danger. I can't relax under those circumstances! That's why I need this vacation!" She wrung her hands and pleaded with him with big, dewy eyes. "I haven't spent time with my other friends in months! Inu Yasha, please don't make me say the 'S' word…"

Inu Yasha gulped. "You wouldn't…"

"Don't make me do it…"

He bit his lip, and his claws dug into the side of the well dislodging bits of wood and leaves. He looked up at the leafy branches interwoven over his head, felt the dappled sunlight on his face, refused to let go of his nice fantasy about spending a little quality time with Kagome. Alone. On a picnic, or something. Whatever girls liked, he wouldn't know. Kagome liked picnics, he knew that. He envisioned walking someplace scenic, maybe having a decent conversation about her home, her family, these friends she was so keen on spending time with instead of him. Then a nasty little thought got hold of his imagination and his heart skipped. He looked into Kagome's face with an expression so intense it made her take a step back.

"So," he drawled in a dangerous tone, "what's his name?"

Kagome gaped at him. "What…are you…talking about?"

"Ah-ha!" He jabbed a finger in her face. "It's that Hoho guy, isn't it?"

She rolled her eyes and batted his finger out of the way. "That's 'Hojo', and so what if he's one my friends? Why are you so jealous of me all the time? Do you think girls like that? Always feeling like we're on a—uh…*cough*-um, under somebody's thumb?" She almost said "on a leash", but her eyes fell on the rosary around Inu Yasha's neck, and she quickly found something less touchy to say.

Inu Yasha didn't miss the reference, though. His hand went up to touch the beads as he fixed her with a guilt-inspiring frown. "You're seeing him, aren't you?"

"Define 'seeing'…"

"AH! I knew it!" Inu Yasha jumped off the well, the better to stalk around her and shout in her ear. "He's your boyfriend, isn't he? You're just—just—stringing me along, aren't you?!" He stomped around to the far side of the well and leaned on it, a look in his eyes that was a mix of anger and hurt. "Fine!" He smacked the edge of the well, then turned his back on her. "Go home! Have a nice summer vacation with Hojo!"

"Inu—" Kagome began angrily, but he was through the trees and in the air and gone before she could even utter the other half of his name. "You are such a jerk!" As she hopped up onto the well's edge and swung her legs over the side, she muttered: "Ok fine. If that's the way you wanna be, fine. See if I care. You won't ruin my vacation, you big jerk! I'm outta here!"

And with that, she dropped into the well. From the treetops, Inu Yasha watched her go, having heard every single word. "I'm not a jerk… Bitch… Fine. Just leave. I don't care what you do!" But as he leapt away en route to nowhere, his mind tormented him with images of Kagome and an impossibly handsome young man, who was smart and well-educated and sensitive and—well, everything Kagome thought he wasn't. That same imagination told him this must be what Kagome's friend Hojo was like. After all, she'd spent time with the boy before, how could he be so conceited as to think nothing had come of it? And Hojo was from Kagome's time, he went to her school, lived in her world. Probably knew what the hell she was talking about all the time. Yeah, that Hojo guy was a much better match for Kagome than some scruffy half-demon who couldn't even express himself without resorting to violence.

Inu Yasha landed by a tree so he could express himself by punching a big hole in its trunk with his fist, then he plopped down next to it and expected the tree to give him pleasant shade after that sort of treatment. The lack of decent shade from the abused tree provided a metaphor for his relationship with Kagome (and just about everybody else) that for once Inu Yasha grasped. Or maybe the universe trying to impart great wisdom to him through nature was just his imagination (or guilty conscience). "Kagome…

He jumped to his feet, turned around, grasped the tree trunk with either hand, hauled back and slammed his head against it in time to his memory of Kagome saying: "You (WHAM) are (WHAM) such (WHAM) a (WHAM) jerk (WHAM) exclamation point (WHAM)".

A familiar voice at his feet made him stop that, only he was so dizzy all he could do after teetering about for a few steps was fall down on his butt and lay himself out spread eagle to recover. "Shippo…go away."

Shippo did not go away. He trotted up nice and close to Inu Yasha's face, to make sure the other demon didn't miss a single nuance of his mockery. "You are such a moron. What did you do this time? Tell her she's ugly again?"

And yet, dizzy as he was, Inu Yasha could still put an awful lot of grip strength behind those fingers he wrapped around the little fox's neck. "It's none of your business."

Shippo choked and tugged at Inu Yasha's fingers. "Let…go of me…you big…jerk!" Little sparkly things danced in his vision, which was quickly taking on the appearance of a long, dark tunnel.

Inu Yasha let go. He raised a thoughtful finger to the heavens and observed: "Everyone keeps calling me that. I think I'll make it stop with you."

"EEK!" Shippo just barely dodged the fist that almost put a nice hole in his skull (like the hole in the tree trunk, which Shippo only just noticed and which scared him silly as he belatedly realized he'd picked a very bad day to butt into Inu Yasha's relationship troubles). "Ok! Ok! I'm going!" He tried to run, but Inu Yasha had him by the tail. "You know, Inu Yasha, that's getting pretty old—URK! Cut it out! Do you want me to stay or go, huh? Make up your mind, 'cause if you want me to leave, I'm ready to go!"

Inu Yasha turned the fox so they were nose to nose and asked, very calmly: "Do you think I'm a jerk to Kagome?"

"Eh?" Shippo wasn't quite sure how to answer that one. On the one paw, he could be honest and say "yes", which would probably get him strangled. On the other paw, he could lie, which would also get him strangled. He opted for middle ground: "Sometimes, I guess. *ahem* Why do you ask?"

Inu Yasha shrugged with one shoulder while distractedly twirling Shippo back and forth with his other hand. "Do you think she's got a boyfriend in the future?"

His body wasn't the only thing that was spinning now. Shippo shook his head, totally confused by this constant shift in directions. "Ok, fox," he coached himself, "somewhere in his mad ramblings there is a pattern. Find it, and the jerk might start to make sense." He thought about it and decided Kagome and Inu Yasha had had another fight on her way into the well, during which she had called him a jerk and might have mentioned the name of a male other than Inu Yasha, or Inu Yasha's limited imagination might just be working overtime that morning.

"Yeah," he finally replied with the sarcasm layered on nice and thick, "and a better one than you—YIP!" Shippo flew from Inu Yasha's grasp, straight at the tree, where he popped into the hole Inu Yasha's fist had made and just stuck there. "Get me out of here right now!"

Inu Yasha's face was suddenly right in Shippo's. "Is that what you think? She can do better than me?"

"Shit, yeah!" Shippo screamed back at him. "You're a jerk! The only time you ever say anything nice to her, you always try to make it sound like it's some kind of momentary lapse of reason! Ugh! Urk!" He struggled but his body remained firmly stuck in the tree trunk. "If you had half a brain and a reasonably intelligent command of the language, you'd tell her how you feel and not act like such a big, stupid baby about it! You're old enough to be her grampaw and you act like her baby brother! Dammit, Inu Yasha, get me out of this tree!"

"Ok!" Inu Yasha pulled back his fist with a wicked grin.

Shippo turned white and frantically shook his head: "Not like that! Not like that!"

Kagome unpacked her things in her bedroom, still grumbling invectives against Inu Yasha, while feeling kind of guilty at the same time. She also felt a little afraid for Hojo, since Inu Yasha's temper tended to be a tad unpredictable, and it would be pretty scary for her classmate to have a jealous demon dog show up on his doorstep wanting to "talk". In Inu Yasha-speak, that meant "put 'em up, Human, let's rumble", and Hojo was by no means a brawler. Bam-bam-bam! And it would all be over. Hojo'd be lucky if he didn't come out of it with brain damage. On the up side, Inu Yasha probably could benefit from those soothing herbs Hojo was always giving her.

She snorted: "Yeah! Soothing herbs and a therapist! Dumb jerk."

But he'd looked so hurt… Did he really think she had somebody here that she preferred over him? Somebody she was keeping a secret? Kagome sat down on the edge of her bed and lay back to stare at the ceiling. If she could actually take him anywhere, she would have invited Inu Yasha to come home with her. But how could she explain him to anybody, with those doggy ears, claws and demon eyes? Yeesh! Not to mention his utter lack of manners! She could see it now:
Kagome: "Hi, everybody! This is my boyfriend, Inu Yasha. He's a demon."
Everybody: "A demon?! EEEK!"
Inu Yasha: "Come back here, you cowardly bitches!"

She imagined seeing a movie with Inu Yasha:
Inu Yasha: "Hey, Kagome? Where are the people?" (Crawling behind the screen, getting fed up and slashing it.)

At a restaurant:
Inu Yasha: "Gobble-gobble! This food is great! Hey, you! Bring me more food!" (Grabbing the waitress' skirt.)

Even if she could dress him up, she certainly couldn't take him anywhere! Ugh! There was another thing: Shopping with Inu Yasha:
Inu Yasha: "Why do I have to wear these funny looking clothes? D'ya want me to look as stupid as you do all the time?" (Throwing merchandise all over the store.)

They had nothing in common (except the Shikon Jewel)! But… Kagome closed her eyes and remembered the times he'd been nice, when he'd actually said something sweet and hadn't taken it back. She remembered his courage and all the times he'd saved her life. "…and he looked so hurt when I left," she whispered to herself, then snapped out of it. "I need this vacation, and he'd just ruin it!" Decision made, Kagome went back to putting away her things.

"Inu Yasha, I dunno if this is such a great idea," Shippo said cautiously, staying out of range and rubbing the big bump on his head from his last encounter with Inu Yasha's fist.

"Too bad," Inu Yasha snapped, "I'm going." They were at the well, Inu Yasha sitting on the lip ready to go in, and Shippo standing on the other side of the rim trying to talk him out of it.

Shippo sighed. "She doesn't want you to! Can't you let her have her way just this once?"

He dug his claws into the wood and squeezed his eyes shut. "I can't lose her, Shippo." Then he dropped into the well."Who said anything about 'losing her', you big moron?" The fox hesitated for a moment, thinking how much he was going to regret what he was about to do, then jumped in after him. "That idiot. He's gonna blow it again!" Oh well, it would be interesting to see where Kagome lived, anyway, even if Inu Yasha would be there making an ass of himself the whole time. Hm. That might just be the most amusing part of the trip!