Motivation

"Mitsuki, are you sure this is what you want?" Wakaouji-sensei asked. His golden eyes shone with concern—and a hint of regret. "You know you don't have to go through with the operation—it's your choice."

My choice. I could choose my fate—neither my obaa-chan nor the Death Master had much of a say in what I decide. The Death Master cannot make changes to the Death List. Even if my name had faded from that list, it didn't change the fact that I still had cancer. I'm destined to die another day. Whether or not we are ready to accept death, death is waiting to accept us at any given time.

Refusing the surgery meant certain death in the near future. I knew for a fact Eichi would be waiting for me. He'd been at my side for so long, and I didn't even realize he'd been watching me for so long. Takuto might be waiting (impatiently) if he made it to the afterlife. (Izumi theorized that he's a ghost who constantly fights with Eichi.) My parents might be there. They were ready to welcome the daughter they were never able to care for.

Accepting the surgery meant a longer life. Wakaouji-sensei said it was now possible to remove the tumor without causing too much damage to my vocal chords. Much to my relief, I would be able to talk and more importantly, sing. My voice would not be as powerful as my blonde sixteen-year-old alter ego's voice and would never be strong and loud again, but I could still sing. Singing kept me alive when the Shinigami discovered I knew about Eichi's death.

All this time, I had wanted to die for the sake of those I love. I didn't think twice about the consequences. As much as I wanted to see Eichi and Takuto again… There were still people who needed me in the world of the living. Obaa-chan had already lost so much: her best friend and her daughter. She didn't need to lose me, her only granddaughter, too.

Knowing that Eichi is next to me gives me the strength I need to go on. And Takuto… he is out there somewhere, watching and waiting for me.

Apparently I give others the strength to continue on. According to Meroko, the shinigami are starting to call themselves angels, and I'm the reason why. After all, Sheldan had said, "I knew the girl who called us angels was fated to live."

I still can't fathom why Sheldan and the Death Master allowed me to live (I caused them enough trouble as it was), but I think I'm starting to understand. I gave them all hope. Like them, I was not afraid to die; I was afraid to live. Unlike the angels, I have the strength to fight that fear and live on.

And if I don't go through with the operation, the last glimmer of hope and a second chance at a different sort of life for those angels is going to die along with me. I can't do that to them.

"Sensei."

"Mitsuki?"

"I've made up my mind."