Welcome to my first story! This is my first fanfiction so I will be rusty! I love The Mortal Instruments and have been typing this story for a long time. I decided I would like to share it! I hope you like it!

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. Credit goes to Cassandra Clare.

I'm staring into the mirror, oblivious to my dad yelling beside me.

"Why are you here?! You're crazy!" I can hear him but I can't process it.

You're not wanted. I snap around to see Valentine reaching for my neck.

"Get away from me Valentine" I whisper.

"Why are you so distant? What happened to my daughter?" He lowers his hands.

"I'm still your daughter Valentine. I can't help if I'm so distant."

"You're not my daughter! Why are you so distant?!" He yells at me.

He's right you know.

"BECAUSE! YOU THINK NO ONE SAW YOU KILL JON?! YOU'RE WRONG! YOU MURDERED HIM IN COLD BLOOD! I SAW IT!" I shout at him, crying like mad. This is all true. He killed my brother Jon. I saw it. He used a knife and killed him. It kills me that I saw it happened. I have nightmares constantly. What's worse is that no one else knows he did it. It ruined our family to pieces. I now live in absolute misery. I lost my mum too. Jocelyn committed suicide but of course Valentine is fine. The guy who murders are all ways fine. "YOU EXPECT ME TO BE OKAY WITH IT?!" This time Valentine grabbed me by the throat and smashed me against the mirror. Earning me a nasty cut across the side of my face. He didn't say anything. Just dropped me to the ground. He kicked me once and then picked me up.

"Don't come back" He whispers as I feel a cool breeze and the sensation of falling. Yet it was real. I was falling out of my 2 story window. I didn't mind. Let me die.

You deserve to die. The voices in my head yell at me. I smack the ground hard and I go unconscious immediately.

"I'm so glad that its summer break! This is going to be great." I exhale loudly and turn to Isabelle. One of my best friend. Once I was sent to this boarding school on behalf of Valentine. I just clicked with Isabelle.

"Yeah." I try to smile but I just can't.

"Hey. Clary, it's okay. I know last summer you fell out of the building but you have to get over it." I turn to face her.

"Izzy please don't. That Summer held so much more in it."

"Like what? Clary what is it?"

"My mom."

"What happened?"

"She committed suicide. Listen Izzy. I hate summer break. I have so many bad memories. I'm sorry that I will be such a downer but it haunts me constantly." I walk out of the bathroom. I make my way down to the lunch hall.

You know how much easier it would be if you were dead. I push away the voices and take a seat next to Simon. Izzy's boyfriend, one of my friends also.

"Hey Clary. Where's Izzy?" Of course he would only care about Izzy when a tear drops down my cheek. I shake my head and walk outside to take a seat under a tree. Alec must have saw me because he comes to seat next to me.

"Hey what's wrong?" He asks so... I don't know how to explain it but... peacefully.

"Alec I'm so miserable." I whisper shaking my head. My hair curtaining around me. Alec raises my head and runs his finger over the scar on the side of my face.

"You never told me what happened."

"Alec, don't." I quickly change the subject. "What's happening with you? You had a huge smile on your face over there." I pointed to where Alec was chucking a ball before he saw me. He sighs in disapproval of my topic change but Alec knows not to bug me about it.

"You know how I have an adopted brother. He was kicked out of he's other school so he is moving here. After convincing of course." He smiling. His adopted brother didn't want to come here so he went to a public school. He must be out of options.

"That's sounds good. I'm glad you're happy about it." I reply.

"Yeah. We are really close and I missed him so I'm happy." He smiles, looking out in the distance. "SO where is my sister?" I shrug in answer. "What did she do?" He turns his full attention to me.

"That's the thing Alec. She didn't really do anything but I told you. I'm miserable. And she told me to get over it." I sigh. Alec knows that I fell out of the window. They don't know the full story so everyone thinks I'm over-reacting.

"Oh. Is there anything I can do to make you happy?" He asks look at my tears falling again.

"I don't think you can Alec." I push my knees to my chest and lower my head.

"Clary I'm sorry." He brings me into his signature embrace.

"I'm going to bed if anyone asks." I start to get up leaving Alec on the floor.

"It's only lunch time."

"I know." I jog back to the main building, tears streaming down my face. I run up the stairs to floor two and enter my room. Luckily, I don't share with anyone. I go take a nap on my bed. Nightmares fill my not so peaceful nap. When I wake up, I go into the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. I'm a mess. I look like a mess and feel like a mess. I run my index finger over my scar. I take a step back to go back to bed but I trip over the bath tub and I have a brief flash back from the window incident. I scratch the side of my face on the tap, it's a searing pain. Another reminder of that night. I run my fingers over the scar again, it's wet and my fingers are tinted crimson red. In the moment I decide that I really couldn't care. Instead I just cry, sitting miserably in the bath tub.

You know you want it. The voices scream. I do want it. I reach under the sink and find the bottle of vodka. I've been sober for a month when I stopped seeing Sebastian but this is an exception. I sit back into the bath and sip straight from the bottle. Enjoying the burning sensation down my throat. I take gulp after gulp of the drink until I pass out in the bath.