Fandom: Queer as Folk
Title: So Much More
Characters: Justin and mentions of Brian.
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Rating/Warnings: Rated R. Strong Language, Unsafe Sex mentions.
Summary: Justin's thoughts after talking to Brian about barebacking.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything and I make no money for this.
A/N: Thanks to Judy for betaing.

*So Much More*

Justin's POV:

"I want you safe. I want you around for a long time." The words Brian said to me earlier tonight play on and on in my mind, as I lay in bed next to him watching him sleep.

Sure, it wasn't an 'I love you,' but it was a start. Brian had said he cared, and for now that's good enough for me. Everyone has been telling me not to expect anything from Brian.

But I do expect things from him, and it's because I know that he can deliver. Brian just hasn't had the right kind of motivation yet. I'm hoping I can be the motivation he needs.

As Brian sleeps, I run my fingers through his hair. I smile at how peaceful he looks when sleeping. Looking at Brian now, no one would ever think of him as an asshole.

He's so calm and relaxed, that you can read it on his face. You will never see Brian look calm or relaxed, when he's awake. There is always something going on, and there is always something that he needs to deal with.

Brian nearly runs himself into the ground, as he works for Vanguard. Then when he's not working he's fucking, sucking, drinking, drugging, and rimming. You would never think this is the same person.

It's like at night when he goes out, you see the wild party animal. Then the next morning, he is completely composed. You begin to wonder which Brian Kinney is the real one.

Will the real Brian Kinney please stand up? You get bits and pieces of him all the time. Most of the time he acts like an asshole to you, but when you are alone with him, things are completely different.

Brian is nice to you, almost down right sweet. That is to say, until he makes some smart ass comment or remark. Then you're left wondering what crawled up his ass and died.

You see, people think of me as 'the kid who got bashed.' They also think of me as, 'Brian Kinney's twink.' But I'm so much more than that, especially where Brian is concerned.

If I wasn't, then he wouldn't have broken his 'no repeats,' rule for me. People only think of Brian as an asshole. But he's not, Brian's better than that. He does so much for everyone he cares about, but no one understands.

They only see what they want to see. Brian gave up his rights to Gus, so Lindsay and Melanie would get back together. He helped bring Ted out of the coma. There are probably a million other things that Brian did, that I have no idea of.

But anyway the main thing is, I realize what Brian was telling me. He wants me to be safe, because he cares. Brian wants me around for a long time. That's more than I ever expected him to say.

I honestly never expected him to say anything. Because sometimes it's better to let our actions speak, instead of words. When that happens, it means so much more.

The end.