I only write in this journal to repress my thoughts.

I can't keep going on without going insane. I had to find a way to vent to something that would not tell or judge. I had to buy this journal while on an outing to town. The cover has intricate gold leafs surrounding the edges. The pages are a creamy white. I almost feel ashamed to write what I'm truly feeling on such beautiful paper.

Where do I begin? I am Cullen Rutherford. I became an official Templar three weeks ago. I am stationed at the Fereldan Circle. I always dreamed of becoming a Templar, ever since I was a child. To serve the Chantry by protecting man from demons and blood magic is such a noble thing to do. Not that the mages in the Circle are evil. In fact, most of them are very nice. They make pleasant conversation and mostly tolerate us.

Its because of one of those mages, I am writing in this journal.

I do not know whether the day I saw her was a blessing or a curse. Ever since that fateful day, my mind can never be free of her image. That day, I was in the library watching over a lesson. A Senior Enchanter was teaching apprentices the art of healing magic. I was only half-awake, slowly dying of boredom. Eventually my gaze wandered all over the room. My eyes landed on the wall far right of the library.

And sitting at a table, reading a book was her.

Maker, how can words give justice to such an amazing creature? When I was very young, my sister would read me stories at night. Classical stories of dragons, powerful kings and queens, and knights in shining armor. And of course, princesses. The closest way to describe her would be a princess in a fairytale. Long, straw colored hair that reached down to her mid-back. Emerald eyes staring intensely at the words in front of her (And I swear they sparkle). Fair skin, probably from living in the Tower for such a long time. Pale pink lips with her tongue slightly stuck out in concentration.

Cheesy poetry still do not properly describe her beauty. But overall, she was a princess. A princess locked away in a tower, spending her days idly reading, waiting for her brave prince to co-

STOP IT! I mustn't think such things. No matter how much I wish, a relationship between a Templar and Mage? Almost illegal. Of course, that doesn't stop the two from shagging in the closets and such. I've heard such things happening between Templars and Mages, a result of sexual frustration from being locked up somewhere with little to no contact to the outside world. That isn't real love though and it usually gets overlooked by superiors.

I could never defile her in such a way, or could I? For now, I am satisfied with innocent thoughts of stroking her hair, wrapping my arms around her waist, and maybe chaste kisses. I shouldn't be thinking these thoughts, I don't even know her name. I occasionally see her pass through the hallway but never had I talked to her yet.

Just one meeting. Just one meeting with her, getting to know her name will quell my desire. Then, I can get back to doing what I'm suppose to do. After all, love at first sight isn't real.

Sincerely,

Cullen Rutherford

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This is a little side project of mine so don't expect regular updates. I've always wanted to know how deep Cullen's obsession with a female Circle mage went so this is more of a self-indulgent work. Cullen is 17 in this by the way. Comments and critques are welcomed.