Sirius made his way to his dorm with a skip in his step, lost in thought. So lost, in fact, that he barely registered the light snickering from the few other students wandering the halls around him. He couldn't believe he had actually found someone that matched Remus' (admittedly vague) requirements for his dream girl. From that one meeting, Sirius could already tell that Remus would love her. Granted, Kagome being a part of the staff rather than a fellow student was a bit of an obstacle, but he was sure that—

Smack. Sirius jolted at the sudden sting of a hand smacking his backside, but he recovered quickly, returning the gesture in kind to who he absently noted to be a sixth year Ravenclaw.

Anyway, Sirius was sure that he and the other Marauders could manage to find some sort of loophole to that whole student/staff taboo somewhere—

Smack. Without hesitation this time, Sirius gave his own hearty butt-smack to his second offender, the Hufflepuff Quidditch Captain.

Hopefully, finding a loophole wouldn't be too difficult. After all, Kagome looked—

Smack.

—about their age, how bad could it—

Smack.

—be? And anyway, Dumbledore—

Smack.

—was always talking—

Smack.

—about the—

Smack.

—power of—

Smack!

BLOODY HELL! Sirius whipped his head around, trying to figure out what was going on. His arse burned to the point of near-numbness, tears of pain welling in his eyes. As he noticed the giggles from the people around him, he attempted to pull himself together, but anyone could see that he had started walking much faster than normal—practically running—angling his backside away from anyone that got too close. Still, the other students were more persistent than Sirius thought, and some managed to get in a few more smacks in before he made it to the Fat Lady's portrait. Shouting the password so loudly that the Fat Lady jumped in surprise, he wasted no time in entering the common room, slamming the portrait closed behind him.

Sirius crumpled to the floor, face down, debating whether clutching his butt in pain was worth the indignity or not.

"Uh, Padfoot? What are you doing?" James asked, from where Sirius didn't know, and he wasn't in any mood to find out.

"Wishing that I hadn't been born with such a perfect and beautiful bum," he muttered half-heartedly, his usual arrogance subdued. "It's been such a heavy burden today."

Silence met his statement, before James cleared his throat awkwardly. "Right. And what is that?"

"What is what?"

"The parchment on your back," James informed him, and Sirius felt a slight tug on the back of his shirt, followed by the sound of ruffling paper. When the relative silence was broken by the loud guffaws of James, Sirius moved his head to the side where James stood, doubled over in laughter. "All right, I think I can guess what happened now, but I want to hear you say it. So, Padfoot, why are you sobbing like a child that just got the spanking of a lifetime?"

"Because I did," Sirius grumbled. "All morning people have been slapping my arse as if it grants wishes. I don't even think I'll be able to reliably walk until next week."

That sent James into another laughing fit, annoying Sirius to no end. Just as he was about to demand an explanation from him, he held the parchment to him, which Sirius took gingerly. He read over the words written on it in neat print, his mind carefully blank. He read it again. And then once more.

Smack it. You know you want to. The words were followed by an arrow pointing downwards, where his butt would be had he still been wearing the parchment on his back. Simple, but effective.

It didn't take him long to figure out where it came from as mischievous blue eyes flashed in his mind, and Sirius grinned despite himself.

"Prongs, I think I found the perfect girl for Moony."

Kagome snickered into her hands once again, picturing the results of her little prank on the arrogant flirt. She had never really been one to indulge in such an activity, and the prank had been set for someone else entirely—she wasn't even sure she was going to go through with it at all—but when the opportunity had presented itself... Could anyone actually blame her for taking advantage of it? She just hoped that the retribution wasn't too painful or embarrassing.

Totally worth it, though.

With one last giggle, Kagome sank into her bed, glad that she could finally rest, if only for a little bit. She had just barely closed her eyes when there was a knock at her door. Groaning, she turned over, ignoring whoever was at her door in favor of sleeping before she had to get back to work. At least, that was plan, but apparently her mysterious visitor had something else in mind, as the knocking didn't stop, instead turning into an admittedly catchy rhythm. When a muffled voice joined in what had to be an improvised song, Kagome shot up out of bed, wishing she were capable of the magic they used here.

A nice Silencio would have been really handy right about now.

"What!?" she barked irritably, momentarily shocking the two boys at her door.

"I thought you said she was nice, Padfoot?" the unfamiliar one said to the boy she absently recalled was named Sirius, to which Sirius shrugged. "You also said she was gorgeous."

Kagome felt her eye twitch, but fumed in silence.

"Maybe she woke up on the wrong side of the bed," Sirius whispered back, although 'whisper' was a bit of an overstatement. "I hear victims of that may experience some intense symptoms, Prongs."

'Prongs' gasped, putting a hand over his mouth, his eyes widening comically. "Like what?"

"Dark circles, mood swings, frizzy hair, lack of fashion sense, decreased concentration," Sirius replied solemnly, ticking off a finger for every one he listed. "I hear that sometimes they start to secrete an odd, permeating odor."

"Oh my, I can smell it already." Prongs gaped, eyes flickering wildly between her and Sirius. "Is there any way we can help her?"

"Unfortunately, there's no long-term cure for this very common malady," he told him, shaking his head, ignoring how Kagome's face turned redder with every word spoken. "The only thing you can do is have a healthy diet, avoid overworking yourself, keep a regular sleep schedule, and hope for the best."

Prongs looked at her with pity in his eyes, and Kagome grappled with the urge to throttle him. Actually, to throttle both of them. And then maybe dance on their motionless bodies afterwards.

"You poor thing," Prongs cooed, latching on to her and stroking her hair, making her tense.

"James and I are here for you," Sirius told her, holding on to her hands in his, reminding her briefly of Kouga. The two boys continued to whisper reassurances to her, telling her how much they loved her, and how they would help her every step of the way toward her recovery.

Oh, those assholes.

Nope, she changed her mind. Her stupid little prank was so not worth this.

"What do you idiots want?!" Kagome demanded, shaking them off her roughly before turning her gaze to Prongs. "And who the hell are you?" And how they hell did they find me? she asked herself silently, wondering if she could ask Dumbledore to get her a new room.

"Well, my lady, I am but a humble knight, Sir James Potter the Amazing and Dashing," the newly dubbed "James Potter" said, bowing theatrically.

Humble my ass.

"And we have already met. But in case you've forgotten (as if that were possible), I am Sir Sirius Black, the Even More Amazing and Dashing," Sirius informed her, smirking.

"Hey, Padfoot, you can't just steal my title like that," James complained, punching his friend playfully on the arm.

"Says who?"

"Says the rules."

"What rules?"

"These ones," James replied, pulling a piece of paper out of nowhere. Kagome noticed that it was the very same one that she had taped to Sirius' back, and suddenly forgot her ire as her mind cleared, nervously wondering what else they planned on doing to her, other than annoying her to committing violence. When the two continued on arguing as though she weren't there, she discreetly checked herself over, to see if they managed to sneak something on her person when they were fussing over her earlier. Finding nothing, she tried to quietly back away enough to close and lock her door, only for them to turn to her simultaneously, creepy grins on their faces.

"It's rude to leave a conversation unannounced," they said together, and Kagome felt a shiver run down her spine.

"And it's rude to show up at someone's home unannounced, yet here you are," she retorted, a bit shakily.

"We just came to ask you for a favor," James said innocently.

"After all, I think I deserve one after the stunt you pulled. My arse still stings."

Kagome's first instinct was to run, or at least shut the door on their faces, but she knew she brought this on herself. "Then I repeat: what do you idiots want?"

"We want you to seduce our friend Remus Lupin. You know, the one in the Hospital Wing."

Kagome sputtered, all thoughts halting to a stop. In her confused state, the only reply she could muster up was a stuttered, "Wha-huh?"

"Well, you see my dear Kagome, our little Moony has been so down lately," Sirius explained dramatically, gazing into her eyes imploringly. "We just want to cheer him up a little."

"And after hours of agonizing over how we would accomplish that, we finally came up with the best possible solution."

"And me seducing Remus Lupin is the best possible solution." Despite it being phrased as a question, her tone was completely flat, while her eyes stared them both down with a look that would usually have Inuyasha cowering.

"See Prongs, I told you she'd understand," Sirius said smugly.

James looked her up and down a bit warily, taking a small step back, recognizing the look from just before Lily blew up at him. "I don't know Padfoot, she sounded kind of sarcastic to me."

Sirius waved his caution off. "No, she totally gets it."

"Yep, I totally get it," she said, an overly cheerful smile on her face. Then, without another word, she slammed the door shut, putting up a barrier around it just in case.

Sirius may have been the first person there to actually be friendly with her, but she didn't care. She could find other friends. "Like you," she said tiredly into her pillow. "You are my best friend. Goodnight, bed."

Kagome would later learn that her life would have been a whole lot easier if she had just agreed.

AN: James and Sirius are kind of assholes. But they're funny assholes. Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter. In case it wasn't obvious, Kagome does not use the magic wizards use. Just her holy powers. That is why her prank is so old school. As Sirius observed, "Simple, but effective." There should be some Remus next chapter. I hope to have it out by next month, but no promises. I'm really bad at updating on time. The last update was almost a year ago.