The dream moves into the waking world as the sunlight tickles his nose. He's almost gotten used to this, to the images that come to him as he wakes. He watches the scenes like an uninvolved spectator. He sees the pattern of the carpet he pressed his face into, Danarius behind him, as he waited for it to be over. He watches red curtains blow inwards, bringing more heat to his already hot body as he served in the only way he knew back then.

The first few nights he woke in panic, desperately chasing the images away but by now he accepts them as glimpses of who he once was. Sometimes, the images are unfamiliar, showing faces he doesn't know. He used to chase after these memories too, after this life he must have lived at one point. But these images are wisps of haze, too short to grasp and he has learned to let them float away.

Fenris turns his head to watch his companions on either side of him. Anders sleeps with his face turned to him, breathing deeply but Fenris knows that he will wake the instance he moves. A circle mage living in fear and later an apostate on the run learn to be light sleepers.

Hawke on his other side has her back turned to him, curled into a blanket. They both hold him when they go to sleep but at some point in the night, Hawke always needs her space. She sleeps like a rock and wouldn't wake up if Fenris climbed over her.

Fenris turns back to Anders and startles by his brilliant blue eyes being open and watching him.

"Hey," Anders murmurs. "Bad dream?"

Every being has free will and every being needs companionship. It's only natural that Fenris leans over and presses his forehead against the curve of Anders' neck, anchoring himself on his solid presence.

He sighs. "I don't know if they're dreams or memories."

Anders pulls him closer, the length of his body pressing against Fenris. "Maybe that doesn't matter?"

"That's what I'm trying to tell myself."

"You're reclaiming your life," Anders says, rubbing gentle circles into the small of Fenris' back. "And life is plenty confusing and messy, even without all the shit that happened to you."

"A reclaiming," Fenris says thoughtfully, trying to grasp the enormity of that word. He's distracted though by the solid erection that Anders presses against his hipbone and he feels himself harden too.

He experimentally cants his hips, looking at Anders.

"I'm not apologizing for having a responsive body," Anders says, looking in Fenris' eyes. "You're sexy as fuck and you know it."

Fenris smiles and slowly undulates his hips. "Should this be part of my reclaiming?"

Anders freezes and turns on his back to put distance between them. "I don't know. I have an inkling of what's been done to you and after seeing you when I maintained your markings..." He turns back to Fenris to put his hand on his cheek, his thumb stroking over it. "Everyone heals differently. You have to decide what you want to try."

The markings, the way the pleasure coursing through them had triggered a trained response — he shudders as he remembers. "When you... when they let you back out of confinement, how long... how long did you..."

"How long until I let someone rape me again or until I had consentual sex again?" Anders asks bitterly.

Fenris sits up, staring at Anders. "They did it again?"

Anders presses the back of his head into the pillow and clenches his hands. "I don't know what you think what a Circle is like but yes, they did again, often. I was a mouthy mage who could howl like a whore and there were children there." He looks at Fenris. "Little boys and little girls and if it wasn't my ass it would have been theirs. So yes, a few days after being locked up for a year, after I had been bathed and fed, after the whip marks had scabbed over, I put my ass up again and told myself that I liked it."

Fenris stares at him, horror sitting like bile in his throat.

Anders wipes over his face and looks at the ceiling again. "And then, because I was such a good boy, they let me back into class. I got to see Karl again and he had some leverage, I don't know how, he made them stop. He later held that up as an example how things would get better, as if living in fear would be more bearable that way."

"Karl wanted you to stay."

"Yes, he believed that things would get better, that it was just a few bad templars. He thought we could live in peace, that the Circle was a home and not a prison."

Anders sits up and sets his feet on the floor. He leans on his knees, the scarred whip marks on his back standing out in stark shadows. "You asked when I wanted to have sex again," he says quietly, "real, consentual ex, after all that." He laughs harshly. "Right away. The next best moment I was alone with Karl, I wanted him to fuck me, I wanted him to wash everything away."

"Did he?"

"No," Anders shakes his head. "Karl was not like that. He wanted me to be, well, not healed, I don't know if one can ever really heal from all that, but more healed at least."

Fenris scoots closer to Anders and carefully puts his hand on the scars on Anders' back. "So, how long did you wait."

"Oh, barely three weeks, I think." Anders laughs, his eyes shining bright. "It was probably not fair to hide naked in his bed but I was impatient."

"Did it work?"

"Did it heal me?" Anders shakes his head. "We made each other feel good that night but Karl... he knew that it was too soon. He was patient, so patient, even when I yelled at h— " He breaks down with a sob, pressing his hand to his mouth. "He was so good."

"What happened to him?"

"They brought him here, to Kirkwall and made him tranquil. Because of me, to punish me."

The tranquil friend that Anders had killed in the chantry. He never knew the whole story and he doesn't know what to say now.

Anders wipes the tears from his eyes and gives Fenris a hard glare. "It's dangerous to know me, you shouldn't forget that."

Hawke stirs behind them and the mattress dips when she rolls over to their side. "Guys? What's going on?"

Anders doesn't look at her. "Just memories."

Hawke thinks for a bit and then strokes over Anders' back. "Not so good ones, it looks like."

Anders shakes his head. Then he looks at Fenris and a smile plays on his lips that almost reaches his eyes. He gives a tiny nod and Fenris answers the same way. A silent agreement that this subject doesn't need to touch her.

Anders grins at Hawke. "Fenris wanted to know when he should have sex again."

"That's..." Hawke looks at him with a grin that makes Fenris' neck feel hot. "That's an interesting question."

"We're inconclusive in our assessment," Anders continues and turns to sit sideways, stretching his knee out over the bed. "What do you think?"

Hawke lays down on her stomach, her feet pointing up into the air. She looks at the bedsheet in front of her, rather than either of the men. "I think, it's Fenris' decision alone, when and how he wants to have sex."

"On that we all agree, I think," Anders says, looking expectantly at Fenris.

Fenris' voice is rough when he finally can say, "Yes."

Hawke raises a finger and looks up to Fenris. "A point I'd like to make is that sex doesn't have to be penetrative. It doesn't have to be dominating or humiliating and no penis has to go into anything or anyone."

"No?" Fenris looks from Hawke to Anders and back. This option has never occurred to him.

"Marian is right," Anders says. "Sex is about making your partner and yourself feel good and different things work for different people."

"What we did," Marian says and her cheeks turn rosy, "when we watched each other masturbate? That's sex too."

"You did what?" Anders calls out and then covers his crotch with his hands. "Fuck that's so hot, you can't just say that."

"Sorry," Marian says. She doesn't look sorry at all. Her face turns serious though when she looks at Fenris again. "I have a condition that penetrative sex is painful for me. But I like watching and I love making someone feel good. There's many ways of giving each other pleasure without shoving something into something."

"Eloquently put," Anders says and turns to Fenris again, his eyes traveling down his chest and resting on the obvious erection standing between his legs. "So the question is, what would you like to do?"

"Or," Marian interrupts, "would you like us to do you? I mean... you know." She gestures over Fenris' body and Anders rolls his eyes.

"For someone who is practically famous for being able to talk herself in and out of anything," Anders says, "you really suck at making this conversation sound sexy and inviting."

"Yeah," Marian chuckles. "How about this, you lie back and we kiss and touch you and when it gets too much, you tell us to stop."

"Yes." The word stumbles out of Fenris' mouth before Marian has finished speaking. He scoots towards the upper section of the bed and leans against the headboard. A shudder runs through him, like a memory of fear. Anders and Marian smile at him and he pushes that memory away. He has nothing to fear here.

"I'm gonna kiss you now," Marian says, crawling up to him. "And if there's anything you want us to do, you just tell us, alright?"

Fenris' voice rasps from somewhere deep in his throat. "Yes." His heart beats so fast, he is sure they must hear it outside of his chest. Marian's lips touch his, softly nibbling and pressing against his lips until he lets go of the tension and his jaw loosens. She claims his mouth with her tongue, dipping and licking along his own, every touch causing spark down his spine.

The urge to breathe has them move back, staring hungrily at each other. Anders watches them from the side, his hand covering his crotch but not moving.

"I want..." Fenris rasps. He clears his throat and tries again. "I want you to kiss Anders."

Marian smiles and moves back to lean over but Fenris stops her. "No, up here." He looks at Anders. "Come here, please."

Anders comes up to his side and very slowly presses his lips to Fenris' cheek. He watches Fenris' eyes when he moves back, gauging his reaction. Then he turns to Marian, putting his hand on the back of her head and pulls her over, angling his head to kiss her. Fenris can see their lips opening, their tongues meeting and then they pull closer, as close as possible, not a breath escaping between their lips.

They pull apart with a smacking sound, both of them licking their lips and turn to him. Anders' gaze drops to Fenris' lips. "Can I kiss you now?" he asks.

Fenris nods, he has no words for the desires and wishes burning in him. He leans forward, meeting Anders' lips. It feels different, a slight stubble scratching him and the taste is different in ways he cannot describe but it feels just as much of love and desire as Marian's kiss did.

They break apart, breathing hard. Fenris' whole body is humming with desire. He looks over to Marian, who has her head propped up on her hand, her cheeks blushed and she's biting her lips. He scoots lower to lean over to her, to kiss her again, to taste her again. His hands find her amazingly strong shoulders and arms, his fingers brushing over her small, firm breast and he swallows her gasp.

Anders tentatively caresses his back, keeping his touch light. To Fenris' surprise it doesn't hurt.

"Is this alright, touching you?"

"Yes," Fenris says, taking Hawke's arm from her hips and putting her hand on his arm. "Touch me more."

"Can I try channeling my magic into your markings?" Anders asks. "Like I do when they hurt?"

Fenris tenses. His last memory about that is hardly positive but he isn't in the same desperate state now and maybe this is another thing he can reclaim. "Just, be careful and..."

"I'll stop if you tell me to stop." Anders looks at him and waits for him to lean back and nod. Hawke moves up, looking curiously at Anders spreading his hands out on Fenris' chest. "Usually, I try to make this fast for you, just flooding your markings in one go. But I'm gonna just drip it into them now, very slowly." His hands begin to glow in golden and their warmth spreads in a tingling hum into Fenris' markings.

The lyrium blue light of his markings fills the room, reflecting against the ceiling. Fenris closes his eyes as pleasure builds up, slowly, wrapping around his skin in soft tendrils. It builds up to a certain point and then stays there, a soft wave of warmth and caress filling him. He moans, his hands straining towards Marian and Anders until he finds skin to touch.

"Is this good?" Anders asks.

"Yes, venhedis, don't stop," Fenris hisses out. He opens his eyes to see Marian studying the glow around Anders' hands and when she sees him watching, she leans down and kisses a blue glowing line of lyrium.

It feels like a spark, the rush spreading out from where Marian and Anders touch him. "How is this?" Marian asks, licking along that line she just kissed and Fenris can only moan in response. There is a part of him watching himself, for signs of the trained response he experienced the last time but it doesn't come. This is him, this is his own ecstasy.

Anders' hands roam over his body, spreading his tendrils of magic everywhere and he casually lets one hand travel lower, down his stomach and then his thigh. Hawke follows his trail with kisses, until her breath flows over his hard penis. She looks back to Fenris and when he doesn't say anything, she presses her lips against his erection.

Fenris gasps, his back arching, his hips straining towards her lips. She smiles at his reaction and circles her tongue around the tip of his cock. A strange noise leaves his throat when her warm mouth takes him in. Impossible pleasure rushes through his veins, building higher and higher, until he cries out, "Stop!"

Both Mairan and Anders move away in an instant, not touching him anymore, leaving him panting and whimpering.

"What's wrong?" Marian asks carefully.

"No, it was just..." Fenris raises himself up on his elbows. "It was too good, overwhelming."

Both Marian and Anders visibly relax and Fenris feels guilty that he made them worry so much. "I almost came."

"You can, you know?" Anders says. "You can just let go." You don't need to wait for an order, he doesn't say but Fenris reads it in his eyes.

Fenris sits up and puts his palm on Anders' cheek. "I want you to show me something first."

"What?"

"How you pleasure Marian, without..."

"Without shoving my dick into her?" Anders grins. "Easy. Watch this."

He crawls down to settle between Marian's legs. Stroking over her thighs, he spreads her legs apart and kisses along her thigh until he is right at the apex. "Here," he says to Fenris and spreads her hair with his fingers. Fenris settles down next to him and watches as he licks over her folds in one long stroke.

Her reaction is immediate, her legs spreading even farther and her back arching. She gasps when he does it again, looking down towards them with hooded eyes. Anders now flicks his tongue quickly against her clit and then circles it slowly. As he keeps licking her, he dips a finger into her vagina but she pushes his hand away. He nods and focuses his efforts on licking her, his tongue dancing around her clit, varying his rhythm until her breath starts coming in short pants.

Fenris crawls up to her, mesmerized by the blissful expression on her face. As soon as she feels him by her side, she clings to him, burying her face in his neck as she moans, gasps and finally cries out. When she comes, a pulse of light washes over her body and over Fenris, tingling down his spine.

He gasps with her, pressing his lips against hers. "Marian," he whispers against her lips. "Your magic."

"Yes," she moans, "that always happens." She looks at him, grinning sheepishly. "I thought you noticed when I was with you back then."

"I... I had my eyes closed. And what I felt back then," Fenris thinks back to how they sat in front of the fire, how he had learned that he could like things and that he could pleasure himself. How she respected his wish to not touch him but he still came with her. "Everything was so new, so overwhelming."

He feels Anders' lips on his back, kissing upwards as he moves back up but on Fenris' other side. "How do you feel now?" he asks with his lips between Fenris' shoulder blades.

Fenris stretches his back, looking over his shoulder until Anders crawls further up and catches his lips for a kiss. At his front, Marian strokes over his chest, circling his nipples with her fingertips. She kisses his neck as Anders dips his tongue forward, deepening the kiss until Fenris feels dizzy.

Marian's hands wander further down, stroking over his erection with hands that feel surprisingly smooth and oily. He spares a thought to the question where that vial of oil had been hidden but then all conscious thoughts flee from his mind as she twists her hands and rubs him in a steady rhythm.

Anders breaks the kiss and presses himself against Fenris' back, his erection pressing against his bottom. "Can I," Anders asks, "can I rub myself between your legs? Not inside you, just right here — " he adjusts himself until his cock slips between Fenris' legs, pressing against his balls. "Is this alright?" He moves his hips tentatively, rubbing against the underside of Fenris' testicles and Fenris moans.

"Venhedis, yes, more than alright."

Marian sneaks her oily hand down between his legs, spreading oil over Anders' erection and then moves back to tugging him slowly but steady. Anders holds him in his arm, pressing against his back and Marian has her face buried in his shoulder, occasionally kissing and sucking on his pulse point and Fenris floats. He is held and protected from all sides, feeling safe, loved and in control of his body.

Pleasure builds up in his lower body, his muscles tensing which makes Anders moan as he snaps his hips forward. Every push from him, Fenris feels as a slide against his testicles, Marian keeps rubbing him, and the pleasure builds higher and higher, his body tensing like a spring. And he is safe, they hold him, nobody will order him to do anything and Fenris lets go.

Blinding white, his orgasm washes over him. He cries out, shaking as he spills over Marian's hands. Anders groans at his back, coming between his legs, his face pressed into Fenris' neck.

"Maker's breath," Marian whispers. "You're glowing."

Fenris opens his eyes to see the blue light of his markings reflecting in her eyes. It's a soft glow, not painful and for once, his markings don't make him a weapon.