Usual disclaimers applied.

Chapter 2

"Are you ill?"

"No," she said, her voice almost lacking emotion, "I told you, I'm fine."

"You look pale these days. I can tell, Botan. Don't lie to me," Koenma replied sternly, his hazel eyes narrowing in a sharp, dangerous way as he attempted to persuade her to tell the truth.

Her eyes shifted, but it was brief, and the prince of spirit world couldn't tell whether he actually saw it or it was just his imagination. "I'm not lying, I'm fine. Okay? I'm just... tired, is all. You haven't been giving me much rest anyway," she offered him a weak smile as she said this.

Koenma sighed heavily, unsure if he should continue this conversation with her. It was obvious his top ferry girl wasn't going to say anything else now about her weakening condition, and he hardly believed she was going to tell him anytime soon.

He would've believed her.

He would've considered her words as the truth.

If it hadn't been for the look in those amethysts. There was a fleeting darkness in them, a haunted look, almost as if she was slowly drowning into the dark. He wasn't sure. But it unnerved him. Something was bothering her, and he got the feeling that that something had to do with a certain someone from her past life. She hadn't been showing any signs of weaknesses, or disturbed by him, for all these years she'd work for him but for some reason, Koenma could sensed that man's spirit was slowly eating at her. Not literally, but emotionally. She was traumatized; she told him herself, that she would never forget what happened when she was still human, and the spirit world prince knew she was still haunted by him. In memories, if not, in dreams. And Koenma couldn't help but worry if she was slowly growing sicker because of it.

But, that man was gone. He was long dead. He was no longer there.

Despite Koenma's concern for her well being, the knowledge that the man she held so much hatred and fear for, wasn't there. He wasn't there. Not in human world, nor the spirit world. And not in demon world either. He was gone. He was no longer living. He disappeared. He wasn't there to hurt her. Koenma knew; Botan would get over him someday. Those haunting memories, and visions, would gradually go away one day. And nothing more would be left of him. He would no longer be remembered. By anyone, and most of all, by Botan. She would return back to her cheery self soon. She would.

"I suppose you are right," he finally decided after long moments of silence. "You may leave."

She bowed in respect, and whipped around.

So why?

As he watched her walked out of his office, why did he feel as if this wasn't going to end the way he hoped it would. Something bugged him, for some odd reason he didn't know.

Almost as if the fear of that man coming back to take Botan away was creeping up his skin.

Botan flopped down to her bed, and laid her head tiredly against the soft, fluffy comfort of her pillows. She breathed in before breathing out, and repeated the process over and over again, almost like she was trying to calm down.

She was actually, to tell you the truth.

She wasn't feeling well. She hadn't been feeling so good for these past few days and everyone around her noticed; she could tell. If it hadn't been for those visions – those memories...

Somehow, they were somewhat growing stronger every day. The memories felt almost real to her, as if it was really happening. As if history was repeating itself. Was it? She couldn't tell between reality and illusions lately; everything felt real to her. Yes, she was Botan, the ferry girl. Botan, the ferry girl who always supported team Urameshi. Botan, the happy-go-lucky, always smiling ferry girl. Yes, she was Botan.

And yet, she was Botan, the human, too.

He felt real. She could just feel his hands on her, his voice in her ears, and that wicked grin she'd always hated displayed just right in front of her very own eyes.

But he wasn't real.

He was dead, wasn't he?

"Oh, is that so? I suppose you don't like it that way, huh?"

"No! Please! I'll do anything! Just don't do hurt him!"

"It's a shame. I think you'll hate me if I were to kill him and I don't want that. But..." Hands clenching around someone's neck, the cold voice continued, "... he had this coming."

Blood splattered everywhere; all around her feet, her clothes, the walls, the floor, IT WAS EVERYWHERE. She couldn't stand it. She staggered back as he stepped towards her.

"Oh? What's this? Is my dear, beloved Botan scared of little ol' me?"

He laughed; a cold, merciless, crooked laugh she hated so much. Red liquid trailed, and before she could register where it was going, she felt the warm substance under her feet, coating her shoes with her own beloved's blood.

"You don't OWN me!"

Warm and wet tears trailed down her dry cheeks, making her want to scream in frustration. She could just imagine it. Those tears; she could just imagine them turning red, almost as if they were taunting her. Reminding her of what had happened in the past. Reminding her that it was all her fault that everything happened. It was all her fault, and she deserved the blame. She deserved to carry the burden of having these haunting visions of her past on her shoulders.

She let the tears fall; dripping into her pillow and slowly soaking it with wetness; but what she saw wasn't tears, what she saw was red.

She saw blood.

Slowly soaking into her green pillow, and darkening into a dark brown colour.

Botan wasn't sure. Was she going crazy? Was the feeling of her overwhelming regret making her lose her sanity? Was she going insane like those mental patients in mental hospitals in the human world? A low, sad and somewhat dark chuckle escaped her lips.

This wasn't insanity.

This was karma.

For the sins she had done in her past life; for the sin of causing the death of everyone whom she had used to love, for the sin of not being able to protect them. Those were her sins. And she was getting what she deserved for the sins she committed.

She deserved this.

Blood slowly painted her vision. Trickling down the walls of her room, the initial bright pink colour disappearing within seconds as vibrant red quickly replaced them. Then from the walls, to her floor, to her wardrobe, down the wooden surface of her door, and then, red slowly started to drip on her hair. Drip. Drip. Drip.

It trickled down her pale, white face and she smiled. A small smile that meant everything; It was okay. This was okay... She deserved this. This was right. Let it drown her.

"Just paint everything red."

Came her soft and welcoming yet bitter and pained whisper.

"Is that it? I thought you would've at least given me a funnier... reaction..."

She widened her eyes in shock; that voice... It sounded almost too real. And those words... When had he ever said them? They were new; he had never said that to her!

"W-wha-?"

"Ah, surprised?"

"N-no, t-this can't be happening..."

"Oh, but it is."

She desperately got out of the bed, her trembling legs moving as fast as they could for the door.

"Right in front of your very own eyes..."

Her hands reached for the doorknob, and pulled.

"... Botan-chan."

But nothing happened. She turned, pulled, and pushed. She did everything but the door wouldn't even budge. That was when she noticed it was slowly fading. The door, the walls, the floor where her feet used to stood on... Everything was fading. At first, slowly but as seconds passed, the process grew faster.

It didn't take long for the darkness to surround her.

She was back to where it had all happened.

Everything. Everything was so dark, she couldn't see anything. Fear overcame her, and she soon started to scream for someone; anyone, asking if they were there. Why? This wasn't supposed to happen. He wasn't real, he wasn't real, he wasn't real...

A dark chuckle sounded through the darkness, silencing her screams for help. Darker than the dark surrounding her, it sounded so full with menace and an intent to pull her in, tempting her to come into the dark. But she wouldn't, she couldn't. If she did, she was sure she'd...

A different sound came, and the darkness disappeared all of a sudden. Botan found herself staring up against the faces of Kurama, and Yusuke who both had worried and confused expressions on their faces.'

Yusuke held the doorknob in his hand, and that was when she realized; he had opened the door.

"Oi, Botan. What's wrong? You look pretty bad there. Like you're going to cry or something..."

"Yusuke, she is crying..." Kurama's words made her froze.

The tears were still trailing down her cheeks; dripping onto her soft and fluffy white mattress. She hadn't realized she was sitting on the floor this whole time. Refusing to let anyone, much less her friends, to see her in this kind of state that they had never seen her in, Botan wiped off the tears harshly, almost too harsh even.

Kurama grabbed onto her hand, and she stopped. She looked up at him; realizing that he was now bending down so he was eye-leveled with her.

"Don't do that. You will hurt yourself. Now, is something the matter? Did something happen?"

Her body stiffened, before relaxing again. Her eyes suddenly lost the initial fear in them; there was no emotions, almost as if she had gone away to a different world. And then slowly, she blinked, for about three times before emotions slowly returned to her eyes.

But Kurama couldn't help himself from feeling disturbed by the sudden shift in her eyes when he asked her that.

For long moments, they stayed in silence. Until Botan spoke;

"No, it's nothing."

It was all just in her head, right?

... Right?

To reassure both Yusuke and Kurama that she was really okay – because she could tell they weren't convinced by her response –, she added, with a wide smile on her face..."

"I'm fine."

But it was more like she was trying to reassuring herself, instead of them, that she was fine.

She was fine.

She was just fine.

Nothing happened, nothing happened, nothing happened... If I keep telling myself that, then nothing happened.